Umm Sahabah
11-13-2005, 03:41 PM
Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus – John Gray
§ The most frequently expressed complaint women have about men is that men don’t listen. He either ignores her, or listens for a few beats – assesses what is bothering her and then proudly offers her a solution to make her feel better. He is confused when she doesn’t appreciate this gesture of love, no matter how many times she tells him that he’s not listening to her, he doesn’t get it and keeps doing the same thing. – Woman don’t want solutions, they just want you to hear them out!
§ What to do when a man goes into his cave? How to shorten the time period spent in their caves? – “The more women try to get them to talk or come out, the longer it takes.”
§ Another comment by men is, “It’s hard to come out of the cave when I feel my mate is disapproving of the time I spend in the cave.”
§ In intimate relationships, men need to feel very secure before they open up and ask for support.
§ Women don’t think of giving appreciation because they assume a man knows how much she appreciates being heard. – He doesn’t know! He needs to be reassured that he is still loved and appreciated.
§ Men are like rubber bands – when they pull away they can stretch only so far before they come springing back.
§ When a man loves a women, periodically, he needs to pull back before he can get closer.
§ It is difficult for a man to differentiate between empathy and sympathy. He hates to be pitied!
§ A man automatically alternates between needing intimacy and autonomy.
§ To a certain extent a man loses himself through connecting with his partner.
§ When negative feelings are suppressed, positive feelings becomes suppressed as well and love dies.
§ Men argue for the right to be free while women argue for the right to be upset.
§ Men want space while women want understanding.
§ It puts too much pressure on a man to make him the only source of love and support.
§ Just as communication is the most important element in a relationship; arguments can be the most destructive element.
§ The most common way women unknowingly start arguments is by not being direct when they share their feelings.
§ When a woman keeps score, no matter how big or small – it scores one point! Each gift has equal value.
§ A man’s sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results.
§ A woman’s sense of self is defined through her feelings and the quality of her relationships.
§ To feel better Martians go to their caves to solve problems alone
§ Venusians get together and openly talk about their problems
§ Just as a man is fulfilled through working out the intricate details of solving a problem, a woman is fulfilled through talking about the details of her problem.
§ Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed.
§ Women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished.
§ Not to be needed is a slow death for a man
§ A man’s deepest fear is that he is not good enough or that he is incompetent
§ It is difficult for a man to listen to a woman when she is unhappy or disappointed because he feels like a failure.
§ The number one complaint women have in relationships is: “I don’t feel heard!” – Even this complaint is misunderstood by men.
§ The biggest challenge for a woman is correctly to interpret and support a man when he isn’t talking.
§ When a man is silent, it is easy for the woman to imagine the worst.
§ Ironically, the very act of avoiding out negative emotions gives them the power to control our lives.
§ On Venus their motto is: “Love is never having to Ask!”
§ If a man is not asking for support a man assumes he is giving enough.
§ Men are much more willing to say yes if they have the freedom to say no.
§ When you ask a man for support and you do not reject him for saying no, he will remember that and next time he will be much more willing to give.
§ When a man grumbles is it is a good sign – he is trying to consider your request vs. his needs
§ One of the key elements of assertive asking is to remain silent after you have asked for support.
§ It is a paradox; because you feel safe with your partner, your deepest fears have a chance to surface. When they surface you become afraid and are unable to share what you feel.
§ The most frequently expressed complaint women have about men is that men don’t listen. He either ignores her, or listens for a few beats – assesses what is bothering her and then proudly offers her a solution to make her feel better. He is confused when she doesn’t appreciate this gesture of love, no matter how many times she tells him that he’s not listening to her, he doesn’t get it and keeps doing the same thing. – Woman don’t want solutions, they just want you to hear them out!
§ What to do when a man goes into his cave? How to shorten the time period spent in their caves? – “The more women try to get them to talk or come out, the longer it takes.”
§ Another comment by men is, “It’s hard to come out of the cave when I feel my mate is disapproving of the time I spend in the cave.”
§ In intimate relationships, men need to feel very secure before they open up and ask for support.
§ Women don’t think of giving appreciation because they assume a man knows how much she appreciates being heard. – He doesn’t know! He needs to be reassured that he is still loved and appreciated.
§ Men are like rubber bands – when they pull away they can stretch only so far before they come springing back.
§ When a man loves a women, periodically, he needs to pull back before he can get closer.
§ It is difficult for a man to differentiate between empathy and sympathy. He hates to be pitied!
§ A man automatically alternates between needing intimacy and autonomy.
§ To a certain extent a man loses himself through connecting with his partner.
§ When negative feelings are suppressed, positive feelings becomes suppressed as well and love dies.
§ Men argue for the right to be free while women argue for the right to be upset.
§ Men want space while women want understanding.
§ It puts too much pressure on a man to make him the only source of love and support.
§ Just as communication is the most important element in a relationship; arguments can be the most destructive element.
§ The most common way women unknowingly start arguments is by not being direct when they share their feelings.
§ When a woman keeps score, no matter how big or small – it scores one point! Each gift has equal value.
§ A man’s sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results.
§ A woman’s sense of self is defined through her feelings and the quality of her relationships.
§ To feel better Martians go to their caves to solve problems alone
§ Venusians get together and openly talk about their problems
§ Just as a man is fulfilled through working out the intricate details of solving a problem, a woman is fulfilled through talking about the details of her problem.
§ Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed.
§ Women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished.
§ Not to be needed is a slow death for a man
§ A man’s deepest fear is that he is not good enough or that he is incompetent
§ It is difficult for a man to listen to a woman when she is unhappy or disappointed because he feels like a failure.
§ The number one complaint women have in relationships is: “I don’t feel heard!” – Even this complaint is misunderstood by men.
§ The biggest challenge for a woman is correctly to interpret and support a man when he isn’t talking.
§ When a man is silent, it is easy for the woman to imagine the worst.
§ Ironically, the very act of avoiding out negative emotions gives them the power to control our lives.
§ On Venus their motto is: “Love is never having to Ask!”
§ If a man is not asking for support a man assumes he is giving enough.
§ Men are much more willing to say yes if they have the freedom to say no.
§ When you ask a man for support and you do not reject him for saying no, he will remember that and next time he will be much more willing to give.
§ When a man grumbles is it is a good sign – he is trying to consider your request vs. his needs
§ One of the key elements of assertive asking is to remain silent after you have asked for support.
§ It is a paradox; because you feel safe with your partner, your deepest fears have a chance to surface. When they surface you become afraid and are unable to share what you feel.