View Full Version : Atlanta (Banu-Salaam): Notes from Love Notes

11-14-2006, 02:53 PM
Asalaam Alykum All,

I saw a lot of people taking some deep notes on paper and laptops. What do you all think about sharing the knowledge? You might be thinking, I did all the hard work, why should I share,,,,because (this should be in your notes), as Shaykh Yaser said, if you become the means for something good, you get the reward of that good whenever it is practiced.

So if you share your notes, and someone learns something new and practices it, guess, what when we they practice it and teach and then they practice, your good deeds grow exponentially,,,,even when we end up 6ft under.

What do you all think!!!,,,just to make it interesting we can setup the poll to see who had the best notes http://forums.almaghrib.org/images/icons/icon10.gif

Who is going to post their notes first?????

11-14-2006, 03:38 PM
Yeah I saw the same thing. I think sharing would be great, especially since some people may have gotten something extra that another person may not have heard.

11-14-2006, 03:49 PM
two words:

study sessions :)

11-14-2006, 03:55 PM
Yeah the test is Jan 7th right?? We should have at least 2 study sessions between now and then.

11-14-2006, 05:15 PM
two words:

study sessions :)
What's a study session, without good notes?

11-14-2006, 06:09 PM
What's a study session, without good notes?
I typed my notes in class. If you have gaps in yours inshallah i can send you what i have.

11-14-2006, 08:50 PM
inshaAllah once i get my notes typed up and readable, i can send them out to my "group" and happily share them with u here

11-15-2006, 08:20 AM
That would be great, if you all could posst your notes. Insha'Allah I will do the same.

Even though we will be studying in our own groups, we should remember, we are all representing Banu Salaam, it should be qabeelah/team effort. AlMaghrib will look at the grades of all the Banu Salaam members to make their decision. Decision for what??? read on http://forums.almaghrib.org/images/icons/icon10.gif http://www.almaghrib.org/studenttribe.php

11-15-2006, 08:25 AM
Sometimes you go through your notes and think "this is a good exam question",,,post them here, so the whole banu salaam can benefit.

Insha'Allah I will start posting questions that I come up with as well as well.

11-15-2006, 01:11 PM
A question for AlMaghrib veterans, are the questions
1. Mulitple choice or short answer?
2. How many questions?
3. How much time do we have?

11-15-2006, 01:39 PM
A question for AlMaghrib veterans, are the questions
1. Mulitple choice or short answer?
2. How many questions?
3. How much time do we have?the exams ive taken were usually a mix of multiple choice, short answer, maybe an essay. the light upon light exam was completely multiple choice, but shaykh yaser mentioned that this exam did have an essay question (he gave us the 3 possible questions)

11-15-2006, 08:49 PM
Asalamalikum. Have any of you started working on the essay questions? :)

Ahmed Ali
11-16-2006, 09:44 AM
salaamu alaikum,
here are some questions inshaAllah:

- What is the spirit of marriage?

- Who is the Faqeeh of love?

- And what is the title of his book (in Arabic and English)?

- Mention a book by Imam Ibn Qayyim on Love.

- Who wrote Mudaawaatun Nufoos (Healing of the Souls)? [Actually I don't know the answer to this one]

- Who was the love of the Faqeeh of Love?

- He would talk to her, and she would answer in the minimum. What did he decide to do about that? And what chapter number is that information in?

- What is Ibn Hazm's theory of love?

- What is the proof he used for this theory? (Mention ayat and hadith)

- He divided Love into which 2 stages?

... more to come soon inshaAllah :)

11-16-2006, 09:45 AM
Questions on Exam:

Write about the contribution of Muslim scholars and their scholarly works to the “Theory of Love”.
What is the ruling of love in Islam? How was it mentioned in the Quran and Sunnah? What lessons do we learn from that?

Rights and obligations are the most disputable area in a martial life.

How did Islam organize it between a husband and wife?

11-16-2006, 03:17 PM
When do you think we should start gettin together with our 'groups' that we made, for study sessions?...

Ahmed Ali
11-16-2006, 03:56 PM
More questions:

- Which ayah talks about love and mercy? Which attribute of Allah does this ayah prove?

- What did the Prophet SAWS say about Khadija?

- When Aisha became jealous of the Prophet SAWS distributing gifts to Khadija's friends, what did the Prophet SAWS say to her?

- Give some definitions of love

- How do men and women differ with regards to the trash?

- A theory of love: To fall in love with another person is a matter of _______.

- A physical theory of love: Something changes in ____________, then they fall in love.

- An intellectual theory of love: A person ____________ to fall in love or not, based upon rational aspects.

- A feeling-based theory of love: Love is just __________ only.

- Who was the intellectual scholar who thought that love is something that enslaves people? What was the name of the book that he wrote about love between slaves?

- Muhammad ibn Yusuf al-Nisaburi wrote: _________________________.

- A higher type of love is ____________ according to Al-Ghazali.

- Muhammad ibn Dawud adh-Dhahiri wrote _________________ on the love stories of the tribe of ________________.

- The common theory of love is that it's all about _____________ in physical, intellectual, spiritual attractions.

- People get attracted to _______________ first.

- T/F : Everyone's standard of beauty is the same

- Mention 8 signs of love:

11-16-2006, 08:47 PM
WoW Masha'Allah. It's great to have an ameer who is also a geek. Save the seat next to you during the exam for me http://forums.almaghrib.org/images/icons/icon10.gif.

11-17-2006, 03:56 PM
Here are some test quizes from the class Fiqh of Love.http://forums.almaghrib.org/images/icons/icon10.gif Love Notes is an abridged version of Fiqh of Love.


11-18-2006, 02:26 PM
Are all these questions posted here from the real exam?

11-18-2006, 03:30 PM
I don't think they are the real questions from the exam. To my knowledge, the site is where students from different Qabail come together and share questions that they think may be on the exams. You can consider them practice questions.

11-18-2006, 06:56 PM
I was referring to the questions posted by Br. Ahmedsali...but thanks anyways.

Ahmed Ali
11-20-2006, 11:24 AM
I was referring to the questions posted by Br. Ahmedsali...but thanks anyways.salaamu alaikum,

these are just questions I'm coming up with as I go back through my notes.

I have no idea what's on the real exam except for the 3 essay questions Sh Yaser gave us,

jazakum Allahu khair,


Ahmed Ali
11-20-2006, 03:26 PM
More questions:

- "Love is _______ ___________ by religion, _________ ________ by Law, for every heart is in Allah's hands."

Love in the Quran and Sunnah:

- "It has been beautified for people, the love of ___________" - Aal Imraan

- a whole surah named after a prophet who was loved by someone....

- Hadith on lovers: "We don't anything better for lovers than _________"

- question: "Oh Prophet of Allah, who is most beloved to you?" answer: "_____________"

- The Prophet SAWS told Fatima to love ___________ the way I love her.

- Dua: "Oh Allah, do not hold me accountable what I cannot ________"

- Which two companions of the Prophet SAWS illustrate a love story?

- Imam az-Zuhree said, "The first love story in Islam was the love of the Prophet and _________"

- Umar RA said, "Love is out of your ___________"

- Based on the above, is love a sign of weakness?

- Does love happen by force or choice? It starts with ___________, then the results ____________.

- A woman came to the Prophet SAWS complaining that her father was forcing her into a marriage. Then, she said that she accepted that marriage. Why did she complain, then?

The Ring of the Dove

- How do we know it's written by Imam Ibn Hazm?

- Hamama means Dove. What is its metaphorical meaning?

- Ring is like a necklace, which is an ___________.

- A ring around the neck is a sign of ___________________ and ___________.

- This ring is a sign of everlasting ______________.

- Also, the book shows the lifestyle of the city of __________; lots of luxury.

- How does this book show the study of human behavior?

Mugheeth and Bareerah

- Who loved who?

- Intercession was sought originally from ________ and ______.

- After the Prophet SAWS interceded, what did she ask?

- List 5 points that Imam Ibn Hajar mentioned about this hadith:

Love is a human need

- Describe the in-love case

- Describe true-love.

- What Harms love? mention 5 things

What is real love

- Should love be used as a verb or a noun?

- Describe rejuvenating love

Ahmed Ali
11-20-2006, 03:27 PM
WoW Masha'Allah. It's great to have an ameer who is also a geek. Save the seat next to you during the exam for me http://forums.almaghrib.org/images/icons/icon10.gif.
jazakum Allahu khairan Br dhulfiqar!


ibn abu omer
11-20-2006, 04:02 PM
Ahmed is gonna lead my study group inshallah :)

Ahmed Ali
11-20-2006, 07:39 PM
When do you think we should start gettin together with our 'groups' that we made, for study sessions?...
inshaAllah, we will start the study sessions later this week or early next week,


Ahmed Ali
11-20-2006, 08:42 PM

- which magazine had a front-page article on infidelity, and the websites that show how?

- Describe how societal and financial pressures also delay marriage and encourage infidelity.

- Describe the age gap between spouses. In general, who marries someone older, and who marries someone younger?

The real love story

- The Prophet SAWS said about _________, "verily I was blessed with love for her"

- Aisha said she was never jealous of anyone except _____________.

- How did the Prophet SAWS treat her friends after she died?

- Sh Al-Islam Ibn Taymiyya was asked who the Prophet SAWS loved more, Khadija or Aisha. What was his answer?

- Hadith: "The best of you are those who are best to their ___________, and I am the best of you to his _____________"

- The above hadith shows that love is a matter of ____________.

Earnestness of Love

- Is family a divinely inspired institution?

- Allah SWT called it a _____________ _______________. (need 2 words in English and 2 words in Arabic)

- Family life is a ____________ contract.

- The above shows that when 2 partners meet, it produces extra connections. Mention some of these connections.

- Does family life increase the eman? How? (hint: hadith of the qualities that someone should marry for)

Structures and Rules

- In the books of fiqh, marriage is found under which chapter?

- It's a partnership, not an _______________. It's a matter of organization.

- Should marriage should be intended a permanent or temporary intention?

- Describe the circles of family connections.
( i think my notes are hazy on this one. Part of my notes say 3 circles, and another part says 4. It looks like another part hints at 5. If someone can comment on this, that would be great. :) )

Position of man and woman in the family

- the position of man is an overall supervisor. Give one ayah and one hadith that shows this.

- The oldest man adopts the position of ____________

- man is the main ___________ for the family.

- man does the internal _____________ of the family.

- what is the major responsibility of the woman?

- older women provide ________________ information to the younger ones.

Hadith on " an nisaa naaqisaat fil 'aql wad deen" - (women are "naaqisaat" in intellect and religion). Describe how "naaqisaat" has to do with perception.

- Allah SWT created us to _____________, not to ______________. (hint: both words are different in only 1 letter)

- If we disagree about something, we should refer it back to the _____________.

- Give some contemporary definitions of marriage (i'm pretty sure the jokes don't count :) )

First marriage

- The first marriage was between ______________ and _____________.

- Give some speculative evidence that they didn't have any physical relationship in Jannah:

- Between Judaism and Christianity, which is similar to Islam in terms of religious marriage?

Monogamy vs Polygyny

- Why do we say "polygyny" and not "polygamy"?

- Give some proofs that some scholars used to show that polygyny is the default.

- Give some proofs that some scholars used to show that monogamy is the default.

- What is the proof that homosexuality is something invented?

- Story of Imam Abdur Razzaq as-Sanaani. Howcome he became convinced to start teaching his students again?

- Is celibacy part of Islam?

- The word "nikaah" in the Quran can mean 2 things: _____________ and ___________.

Purposes of marriage:

- Give 7 purposes of marriage:

Ruling on marriage:

- Marriage can be _____________ or _________________ or ____________________ or ___________________. Which one is the default?

- Give the conditions that will bring about each one of the above rulings. [ie, for each ruling, there are a couple of conditions that make that bring about that ruling on marriage].

- Give 2 proofs that show that marriage in of itself is an act of worship

.... more to come insha Allah! :) .....

Ahmed Ali
11-20-2006, 08:44 PM
Ahmed is gonna lead my study group inshallah :)
inshaAllah, you will fix all the mistakes in my notes! :)

11-21-2006, 04:35 AM
Assalaamu Alaikum:

I will add my notes soon Insha' Allah. I need to code them for things that I believe are correct and things that I'm not so sure of but just typed as fast as I could. Masha' Allah so much information!


11-21-2006, 12:22 PM
As-Salaam Alaikum,

Could you please post the answers to these questions (below)? I don't have them.
(I'm not asking for an essay. Just the main points).

Jazakallah Khair


- which magazine had a front-page article on infidelity, and the websites that show how?

- Describe how societal and financial pressures also delay marriage and encourage infidelity. (Just the infidelity part)

- Describe the age gap between spouses. In general, who marries someone older, and who marries someone younger?

Monogamy vs Polygyny

- Give some proofs that some scholars used to show that polygyny is the default.

Ahmed Ali
11-21-2006, 01:05 PM
As-Salaam Alaikum,

Could you please post the answers to these questions (below)? I don't have them.
(I'm not asking for an essay. Just the main points).

Jazakallah Khair
wa alaikum as salam,

- which magazine had a front-page article on infidelity, and the websites that show how?
Newsweek had several articles and included the names of some websites as examples. Sh Yaser was saying that probably some people used those articles as a "how-to".

- Describe how societal and financial pressures also delay marriage and encourage infidelity. (Just the infidelity part)
The TV show "Desperate Housewives" was an example he gave.

Also, the fact that people are looking to get their PhD, a good job, buy houses, etc, then they start looking when they're 35. I understood from this that since they're not able or willing to get married until this age, the pressure for infidelity is huge.

- Describe the age gap between spouses. In general, who marries someone older, and who marries someone younger?

Women will marry someone older, men will marry someone younger. In general, the opposite doesn't exist.

Sh Yaser also asked for a show of hands, of who would marry someone older or younger. The class was basically split with brothers showing they would marry someone younger and sisters showing they would marry someone older. There were very very few exceptions.

- Give some proofs that some scholars used to show that polygyny is the default.

The Prophet SAWS practiced polygyny. Also, that women outnumber men.

hope this helps,

salaamu alaikum,

11-21-2006, 02:15 PM
Looking at the Ahmed's questions, I think he secretly works for AlMaghrib as their test writer. Admit it http://forums.almaghrib.org/images/icons/icon10.gif!

Ahmed Ali
11-21-2006, 02:19 PM
Looking at the Ahmed's questions, I think he secretly works for AlMaghrib as their test writer. Admit it http://forums.almaghrib.org/images/icons/icon10.gif!
:) Nope, but it would be kinda cool I think!

jazakum Allahu khairan!

Ahmed Ali
11-21-2006, 02:22 PM
some more questions :)

Characteristics of a prospective spouse:

- "A woman may be married for: ___________, ______________, ________________, _______________.
So try to get one who is _______________"

- "If someone comes to you and you are pleased with his _____________ and ______________, then marry him. If you don't, there will be ________________ and _______________."

List 8 desirable characteristics:

Selecting a prospective spouse:

- Is there preference for a relative or non-relative? Give examples from the wives of the Prophet SAWS.

- What about the issue of hereditary diseases?

- Is it allowed to set up a family marriage? What does "family marriage" mean?

- Which Imam said it's binding upon the 2, that it can be forced?

Celibate marriage

- What is a celibate marriage? How is it different from a regular marriage?
(hints: what can they not do? Also, who has the responsibility to support her?)

- Give a proof from the Quran for celibate marriage.

- Define consummation of marriage as it has to do with celibate marriage.

- Engagement by commissioning: what does this mean? Should it be open-ended?


- Define dating.

- What is the commonly given reason for dating? Give some reasons why this thinking is bogus.

- Define how the mahram plays the role of stopping problems before they start.

Matrimonial services

- Who must be present (ie give the shari term)? Also, how should he be related to the female?

- Give a couple of examples of possible matrimonial services.

- Define Khitbah. Are they married when they have a khitbah?

- Who is the wali for a sister who doesn't have a wali?

Procedures in selecting a bride

- What is the common way in muslim societies to look for a prospective bride?

- Is direct proposal to a woman allowed? Give a speculative evidence for this (hint: has to do with a widow in her waiting period)

- Which Imam said a man can force his daughter to marry?

- Give a proof that it is allowed to offer ones female family member to a righteous person. (hint: Umar RA and Hafsa RA)

- Direct proposal to a man: Is it allowed? Islamically/Culturally? Give a proof from Sahih al-Bukhari about a woman and the Prophet SAWS.

- What is Misyaar marriage? What's the condition?

- Ruling on lowering ones gaze: What's the default ruling? Who is more obligated to do so?
- What is the exception?

- Is it allowed to look at a prospective spouse? Give a proof.
- What is he allowed to see of her? How many times before marriage?
- Can they be alone?

- Can the guardian be underage? Female?

Questionable ways: Give the ruling on each of the following:

- Sneak a peek:
- Hidden cameras:
- Looking at a picture: (hint: what type of picture?)
- Looking through the internet:
- Emails:
- In private without the mahram:
- In public without the mahram:

List 10 consequences of the marraige contract:

- Describe in some detail what the husband's "disciplining" means

Marital Rights

- Give the ayah that mentions the issue of women and rights.

- What is the arabic word for authority? What does the man have to accept if he will take the authority?

- Not equality but ____________.
- Based on needs and preferences, so both get rights and obligations depending on their ___________.

Rights of spouses:
- Give 3 rights of both spouses.

- Rights of Husband: Give 5 rights of the husband

- Rights of the wife: Give 4 rights of the wife

I only have 2 more pages of notes, alhamdulillah!

more to come soon inshaAllah :)

Ahmed Ali
11-21-2006, 06:16 PM
more questions :)

From the life of the Prophet SAWS

- Give some examples of the Prophet SAWS with his wives
(I have 10 stories, and I think I missed some)

Marital Discord

- Give two locations in the Quran where nushooz is mentioned

What causes Marital Discord?

- Describe the following types of marriages:

- Mention the hadith about the gathering of the shayateen

- List 8 general reasons why nushooz occurs:

Languages of love:

- Love is a matter of ____________.

- Does marraige kill love? Mention who said, "Marriage should increase love"

- Describe the "love tank" theory

- Describe the "bank account" theory

Understanding differences

1- Mention the ayah that shows clearly that men and women are different.

2- How do men and women have different values?

3- How do they differ in crisis approach?

4- How do they differ in motivation?

5- (#5 is blank for me :( )

6- How do they differ emotionally?

Languages of Love

- What can be some words of affirmation?

- Why do men communicate? why do women communicate?

- Mention some things about PDA (public displays of affection)

That's all I have.

Insha Allah, if someone can post what I'm missing, that would be great! :D

Jazakum Allahu khairan!

was salaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

11-22-2006, 01:31 PM
Walaikum as-salaam,

Jazakallah for all the questions and answers.

I'm still a bit confused about this part.

Also, the fact that people are looking to get their PhD, a good job, buy houses, etc, then they start looking when they're 35. I understood from this that since they're not able or willing to get married until this age, the pressure for infidelity is huge.
When we speak of infidelity we are referring to infidelity to spouse and NOT infidelity to the religion, correct?

Assuming its infidelity in a marital situation, my question is: How can delaying marriage encourage infidelity, as the possibility of cheating your spouse comes into play only after you get married (not before)?

Ahmed Ali
11-23-2006, 12:46 AM
When we speak of infidelity we are referring to infidelity to spouse and NOT infidelity to the religion, correct?

Assuming its infidelity in a marital situation, my question is: How can delaying marriage encourage infidelity, as the possibility of cheating your spouse comes into play only after you get married (not before)?as salaamu alaikum :)

I must have misunderstood the issue. I guess I meant infidelity in the general sense of zina or promiscousness, since being unmarried it's more of a fitna.

I probably should have said something like "the pressure for zina is huge because the halal option isn't being followed."

Jazakum Allahu khairan :)

12-02-2006, 09:41 PM
If you want to double up on your studying, we are holding a study session at Al-Farooq Masjid @ 7:00am on Sunday Dec 3, 2006. The session should last until 9:30am. Our Ameer is conducting this session.

This is a brothers study session. To find out about sister study sessions email sisters@banu-salaam.org or for other brother sessions info@banu-salaam.org.

01-04-2007, 10:24 PM
Assalaamu Alaikum :

My very long notes which are not tidy. Beware of items marked in red. I posted these under "gems" before I found this thread again.

11/06 Bismillah ArRahman ArRaheem


Notes in red are questionable – meaning I wasn’t clear on what was said, it was too fast for me to type, couldn’t follow the Arabic, other errors etc….

Notes in aqua are somewhat uncertain or incomplete

http://www.ghazali.org/site/volpg.htm (http://www.ghazali.org/site/volpg.htm) - Link to English Kitab AnNikah – Scroll to Works in Progress #6 English Translation

Day 1

Ibn Hazm

Healings of the Soul

Tawk Al Hamamah – The Ring of the Dove

Different to speak about “love” as a topic in the masjid. “taboo” Not talking about it” “Shameful”

Conservative parents vs growing up in a culture where IT is the focus

Cross culture marriges – Muslim American Culture

Results in delayed marriage

Men – financial status (stable, PhD)

Ladies- get a degree to be secure if divorce

Divorce rate increased – role model from media

Course Goal and Objectives – see table of contents

Bridge gap old-young: most communities ignore problems including marrige
Make a difference
Learn the sunnah

Not focus on contract but spirit
Family life
Selecting a spouse
Rights of spouse
Problems – sources
Maintaining love

The Faqeeh of Love

http://www.muslimphilosophy.com/#people (http://www.muslimphilosophy.com/#people) – link from al-Maghib to Ibn Hazm’s book in English

Example of Imam that was an expert in the rulings on love.

Only book fully translated into English

Developed a Mathaab known as Al-Hazmeeyah
Great grandfather migrated from Persia – contrary to the English version of the book which indicates he is a convert
Grew up in a palace – rich, political, women present frequently
Women taught him Arabic, calligraphy to name a few things until he was 16 – tribute to woman at that time
Knon as a minister in the government – joined the Ummaiyyads (such as in today’s politics). Ummaiyyads vs Banu Hamood family fighting
Known as Masoo’ah (What is this word?) - like an encyclopedia

Islamic Sciences book
Psychology Madawaat Al-Mafooth (?book)
Wrote 400 voumes in his own handwriting – only Imam At-Tabaari wrote more

Imam Malik was the most popular at his time - Mathaab

From - Ibn Katheer – most marriges run on mercy – commenting on Ayah from Surah Al- Rum

From Qtafsir.com – part of the ayah is missing _ “..and He made love and mercy between you …–

(And among His signs is this that He created for you wives from among yourselves,) meaning, `He created females of your own kind, to be wives for you.'

﴿لِّتَسْكُنُواْ إِلَيْهَا﴾

(that you may find repose in them,) This is like the Ayah,

﴿هُوَ الَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ مِّن نَّفْسٍ وَحِدَةٍ وَجَعَلَ مِنْهَا زَوْجَهَا لِيَسْكُنَ إِلَيْهَا﴾

(It is He Who has created you from a single person, and He has created from him his wife, in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her) (7:189). This refers to Hawwa'. Allah created her from Adam, from the short rib on his left. If Allah had made all of Adam's progeny male, and created the females from another kind, such as from Jinn or animals, there would never have been harmony between them and their spouses. There would have been revulsion if the spouses had been from a different kind. Out of Allah's perfect mercy He made their wives from their own kind, and created love and kindness between them. For a man stays with a woman because he loves her, or because he feels compassion towards her if they have a child together, or because she needs him to take care of her, etc.

﴿إِنَّ فِى ذلِكَ لآيَـتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ﴾

(Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.)

Day 2

Qabilah husna



A story of real love

Exercised after marriage

Love under stress

Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi wa Salam) Ayesha (Radiallahu A’nha) was not jealous frm any other wife except Khadijah (Radiallahu A’nha)

Gifts received went to friends of khadijah ; stands when he (Sallahu ‘Alaihi wa Salaam) for her friends – Reason for the Hadith “Verily I was blessed with love for her”


Omar Ibn Aws – Don’t you love what I love. Then love her.

Rasullah sick longing to be with Ayesha’s house

Tests of Marrige

Slander of Ayesha (Radiallahu A’nha) – He was uncomfortable until Allah revealed her innocence

Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi wa Salam) – Best of you are those who are the best to their families and I am the best to my family.

Signs of love – Ibn Hazm

1. distracted

2. focus conversation towards them

3. lover speaks – listens

4. go to the place they are

5. excitement/confusion when the person comes in – sudden reactions cannot be fake

6. hold hands – touch

7. sit close to each other – love seat example

8. Opposites test – charcoal in one hand and ice in the other – both have the ultimate same physical result such as happiness and grief

9. playful – tug of war plate tug of war example – plate breaks – early in marriage “its ok I’ll get you a new one tomorrow

10. lean closer together

Dictionary love is a noun and a verb:

Strong positive emotion of love/affection
Beloved one
Sexual desire – in Arabic all emotional
Love – score of zero in tennis/squash
Great affection

Sheikh – most people use the noun but “love” is actually a verb. Given freely without restriction. Most practice conditional love. Take out the trash example: wife asks husband to take out trash. Husband squishes down and is happy – more economical. Wife likes new/clean.

Discussion of how the letters of Arabic carry the meaning of the word such as in Hub – bah is like the kiss and hah is deep in the throat – cause pain in the throat like a sigh. Sheen is like spreading out and is words such as shajarah and shams. Idea of Arabic language found in the Book Asraa Al Baghlaha (?)

Ibn Hazm-

Did he get married? Or was he involved with a slave? He had a son.

Qahramana just tried to avoid him. How can you relieve yourself of the pain – just forget. Chapter 27 Ring of the Dove. Sees her in exile from Qutabah but she did not respond to him.

The Noble Love – Hub

Popular culture of Spain

Some suggest theories of love came from Spain to France

What is the nature of love?

No one else shared this theory – Conjecture

Scattered parts of souls from different parts of the universe

Love originated in heaven – if meeting occurs on earth = love

Ibn Hazm’s “Proof” /Evidence– Surah Al Araf – Allah (Subhannah wa Ta’la) takes souls from Adam from back

1. met somewhere before they met on earth – like recruited armies

2. When a person goes to sleep his sourl departs Al Mawt Asagheer - maybe souls meet before they get married – results in “love” vs mercy in the marriage

2 Stages of Love

1. Jesting

2. Earnest

“Adventure of Love”

Surah Ar-Rum – starts “and among His signs…” such as the creation of night and day. Love is mentioned among signs that prove His (Subhannahu Wa Ta’la) Lordship

Like a bird – love and mercy

Love for Khadijah (Radiallahu Anha) Muhammad (Sallahu Alaihi wa Salam) had gifts and gave to friends of Khadija. She (Ayesha – Radiallahu Anha) challenged this continued show of respect by saying to the effect that she was young and beautiful – Referring to hadith “Verily I was blessed…”

Muslim Scholars Say – You should write on the book – it shines and is not clean

Nature of Love

Some Consider..

Psychological – trained – flower trick – she loves me…
Intellectual – you decide on – informed decision go seek after certain qualities
Feelings – sentiment and feeling

Al-Jahidh – extreme view – love enslaves people – Al – Muntazilah(book?)

Rejected the notion (what does this mean???) Why? He was never in love. He was “ugly”
Example goes w/ lady to store “just like him” – wanted an image of shaitan on a ring
Negative feelings wrote book includes obscene things female/male slaves
Philosopher loved books – ironically died from books falling on him
Al Ghazali – Kitab Al-Nikah

Muhamad Ibn Yusuf philosophical
Muhamad Ibn Dawood Athahri – Azzuhrah Bani Udrah –(The News of Bani Udrah) – Studied this tribe for their famous love qualities – Hub Al Udri – soft hearts: heart “breaks” and they die – noted 100 ideal qualities of love – book
From - http://www.sunnahonline.com/ilm/seerah/0081.htm (http://www.sunnahonline.com/ilm/seerah/0081.htm) For most Muslims who have heard of him, Ibn al-Qayyim al Jawziyyah's name is inseparable form that of his teacher, the 7th / 13th century Hanbalî reformer, Ibn Taymîyah. It is true, in fact, that Ibn al-Qayyim was the principle compiler and editor of his teacher's writings – Book Garden of the Lovers – “encyclopedia of love.”

Common theory of love – except Ibn Hazm

Love is all about resemblance and similarities – physical, emotional, spiritual - Arabic Maushaarkarital Itibah (I don’t know what this is)

Try to discover similarities – best thing for the future

Love and Beauty Qualities

Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’la) created Adam (Alaihi Assalaam) – Surah Tin “…ahsani taqweem…” – created man in the best qualities

Adam (Alaihi Assalaam) was created with all of the best qualities. Ibn Hazm – “beauty is perfection” We always go after perfection.

Who was most “beautiful” Adam or Yusuf (Alaihuma Assalaam)? Yusuf given half of beauty – but half of what? Some scholars say half of Adam and Allahu ‘Alim. Yusuf was compared to a malik by women of his time.

Perfection and Beauty together : example – “Happily ever after…” in all fairy tales attracted by beauty.

Ibn Hazm subscribed to no one standard – idea “ Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”

Signs of Love contd – see pg 5(??)

Wasting of the body – Qais and Layla(cousin) became insane when they did not marry. Wandered the desert and wrote a famous poem while insane – Qais Ibn Manawah

Some people fall in love with “image – dream”

Class questioner – Can Jinn and people have relationship – answer in ayah from usary…..??

Two Books – Arabic?

Asrar Al-Balaghah – by Abdul Qaher Al JurjaniM
Maqayeus Al Lughah Ibn Faris
Derivation of words in Arabic example: barada (he became cold) and bareed (mail) derived from

Al Imran (14) Zeena Annas

Yusuf (Alaihi Assalaam)

Rum (30)

Hadith Ibn Abbas- Ibn Majid

Orphan – 2 people proposed rich/poor . We want to give to the rich. She wants the poor. Who should we give to? We don’t see anything better ?????
Amr Ibn Anas – who is most loved? Reply of Rasullallah (Sallahu Alaihi wa Salam) Ayesha
Muslim – 2 groups of women among wives of Rasullallah Ayesha (Sallahu Alaihi wa Salam) leader – send gifts when Muhamad Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam Um Salama . Gather around Fatima and tell her not fair. Wives are asking you (Muhamad (Sallahu Alaihi wa Salam)) to show justice with respect to gifts. Ayesha said nothing. Answer- Love what I love – love her. (paraphrased as best as I could capture). Took back to Zainab. Went back and then talked and verbally attacked Ayesha. She looked at Rasullallah (Sallahu Alaihi wa Salam). Ayesha then rebuked Zainab and then Zainab was quiet. Muhamad (Sallahu Alaihi wa Salam) said she is the daughter of her father.
This is my provision. Don’t hold me accountable for what I cannot control. Dawud – At Tirmithi
Mugheeth – see book Falling in Love
Married as slaves. Ayesha (Radiallahu Anha) bought and freed Bareerah. She is free – cannot be married to a slave. She had a choice and she choose to leave him.

Mystery of Love

Love not something static
First physical – ie cute, smart, nice
Together all the time
Dreaming/hopes what it looks like all marital bliss
Delusions – but I love him

True love begins when “in-love” is over

Love after marriage starts with an attitude – no make up- image is not perfect

Harmful Things for the Marrige

Pre-arranged marriges or “dating”
Does marriage kill love – should strengthen if done for the sake of Allah (Subhannahu Wa Ta’la)
Blackmailing – If you love me do this…
Results in pushing towards the edge
Disrespectful – yelling, humiliation, slander – family members
High Mahar – “I paid $400,000 for you – violates…” hold in kindness or release in kindness…”

Hadith less mahar more barakah (didn’t capture this?)

Slanderer – family, peers, TV
Ibn Hazm – acts of betrayal harms marriage, internet, TV
Unnecessary long separations
Computer cited in Shakh’s class as # 2 interference
Phenomena of looking for…the right one (? Didn’t capture)

Ibn alQayyim – Question Do you control love?

Choice – first - option to open your eyes

Force – Second – after open eyes then you may not be able to control

Held accountable for the beginnings of love

Lawful – reward in Dunniya and Akhirah

Ibn Hazm – 994-1064 – A Treatise on the Art and Practice of Arab Love – English version

Hadith Rasulallah (Sallahu ‘Alaihi wa Salam) Example: My father wants me to marry this man (cousin?) to raise his status. Rasulallah (Sallahu ‘Alaihi wa Salam) nullified the marriage. Then she accepted the proposal. When asked why – responded that she wanted to know that it was her choice.

Question: What if you fall in love with someone that it will not work – religion different for example. Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’la) will not account for feelings but for actions - ask Allah (meaning for help/cure?)

biographies of Ibn Hazm did not mention this (Tawq Al Hamamah) book in early works. Why? Written in exile. Written as a letter response to his friend who was having a hard time.
How do we actually know this book is from him?

Personal reference of his father’s preference for blondes
Historical references and political comments
Scholars after him such as author of Garden of Lovers refer to him - Ibn al-Qayyim al Jawziyyah –
Is this the whole of the book? Different print versions are missing sections – perhaps too explicit

Title meaning – book highlights

dove in English – woman metaphor in Arabic as well. Symbol of love and intimacy in Arabic poetry
Tawk – ring around the neck of the dog/ beauty adornment
Ring is a symbol of slavery/obedience
Everlasting – cannot be removed around the the dog – experience love this is what I have for you (?)
Historical Accounts of Andalusia
His personal account
Psychology of love
Picture of luxury of Andalusia/Cortabah
Muhamad Ibn Abi Amin – see link to Ring of the DoveA certain poet in Cordova composed a love-poem in which he celebrated' the charms of Subh, the mother of al-Mu'aiyad (God have mercy on his soul!). A slave-E brought before al-Mansur Muhammad Ibn Abi `Amin with a view to his purchasing her, chose this very song to sing to him: he promptly ordered her to be executed.
Hajab An Mansoor (name?) built 2 classical cities around Cortabah for designs. Azzaheerah – Royal palace from roof of gold and silver. Knocked down after Shakh recited ayah (not sure of the ayah but I believe this means for the extravagance). Then built a pool containing mercury with an opening in the dome. Mercury scattered light – “first disco lights”
Discussed role of women
Poetry in Arabic
Masterpiece in poetry/prose
Promotes chastity lawful means
Tells the facts not promoting
Excellent origination (What?) of love

Mugheeth and Bareerah see page 7 in book

Mugheeth appeals to Omar (Radiallhu Anhu) and finally Rasulallah (Sallahu ‘Alaihi Wa Salam) to ask for their help in changing Bareerah’s mind. Rasulallah (Sallahu ‘Alaihi Wa Salam)goes to Bareerah. She asks “Are you commanding me or interceding? Reply – Interceding. Her reply – “I have no interest in him.”

Mugheeth is walking, crying in Madinah. Sitting, weeping. People felt so bad.

Lesson – Prophet (Sallahu ‘Alaihi Wa Salam)

1. Sympahthized with the lover

2. helped him

3. did not tell him not to love her

4. Mugheeth – going after her even thoughshe is not his wife. Some say he was like “intoxicated” and will be held accountable.

5. love is one of the mysteries will not be disclosed

Mystery of Love – book (?)

Ibn Qayyim

Q: Sexual help/hurt marriage? –

Very high level of love will be like enemies except for those who are al Mutaqeen (Source? – Quran Hadith, Ibn Qayyim)

Answer – If it is done within halal means.

Advice of Shaikh Birjas– use love as a “verb” Avoid what your partner hates for you to do. Do what he wants you to do. Ask what attracted to each other to rejuvenate.

Group Exercise –




Why do ladies delay marriage?

Main Concepts of Love Notes:






Men Delay Marrige

Financial situation/security
Requirements and expectations
Cultural restrictions
Seeking ideal match –
Lack of knowledge of importance/understanding of marrige
Lack of ladies - opportunities
Haram easier
Uncertainty – fear of committment


Education and career


Misconception and fear

Western culture/cultural differences

New responsibilities

Compatible match

Parental preferences

Conforming to western societies

Lack of practicing Muslim men

Disagreement with family


Find the

Not ready for children

Longer lack of family knowledge

Lack of education about marrige


#1 lack of suitable practicing men

#2 education and cultural clashes

#3 Freedom and fear

#4 Western culture

#5 lack of


1.Culture – cannot find or parents want only similar culture

2. Finishing School

3. Financial expectations

4. lack of knowledge, expectations

5. haram, career,

Suggestion data base for families wanting to get married

Q What is the ideal age to get married

A Matter of maturity not age.

Parents – older does not need to get married

Story of Real Love – p8 notes

What about Khadijah(Radiallahu Anha)? Who was more loved – Ayesha or Khadijah ( Radiallahu Anhuma)? This was asked of Shaikh Al Islam Ibn Taimiyyah (Rahmatullah ‘Alaihi) Answer Ayesha for her time and Khadijah for her time.

TV stereotype Desperate Housewife – so now Homemaker –

a deteriation of fitrah,

delaying of marriage

Friend Marriges haram – 1 assigned Imam on campus

Family in Islam

1. Basic Principles – Divinely inspired institution. What do we mean?

Ayat and hadith – not for us to decide

2. meeqat qaweeyan – strong covenant in Quran

Consider a social contract.

when two people marry – extend connections from the contract – mother –in-law, father-in-law, aunts, uncles, children

3. Faith and family – if someone proposes to you and you are satisfied with their deen and character…page 13 book. Prayer – covenant between them is the salah.

4. Structures and rules – marriage and divorce

· Marriage under contracts in any book of fiqh as opposed to acts of worship

· Should be intended to be a permanent marriage

· What does the family structure look like (see page of notes – I’m not sure of the circles precisely – use other reference)

o children, grandparents - brothers and sisters, uncles and aunts, nieces and nephews – blood relations

o Father/mother –in-law, brother/sister in-law, nursing siblings,

o Cousins and in-laws

· Position of the Man

o Overall supervisor – Quran - “Protect yourself and your family”, “each person will be questioned about his flock.”

o Eldest boy becomes the most valuable

o Outside the house - breadwinner – main provider

o Internal discipline for the family

· Position of the Woman

o Establish social circle

o Wherever the neck goes the head follows – man is head of the house –

o The woman is diminished in perception – hadith meant as a complement woman know how to (????)

· Family and Society

· Each family is an important cell in the society

· Family establishes an ideological society – parents even if they don’t practice bring their child to the masjid

History of Marriage

Definition – A legal union between one man and one woman

Set of cultural rules for brining together and how they deal w/children

Ancient culture – not limited

Civil contract

Man and woman living together – common law marriage

The only union that cannot be organized and

Man looses his Batchelors and woman gains her masters

Adam and Hawah – Do we know any details? No.
Once Imam Shafi’ rahmatullahi alaihi was asked Did Iblis have a wife. Answer – from Quran do not take Iblis and his offspring ……
Adam and Hawah – did they have relations – Al Araf – 20-27 – shaitan whispered to them their shame that they did not know before (wording ?)
No child until they were on earth
Forums.almaghrib.org – Fiqh of Love – Marrige before Islam

Similarities to marriage of Orthodox Judiasm very similar to Islam – kitab, mahar
What is the default in marriage? Polygamy and Monogamy?

We in Islam use poliginy – man only
If every man in NY got married there would be 1M women unmarried.
Some say default is polyginy – Rasullah (sallahu alaihi wa salam) had nine. Therefore four is small.
Men are “priviledged” to have four
Others say that because of the inability to be fair – man on day of judgement will be leaning to one side if he is not fair to wives
Shakh believes that monogamy due to creation of Huwah

Hetersexuality vs Homosexuality - Surah Al – Ala – about Lut - first

Often isolated to certain areas historically – Chineese, Certain Native American

Rasullalah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam)

General Marrige Fiqh

Imam Ahmad Hanbal – said it can be put in the contract not to have a second wife

Hanifa, Shafi, Malik – said it cannot be put into a contract

Second wife cannot ask husband to leave first wife

First wife can divorce if he takes a second wife

How do we get our husbands so attached to us such as Bareerah? Be smart. Be ahead of the game. Story of Imam of Musanad Abdul Razak in Yemen . Was in halaqah. Very famous and huge. Very upset and said I’m not going to give the halaqah. Want the teacher to come back. Pray and leave. Sent him the best students it did not work. Best people, governor. Traveled from different parts of the world. Went to his wife – um Abdullah. Listened to them. Asked when is the next halaqah. She said he will be there tomorrow. Students very happy. Very curious. Nothing worked. Some asked what happened. The intercessor who comes well dressed is not like the one who comes …..undressed

Islam and Marrige

Which is better marriage or single? Marrige. Celebracy is not from us by choice. Definition Islamic – A contract that results in the man and woman living with each other and supporting each other within……

Nikah – contract – physical interaction both used in the Quran. But most means the physical contact

Hadith is disputable (half of deen). Acceptable as it helps you complete your deen.

False hadith are the evil among you are the single

Q Can we limit children because of growing population crisis

Ibn Qaiyeem


1. Number One Reason – Seeking Pleasure

2. Seeking to please Muhamad (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam) Marry for I will outnumber the other nations by you (on yawm Al Qiyammah)

3. Children (Note – Baqarah ask man and women should consult on nursing child) Family Planning – Al Azzal(?) Ejaculation outside Muath ibn Hakami –asked about this and it is halal .Are permanent methods permissible for medical reasons

4. Seeking Intercession of Righteous Child – so they make du’a for you

5. Protection from evil

6. Training your nafs –

What is the ruling of when marriage?

Default – Highly Recommended When –

Means - physical financial

Can treat wife well

No Fear that he will commit haram

Wajib –

Ability to treat wife well

Fears he will engage in haram acts otherwise


No physical or financial ability

Will not treat his wife well


Financial and physical ability

But fears that he will mistreat his wife

Most of Ulaamah say that Marrige is Ibadah

Young people who can affort should marry. – Rasullah (Sallahu Allaihi wa Salam)

Fulfilling one’s desire is a charity – When asked - What if he did it in an unlawful way.

Even the morsel of food that you carry to the mouth of your wife is a sadaqah.

Female should propose if she has means and need (physical desire fears haram) Can ask her wali to find her a husband.

Fear poverty Allah will provide for you – don’t make this an obstacle for you – Surah Al-Anam – Don’t kill your children… - means don’t fear poverty for the kids

Characteristics of a Prospective Spouse

Deen and Character

Fertility – how do you recognize – look at the family

Virginity (If you’ve never married it is better to look for one that has not been married)

To be content in this life – contentment

Noble descent or lineage – family –

Beauty – eye of beholder

Age difference- in general, men older than women because of maturity

Easy Mahar – best dowry is that of Rasullallah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam) – Surah An-Nisa’ wife can give the Mahar back. Islamically it is wrong for the bride to give the mahar if it is forced.

Psychological burden – that man carries on the back

Rasullallah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam)

What is preferred non-relative/relative? No Preference in Islam

A – Most of the wives of Rasullallah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam) were not close

A – less family problems

Marry to the family – stronger bonds. Advantage they are more comfortable.

More than 26 states in USA allow marriage to cousins. Some prohibit up to 3rd cousins

Arab women, non-arab women – Sophia - Jewish, Maria

Hereditary diseases – all in the hands of Allah (Subhannahu Wa Ta’ala)

Prearranged marriges – under age – under 16,12, 13

Under age are OK 10 have them get married –
But when they are of age of puberty one can nullify
Hanifa – said it is binding
Hanifa – can be forced
Wali by choice – can reject but cannot force her to marry. If he refuses repeatedly she can go to a judge and ask him to be removed as a wali

Celebrate Marrige – Halal

Couple legally katbu kitab or Nikah but delay consummation of marriage

Not alone behind closed doors (3 opinions all agree consummation, 2 additional Hanifa – consummation does not have to be intercourse but any physical contact, one says that behind closed doors alone is consummation) – go to school, go to restaurant etc.

They have the choice to consummate the marriage. If they do all things become obligatory. Father can ask her to take her from the house. Financially, she is the responsibility of the husband. Father can be merciful. Surah Al Baqarah and – Mahar and consummation and divorce. No iddah if they did not consummate the marrige

Wife’s obedience in celebate marriage to the father. Should be balanced example father wants to travel for 2 months should have the right to consummate.

Q what if daughter is not hanifa – follow father

You can commission someone to find a wife overseas. Be specific.

Authority to do the contract for you in your absence – P14

Marrige of convenience – papers documents – in fiqh class


Divinely Inspired Institution

Quran and Hadith

Regulate Everything in the Quran from spouse selection to how to live together

3 circles ?

1. husband wife children grandparents

2. brothers sisters, uncles , aunts, stepchildren ?

3. extended family – cousins, by breast feeding n-lawa

Blood relations

Marriage relations, step


Purpose of Marrige


Protection from haram





Treat justly

Do haram otherwise


No means

Treat unjustly

Selecting a Prospective Spouse

Why is dating haram?

What is dating – do everything without marriage, keep changing to find the best partner, pleasure, act without responsibility, no

Marrige – Contract tends to make you “work it out”

Under contract people do act different –may feel pressure

Man and woman cannot be alone without the supervision of a mahram. – Hadith - Man and woman do not meet alone without a third being present – Shaitan

Dating industry making so much money from this.

Does this mean we are not aloud to meet before they are married to get together.

Matrimonial Services –

Wali order - father, grandfather (father), brother- cannot be skipped unless the father delegates

Propose – data base with a confidential match to keep in the community. Can serve as wali. Major conferences do this. Naseeb.com can loose money

Engagement – Promise style – Khutbah – acceptable but only a promise – they are not married. They must meet with a Mahram. If someone is “Khutbah” can you still propose. If they gave a promise to one the fault is on the second, but parents can accept.

Wali is not Muslim still Mahram Should show the respect to go to him. The Imam should be the Wali and include the father

Don’t put pictures on the internet. Example was Khutbah chatted on the internet.

Selecting A Bride

Female family members – go and see the girl. Forbidden to describe her except for the purpose

Can a male propose directly? Yes. Example – I see you in the community, may I propose to them. Talk to my Wali. Must be certain of intention. May be cultural restrictions on approaching a woman.

Evidence – Surah Al-Baqarah –Proposing to a women when she is in her waiting period. Indirectly, “don’t worry – we are here for you…”

Women – Father has no right to force his daughter to accept a proposal. Except under age children. Hanifa said the contract is binding at puberty. Evidence - If someone comes with deen and good character you should marry her to him. Also example of Ayesha was married without At puberty daughter is able to marry herself without wali. Can reject a proposal on her behalf.

Example father wanted her to marry his nephew for status. Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam)

Can a female approach a man to propose marriage to a daughter, neice, sister etc….? Yes.

Evidence Omar Khatab Hafsa after Iddah. Went to Abu Bakr to offer daughter, Uthman, Give me a couple days. Said not ready right now. Omar said Abu Bakr’s silence was harder. Then Abu Bakr told him why after the Prophet

Can a woman go directly to a man? Yes. Not based on Khadijah since that is before Islam

Culturally, class answer – no

An Bukhari Opiniou– A women proposing to the righteous man. Anas – Proposed to the Prophet. Daughter of Anas said this is shameful. Anas – keep quiet – She is better than you. Why? She assumed righteousness in a man. He just lowered his gauze. Sahabah asked for her. Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam) agreed. Do you have anything for her. He looked for something. Did not find anything. Asked him what did he have from the Quran. Answer some surahs(?) I marry you on the Quran you have (meaning what he will teach her)

Story of friend

Hajj is obligation on children but violates the spirit of kindness unless there is a good reason – children etc

Misiyar – contract to not pro vide equally if she is financially able.

Said ibn musaid – brings daughter for student Abdullah ibn Wadda’--------- who lost his wife. Said came at Mughrib with his daughter. She fainted. Called help and neighbors came and gave party. Next day he went to go to the halaqah but wife said sit down I’ll teach you. Political

Ala Addeen Samerqandi – student of Iman Hanafi. Student Kassani wrote about his sheikh and it was accepted as mahar.

Lower Gaze Surah Noor 30-31.

Men are more obligated to lower their gaze because of their visual orientation. Women should not speak about another woman with detail as if he sees her –

Exemptions – watched the Abasinians over his shoulder.

Abdullah blind man asked to enter the house. Ayesha was told to put on hijab. She said that he is blind. He Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam) said you are not.

Proposed – Under age of recognition – 8, 9 years old in this society. Age of puberty have to cover.

Looking at the prospective Spouse

Not Wajib but Mustahaab.

Jabar went to see how she acts in the neighborhood

Father should not say you don’t trust me.

Why – Identify physical and emotional attraction. “Halal dating” He will try to impress her. She should show her qualities. Face and her hands

She must remove her nikab. She has to keep her hijab on. Female members can see her otherwise. Some fuqahah say that in extreme cases can see hair

Time Imam Shafi/ Shakh – General Intention At least one time to go and see her. Can setup a casual situation to identify. Can go directly or arrange with the wali. Female has same rights.

If suggested for you. Go and see.

How many times should meet with supervision. As many times as is supervised and requested. Example male and female can sit and talk on one side of the room and the wali can sit to the side.

Wali qualifications – should not be any Imam but should have qualifications

Wali – Male under age? NO. No teenager that goes and plays. Can you take a female Wali should have male that will show that she is protected. Grandfather may be better. Higher status the better.

If male has intention to get married can he strare at anyone. Should ask – better. Could be married. Example – Friend followed someone. Asked to speak to the father not the girl he followed. Her friend.

For youth – phone is better than the internet since conversations can be saved. Get paranoid not returning mails quickly. If something goes wrong, don’t know the result. Don’t know who is typing.

On phone should have wali to monitor conversation to make it serious.

Consequences of a Marrige Contract

Can defer the consummation of the marriage. Recommended that

Consummate asap.

1. Kind treatment – not defined by culture, but by Sunnah Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam)

Hadith – A believing man should not hate a believing woman.

2. Documentation is not necessary. Wali 2 witnesses, wording. Conjugal right –

3. move to his residence- maybe the father will be merciful to them. He has no right to force her to move to his family. If she is happy then it is OK. He should provide and he should tell her before the contract.

4. Dower due at the consummation – she can ask him – demand nag.

5. Contract – mother in law and father in law become mahram

Step children mahram after consummation

7. verification of the child

8. establishment of inheritance

9. obedience

10. discipline – Surah anNissa

a. admonish her

b. boycott – turn away from her in bed

c. force – not to leave marks, not face, bones – affect emotional

d. If a physical damage occurs – she can sue in court

e. Beat translation not correct – yadribuhim – yadribu bab – knock on the door

Some sahabah did this Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam) said these are not the good people

Near the end of her life. Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam) at night went out from her house. Ayesha followed him Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam) went to Al Baqir to the grave to make du’a Ayesha ran back and he followed her faster and faster. He asked her what she did. She told him she was jealous. He pushed her and was upset that she would acuse him of something. Bukhari

Al-Jummuah edition on - October

Q –on conjugal rights - Can he force her. Rape- no. He can demand. She can ask as well

Non-Muslim woman and brother wants to marry her. No male on her side. He should take a female member of his family. For his protection. He has someone to testify for him . This is an unusual situation.

January 7th – ‘Sr. Widad Exam Coordinator

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Marital Rights –

Consumated the marriage

Circles of Rights – male and female

As you expand your area of responsibility you take from your spouse as well (shaded areas overlap)

Ayah 2:228 first part – …”and women have rights similar to the rights against them….”

Beauty, scent,

According to what is equitable – What is acceptable in the culture. Whose culture?

But men have a degree (of advantage

Qiwammah – is the guardianship – most men consider this means authority. Authority does not come without responsibility.

Gender Equality in Islam

Are men and women equal?
Differences or preferences?
The natural differences:

Physiological differences
Emotional differences
Neurological differences

Are women equal – In churches 500 years ago it was discussed if women had souls.

Finances – equal – 193? Women recently were given the right to open a checking

Male has the right to stay home and women working. Must be in the contract. She can work if it was specified.

Example mother takes 1/8, boys 2-shares, girl – 1 Girls money is all hers

Son dies, wife takes her share,with children. Mother and father takes 1/6 each. Male Grandchildren should take responsibility for the grandparents

He dies with no children – 1/3 mother, 2/3 father

Son Dies – father, mother, brother – drops to 1/6 each

Equity vs Equal

Equal rights means exactly the same.

Equitable – some areas more and some areas less in the rights and obligations – given the best for them to make the scale even.

Faridatun min Allah – (? – This is from Allah (Subhannahu Wa Ta’ala) – meaning the inheritance system.

Loving / hateful Actions Group Activity

Sisters – religious in every action






Sharing knowledge

Honesty admit mistakes


Buying thoughtful gifts

Cheerful mood

Family oriented


Good grooming

Saying – I love you


Help each other in deen

Appreciate little things

Help in the house

Sense of humor


Affection gifts/complents


Share the remote

Hugging – leads to …

Shopping going out together

Shopping example – you get the I’ll get the … fun strategy

Thoughtful gift – nice letter

Men Hateful Actions

Disregard of the Deen – Not being religious conflict

Discuss family issues in front of kids

Disrespect mocking

Upset about Helping family financially

Nagging asking too many questions


Fitnah family circle

Ignore family values


Disobeying the husband


Inability to cook

Talking to others about their spouse/family issues – (opposite don’t listen)

Don’t respect family

Not true

Hanging out with other guys

Immodest dress without hijab

Not trusting their judgement

Not observing

Not wanting children

Boycotting marital relations



Disturbing during down time

What’s wrong – nothing

Being emotional /irrational

Ignoring silent treatment

Brothers Loving Action

Cook and present tasty food

Warm welcome when coming home

Respectful to family and friends


Keep family in tact

Marital relations



Environment for children

Respect family

Help become better Muslim

Support ideas

Wife well dressed

Clean house

Good meal

Be ontime

Take care of kids education

Kind words smile

Trust and honesty

Forgiveness (don’t push to apologize)


Positive attitude

Good mother


Engage in intellectuall and spiritual – men talk to relay information. Women want to connect and talk.

Wake up for Fajr and Tahajud

Sisters’ Hateful Actions

Be disrespectful

Neglect emotional and physical needs

Spending time with others and not being home

Unnecessary restrictions

Disrespecting in front of family and children


Computer, camera

Being insensitive – sleeping while your talking

Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam) after salah tahajud would talk to her to fajr if she was awake

Putting friends before you

Comparing to other women mother/sister


Abuse – physical, emontional

Leaving / coming without saying anything

Not communicating –


Rambling threats

Confiding in someone else

Too much time outside the house

Too proud


Not enough time with them

Being messy

Taking wife for granted

Unresponsive and unlawful

This activity came from the 3rd c hijrah. Prayed 2 rakat. Imam Shuaib Al-Qadi. Wife gave Khutbah. Then he gave a Khutbah back. 1 year later he found an older woman giving orders to the servants and she was the mother in law asking how do you see your wife . 20 years he never saw anything wrong with her except this year and I was unjust to her

Marital Rights – p20

Female must respond to him no matter what she is doing. Otherwise the angels curse her until morn
Protecting his house in his absence – restricting friends
Serving the husband according to the custom of the Muslims in that area. 2 cultures try to compromise but woman should try to meet his culture


Example – college – kind treatment – sadaqah – financially maintaining her is basics

Man has a right to say no to work if money is enough for basics

Step children – mahram regardless of faith. He is responsibility from his marriage. Her children should (it is sadaqah) be taken care of her children if original husband does not and he does not allow her to go to work.

Question – Racial Discrimination – Early communities was not an issue – Ousama bin Zaid Bilal. How to help? More education?

From the Life of Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam)

How did Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam) exercise his rights as a husband?

The best amongst you are the best of those to their family. And I am the best to my family.

Example A’yesha was on a trip. Away from the caravan .

Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam) said let’s race. Raced away from the group. She won.

Some time later

Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam) says the next time he said again let’s race.

And again and she lost one time and she said it was because she put on weight.

Another example from Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam) drink you first no you first . He insisted that she drink and then he drank from the same spot. And another example eating from the apple.

Bukhari - Take a bath together. Shower with her some times. Playing while taking a shower. Leave me some (ie they were racing) A’yesha and Mamuna. Many scholars ignore this playful


Howdah Hafsa said shall we switch. Ayesha went to Hafsa and Ayesha went to Hafsa’s spot. Camped for the night. She ended up out for the night when Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam) stopped.

A’yesha and Zainab were rivals in status. Zainab always spoke well about her. Zainab gave honey to Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam) She noticed sticky. Ayesha , goes to Hafsa, Sophia, Sawdah, . Ayesha told other wives that they should tell the Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam) that he smells. Then when he Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam) returned to Zainab he Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam) refused. Later (years) when narrated Ayesha told Sawdah to be quiet when she lamented that they deprived him, Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam).

Example Wives around the Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam) when they heard about money coming. Omar (radiallahu Anhu) entered and everything was quiet. He said you are like enemies to yourselves. Why are you quiet when I enter. They said Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam) was merciful and you are rude.

Example when Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam)wives were all left for 1 month – 29 days. Omar very upset because of Hafsa. Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam) came down and went to A’yesha. She said that the month is not over. He said nothing except that some months are (using hands 29 and some 30) this month is 29.

Example – In Ramadan during Itikaf – Sophia missed him Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam) and she visits him in the masjid. Then he takes her outside the masjid and talks some more. It is dark and some sahabah heard a women and ran away. Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam) called them and said she is my wife. They said we would not suspect you. Shaitan is running through the veins of some.

Example – Sophia – Camel helped her down by using his knee as a step.

Bukhari – Can you play with food. Ayesha admits she cannot cook well. Hafsa is a better cook. Sawdah did not like it and she would not eat. Ayesha told her that if she didn’t eat she would smear on her face and then she did. Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam) kicked Sawdah that she should retaliate.

Nickname Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam) Ayesh

Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam)

Enter use siwak
Used to kiss some of his wives when he entered and left – Ayesha – she narrated and was shy to say it was her . Nephew clarified this

Example of contact with Ayesha and her period

Ibadah - Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam) he would do tahajud and she would be sleepinp

Women what should they do to reach the level of men in Ibadah – jihad, fasting, tahajud? Treat husband kindly – like Ibadah

Many stories discuss Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam) worship and the wives are present but not engaged in the worship (ie they were “available” to help Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam)

Recommendation – Read Sahih Bukahri 10 a night when he was younger– Every time have a number associated with quality such as laughing

Hadith – Obdience to his mother in his own affairs. However, if his mother says don’t let your wife…he does not have to obey her. If she asks for him to drive her. His wife cannot interfere.

Sample from Fiqh of Love

An-Nushooz – mentioned twice in Surah AnNisaa’(34 and 128)

Nushooz – each of the spouses having hatred for the other and treating each other in an improper manner. They still want to stay marry

Contemporary Studies

4 Types of Marriges . Ask yourself what type of marriage do you have.

Number one reason for Marital Discord – Muslim an jabar - Every night Shaiyatin gather in assembly

Shaitan – separated husband and wife – Shaitan said you are the one.

Area of Rights and Obligations
Sexual Problems – bargaining for this begins. You always
Financial Difficulties – Men haveQiwammah. Man stops providing for various reasons
Pre-marital history – sinful experiences
who has the power – qiwammah
child influence – family patterns. Original parents successful. Now they need a new pattern
communication problem
parenting style – mother complains in front of them

Agreed on a rule. One breaks the rule. Then they start fighting

personality – natural and cultural attitudes neglect partner’s ideas

perfectionist personality – cleaning – let’s go leave it to later

Q What is the most effective solution? – Part of the second seminar, but send a marriage councelor from each side.

Languages of Love

We must be willing to learn our spouse’s primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love. – contemporary

Example - Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam) I know when you are satisfied and when you are not. She used different name for him when she was upset. Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam) noticed this and told her. She said you never leave my heart (wording?)

Matter of choice

Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam)

A believer should not hate a believing woman. If he hates one aspect he would love another


Love tank theory – married in one car. Choice to make it good or bad. Men think about journey. Women want to go to the beach route. Full tank – wait for empty tank. As soon as the woman sees the tank going down she fills. Similar to marriage . If there is a problem, they go right away to fix.

Bank account theory – open account with partner. Put money . withdraw. Should put in if you want to withdraw. Women often more accurate with keep track. Men worry less about this.

Differences –

Example – Um Maryam (radiallahu Anha)– “…men are not like the female..” (when she gave birth to female and Allah (Subhannahu wa Ta’ala) did not rebuke her.

Women sense of self defined by beauty. Not as important. Demand men to be more emotional

Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam) understood this about woment.

Crisis approach – men like to be quiet and figure out together

Example when he had a problem boycotted wives for 1 month.

Wife tries to make him talk – what’s the matter. Now she is nagging.

Women have to talk, cry.

Woman upset. He gives her space. Now woman is upset. What is going on? Now she is unloading everything.

When each is done they go back to normal

Motivation Power

Men like to feel power – respect need

Women to be cherished

Express feelings through different languages –

Rubber band men emotional cycle – some best and some go down

Loosing manhood away from friends then he comes back smiling. Tries to be funny. Everything is fine. Not for women needs .

Women chase- What’s wrong. Rubber band never reach his potential cannot “snap back”

Women cycle - waves up and down when they go down they come back bringing everything up . hit you like a Tsunami

Different Languages of Love

Men – appreciation, grateful – say jazaka Allahu Khair

Example – sisters having a gathering – needs babysitting

2 options - let her stay upset. They ask her When are you going to be back – ruin everything!

Should say – We’ll miss you. Then the wife will prefer to come to a sweet husband.

Give husband a kiss for taking out the trash

Wife wants to talk without the man working. Give undivided attention. Give 15 minutes of undivided attention a day. Keep cell phone at home.

Go out to eat – men take the menu. Women looking around enjoy. Go outside

Receiving gifts – chocolate or simple gifts that are thoughtful

Acts of service

Rasullah (Sallahu Alaihi Wa Salam) he used to sweep, fix his own shoes, etc

Women don’t talk directly – don’t ask for things

Physical contact – men intimacy, women hug- warm welcome, make coffee


Public display of Contact

Watching the Abysinians – from the house. My cheek is on his cheek. She said that she had no interest in watching but she wanted the others to know her position.

Culture consideration – hold hands varies -

Hug/ kissing, Hajj exceptions

Hold hands OK if ok in Muslim society

In front of the kids - At age of 10 woman should observe dress modesty – simple kiss ok

Example -

Married 15 years – traveled with the kids 1 week. Man was depressed brought friends from masjid. asked friends to stay the night. He told his friend to bring gifts – said I don’t need them. Bought chocolate finally and secretly bought flowers. Comes week later and thanks . didn’t believe flowers came from husband

Forgiveness of all sins for delivery of birth– no evidence.


Essay Questions

1.Write about the contribution of Muslim Scholars and their scholarly works to the Theory of Love – 1-1/2 pages max.

2. What is the ruling of love in Islam? How was it mentioned in the Qur’an and Sunnah? What Lessons do we learn from that?

3. Rights and Obligations are the most disputable area in a marital life. How did Islam organize it between a husband and wife?

Basem Talha
01-05-2007, 07:02 AM
salam alikom sister kareemah

mashallah lots of information and it's gonna be useful to us inshallah.may allah help us all.may allah reward you with the best.ameen.

01-06-2007, 09:19 AM
Jazak Allah Khair Sr. Kareemah for the notes.

Abdullah Bin Jahash
01-07-2007, 12:50 AM
as Salamu 3alaykum wa Ra7matullahi wa barakatuh. sis kareemah if u pls email me the notes I will appreciate it so much. my email is wraeesy at gmail dot com Jazaki Allahu khayra. wa as Salamu 3alaykum wa ra7matullah.