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LightUponLight
11-18-2006, 01:53 PM
How many men and women prepare themselves to live as a couple,
as a family?

Some think about it, others are already committed to it. We
hear of stories... and one is sometimes moved by the expectations
and hopes of some, and sometimes saddened by the painful life
experiences of others. Perhaps you are also, sisters and brothers,
preparing yourselves to engage in this life experience of marriage,
known as half of your faith. Or perhaps you have already started
sharing your life with someone. In this, your expectations, thank
God, were more than met but sometimes doubts have emerged. This...
is not what you had expected.


Brothers and sisters, nothing should be idealized.


The perfect husband or the perfect wife only exists in your
dreams. God has given you, as He has given others, noble qualities
and intelligence. God has given you, as He has given others, faults
and deficiencies. Perfection is not given to you or any human being.


It is not enough to share the same faith, the same principles
and the same hopes to make an ideal couple. How many young couples
have been under the illusion that their future life will be
harmonious as if being Muslim was enough for a successful marriage?
As if their union was based solely on the meeting of two worlds
founded on the same principles that one respects or on the rules
which one applies.


This illusion, which yesterday promised a small earthly
paradise, today makes life a difficult struggle. How many speak
about "the principles of marriage in Islam" and actually live the
reality of a torn, ravaged and frustrated existence?


Today, more than ever, living as a married couple has become a
real challenge. Around us, men and women meet and leave each other
in a modern society in which they confuse freedom and the absence of
accountability as love and flexibility.

Living as a couple is not without its challenges - preparing
yourself, learning and constantly trying to reach out to the other
with patience, depth and tenderness. Although it is true that the
principles of Islam bring you together, or will bring you together,
you must remember each day that the person with whom you share your
life comes with his or her own history, wounds, sensitivities and
hopes. Learn to listen, to understand, to observe, to accompany.


Living as a couple is the greatest of tests: a test of
patience, of attention, of the ability to listen for unspoken words,
of self-control, of mending one's faults, of healing the wounds. In
each of these tests, there are two parties. It isn't easy. A
meaningful effort has to be grounded in the deepest sense of
spirituality, a jihad, in the most intense meaning of the term. The
jihad of love which reminds that feelings have to be taken care of.
They are maintained, deepened, rooted through your shared challenges
and your patience


Patience and attention to the hearts, in a couple, will lead
them towards the light, God willing. Remember, brothers and sisters,
the last of the Prophets (peace be on him), an example for eternity,
so attentive, so tender, and so patient. He did not only remind the
Umma of principles, he enlightened with his presence, his listening,
and his love.


Before being the mother of his children, his wife was a woman,
his spouse, a person he discovered each day, a person whom he
accompanied and who accompanied him; subject of his attention, a
testimony of his love. He knew the meaning of silence, the power of
a touch, the complicity of a shared glance, the pleasure in a smile,
and the kindness found in being attentive.


There are those who idealize the other so much they never
really see their partners and those who leave each other too quickly
without taking the time to know each other. We are reminded of the
principles Islam, its depth, its spirituality, its essence. Living
as a couple, forming a relationship, being patient in adversity,
loving to the extent of enduring, grounding by way of reforming is
an initiation to spirituality. A challenge, a test, far from the ideal, close to reality.


Sisters and brothers, you must prepare yourselves to live one
of the most beautiful tests of life. It requires all from you, your
heart, your conscience, and your efforts. The road is long. One must
learn to demand, to share, and to forgive...indefinitely.


Of the things permitted by God, divorce is the most detested.
Living as a couple is difficult: remember that your wife is a woman
before being the mother of your children; remember that your husband
is a man before being the father of your children. Know how to live
as a couple, within your family...in front of God and in front of
your children.


This meeting place, these efforts will result in a sense of
protection: They are your garments and you are their garments. Know
how to be patient, learn how to be affectionate, offer forgiveness,
and you will attain the spirituality of the protected, the proximity
of the ones that are close. Faith then becomes your source of light
and "his or her" presence, becomes your source of protection; the
test of your heart, the energy of your love, half of your faith.


I pray to God that this love be the school of your efforts and
the light of your patience.

Saabirah
11-18-2006, 03:29 PM
JazaakAllah khair for that sister.

*Aasiyah*
12-05-2006, 09:58 PM
jazakAllah khayr!

by any chance, can someone provide the evidence about "marriage is half your deen" please?

Basem Talha
12-18-2006, 08:19 PM
salam alikom sister Aasiyah

Marriage is half of faith is a hadith of the Prophet(S.A.W) and there is another hadith of the prophet(s.a.w) that says whoever is ready and able(finicially,mentally,emotionally.......etc) to get married then let him do so. i hope this help you inshallah. jk allah khair.
salam,
Basem

HiBz EsSenSe ©
12-18-2006, 09:12 PM
Asalamu Alaikum WaRahmatulahi WaBarakatu

LightUponLight, that was great MashaAllah, BaraqaAllahu Feeki ; )

by any chance, can someone provide the evidence about "marriage is half your deen" please? I Just want to clarify something about this Hadeeth bc it always seems to be taken out of context, if one gets married he doesnt neccesarilly complete half their deen, unless the person he's marrying is (keyword)--> *Righteous*


This is the Hadeeth: It was narrated from Anas ibn Maalik radiAllahu 'anhu, that the Messenger of AllaahsallahAllahu aleyhi wasalam said: “Whomever Allaah has blessed with a righteous wife, He has helped him with half of his religion, so let him fear Allaah with regard to the other half." ... [Narrated by al-Haakim in al-Mustadrak (2/175), al-Tabaraani in al-Awsat (1/294) and al-Bayhaqi in Shu’ab al-Eemaan (4/382). Al-Haakim said: This is a hadeeth with a saheeh isnaad, although they (al-Bukhaari and Muslim) did not narrate it. Al-Dhahabi said in al-Talkhees: it is saheeh. It was classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb (2/192). ]

WaAllahu Taa'la A'lam

Rabiya
12-18-2006, 09:17 PM
Very informative post.

JazakAllah khayran.

In Search of...
12-19-2006, 11:19 AM
JazakAllah khayran

great post.

can someone also verify the authenticity of the statement: "Of the things permitted by God, divorce is the most detested" because i have heard that it is from a weak hadith. allahualam,

salaam
hasan

Rabiya
12-19-2006, 02:52 PM
Assalamualykum wa rahmatullah,

"The most hated of all permissable things with Allah is divorce"

This hadith has been narrated by Abu Dawood and ibn Maajah and authenticated by al-Haakim. Abu Dawood narrates from Muhammed ibn Khaalid from Mu'arrif ibn Waasil from Muharib ibn Daththaar from ibn Umar. Al-Baihaqi said, "I do not know anyone who narrates from Mu'arrif except ibn Khaalid and he is one of those who makes up his hadith."

As for ibn Maajah, he narrates from Muhammed ibn Khaalid, from Ubaidullah al-Waasafi and Mu'arrif ibn Waasil from Muharib. Ibn 'Adi says that Ubaidullah al-Waasafi is, "Extremely weak," while adh-Dhahabi says that, according to Abdullah ibn Ahmad, he is a liar.

Ibn Hajar says that Abu Hatim said the hadith is mursal.

Allah hu alaam.

Walaykum Salaam Wa Rahmatullah.

Basem Talha
12-19-2006, 04:04 PM
salam alikom hizb essence

Please forgive me for posting this kind of late but mashallah that was the hadith i meant when i said marriage is half of faith and some people do take that hadith of context so i'm glad you clarified that alhamdulilah.Subhanallah I see that you are more knowledge than i am. may allah increase you in knowledge and make you a great caller for islam inshallah. ameen
salam,
Basem