View Full Version : Good Idea/Bad Idea: Marriage before Med School?

11-30-2006, 08:34 PM
Assalamu Alaikum,

Just wanted to know if anyone had experience and advise on marriage and its timing taking medical school into consideration?

A couple things I have heard is that a positive to marriage before is that it helps one focus and keep motivated through medical school, in addittion to helping to lowering one's gaze and what not. However, there is the issue of how busy you are going to be in studies and is that conducive to marriage... especially a new marriage.

Any advice for or against getting married before or after?


12-01-2006, 09:41 AM
Walaikum As-Salaam,

Advice from a person in med school would be of a greater value...though this is what I think...

If someone is over 20, close to completing their bachelor's, they could get a celibate marriage done and keep it for atleast a couple years into med school. That way, the individual will have less family responsibility.

There would be less chances of getting bewildered during the first years and better chances of making good grades.

For someone under 20, I would suggest getting engaged till they are over 20.

I feel sort of apprehensive about recommending two new things at once-->Getting married right before getting into med school.

Allah Knows Best

12-02-2006, 01:41 AM
wa `alaikum asalaam,

try islamqa, that website has personal detailed questions with long detailed answers. when people ask questions here, the people or shaykh asked don't know the full story. i hope that website helps you, i bet you've heard of it already, it's wonderful bc it includes evidences from the Quran and sunnah.

12-03-2006, 11:22 PM
Wa Alaikumussalaam Wa Rahmatullaah

Allah knows best. I definetely encourage young brothers in the west to get married if they can when they can. It is much safer this way and it prevents them from committing haram. If a med student waits until he finishes with his studies than there goes his life...i dont suggest that a brother waits this long.

However, on the other hand, some people get married just for the sake of getting married and go into the marriage expecting something, but get something else in the end. In this case, i recommend that the person slows down and really thinks about what he/she is getting him/herself into...because the true affects of marriage are not the first few months, but the next few years. A person really needs to consider a couple of factors before going ahead with this:

a) Did you pray istikhaarah?
b) Do you have a potential wife/husband in mind?
-If so, what are your expectations of him or her?
-Have you seen the way this person behaves in certain situations?
-What are their goals in life?
-What is there take on raising kids?
-Why this particular person and not someone else, what makes them so different?
c) Have you spoken to your parents about it?
d) Can you afford it?
-unless youre planning to live apart from each other until you can afford it
e) Do you know the responsibilities of a husband/wife towards his/her spouse?
f) Are you aware that you will encounter difficulties along the line of marriage?
-are you ready for that?

Just things like these are very important to think about before getting married because for some reason, young people have this skewed perception of what marriage life is like...they only think about the walks along the beach, laughing, having fun learning with each other, etc... But we never think about the times when we have to give a little to get a little...disagreeing on certain matters, sacrificing things that one is normally used to, and basically combining two completely different people into one.

Not to discourage anyone from getting married, but it's important that our young people do not blindly enter a marriage that does not meet what they expected/imagined/hoped for and regret it in the end.

In the end, however, Allah SWT says in the Quran:
http://islamicity.com/mosque/arabicscript/Ayat/30/30_21.gif (http://islamicity.com/mosque/arabicscript/Ayat/30/ra101_30-21.ram)
"And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are Signs for those who reflect." (30:21)

A marriage is not supposed to be a burden, it is supposed to be a mercy and it needs the commitment of two in order for that to work.

May Allah grant those who wish to get married for His sake righteous spouses who bring them closer to Allah and His messenger and who they bring closer to Allah and His messenger. Allaahuma Ameen. Wa Sallallaahu 'Ala Muhammad Wa 'Ala Aalihee Wa Sahbihi Wa Sallim.

Assalamualaikum Wa Rahmatullah

12-04-2006, 08:54 PM
Well, this is a very general question, and there are many scenarios which would make marriage before med school a good idea or a bad idea.

However, there are some certainities about medical school and marriage that you need to consider:

marriage is building a life together. it requires TIME, devotion, compromise, happy times, sad times... it requires alot of work, especially in the beginning. I see this as being a hard task to undertake while in school... but in the case that both spouses are busy students...maybe it wouldn;t be so bad. they could work around their schedules, study together...etc.

medical school is ...well...medical school! It's gonna be hard.. you're gonna be stressed out big time... you'll be cutting up cadavers one year...getting grilled by residents one year... the support you would get from a supportive spouse would be great...but are you going to be the best spouse in return?

there's financial issues to consider... paying for school, supporting the family, will the spouse work, do they want to have kids...

It's alot to consider.

If it were me...i would wait until after medschool to get married. Marriage requires a certain level of maturity, responsibility...and i imagine that working on establishing a good marriage whilst being involved in such a rigorous medical training would be a hard combination.

however, people have made it work. it really depends on the individual situation, the individuals in question.....etc. Pray lots of istikharah!!

Ibn Shaima
12-04-2006, 09:28 PM
Asalamu alaykum,

My older brother thought about it before med school. Now he is doing residency and has very little time. Though he has explored it, he understands that he would have little time to spend with a wife with his very busy schedule and odd odd hours.

It could really depend on your situation like people said, and it could be different for different people.

If you want to talk to him just let me know.

Asalamu alaykum

12-05-2006, 08:53 AM
Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatallahi wa barakatuhu,

You are in a very good situation brother because you are not a sister and have to worry about getting too old. I think it is extremely stressful for sisters planning on going to med school and worrying about marriage at the same time. But, I will give you the same advice I give myself, which is to keep marriage as a top priority over med school. Med school will always be there. But, if you find the right person, then marriage should follow. You also don't have to worry about false promises. I think what is difficult for myself is that a brother could claim to be supportive of me going to med school being that the conditions are halal, but there is always fear of the brother changing his mind after marriage. However, since you are a brother, you have a duty to provide for your family in a halal manner and can stick to your profession. In addition, just getting into med school is a long process unless you plan on going overseas. There is plenty of down time before entrance into med school, which is of course frustrating and seems like a waste of time. So, use your time wisely if you find the right person. Allah swt knows best.

12-05-2006, 03:39 PM
People who have posted....Any of you guys in med school?

12-19-2006, 08:06 PM
Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatallahi wa barakatuhu,

I hope the moderators will forgive me for posting this here, but I wasn't sure where to ask this. Does anyone know if it is allowed to attend Umm Al-Qura for med school and Arabic/Shari'ah concurrently? How can I apply? Also, does the Saudi government allow sisters to be accompanied by a mahram, but then left there for a period of time to study? For example, can I have a mahram drop me off and come back to check on me every now and then?

12-20-2006, 05:59 PM
This is what they mentioned as their requirements on this site (http://www.bakkah.net/studying/uqufaqs.htm)for sisters:

"Female applicants must provide proof of a male family member's residence in Makkah or apply along with her spouse or brother."

What your suggesting, ie. being dropped off there... would only work, if you already have a mehram living in Mecca (such as an uncle, grandfather, bro or something like that).

May Allaah subhanahu wata'aala pave the path of knowledge for you and make it easy (Ameen wajma'een)!

12-20-2006, 07:48 PM
Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatallahi wa barakatuhu,

Jazakallahu khairan sister for your assistance. I've never even been to Saudia. However, I wanted to know if it is actually possible for me to reside there if my mahram dropped me off without anyone knowing? Like on a day to day basis, could I actually go about my daily activities without anyone realizing I don't have a mahram? I'm sorry, I know it sounds and actually is being dishonest. But, it would be temporary until I could find a mahram to stay with me. I also heard their medical school is for free. Does that only apply to Saudis?

12-20-2006, 08:37 PM
Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatallahi wa barakatuhu,

Jazakallahu khairan sister for your assistance. I've never even been to Saudia. However, I wanted to know if it is actually possible for me to reside there if my mahram dropped me off without anyone knowing? Like on a day to day basis, could I actually go about my daily activities without anyone realizing I don't have a mahram? I'm sorry, I know it sounds and actually is being dishonest. But, it would be temporary until I could find a mahram to stay with me. I also heard their medical school is for free. Does that only apply to Saudis?'Alaikum as-salaam wa rahmatAllah,

SubhanAllah we all love the land of 'ilm so much; it reminded me of the hadith regarding the virtues of madinah, the knowledge is in madinah and will Return to madinah. Aw kama qaala salAllahu 'alaihee wa sallam.


Isn't it right that if we all love to gain the knowlege or flee to gain knowledge, but if we don't purify our intentions, the ROOT of the knowledge; then there is no reward?

Many brothers whom we know, forge documents even to get in the kingdom... as Sheikh Muhammad hafidhahullah once said, do they expect barakah from Allah in what they do?

The muslim is supposed to do EVERYTHING he does with Ihsaan. Even more so what about going in the path of Allah in seeking knowledge or making hijrah?

As RasoolAllah salAllahu 'alaihee wa sallam said "Allah will make from the paths of Jannah the person who seeks a path to knowledge." Does a path of Jannah begin with something wrong? Something blameworthy?

What is our ultimate goal? To gain Jannah, right? We know that each and every slave has his/her own, POTENTIAL, way to gain the HIGHEST of Jannah (al-Firdous) and Allah does not burden a soul more than it can bear, and all is expected of us is to worship Allah "as to what we are capable."

I just wanted to give some advice.. literally from the bottom of my heart sister.. Because if you ask most: by Allah some of us wish to go there by any means neccessary; but what stops them is the Fear of Allah.

An analogy, that during Hajj time (may Allah facilitate us to answer His call for Hajj. Allahuma Ameen.) it is generally preferred that one goes and kisses the Black stone on every tawaf (the VIRTUES of the Black stone witnessing for you on the Day of Judgement!) WHO wouldn't want to give something for that? But by Allah, it is because you're afraid to hurt others; it's not fair to others that over 2 million would want that, but if you go you may be impeding a fellow muslims rights. And who knows he/she might want it MORE than you? I once thought, you know wouldn't it be AMAZING to be in that hajj crowd and end up there... and then GIVE up your right to kiss the stone for another brother. Why? Because you would get the reward for him AND you without a decrease in their reward..

Allah ta'la does not want for us to breach his commands, nor our fellow muslims rights. In remembering that we are tested with the bad, and the good - and verily the halal is clear, the haram is clear and between them is the doubtful matters, whoever stays away from them has saved his deen. And the true Muttaqi is the one who gives up something that may be harmless in fear that he may fall into the harmful..

Innamal 'Amaalu bin niyyah... All Actions are by our Intentions.. And in remembering "the one who gives up something for the sake of Allah, Allah jallaa wa 'alaa will replace it with something better.."

and a final analogy..

ibn 'Abbas radyAllahu 'anh was asked a question once by a man. He turned to the man and he asked him... "On the Day of Recompense, do you think what you have asked about will be put on the scales on the side of Haqq or the side of Baatil?" the man answered him...; and ibn 'Abbas radyAllahu 'anh replied "idhhab fa qad kaana aftaita nafsak - Go! For verily you have given yourself, a fatwa".

We should ask ourselves that very question for ever single thing that we do.

And True tawakkul is having patience in what Allah ordained and prescribed.. till we meet our destination, or our destination meets us..

May Allah purify our intentions.

WAllahu 'Alam
WAs-salaamu 'alaikum wa rahmatAllah

a really good book here (http://islamtoday.com/book/pitfalls/Pitfalls%20in%20the%20Quest%20for%20Knowledge%20_p roofread_.pdf)

12-20-2006, 09:25 PM
Jazakumullaah kheirun for your advice brother, may Allaah really purify our intentions in all good deeds ...(Ameen)

Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatallahi wa barakatuhu,

Jazakallahu khairan sister for your assistance. I've never even been to Saudia. However, I wanted to know if it is actually possible for me to reside there if my mahram dropped me off without anyone knowing? Like on a day to day basis, could I actually go about my daily activities without anyone realizing I don't have a mahram? I'm sorry, I know it sounds and actually is being dishonest. But, it would be temporary until I could find a mahram to stay with me. I also heard their medical school is for free. Does that only apply to Saudis?Ukhtee Having lived in saudi, heres my advice inshallaah. EVEN if you are able to convince your family to let you go live like that by yourself... do not live by yourself there...Asides of how things work there, i.e. you needing a mehram everytime you go out.. literally.. almost for everything, I dont think is best choice for a sister when seekig knowledge wa'Allaahu ALem. I did consultation on this same topic with a lot of people.

Also, when I was considering the same thing myself (I initially had thought it was allowed for her to live in the campus as long as she wont go outside)...and I realized subhanallah even for hajj, even though it is one of the five pillars....EVEN that isnt fardh for a women until she has a mehram to go with her! subhanallah...Allaah is all Mercifull.

Honestly keep striving to gain knowledge as much as you can and seek Allaah's pleasure and keep making dua... if it really is in your kisma, it will happen inshallah...

12-20-2006, 09:55 PM
Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatallahi wa barakatuhu,

Barakallahu feek for the reminder and the book. I believe my intentions are clear. But, I don't want to go about them the wrong way inshallah and what you mentioned is a clear warning. I did ask a shaykh about my situation and in brief I was told that I need a mahram in the travel when making hijrah and not in the stay. That is really my intention. Yet, the problem is with Saudia actually letting me stay there without a mahram.

12-20-2006, 09:58 PM
Barakallahu feeki, I needed to hear that from someone whom lived there. Inshallah I will keep waiting.

12-21-2006, 10:29 PM
Sister, I got a recent application for Ummal Qurra, its wayyy different from the one available on the web. It does not have Med school listed on it...and they ask you to write down in priority which major you'd like to go into .... they have arabic, hadith, shariah, quaran, dawah. So what you wanted (med school and arabic/shariah concurrently)...Allahu Alem, doesnt seem like they have such a program. Its 2 years arabic followed by 4 years of whichever field you choose and get choosen for.

Basem Talha
12-22-2006, 07:53 PM
salam alikom everyone
i am not in college yet but if i may comment on this issue, i think that marriage after med school is better because it might be hard for people to be married and carry the reponsibilities of marriage along with medical school with can be tough so its better in my opinion to get married after med school although i do know some people who got married while in med school. please let me know what you guys think of my opinion or is it just nonsense?jk allah khair and may allah reward you all and give you all al-firdous inshallah.ameen.

12-23-2006, 04:20 PM
Sister Sincerity, does the application have different contact info than the website?

12-23-2006, 04:31 PM
Brother Basem, you said that you wanted someone to comment on your opinion. Your opinion is just fine brother. It really all comes down to what the person prefers. A person could prefer exactly what you mentioned. I think it is exhausting to be single when you are working hard at school and work. Sometimes I wish I had a husband just to drop off a cup of coffee while I am trapped at school and work. It would seriously be worth more to me than him giving me gold. It would be nice to have a spouse while in med school working towards the same goal to relieve some of the stress.

Basem Talha
12-23-2006, 05:20 PM
salam alikom sister C2MC

I agree with you that it may get very exhausting when your single and at times people may feel lonely but i think that most people unless they are absolutely sure they can handle it, will have a hard time with the responsibilities of marriage and the work of med school which as i said in my previous post, could be a troublesome but neverthe less, when someone is able to get married he should do so.i hope i made sense. may allah help you find a perfect husband and give you both and your children jannah inshallah.ameen.

p.s#Preferences are important but to me along with preferences, it also comes down to a person capabilities and how that person can function.

12-23-2006, 06:21 PM
A good husband from amongst the best of His swt's ghurabaa because only Allah swt is perfect, ameen. But, I do understand what you are saying. It is kind of like a person not setting himself or herself up for failure when he or she knows his or her limits.

Basem Talha
12-24-2006, 03:16 PM
shukran for correcting me sister.may allah reward you.ameen

12-24-2006, 08:46 PM
Afwan, wa iyakum.

12-24-2006, 08:47 PM
Oops, I meant afwan and ameen :)

Basem Talha
12-25-2006, 06:07 AM
no problem sister

12-29-2006, 09:04 PM
I have a question:

Has anyone applied to Ummal Qurra this year? How did they get the embassy to attest the documents? Considering the new policy of getting the goverment of canada to write you a letter! They informed me they dont write such letters subhanallah....

If anyone has applied this year, and can offer their suggestions please do so!

Jazakumullah kheirun

12-29-2006, 09:20 PM
Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatallahi wa barakatuhu,

I haven't applied yet and don't know too much about the process. But, can't you go to a police station and have them give you a report to use as clearance?

01-01-2007, 07:05 PM
Walaikumasalam warahmatullah wabarkathu,

No the saudi embassy specifically want a 'letter from govt of canada' to attest the documents.

So anyone from Canada/States applied yet for this year??? How did you guys get the letter?

Please email me if you can help provide me with any relevant help! [ amaturrahman AT gmail DOT com ]

Jazakumullaah kheirun!

01-06-2007, 10:12 PM
assalamu alaikum,
im a female medical student. before i started med schl in the US, an alim recommended to me to get married to help protect myself from temptations. i didnt get married until half way through my 2nd year of schl because that is when we found someone suitable for me.

i think this issue is different for males and females. i think being married can help a guy as far as temptation from having to examine female patients (even listening to someone's heart can be a source of temptation if the pt is female). when going thru med schl, i have felt bad for the muslim males in my classes when they have to examine female private parts (while the guys are unmarried, virgins). i have, as female, not experienced much temptation towards my patients because most of the men are middle aged, fat, etc. i would think that this would be the case for other female students (but i cant speak for all of them). young women go to the doctor (for annual exams, prescriptions, etc) more than young men.

for a female med student, i think its helpful to wait until she's done with the first two years of schl (when there's more independent studying necessary). i think in some ways, getting married was a distraction for me. i actually did poorly in some classes which wasn't my husband's fault at all. but i didnt concentrate as well for a while. 3rd and 4th years are mainly in the hospital/clinics, so they u dont get very distracted.

however, all this aside. the most important thing is that a person should try to marry as soon as possible if they have need for it (ie temptation etc), regardless of their educational plans.

regardless of when u get married, u have to realize that u have to make ur marriage a big priority, make time for ur spouse, and not make ur spouse feel neglected (since medicine can really absorb ur mind, energy, and time). this is even more so if ur wife has to leave her home town and family/friends in order to come live with you.

02-05-2007, 05:49 PM
asalamu alaikum,
I think that a person should have patience, but when the suitable person comes-they should get married so as to prevent fitnah (i think there was a hadeeth), but of course, a person's responsibilities and capabilities must be weighed out as well.

Subhannallah, when i went for haj, I fell in love with Saudi Arabia, and i really wanted to go to ummul quraa, however, i asked a semi-sheikh (lol) that studied there whether a woman is allowed to go solely for studying and then back... :-( and he said no, there has to be a mahram there.... anyways, may Allah put barakah in our studies no matter where they take place, and strengthen our iman, and purify our intentions. Ameen

3lmir Salam
02-08-2007, 06:52 PM
Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah

Abu Huraira, I'm glad that you're going out and getting ideas and advice on this issue because it's a pretty big deal! I'm also glad that there are people here in your situation that can help you as well.

I'm a guy and I'm in my first year of med school, and alhamdulillah I'm married as well (got married the summer before starting school). Like a few people in this thread already said, there are a lot of things to consider...and a lot of "if this" and "if that"s. Out of the Muslim med students that are in their 2nd year at my school, 4 of them are married while 1 is single. Two of them got married very recently. I think that marriage can be a huge factor when it comes to how you'll handle your life while in med school and stuff like that...and as for personal advice on what I think you should do, it's mostly based on what YOUR situation is....WHERE you're going to school, HOW FAR from home, who you are, what your financial condition is, etc.

So for that reason, if you would like to, you can email me at aqsalam AT gmail.com and I'll be more than happy to discuss it with you in that way...I think I can help you make a decision more that way!

And congrats on getting into med school...that's a big accomplishment in and of itself!

(By the way, I might not be able to respond to your email right away because I have a big exam coming up in a few days...insha Allah most likely I'll reply early next week).

Amir Salam

02-14-2007, 11:37 PM
Jazakallahu Khairan... Insha'Allah I'll email you.

May Allah (SWTA) help you and grant you success on your exams. Ameen.

03-13-2007, 01:56 AM
or you can get married and then go to med school in the Carribean for a 4 yr honeymoon/med school. that way ur wife cant complain that you didnt take her anywhere.

but seriously alot of my classmates got married before med school and performed just as well as the ones that werent married, although a couple of them had to stay in the library all day to study since their wives wouldnt let them study at home...

04-02-2007, 10:12 PM
Subhanallaah! a very important topic.

It depends definitely on the situation BUT

if you are a guy then marry before medical school. Just so you settle into the routine of studying, etc.

If your wife wants to work part time, let her so she can help you out financially.

Reconsider, if you live at homeswith parents(mom cooks food and cleans for you, dad there to support you, all you do is study,then you don't totally need a wife).

Major problem with med school in USA is no social life. there are not generally in an avg american medical school, many muslim students, so that means when exams are over- everybody is going to parties and clubs and bars astaghfirullaahil adheem.

my advise to sisters, get married in undergrad, establish that the husband is okay with medical school and knows the schedule and then go to medical school married. You would be already settled in the routine.

Bros. doesnt matter when you marry(although before undergrad and settling into the routine might help) as wife is going to be supportive regardless(in shaa Allaah) women will do the cooking, cleaning and maybe make extra cash to support husband.