PDA

View Full Version : What did you learn from LOVE NOTES?


tameem-adarami
04-09-2007, 05:26 PM
I learned that Men and Women have much to learn about each other. Each one teach one and respect to be respected. Agree to disagree and stuff like that. And uh stop typing when me wife is talking to me for 5 minutes and listen to her cry...I mean talk.

Hala
04-09-2007, 05:36 PM
I learned that shaykh Yaser is fluent in a language called men.
He is also fluent in the language of women. What I mean by that is, each time he would read off the lists the sisters made, he would 'translate it.'
Example:
Shaykh Yaser: "Group 2 in the most loveable traits activity says "Defend me" What the sisters are trying to say here is defend me against in laws/mother in law etc. When people come in between, be on her side. They didn't write that, but, basically, this is what she is saying.

I loved it.
The group next to mentioned how he kept hitting it right on the ball, as if he was reading our minds.

I don't know if anyone else caught on to that, but I was amazed!

Alhamdulilaah, this was extremely beneficial. Especially when he would decode what the brothers were saying for clueless ppl like myself. I'd think 'wow, really?'

Can someone post the activity answers if they're typed up already? Both activities and the answers the brothers and sisters gave..

tameem-adarami
04-09-2007, 05:49 PM
That's a GOOD idea sister.

Kaltham
04-09-2007, 07:21 PM
The shaykh was reading them a bit fast but i managed to type the majority walhamdulilah, i can post it insha Allah...

Fii Amaani'Laah

Hala
04-09-2007, 07:26 PM
Kaha already did, but can you post the other activity.

This one has been posted http://forums.almaghrib.org/showthread.php?t=20257

Abu Hurayrah
04-09-2007, 07:42 PM
I have to agree with Hala's point. The "translations" he performed were really helpful for the brothers - well, at least for me.

I think I benefitted the most from the psychology issues - the Men/Mars and Women/Venus kinds of topics. Knowing, for example, that when a woman is talking (i.e., for talking, not business), that, in itself, is what her goal is - conversation. I just explained that to my mother, father, and brother tonight at dinner. I will try it out on my mom, since she's the only one available to be my guinea pig. I can only imagine how she's going to interpret the different things I start doing around her, where it makes sense. She'll have to do...for now...

Kaltham
04-09-2007, 07:47 PM
Brothers Love

1. obedience

2. show care and good news and delay bad news after long work day.

3. surprise gifts

4. respectful

5. welcoming to guests

6. sexual acts

7. teaching children

8. playfulness

9. weight and figure

10. surprise with gifts

11. cook good food

12. impress her husband, dressing and smelling

13. obeying with kindness

14. aggressive sexual behavior

15. intellectual companionship and discussions

16. sexy

17. maintain household

18. allow second wife

19. take care of my parents

20. making dua for me

21. showing intimate interest physically and emotionally. (men expect a reward of physical)

22. valuing his opinion

23. beautify herself

24. reminding in deen

25. cares about his satisfaction

26. hustle to bed when called

27. loo

28. absolute obedience

29. message feet with lotion

30. you already know with a big smile

31. giving amessage

32. cooking for me

33. taking care of the kids

34. taking care of house responsibilities



Sisters Love

1. listening.

2. speaking gently, donít yell and use your power

3. spending quality time

4. words of encouragement

5. playfulness

6. shows affection

7. surprises with gifts and unexpected actions

8. cooks for me

9.

10. consult with me and respect my opinion

11. mercy

12. respect

13. honesty

14. praying

15. patience

16. listening

17. more expressive and thoughtful

18. being more responsible

19. caring enough to urge wife to become more religious. (both men and women expect each other to remind and help one another)

20. being romantic and intimate

21. kind words

22. understanding and forgiving

23. playfulness

24. gifts

25. verbal expression of love

26. volunteering to help

27. showing appreciation

28. physical contact

29. surprise kindness

30. talking. More conversation. (men get to the point, woman likes to express herself. Wants to mention everything in detail, guys just wanna get to the point)

31. intimacy

32. being playful

33. surprise housework

34. giving compliments, beautiful and I love you

35. playful

36. prepare his breakfast

37. pray together qiyam

38. spend time away from family

39. compliment her regularly. (men donít usually see the details which she really want him to say something about, henna)

40. value her opinion and respecting her

41. spending quality time alone talking

42. message without feeling like it should lead to more

43. letting her know he appreciates her

44. sit and talk

45. flirting with and showing affection in public and private

46. learn what is sexual pleasing

47. good and frequent sex

48. foreplay start at breakfast



Brothers Hate

1. infidelity

2. gossiping

3. unappreciative

4. argumentative

5. laziness

6. babyís momma drama

7. talking back: argumentative

8. wasting money

9. gossiping

10. sleeping early

11. disobedience

12. disrespect to parents

13. not dressing well

14. lack of deen for the family

15. asking for too much money

16. wining about unnecessary things

17. talking back too much

18. complaining about my mother

19. talking about other men. Comparing.

20. no backbiting

21. disrespecting family especially mother

22. not maintaining herself

23. lazy with deen

24. neglecting mother responsibility

25. bringing up past arguments

26. nagging

27. raising voice

28. comparing to parents

29. unappreciative

30. allowing suspicion to interfere with relationship

31. too controlling

32. not showing love to family

33. not forgiving past mistakes

34. arguments

35. using bedroom pleasure to get what they want

36. arguing

37. to be the boss in the head

38. putting me and the spot between her and mom

39. shopping excessively

40. ignoring the husband

41. nagging

42. lack of modesty

43. not expressing herself

44. rudeness

45. listening to friends

46. not caring for children

47. disrespectful to the parents



Sisters Hate

1. rude and bossy

2. neglecting

3. unappreciative

4. not showing love

5. not standing up for us. (she wants her to side with her against the family)

6. not being generous or giving

7. secret wife

8. comparing wives

9. abuse of any kind

10. threatening to take a second wife

11. threatening to divorce her

12. to cheat on her

13. disrespectful

14. belittling her

15. ordering around the house when he can do it himself.. (Men know they can do it themselves, but they love your touch to it, men should ask in a nice way, say honey please and sheíll even get you water with lemon)

16. does not spend time with children

17. not helping in the house or clean after himself specifically after shaving

18. control

19. belittle their feelings

20. donít listen

21. comparing to other women

22. lack of appreciation

23. dishonesty

24. hygiene

25. being left alone

26. wandering eyes

27. hurtful words

28. not listening

29. abusive

30. addictive

31. needy

32. dominating and abusing his power

33. dishonesty

34. selfish

35. abusive

36. not fearing Allah

37. smoking

38. telling people what happens in the house

39. lies

40. ignoring opinion

41. unfaithful

42. criticizing my role as a wife

43. too much jealousy

Kaltham
04-10-2007, 12:03 AM
I was talking to a cousin of mine about the stuff covered in the class and then she said to me that we are being set up for failure. I was thinking that you only set yourself up for failure if you do not seek to understand what it is that you are getting yourself into and if you really expect to fail, you will just lead your marriage to it...

Fii Amaan'Laah

craving-jannah
04-10-2007, 01:50 AM
I was talking to a cousin of mine about the stuff covered in the class and then she said to me that we are being set up for failure. I was thinking that you only set yourself up for failure if you do not seek to understand what it is that you are getting yourself into and if you really expect to fail, you will just lead your marriage to it...

Fii Amaan'Laah
That is so true.
And these are some of the excuses people use not to seek proper knowledge. Like they say, ignorance is bliss.

eternalmuslimah
04-10-2007, 08:47 PM
i learned quite a few things alhamdulillah

but i mean i guess some of my beliefs were more conservative than the shaykh but subhaanAllah now i better understand many issues

i mean because of where i was raised etc. i felt that i was not open about many things but now i know better

Kaltham
04-11-2007, 02:50 AM
i learned quite a few things alhamdulillah

but i mean i guess some of my beliefs were more conservative than the shaykh but subhaanAllah now i better understand many issues

i mean because of where i was raised etc. i felt that i was not open about many things but now i know better
I know exactly what you mean.. That's why this class is a blessing from Allah Subhannahu wa Ta'ala sis. We all have our opinions and desires, sometimes we are either too extreme or too liberal.. Islam is perfect because it is always in the middle way.

What is also amazing is the fact that there is a Hadeeth or Ayah that regulates all the aspects that the brothers and sisters listed in terms of what they love and what they hate from their spouse. For example, the brothers were consistent in wanting their wives to be obedient and their interest in satisfying their physical human nature. We learn from the Sunnah that these are the rights of men upon women. The sistes consistently asked for listening to her and helping her in her house duties. We learn from the life of Rasool Allah that he gave his wives the attention they needed and he also helped them in the house.

Subhanna Allah, Muhammadun Rasool Allah means he is the only one worthy of followship and look at the guidance that is brought to us through him.

Fii Amaani'Laah

eternalmuslimah
04-11-2007, 12:44 PM
I know exactly what you mean.. That's why this class is a blessing from Allah Subhannahu wa Ta'ala sis. We all have our opinions and desires, sometimes we are either too extreme or too liberal.. Islam is perfect because it is always in the middle way.

What is also amazing is the fact that there is a Hadeeth or Ayah that regulates all the aspects that the brothers and sisters listed in terms of what they love and what they hate from their spouse. For example, the brothers were consistent in wanting their wives to be obedient and their interest in satisfying their physical human nature. We learn from the Sunnah that these are the rights of men upon women. The sistes consistently asked for listening to her and helping her in her house duties. We learn from the life of Rasool Allah that he gave his wives the attention they needed and he also helped them in the house.

Subhanna Allah, Muhammadun Rasool Allah means he is the only one worthy of followship and look at the guidance that is brought to us through him.

Fii Amaani'Laah
:D

yeah i do believe i was a lil extreme about some things but alhamdulillah for this class!