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Hala
04-11-2007, 09:53 AM
Here are the answers from the in class assigment shaykh Yaser read aloud.

Reasons brothers delay marriage:




financial obligation
different cultures
seeking knowledge
looking for the right woman
not sure how to go about it.
too many requirements for the marriage resume
no system for finding a partner
fear of responsibility
desire for personal accomplishments (afraid of being controlled)
lack of mental residence. (afraid)
lack of righteous sisters
parents (desi parents)
too young
sisters be tripping. i.e. Imitate the west too much and immodest
she hasnít proposed yet.
negativity towards marriage.
maturity, mental stability and attachment to Dunya.
the girls parents
the mahr is too high
society pressure, parents saying wait, why hury and rush
waiting for the right woman
first wife obstacle for second wife
afraid of losing bachelor degree
age
lack of physical attraction
high degrees

Reasons sisters delay marriage


1. parents
2. education
3. lack of choices
4. finances
5. society pressure, high expectation
6. education
7.self-esteem
8.soul mate
9. waiting for a proposal from someone specific
10. Financial readiness of the spouse
11. cultural
12. religious husband
13. expectations of men are too high
14. want to be in love and attracted first
15. girls want to be educated
16. lack of responsible, religious guy
17. men donít want take the leadership role in the relationship
18. lack of Islamic values to meet the man
19. fear of the new life. (donít fear the unexpected, be prepared for it)
20. right brother not available
21. too young
22. fear of social acceptance
23. no love
24. not wanting to have bad marriage like their parents
25. fear of second wife
26. not ready to finding your self and maturity
27. no options, all the good ones are taken
28. difficulty in finding of someone trustworthy
29. dating, feeling if the boyfriend is available no need for husband
30. waiting to perfect oneself.

Niqaabis
04-11-2007, 03:47 PM
Here are the answers from the in class assigment shaykh Yaser read aloud.

Reasons brothers delay marriage:

22. first wife obstacle for second wife

.

Reasons sisters delay marriage


25. fear of second wife
Maa shaa Allaah..

Bint Ahmad
04-11-2007, 06:01 PM
Reasons brothers delay marriage:
22. first wife obstacle for second wife


Reasons sisters delay marriage


25. fear of second wife
Before hearing this brought up over and over again in the Al Maghrib community (seminars & forums), I had no idea that it was THAT big of an "issue". How many brothers out there, from the generation of say 16 - 34 year olds, are actually, seriously, considering or planning on marrying a second wife? I know brothers LOVE talking about it, but I'm reeeeeally curious, since it is brought up so often, just how inclined are brothers to actually marrying a second woman. Common, fess up.

If there's already a thread answering this question, please point me to it. If not, I will set up a private poll (i.e. one that does not disclose the identity of the participants) to get a better idea on this issue.

tameem-adarami
04-11-2007, 06:18 PM
Many people are not really delaying marraige.

Though, they think their spouse will just fall from the sky---all nice and shiny.

Just like some folks work hard to get that new job, car, house, playstation or whatever else.

You have to work hard also for.......you know the rest.

eternalmuslimah
04-11-2007, 06:28 PM
subhaanAllah...that's pretty true

Abu Hurayrah
04-11-2007, 09:13 PM
Maa shaa Allaah..I don't think you attended this class with us, sister, but I'm almost sure the brother's point was said in jest, while the sister's point was said in sincerity. I don't know if you posted knowing that or not.

Niqaabis
04-12-2007, 12:22 PM
I don't think you attended this class with us, sister, but I'm almost sure the brother's point was said in jest, while the sister's point was said in sincerity. I don't know if you posted knowing that or not.no no

I found it funny too, and I know it was said it jest but I didnt want to laugh because the forum is a mixed forum and laughing on mixed forum is something I try to refrain from

sorry if my comment came across in a bad way

Abu Sunnah
04-12-2007, 12:57 PM
I know brothers LOVE talking about it, but I'm reeeeeally curious, since it is brought up so often, just how inclined are brothers to actually marrying a second woman. Common, fess up.
If a brother isn't married and says he does, he'll have a tough time finding a wife (atleast from the AlMaghrib community). If a brother is married and says that he does, the police will have a tough time finding his corpse...it's a lose-lose situation :D

eternalmuslimah
04-12-2007, 01:55 PM
If a brother isn't married and says he does, he'll have a tough time finding a wife (atleast from the AlMaghrib community). If a brother is married and says that he does, the police will have a tough time finding his corpse...it's a lose-lose situation :D
subhaanAllah

Al-Amanah
04-12-2007, 04:23 PM
Reasons sisters delay marriage

25. fear of second wife
27. no options, all the good ones are taken
If all the good ones are taken...then the only option is to share that "good one"...but then that means you have to allow for that 2nd wife (that is if you are not her) :P

seriously, I think most guys only want one. The rest are more of a dreamÖitís already hard enough having to deal with one :)Öthatís why we have to find Mrs. right.

Sabiqoon
04-12-2007, 04:46 PM
no no

I found it funny too, and I know it was said it jest but I didnt want to laugh because the forum is a mixed forum and laughing on mixed forum is something I try to refrain from

sorry if my comment came across in a bad way



laughing on a mixed forum? can someone actually hear you laugh or just saying "lol?" is that what you mean?

neat.

Niqaabis
04-12-2007, 04:58 PM
no they cant

but I prefer not to

I try to behave, how I would offline with brothers, the same online (if that makes sense)

Abu Hurayrah
04-12-2007, 07:46 PM
no they cant

but I prefer not to

I try to behave, how I would offline with brothers, the same online (if that makes sense)May Allaah increase you in what Pleases Him.

Mubarak
04-12-2007, 07:52 PM
seriously, I think most guys only want one
Thats so true. Just one for me and thats more than enough. Can you imagine trying to deal with two different personalities? Subhan'Allah may Allah make us among those that understand http://forums.almaghrib.org/images/icons/icon7.gif

Abu Hurayrah
04-12-2007, 07:55 PM
Thats so true. Just one for me and thats more than enough. Can you imagine trying to deal with two different personalities? Subhan'Allah may Allah make us among those that understand http://forums.almaghrib.org/images/icons/icon7.gifDid you type this under duress akhee? Was your wife over your shoulder? Is there something you want to be sharing with us, but can't? Blink twice if you're in trouble, and need rescue...

Mubarak
04-12-2007, 07:59 PM
Blink twice if you're in trouble, and need rescue...
*Blink, blink, blink, blink but than I just realized that the brother cant see me*

Duress? Why No, of course not *looking over my shoulders* why would you think so? http://forums.almaghrib.org/images/icons/icon10.gif

UmmSakinah
04-12-2007, 08:10 PM
Reasons brothers delay marriage




too many requirements for the marriage resume
the mahr is too high

Reasons sisters delay marriage



2. education
5. society pressure, high expectation
15. girls want to be educated
21. too young
Brothers: what pressure!

Sisters: all these are actually not obstacles.

too young: the better to have babies with..

education, girls want to be educated: doesn't mean you can't marry while still going to college. The husband has to understand though. In fact, look at it this way, instead of doing everything by yourself, you would come home everyday to a lifelong partner inshaallah. You have this peace and serenity to come home to. Sure, your social life won't be as wild as it will be if you are single (hanging out with the girls a lot), but it gives you more time to do ibadah with your soul mate, you have mahram all the time.


Of course, I did say this to a couple of people before but bottom line I guess is, you'll never believe it until you experience it yourself.


society pressure, high expectation: I spent 5/6 years worrrying about what people are saying about me staying home to take care of my kids after attaining a degree, and when I hit my late twenties only did I find myself. Tongues wag all the time. Our lives are our lives, who cares what society wants if it's not in line with what Islam wants.

This coming from someone who went through college being married, having two babies in her junior and senior years and staying home after she graduated.

Trust me, those are not obstacles provided the husband is cool, willing to take turns cooking, change diapers, give babies their baths, pamper you like crazy, push you to study when you least want to, drop you off and pick you up from class when you're 9 months pregnant, not too fussy about food, and practically not be a male chauvinist.

Rahma
04-12-2007, 09:05 PM
Reasons brothers delay marriage:

*sisters be tripping.


I remember this comment had sisters laughing and murmuring back..."brothers be trippin"

eternalmuslimah
04-12-2007, 09:32 PM
yeah subhaanAllah sister UmmSakinah...that was very inspiring/motivational

*sigh*

eternalmuslimah
04-12-2007, 09:54 PM
thinking about getting married early is easier said than done though...which i believe is a common problem in society

Rahma
04-12-2007, 10:23 PM
UmmSakinah...I've heard that one before. I still smile, laugh, and gasp at hearing it.:D

Abu Hurayrah
04-12-2007, 11:02 PM
I just spoke to my parents and expressed my extreme gratitude for how they've made it easy, throughout my life, to talk to them about issues, alhamdulillaah. I realized how much of a blessing that is, after seeing the discussions in this thread, especially from the sisters.

I ask Allaah to give the same to everyone else that perceives difficulties on this from their parents. If I was already married and/or older, I'd offer to talk to your parents directly on this issues, and break the ice on the issues for you. Maybe there's still hope, in shaa Allaah...

Abu Hurayrah
04-12-2007, 11:04 PM
I wanted to say something about Aal Hamzah (Fevzy & UmmSakinah). First, say maa shaa Allaah. Allaah has blessed them in ways I hope for my own family, and more, in shaa Allaah. I ask Allaah to continue His blessings on them and protect them from all forms of evil and trials, in this dunyah and the aakhirah.

Having said that, they have made tremendous sacrifices and have chosen to conduct their lives in, maa shaa Allaah, as much an Islamic fashion as possible. The reason they are so happy together, maa shaa Allaah, is because of these sacrifices they've made seeking the Pleasure of their Rabb. If this is what you desire, then I advise you all to act accordingly, starting with yourselves, and then in your criteria for your prospective spouses. Let Islam be the factor, and you will have the same, in shaa Allaah.

craving-jannah
04-12-2007, 11:10 PM
I wanted to say something about Aal Hamzah (Fevzy & UmmSakinah). First, say maa shaa Allaah. Allaah has blessed them in ways I hope for my own family, and more, in shaa Allaah. I ask Allaah to continue His blessings on them and protect them from all forms of evil and trials, in this dunyah and the aakhirah.

Ameen.

fsharifa
04-12-2007, 11:27 PM
Why do we see marriage as something so scary..we can point fingers but at who? bassically the situation from what everyone is saying is a lose lose...wild idea...we are muslims lets live as it is perscribed for us.

UmmSakinah
04-13-2007, 08:14 AM
thinking about getting married early is easier said than done though...which i believe is a common problem in societyThat is true. Been there done that :D

But let me put it this way:

It's the same thing with any other 'goals'.

Med school: thinking about it is easier than actually doing it
Attaining any degree: thinking about it is easier than actually doing it
....

I understand though, that early marriage is probably not for everyone (what a sister actually told me and made me realize), and that is is probably more complicated because it involves another person as opposed to attaining a personal goal.

Nevertheless, if the thinking of not wanting to get married early when you already have someone in mind is all the troubles and complications that may come with it, remember that life is life no matter what. It will always be a struggle. In other words, either one struggles coping with marriage, or one struggles coping with raising children, or one struggles coping with a full time job..bottom line: life is a struggle no matter what. It's scary to step into a world of marriage I guess, for most people, maybe because we have seen too much marital discords in the world, (trust me, also been there done that :)) but in a way, that is also a motivation for us to make something better of our lives inshaallah and avoid those problems biizinillah.

May Allah make it easy. Ameen.


Ameen to the duas. Jazakum Allah khair. I was a little worried last night after my post.

Mubarak
04-13-2007, 08:21 AM
remember that life is life no matter what..... It will always be a struggle
Some words to reflect upon

eternalmuslimah
04-13-2007, 12:21 PM
yeah...i've always believed that if everything was so easy...the end outcome wouldn't be as sweet...

i.e. in this society, no matter what one says we have to struggle to keep ourselves in check all the time...and insha'Allah for that we'll get jannah-al-firdous

so it's all worth it in the end!

Muslimah786
03-29-2008, 06:53 AM
I personally feel that some of the root cause of problems regarding marriage arise from lack of communication between brothers/sisters and their parents (esp. desi parents).

HubAakhirah
03-29-2008, 10:07 AM
subhanAllah i heart your signature/word skills, muslimah786 : )

Al-Hayaa
03-30-2008, 02:46 AM
Maashallah, had a good time reading all your comments....n i soo second HubAkhirah! I LOVE UR SIGNATURE MUSLIMAH, ver talented maashallah! I have mixed ideas bout delaying marriage n that....but all i can say is 'brother be trippin' -lol, jus jokes though-no offence meant k.

oh that reminds me of a question i would want u to contribute to inshallah...is it ok to think of marriage in akhirah rather than this dunya? like, some ppl have said that they are not hasty to get married n afterall, in jannah u can whateva you like so if you think of a husband/wife you will get it? 3afis if it confused you but i hav come across some of these situations b4 and am not sure if its ok to hav this mind frame of waiting for husband/wife in jannah inshallah!

Wallahu a3lam

fee amanilah

zuhair.shaath
04-15-2008, 07:59 AM
sisters be tripping. i.e. Imitate the west too much and immodest
she hasnít proposed yet.
first wife obstacle for second wife
afraid of losing bachelor degree
high degrees
Lol, it seems these brothers are gonna be single for a loooong time if these are the "obstacles".

Brothers lol come on, if you don't run the hurdle, you can't win the gold medal ;)

Mubarak
04-17-2008, 02:29 AM
sister(s) be tripping...
WOW! SubhanAllah. Thats exactly the words my homie said....

But you know, five weeks later, he was getting married.

So I think he was the one who was trippin http://forums.almaghrib.org/images/icons/icon7.gif