Raising Kids

[asyed]

Jazak Allahu Khairan

This was definitly a good read and I pray to Allah that parents are able to put it practice.

[Abu Hurayrah]

I can't help but share this khutbah by Muhammad Alshareef. Ever since I read it, I've been really tuned into the "you reap what you sow" concept for kids.

http://forums.almaghrib.org/showthread.php?p=105425

I hope others benefit from it like I have.

[eternalmuslimah]

jazaakAllah

[abuyahya]

Salam calikum wa rahamullahi wa baraktu. Subahanallah this topic needs to be brought to the parents because so many of them really dont even know how to raise their children. The mother is home all day in most cases and while shes cooking she turns the tv on for the kid, than when he gets bored of that she turns the computer on, Honestly i know some kids who are in front of the tv for at least 8 hours a day, its like their full time job. I feel so bad because if the kid is at that age (2-8) and he grows up like that he will expect life to be what he watches on T.V. And truly speaking ALOT of the problems we have in our muslim communities is because of how the parents are raising their kids. Can you beleive that some kids actually watch music videos right in front of their parents, subahanallah these music videos have naked woman dancing in them and the parents are allowing their kids to watch them. Later on when that kid goes and has a bf or gf or even worse commits zina the parents are going to act as if they are shocked but why should they when the kids already watching the junk. I'm sorry but i really have alot to say about how these parents are raising their kids now adays. My cousin wanted to go to a birthday party and i told him he cant because its haram, and hes like why its just cake and drinks, while another one asked me why she cant go to halloween and stuff like that, after explaining to them they understand but my question is they are 13teen why havent the parents explained anything to them or why arent they asking their parents. I cant beleive the muslim parents allow the children to look up to rappers/ tv stars and all that other nonsense, like why would you look up to people who lead such a disgusting lifestyle which involves zina, drinking alcohol and all sorts of major sins and they dont even beleive in your lord or your prophet, while you could be looking up to and wanting to be like the GREATEST PEOPLE ON EARTH (THE SAHABA). I know alot of us came from muslim countries where they whole community would raise the child and they would be in an islamic enivronment but that is no excuse for allowing the children to be at school for 6 hours being taught by non-muslims and than coming home and being taught by the television set. Parents are slacking in their responsibilty and when the realize what their are kids fall into they act shocked and say " how did he/she go wrong". Although all the signs where there and the parent should be blamed just as much as the child. Sorry for going off like this but seeing this all around me...had to let some steam go off

[blue_blossom]

parents have alot of responsibility...the question is how many muslim parents are really practicing the religion how it is ought to be practiced..not very many...

when they act shocked..or dumbfounded i don't want to sound harsh but i don't buy it...

for examples alot of muslim communities..don't mind their sons having intimate relationships outside marriage but the minute their daughter does it its a BIG NO NO...and all this talk comes about shipping dere daughter back home..or getting her married off...

...but u have to ask yourselves ...are parents concerned for their kids because of the sins they are committing and the punishments they are going to get from allah if they continue on that road..?

or simply are the parents embarrassed because of how other people might view their child..and the shame the child is going to bring to the family name?

acudubillah...it seems now a days people are more fearful their community then Allah (SWT). I honestly believe had their main focus been on leading a halal lifestyle for their children they wouldn't have allowed their children to view such filth on television..or allow them to listen to music..

they would try their best to make their child fall inlove with the religion...if everything we do is for the sake of ALLAH...den Allah (swt) will help us, guide us...and inshallah much more...i know some parents who force the hijaab on their daughters..but never tell them to pray..they just tell them to cover up so the community thinks their daughters are good girls...dey don't take their children to quraan classes, don't explain the meaning of the quraan to their children, don't teach their children to pray..but OH NO..da minute their child does something that is NOT acceptable culturally..like drinking, and zina and getting tatoos, or peircing their naval...THE parents THROW a big fit..as if they were good examples for their children to begin with..acudubillah...

its soo irritating cuz i watch older adults walk amongst my community..and i just think we've all become hypocrites...

like ive seen women forcing their lil daughters to wear hijaab..when they themselves don't wear it..acudubillah....Like come on..

and don't get me started on the fathers...who don't even pray..but ask themselves why their son became a drug dealer...???

or the fathers who think chewing khat is ok..but OH the minute their children start experimenting with weed..its a big issue...

the advice i have for parents is..to FIx themselves before they fix their children..and den to do everything they do for the sake of Allah (swt)...and try to live their lives in the most halal way..possible..

there are some kids who might become corrupted by their parents..or a lack of guidance..

there are some kids who are guided because they were guided by Allah (swt) but their parent's didn't take a back seat..they tried their best to teach their children about our beautiful religion...

then there are amazingly good, hardworking parents...who truly worked their hardest on their child..but their child just goes astray...

and den there are children who come from homes that are not practicing, or even a household of athiests or people who don't pray, don't fast...and they turn out to be the best of us when it comes to eman...

remember Allah (swt) guides whom he wills..it is not us who can guide who ever we want

...parents your job is to be the best example possible..atleast acudubillah i don't wanna wish this on anyone..but if a child of ours goes astray..we won't beat ourselves with WHAT IF I was a better parent?..or blame ourselves..and during the day of judgement that child won't point to you..and say IT's their fault they never taught me how to pray...

[ummeayesha]

AssalamoAlaikum,
I know most of us have seen parents who don't raise their kids in Islamic manners. But it's not always their fault. Being a parent of 6 year old daughter and 4 year old son, I am always looking for good sources to learn to raise my kids a good muslim. I wasn't raised in an Islamic environment so I didn't have any good role models to follow. Sure Alhamdulillah my parents raised me to be a good person but most of their values were based on culture and not so much on religion. I know kids don't come with training manual but we need to have some classes or some sort of awareness on how to raise children in this society. As adults we face so many new challenges so imagine what kids are going through in their schools, colleges etc.
Alhamdulillah my kids do not watch any TV. Alhamdulillah they attend islamic school but they still come home with stories of Spiderman and Dora or some pony stuff. So even though they don't watch these shows they are still exposed to it in Islamic schools through their classmates. And they are only in Pre-K and 1st grade so I can't imagine what outside influence they will have when they are in upper grades.
I believe there is a great need of education regarding marriage, parenting, etc.
JAK

[comparativereligion]

assalamu alaikum wr wb

Many kids these days are being raised the wrong way. I have a cousin who's 14, and his parents are always grumbling about how their son is disobedient, disrespectful..basically a description of a spoilt kid. What they didn't and can't understand yet, is that you get back what you invest.
Ever since I can remember, this particular uncle and aunt never supervised their kids while they watched TV. To make things worse, they would rent movies every weekend without any censoring. What can you expect from a kid who grew up watching filthy language/songs etc? Plus this guy didn't have great friends either!
A child's company has a great effect on him. And hence it's up to the parents to make sure their kids are in the company of good people and protect them from negative influences.
Allah describes the condition of a person who had evil companions in this world:

" The day when the wrongdoer will bite his hands saying, ' I only I had followed the path of the Messenger. Woe to me! If only I had never taken such and such for a friend. He led me astray from the remembrance of Allah after it came to me.' And the Satan is ever a deserter to man in the hour of need" (25:27-29)

It is the first duty of parents towards their kids to guard their belief. The Prophet (saws) said:
"Every infant is naturally born a Muslim, but it is his parents who turn him into a Jew, a Christian, or an idolater."

It's true that Muslim parents don't turn their children into Jews/Christians/Idolaters. But, they neglect them without giving a sound Islamic education until some non-Islamic influences lead them astray. Parents in this case shall be held accountable for their negligence in upbringing.

Following are a few guidelines for raising children;

1) The Prophet (saws) used to address children in an amicable manner.

2) Direct children to obey Allah which guarantees happiness in this world and the world to come.

3) Allah relieves the believer's difficulties when he delivers His rights and the rights of people at times of ease, health or affluence.

4) Inculcating the belief of Tawheed in the minds of children by teaching them to turn to Allah alone for all their needs.
This is the duty of the parents and the educators.

5) Teaching the child to be optimistic in order to face the life's realities with courage and confidence, and to become community minded and a believer who benefits people.

6) The Prophet (saws) taught his Ummah (nation) to endure patiently all conditions, for patience is one of the greatest means to victory.

7) The Prophet (saws) advised his Ummah that distress and difficulty are always followed by relief when it's accompanied by supplication.

8) Instill the love of Allah and the belief in His oneness, for He alone is the creator and sustainer.

9) Warn the children against coarse language, swearing, and immoral behavior for all these lead to destruction. Parents should guard their language to set a good example to follow.

10) Teach the children to fast and pray from a young age to get them used to it.
The Prophet (saws) said ' Teach your children how to pray when they reach the age of seven, and punish them (lightly) for neglecting it when they reach the age of ten, and separate them in beds.

11) Prevent children from reading indecent magazines or other publications. Monitor them watching movies, films, or TV shows that have negative influence on their character and future.

12) Train children to tell the truth.

13) Avoid supplicating against your own kids. The best to say a child is "May Allah guide you" or "may Allah set your affairs straight".

14. Encourage girls to wear the hijab from a young age, so they get used to it.

There are more points, but I tried my best to sum them up.
Hope they benefit ya'll insha'Allah.

wasalam
NO OFFENSE INTENDED! But from a christian point of view: The Bible does say: "For the way of a child is foolishness, but the rod removeth that"

I believe it is a combination of spending serious time (Quantity time , THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS QUALITY TIME) and discipline!