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Mariam Raza
06-06-2007, 08:00 PM
assalamu alaikum wa rehmatullahi wa barakatuh shaykh,

our class activity generated reasons such as 'pickiness' and 'high standards' as one of the reasons why men and women are delaying marriages.

my question is: what is the difference between looking for a compatible spouse and being "picky"? What would classify one as being picky or having high standards.

Also, someone on the forums classified looking for a religious spouse with good khuluq under being picky. Shouldn't that be a inevitable requirement for both male and female?

robin hudhud
06-07-2007, 08:26 PM
Looking for compatibility means that you trying to see if personalities are similar enough, if the person has taqwa, etc. Being "picky" means that the person is not compromising enough on certain criteria and/or is expecting too much perfection.

I agree that khuluq are requirements for both male and female. I don't understand how seeking good akhlaq is being picky. Maybe if the person expects his/her spouse to be completely knowledgeable on every aspect of akhlaq, then that is being too picky. Really, I'm not perfect, so I don't expect my spouse to be either.

hope this helps inshaAllah.

*Beautiful Patience*
06-07-2007, 10:47 PM
Asalamu Alakum...

I think if you represent all the qualities that you personally look for then inshallah you will get what your looking for...
- Picky, i belive is going for something that is desired, after all other terms are met.

-compatible i belive, is just looking for qood qualities that one must have in order for a good relationship to exsist between the two spouses. This can mean, religious level, Knowledge and having good conversation flow ( being pleased with eachothers apperance is not a must but reasonably recommended since you will be living with this person and also should be satisfied in every sense of the marriage)

Just some of my thoughts...
Allahu Alam

Put your trust in Allah.... follow the sunnah and check to see that you resemble what you ask for in others *good qualities*