View Full Version : Re-marriage rates of women who are divorced.
06-26-2007, 06:36 PM
What do you guys think(have come across/heard of) remarriage rates(and possibly successful) of divorced women in USA(muslim women).
My real question is what are the chances of a muslimah in America of getting married again after divorce?
What factors are involved in this? And the rate at which re-marriage occurs?
Beauty of the lady.
Wealth of the lady/ her family's wealth.
Outward religiousness( I am saying outward here because that is the factor we can see or assess).
Educational background, etc?
My second question is, do you think it is true that it is harder for female power career women to get married/remarried if they are in a career such as Medicine or Law(those two I can think of that are especially demanding, there is flexibility with Engineering and Education from what I know, please correct me if I am wrong)?
Thanks for participating in my poll. I will really really appreciate it.
In fact, I might turn this questioniarre into a social science research.
Based on the response on this forum, I might modify the questions into multiple choice format and then you guys can send it to your friends/relatives via email.
This is polled only for muslim audiences for now as it is specifically pertaining to muslimaaat.
06-26-2007, 10:38 PM
Assalamu Alaikom, I think that a divorced woman has a pretty good chance of getting remarried if she is pretty and she doesn't have any kids. Other than that, it is hard. But, if she is blessed enough to find a religious man who is looking for a wife, then he will take her deen into consideration before anything else alhamdulilah. I had a four year old daughter when I got married 2 years ago. She's 6 now, and she's very attached to my husband. I definitely think it's more an issue of whether or not she has kids, rather than if she's divorced. Just my thoughts. Teena
06-26-2007, 11:49 PM
This is a really interesting question and discussion, however I think you may want to rethink the format of your poll question and the choices you provide. You are asking about the rate of re-marriage and the reasons for success. This question has a quantitative and qualitative aspect to it. Instead of using the choices you provide for an answer, I would suggest you use a scale of 1- 5
In you community, what would you say is the likelihood of re-marriage for a divorcee?
1 Re-marriage is highly likely
5 Re-marriage is highly unlikely
I think something like this would capture the quantitative portion of your responses more accurately.
Obviously you can get the qualitative portion of your responses from the forum post. I only mention this because you may possibly turn this into a research project and I work in research. When working on survey design, refining questions can be the hardest part of the process. My example isn’t great, but it’s just an ideal I’m throwing out there, do what you will with it!
06-27-2007, 10:51 AM
AsSalamu Alaykum Sisters:
Also, How many children a sister has would be a factor as well as her age.
07-03-2007, 05:12 PM
As salaam 'alaikum
I cant speak for the US but here in the UK its very difficult for divorced sisters to re-marry, regardless if they have kids or not.
I know of divorced brothers who wont even consider sisters who have been divorced, yet they have been divorced themselves
It's really saddening, subhaan Allaah
May Allaah help our sisters aameen
07-26-2007, 10:11 AM
Factors that would make it difficult to get remarried:
Who asked for the divorce and why?
It takes two to tango, but if it is known that the sister was a source of fitna, and the brother couldn’t deal with her, unless she’s extremely beautiful, a great cook, or has some other quality that a man may find desirable, she may not be looked at as a good catch.
Her appearance, just being honest, men look at how a woman takes care of herself, especially if she has children. If she loses her baby weight, then he knows he will not have to worry about her losing weight if they have kids together. On the other side, some men like curvier women, and some men are not that concerned about a woman’s appearance at all.
If she doesn’t want more kids
He may want some kids.
Unavailability of brother with similar goals/values
If the sister is into her career, then she would not be a good match for a brother who wants a housewife and children and vice versa if a brother wanted to find a wife so they could be a 'power couple'.
As far as getting remarried, I see sisters getting remarried all of the time with and without kids, I think that maybe it is a cultural thing, but I know a sister who had kids who married a brother who was an immigrant, so maybe in certain cultures it is taboo for divorced sisters to marry. There are also sisters who do not want to be remarried for different reasons (that is another post altogether).
For me, having kids is a way to draw a brother of substance, and all of the players will know not to bother. In addition, I have to be more selective (not always a bad thing) because I have children. This is how my wali explained it to me: a mature brother (not necessarily in age) will appreciate that a sister who is on her deen (outwardly), taking care of her kids, taking care of her business, will be an asset, she’s already proven that she can handle the job alone.
Case in point, I have five kids, I work, go to school, and am active in my community, I have not had a problem attracting anyone, and I am not a supermodel. My situation is not unique; there was a sister’s retreat in Maryland earlier this year and one of the sisters who attended said that there was an older sister (60+) who had just gotten divorced and was working on finding her 7th husband. Obviously we want to try to maintain lasting marriages, but mash’ Allah, this sister had no problem finding a man!
What it all comes down to is attitude, if a sister is doing what Allah has commanded, thinks well of herself, and does not have low self-esteem, she will draw positivity to herself insha’Allah. Also, people like a winner, so if her outward and inner are together, then she can attract a good brother, insha’Allah.
In the end, people have different motives for marrying and only Allah knows what attracts certain couples together, but there has to be some perceived benefit to both people.
Sorry this was so long, but I definitely have an opinion on this topic, can you tell? :)
08-19-2007, 12:37 PM
In response to the gereral idea of getting married to a devorced wife, personally I would'nt care if the sister was previouly married, as long as she is good in her deen and willing to steadily grow, and if the the sister didnt have any kids, the reason for that is because i would want to start a new life and if a kid is involved then that would disturb that.
In short Yes, i would marry a women who is devorced.
08-19-2007, 03:46 PM
Interesting topic and Im sure there are many views (from all sides) regarding remarriages of divorced women.
To be honest, I think it is hard for a woman who is divorced to get remarried and maybe some factors that make it difficult is the culture or society in which the sister resides.
I know of brothers who have thought about marrying divorced sisters and the factors they took into consideration were children and beauty. Another question that arose many of the times was "why did her marriage fail?" and Im sure there are two sides to every story but brother's who have thought about marrying such women have asked themselves that question.
Another thing I realized is with the huge amount of sisters available and interested in getting married, some brothers decide to be patient in fullfilling half their deen instead of marrying a divorced sister. Which causes me to ponder over the best society that has ever walk the surface of this earth, the society of Muhammad, the Messenger of Allah (saw). Studying the Seerah, we notice that the companions had a moto that they would not leave any woman behide or in other words, they strove hard (as a community) to make sure every sister (who was capable of marriage) got married or remarried.
The truth is, it upon us that we follow the way of the best generation in order to taste victory and success. Unfortunately with the current ratio of brothers to sisters being (somewhere like) 1(brother):5(sisters) it's kind of hard to match one sister with one brother and look towards better days since the numbers dont match and its clear that many sisters are not too fond about the multiple wives marriages so I guess we must wait for another solution. However waiting for something is not always the way to go about it since Allah wont change the state of a people until they change (or bring the effort) to change for themselves.
This is a serious problem that has become an issue in recent time and as an Ummah and a community we need to ponder over solutions to this ever-growing problem.
May Allah have mercy on you
And Allah knows best
08-19-2007, 07:42 PM
The solution lies in how we look at the situation:
Let's hold on to our marriages and hope for Allah's reward for what we do despite what displeases us.
If divorce happens and we don't find someone to remarry - being single in reality will only last a short while (the dunya will only last maximum 100 years for most).
Strive for a higher place in Jannah!
08-19-2007, 07:56 PM
...being single in reality will only last a short while (the dunya will only last maximum 100 years for most).
Strive for a higher place in Jannah!
Assalam alaikum and you have stated a good point above regarding the shortness of this life
However in reality...
the road to Junnah is a long road (not in the sense of years but trails, problems, etc) and for someone to think they can manage to embark and stay upon the right path...while they travel alone on this road, is going to be very difficult.
Yes, our mentality shouldnt limit us to just this world and Allah is indeed sufficient for us to be successful but it is better to have a companion, a committed life partner who will stand with you in times of prosperity and adversity then to embark upon a road that shaitan is waiting for you on every corner (while you stand alone to face the trails).
And Allah knows best
08-19-2007, 10:23 PM
I believe more often than not women who have been divorced come with children out of the marriage. So to say, 'yes, I can marry a divorced woman as long as she does not have children' is not really accepting the role of marrying a divorced woman. After all what is the difference between a divorced woman and a widowed woman unless the former has a problem with the very institution of marriage.
Ofcourse men must ask why was the woman divorced, it would be foolish to get into any relationship without asking such a question. Infact the number one person that should ponder on this question is the divorced person themselves, because there's gotta be a lesson to learn from THAT experience.
So, I guess I am saying as someone who is very much privy to the divorced woman lifestyle is that if one of you brothers is going to embark on such a journey try to accept the fact that there will most likely be children and at that YOUNG children involved. I say to you brothers please ask, but also try to understand. Infact if you see a divorced woman with kids and you see how she is raising her kids from previous marriage, it is truely a bonus you are getting if you see what you like. Because now you have a woman that you think would make a good wife, but you get to see into her skills of raising children and interacting with those she does not like (i.e. the x-husband).
I believe it is the same for the woman who is willing to embark into a polygamous relationship. If you see the brother treating his first wife in a manner that is not acceptable and he makes excuses for it, then you should know too, that when your turn comes he will also mistreat you and make excuses as to why he is treating you the way he treats you. Now the true challenge is to then find out if the first wife is actually accepting this polygamy thing, because if she is not on the same page as the brother then you will be braking one home to make another home!!
08-19-2007, 11:22 PM
...Now the true challenge is to find out if the first wife is actually accepting this polygamy thing...
That is top brother information and knowledge that must have been leaked out by someone. I assure you brothers (all over the world) I will get to the bottom of this http://forums.almaghrib.org/images/icons/icon6.gif
Umm Hanifa, it seems more and more sisters who are divorced have actually gotten divorced before having children (this trend is actually new), would you agree?
Some say its because of lack of patience but I would think that happens because the sister gives some time to figure the true character of her husband before deciding to have children with him and if things turn for the worse than they could go their separate ways without children being involved (waAllahu Alem)
Brothers for the most part are hesitant to marry divorced sisters with children because of the likely hood of another man always having a connection with their wife. A connection that will probably last until the day they stand before Allah and He asks them of their responsibility towards their children and Allah knows best
09-05-2007, 02:57 AM
I know this was posted way back in June, but, I am new to this forum and just read this.
Personally, my husband and I were both divorced when we were introduced. I had 2 boys, my husband had not children from his first marriage. He is 8 years older than me; originally from Moroc; first wife was non-muslim... he vowed to never marry another non-muslim woman and that was the priority for him if he was going to marry again and he was skeptical of the kids issue as he had a bad experience with his first wife. But, Allahu alem - it was just meant to be when we met the first time. In fact, the youngest son even converted last year - alhamdulillah!
So, I think it depends on the person, their age and most importantly, what Allah (SWT) has determined for you.
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