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AKA
07-08-2007, 06:13 PM
one of my best friends got engaged recently which left me feeling a bit desolate. am happy for her no doubt, but the prob is me! ive tried my best but didnt find the 'one'. my friends were like am at fault. a lil background. i grew up talking to guys when i needed to. though i dont wear the hijab, am pretty much modest. like, i dont even talk to my male cousins! so it was like only guys at work, school, not beyond to social set ups. get the picture? ok, so back to the story, this friend gave me a 'bright' suggestion. she says i should try being friends with a guy for the sake of marriage, and then decide if he would be the one. am like no that's not right and she's like it's the intention that counts. am totally befuddled, and considering. i dont want my parents mulling sleepless nights over their un -married, un-engaged (is that even a word?!) 24 year old daughter! besides, most of my peers are either married or engaged. i am feeling left out and yeah, am ready to move on to the next chapter of my life. naseeha needed! jazakallah kheir

AbdulHasib
07-08-2007, 08:32 PM
As-salaamu 'alaikum wa rahmatAllah

The best advice is that which Allah ta'la said

Fasaloo ahl adh-dhikr in kuntum la ta'lamun..

Ask the People of Knowledge if you do not Know..

This insha'aAllah if you wish is how we can help.

As Allah 'azza wa jal says in the Qur'an..
In surat Ad-Duhaa

وَأَمَّا السَّائِلَ فَلَا تَنْهَرْ

And repulse not the one who asks.

And His Messenger salAllahu 'alaihee wa sallam said Ad deen un nasiha. The RELIGION is sincere advice..

And Jareer ibn 'Abdullah radyAllahu 'anh said, "I gave the pledge of allegiance to the Messenger of Allah salAllahu 'alaihee wa sallam to establish Salah, and enjoin zakat, and to give nasiha (sincere advice) to every Muslim that I am able."

And ADVICE is only given by those who have KNOWLEDGE, if they wish GOOD for the person they are advising. Not out of whim and desires.

So i'm telling you and advising YOU dear sister based on my limited knowledge, that if you wish good.. and we wish good for you; I will ask your question to a shaykh who is visiting us from Kuwait, a student of shaykh ibn al 'Utheimeen rahimahullah and others.

If you wish I will ask him insha'aAllah and ask him in general way to give you that advice.

You can listen to it starting tomorrow at 2:15 PM Central Standard Time from his class, and listen to the class and benefit from the class, and then after will be question and answer and I will make sure to have him answer yours first

You can Click Here (http://masjidibrahim.org/) and listen to it starting tomorrow around 2:15 PM CST.
Just click on the top link where it says "Live Broadcaste" at that time, insha'aAllah..

May Allah help all of the muslims.

And my advice, if you sincerely sincerely wish good you will insha'aAllah listen tomorrow from 2:15 and take up this offer..

how many are there that are looking for a "sign" from Allah 'azza wa jal, wouldn't somebody consider THIS a sign from Allah ta'la?

Insha'aAllah in keeping us in your du'as, as in the hadith of An-Nu'man ibn Bashir radyAllahu 'anh who reported that Allah's Messenger salAllahu 'alaihee wa sallam as saying: The believers are like one person; if his head aches, the whole body aches with fever and sleeplessness.

May Allah grant you and us what is best, forgive our sins, raise our station, and bring us nearer to Him. Ameen.

WAllahu 'Alam
WAs-salaamu 'alaikum wa rahmatAllah

Teena
07-08-2007, 09:59 PM
Assalamu Alaikom, well, I don't think that you should become "friends" with a guy to get to know him because it often leads to more than that. I only knew my husband for about 6 weeks before we got married, and we only met a handful of times. If you really have a desire to be a good Muslim and follow the sunnah, then this shouldn't be a problem. I think that it's not important how long you know a person before you get married, it only matters what kinds of things you talk about. How do you want to raise your children? Where will you live? What does he expect from his wife and what do you expect from your husband? Will either of you consider polygony? These are important questions! It's better to ask them before marriage, then after it. Also, I see so many sisters that are just way too picky when looking for a husband! That's why it takes them years and years to find a husband that they eventually have to settle for (because the perfect man does not exist!). And, I'm just going to be quite honest with you, the most important thing to find in a husband is that he is a good Muslim. If he is a good Muslim then he will know how to treat his wife. But, I know so many brothers who are very religious and they are looking for a wife, but I'm pretty sure none of them would consider marrying a woman who doesn't wear hijab. Maybe you should ask yourself why you don't, and then try to fix it. If you're worried about what people will think, shouldn't you be more concerned about what Allah (SWT) thinks? I'm not trying to be offensive, I'm just saying that if you do this, you'll be more likely to attract a very pious husband insha'Allah. And, one more thing, you're not that old; I got married a few months before I turned 24, but like I said, I married the first guy who proposed that I thought I was compatible with and who was a good Muslim, and alhamdulilah, he is a wonderful husband and father. Teena

eternalmuslimah
07-08-2007, 11:47 PM
Allah 3lam...

But i don't think you should give up hayaa to get 'Mr. Right' because more chances are that he may turn out to be 'Mr. Wrong'...because though you might be talking to him with regards to marriage he may think it to be more casual...that's just one scenario...

Don't sacrifice your own personal beliefs just for that...think of this as a test from Allah...and pray to Him to make it easier for you insha'Allah

And yeah, it's better to ask a Shaykh or someone of knowledge insha'Allah

AKA
07-09-2007, 04:33 AM
As-salaamu 'alaikum wa rahmatAllah

The best advice is that which Allah ta'la said

Fasaloo ahl adh-dhikr in kuntum la ta'lamun..

Ask the People of Knowledge if you do not Know..

This insha'aAllah if you wish is how we can help.

As Allah 'azza wa jal says in the Qur'an..
In surat Ad-Duhaa



وَأَمَّا السَّائِلَ فَلَا تَنْهَرْ





And repulse not the one who asks.

And His Messenger salAllahu 'alaihee wa sallam said Ad deen un nasiha. The RELIGION is sincere advice..

And Jareer ibn 'Abdullah radyAllahu 'anh said, "I gave the pledge of allegiance to the Messenger of Allah salAllahu 'alaihee wa sallam to establish Salah, and enjoin zakat, and to give nasiha (sincere advice) to every Muslim that I am able."

And ADVICE is only given by those who have KNOWLEDGE, if they wish GOOD for the person they are advising. Not out of whim and desires.

So i'm telling you and advising YOU dear sister based on my limited knowledge, that if you wish good.. and we wish good for you; I will ask your question to a shaykh who is visiting us from Kuwait, a student of shaykh ibn al 'Utheimeen rahimahullah and others.

If you wish I will ask him insha'aAllah and ask him in general way to give you that advice.

You can listen to it starting tomorrow at 2:15 PM Central Standard Time from his class, and listen to the class and benefit from the class, and then after will be question and answer and I will make sure to have him answer yours first

You can Click Here (http://masjidibrahim.org/) and listen to it starting tomorrow around 2:15 PM CST.
Just click on the top link where it says "Live Broadcaste" at that time, insha'aAllah..

May Allah help all of the muslims.

And my advice, if you sincerely sincerely wish good you will insha'aAllah listen tomorrow from 2:15 and take up this offer..

how many are there that are looking for a "sign" from Allah 'azza wa jal, wouldn't somebody consider THIS a sign from Allah ta'la?

Insha'aAllah in keeping us in your du'as, as in the hadith of An-Nu'man ibn Bashir radyAllahu 'anh who reported that Allah's Messenger salAllahu 'alaihee wa sallam as saying: The believers are like one person; if his head aches, the whole body aches with fever and sleeplessness.

May Allah grant you and us what is best, forgive our sins, raise our station, and bring us nearer to Him. Ameen.

WAllahu 'Alam
WAs-salaamu 'alaikum wa rahmatAllah
walaykum-assalam. jazakallah khair kaseeran kaseera. that was really helpful inshAllah i will listen in.

AKA
07-09-2007, 04:40 AM
Assalamu Alaikom, well, I don't think that you should become "friends" with a guy to get to know him because it often leads to more than that. I only knew my husband for about 6 weeks before we got married, and we only met a handful of times. If you really have a desire to be a good Muslim and follow the sunnah, then this shouldn't be a problem. I think that it's not important how long you know a person before you get married, it only matters what kinds of things you talk about. How do you want to raise your children? Where will you live? What does he expect from his wife and what do you expect from your husband? Will either of you consider polygony? These are important questions! It's better to ask them before marriage, then after it. Also, I see so many sisters that are just way too picky when looking for a husband! That's why it takes them years and years to find a husband that they eventually have to settle for (because the perfect man does not exist!). And, I'm just going to be quite honest with you, the most important thing to find in a husband is that he is a good Muslim. If he is a good Muslim then he will know how to treat his wife. But, I know so many brothers who are very religious and they are looking for a wife, but I'm pretty sure none of them would consider marrying a woman who doesn't wear hijab. Maybe you should ask yourself why you don't, and then try to fix it. If you're worried about what people will think, shouldn't you be more concerned about what Allah (SWT) thinks? I'm not trying to be offensive, I'm just saying that if you do this, you'll be more likely to attract a very pious husband insha'Allah. And, one more thing, you're not that old;
I know hijabis who dress in a way I wouldn't! just cos' your right at the outside doesnt mean your right at the inside.
having said that i do have good hijabi friends and we debate a lot. i dont care what people would think, it's Allah (swt) that matters. am not very convinced about hijab being mandatory. (the headscarf) i already do the other 'hijab' that's lowering the gaze and dressing modestly. when i am ready and convinced i would wear hijab inshAllah.

I got married a few months before I turned 24, but like I said, I married the first guy who proposed that I thought I was compatible with and who was a good Muslim, and alhamdulilah, he is a wonderful husband and father. Teenayou mean my parents are crazy to be freaked out?

AKA
07-09-2007, 04:45 AM
Allah 3lam...

But i don't think you should give up hayaa to get 'Mr. Right' because more chances are that he may turn out to be 'Mr. Wrong'...because though you might be talking to him with regards to marriage he may think it to be more casual...that's just one scenario...

Don't sacrifice your own personal beliefs just for that...think of this as a test from Allah...and pray to Him to make it easier for you insha'Allah

And yeah, it's better to ask a Shaykh or someone of knowledge insha'Allahmm hmm, i thought so too, besides i dont have the guts to get really social w/ some strange guy.

hassanm
07-09-2007, 04:51 AM
one of my best friends got engaged recently which left me feeling a bit desolate. am happy for her no doubt, but the prob is me! ive tried my best but didnt find the 'one'. my friends were like am at fault. a lil background. i grew up talking to guys when i needed to. though i dont wear the hijab, am pretty much modest. like, i dont even talk to my male cousins! so it was like only guys at work, school, not beyond to social set ups. get the picture? ok, so back to the story, this friend gave me a 'bright' suggestion. she says i should try being friends with a guy for the sake of marriage, and then decide if he would be the one. am like no that's not right and she's like it's the intention that counts. am totally befuddled, and considering. i dont want my parents mulling sleepless nights over their un -married, un-engaged (is that even a word?!) 24 year old daughter! besides, most of my peers are either married or engaged. i am feeling left out and yeah, am ready to move on to the next chapter of my life. naseeha needed! jazakallah kheir

Assalam-o-Alaikum. My sincere advice (if you dislike, please disregard my post):

1. As brother Abdul Hasib said, ask the people of knowledge. They would be better equipped to help and guide you.
2. Be attached to those people, that if you see them, you would be reminded of Allah and His religion.
3. Ask your parents to find you husband who has religion and character, and make sure to them that these are not compromise-able qualities. Once they find such, you should marry with putting trust in Allah.


Wassalam.

Askia99
07-09-2007, 10:43 AM
I know how you feel, I've been trying for years. Most people say its patients, I've been trying to look for "the one", but no one seems to want to help. Is there anyone who could give me some insight? All my life I've been told that it is haram to have female friends. But how I am I supposed to find a sister to marry, If I can't get to know of any sisters. I've been told theres Sisters to marry in Columbus, but when I try to persue marriage its like I am talking antoher language. Most of the brothers I know get engaged, are married, know or have some one to look and connect them with a sister. So listing to all these muslims mentioning about marriage, and how we should help each other look, but when it put into practice nothing happens.

Salman
07-09-2007, 01:10 PM
uh...and what's wrong with the sister approaching the instructors at AlMaghrib (when you're taking a class) and asking them if they know of a good brother??? As for your family, I assume they're desis from the sound of it (nutin wrong with that), they can be introduced to the brother through proper family introductions where proper respect is given to both families. Just a suggestion...

AKA
07-09-2007, 01:11 PM
Assalam-o-Alaikum. My sincere advice (if you dislike, please disregard my post):walaykum-assalam. don't worry, am always open to naseeha:)

3. Ask your parents to find you husband who has religion and character, and make sure to them that these are not compromise-able qualities. Once they find such, you should marry with putting trust in Allah.


Wassalam.inshAllah will do that 'again'.

AKA
07-09-2007, 01:16 PM
I know how you feel, I've been trying for years. Most people say its patients, I've been trying to look for "the one", but no one seems to want to help. Is there anyone who could give me some insight? All my life I've been told that it is haram to have female friends. But how I am I supposed to find a sister to marry, If I can't get to know of any sisters. I've been told theres Sisters to marry in Columbus, but when I try to persue marriage its like I am talking antoher language. Most of the brothers I know get engaged, are married, know or have some one to look and connect them with a sister. So listing to all these muslims mentioning about marriage, and how we should help each other look, but when it put into practice nothing happens.my parents never stopped me from socializing w/ men (however the'd be really. really disappointed if i were) you can talk to the opp gender for the sake of marriage, nothin wrong in that.
on a sidenote, at your age, i would be more worried about my grades..(no offense meant)

AKA
07-09-2007, 01:18 PM
uh...and what's wrong with the sister approaching the instructors at AlMaghrib (when you're taking a class) and asking them if they know of a good brother??? As for your family, I assume they're desis from the sound of it (nutin wrong with that), they can be introduced to the brother through proper family introductions where proper respect is given to both families. Just a suggestion...am not really sure if i want an ultra religious man. dont think i am worth it..

Nida A.
07-09-2007, 02:43 PM
one of my best friends got engaged recently which left me feeling a bit desolate. am happy for her no doubt, but the prob is me! ive tried my best but didnt find the 'one'. my friends were like am at fault. a lil background. i grew up talking to guys when i needed to. though i dont wear the hijab, am pretty much modest. like, i dont even talk to my male cousins! so it was like only guys at work, school, not beyond to social set ups. get the picture? ok, so back to the story, this friend gave me a 'bright' suggestion. she says i should try being friends with a guy for the sake of marriage, and then decide if he would be the one. am like no that's not right and she's like it's the intention that counts. am totally befuddled, and considering. i dont want my parents mulling sleepless nights over their un -married, un-engaged (is that even a word?!) 24 year old daughter! besides, most of my peers are either married or engaged. i am feeling left out and yeah, am ready to move on to the next chapter of my life. naseeha needed! jazakallah kheir
I can relate to the not wearing hijab thing. And sister, believe me, there are a lot of 24 year old unmarried girls, so you're not alone. And parents will worry about their daughters regardless of age :)

Honestly, is there a Mr. Right? I think this is western mindset we get swept into. Marriage is a lot of compromise, you need to make it right. You're not going to find Mr. Perfect no matter how hard you look, a mistake many of us make by thinking he exists.

Why don't you ask your friends how they got engaged or married? As far as you thinking youre 'not worth' a religious man, you're wrong in that. It would be a blessing to marry someone who could help you become a better Muslim.

AKA
07-10-2007, 12:27 AM
i agree totally. We need to put these 2 qualities on the top.
But what if your parents think differently? What if cultural and financial factors are also considered very important (which they are .. to a certain extent)?

So, my question is.. when u do find a brother who has deen + ikhlaq, and then due to other factors (cultural differences etc) .. your parents arent comfortable.. what do u then? Do u take a stand, or just sit back, and trust Allaah for something better?hm..i would always look for a desi, not necessarily from my desi-land (as long as he grew up here). to answer your Q, I'd make lots of istikhara and du'a.

AKA
07-10-2007, 12:31 AM
I can relate to the not wearing hijab thing. And sister, believe me, there are a lot of 24 year old unmarried girls, so you're not alone. And parents will worry about their daughters regardless of age :) it only adds to the depression..


Honestly, is there a Mr. Right? I think this is western mindset we get swept into. Marriage is a lot of compromise, you need to make it right. You're not going to find Mr. Perfect no matter how hard you look, a mistake many of us make by thinking he exists.Mr.Right as in a man who's 'Right' for me and not Mr.Perfect- in- everything.

Why don't you ask your friends how they got engaged or married? As far as you thinking youre 'not worth' a religious man, you're wrong in that. It would be a blessing to marry someone who could help you become a better Muslim.two of my friends who am pretty close to got engaged the not so halal way ( one of them dated a guy for over 5 yrs). then there's the usual arranged marriage, you know, meeting a couple of times before deciding whether he's the one. that's the kind of people i grew up with. no religious man will appreciate that. and i HATE being judged (we shudnt be even judging, but that's another story) by the presence/absence of a piece of cloth on my head. no one except Allah (swt) knows our true makaam with him. No matter what anyone is doing, we can never know if their end will leave them at a higher makaam than ourselves. so its always better to assume no matter how bad a person may appear, he/she may be better in the eyes of Allah (swt).

Teena
07-11-2007, 07:24 PM
I know hijabis who dress in a way I wouldn't! just cos' your right at the outside doesnt mean your right at the inside.
having said that i do have good hijabi friends and we debate a lot. i dont care what people would think, it's Allah (swt) that matters. am not very convinced about hijab being mandatory. (the headscarf) i already do the other 'hijab' that's lowering the gaze and dressing modestly. when i am ready and convinced i would wear hijab inshAllah.

Assalamu Alaikom, I'm not going to start a huge debate on whether covering your hair is mandatory or not, but I will just make a couple points to you on this issue. I just took Chain of Command and we went over the things in Islam that we take as proof for what we should be doing as Muslims in order of importance. The first, of course, is Quran. The second most authentic evidence we have is anything that is muttawatir. This is something that is transmitted to us from so many different sources that we can not possibly deny it. One example of this is that we must pray five times a day. It seems to me that the fact that Muslim women are required to have complete hijab (including covering the hair) is muttawatir. Is it possible that so many of the Muslims are mistaken about this from generations as far back as the tabi'een, or the sahaba? It's not possible. And it's not just about it being "a piece of cloth"; covering your hair symbolizes your Muslim ID and your obedience to Allah. Secondly, I didn't say that it's okay to just cover your hair and not observe any other type of modesty. I think it's disgusting to see girls at the masjid with their hair covered and their skin tight jeans! Or, even better, is when they wear a scarf that's completely see through, or one that shows the whole back of their hair! It's like why do you even bother? Also, if they're going to dress that way out in the street that's their choice, but when they go to the masjid dressed like that, it's like they're flaunting their disobedience to Allah! If it were up to me, they wouldn't even be allowed to go to the masjid dressed like that. It may sound harsh, but I don't think that the Prophet (sallallahu alleihi wa sallam) would have let them into his Masjid like that. My last point is that if you think it's hard for you to wear a scarf, then imagine how hard it must be for people who didn't even grow up in Islam. They have to go against their whole families, their friends, their upbringing, everything, but they do it. Because Allah SWT has commanded that Muslim women (and men) observe modesty and proper hijab. That is all I have to say on that. Insha'Allah I pray that I have not said anything incorrect.

AKA
07-11-2007, 11:45 PM
Assalamu Alaikom, I'm not going to start a huge debate on whether covering your hair is mandatory or not, but I will just make a couple points to you on this issue. I just took Chain of Command and we went over the things in Islam that we take as proof for what we should be doing as Muslims in order of importance. The first, of course, is Quran. The second most authentic evidence we have is anything that is muttawatir. This is something that is transmitted to us from so many different sources that we can not possibly deny it. One example of this is that we must pray five times a day. It seems to me that the fact that Muslim women are required to have complete hijab (including covering the hair) is muttawatir. Is it possible that so many of the Muslims are mistaken about this from generations as far back as the tabi'een, or the sahaba? It's not possible. And it's not just about it being "a piece of cloth"; covering your hair symbolizes your Muslim ID and your obedience to Allah. Secondly, I didn't say that it's okay to just cover your hair and not observe any other type of modesty. I think it's disgusting to see girls at the masjid with their hair covered and their skin tight jeans! Or, even better, is when they wear a scarf that's completely see through, or one that shows the whole back of their hair! It's like why do you even bother? Also, if they're going to dress that way out in the street that's their choice, but when they go to the masjid dressed like that, it's like they're flaunting their disobedience to Allah! If it were up to me, they wouldn't even be allowed to go to the masjid dressed like that. It may sound harsh, but I don't think that the Prophet (sallallahu alleihi wa sallam) would have let them into his Masjid like that. My last point is that if you think it's hard for you to wear a scarf, then imagine how hard it must be for people who didn't even grow up in Islam. They have to go against their whole families, their friends, their upbringing, everything, but they do it. Because Allah SWT has commanded that Muslim women (and men) observe modesty and proper hijab. That is all I have to say on that. Insha'Allah I pray that I have not said anything incorrect.walaykum-assalam. hm...believe it or not, but ive almost been doing a research on hijab..am reading up different rulings etc..let's see where that heads. I wanna wear hijab after i'm convinced 100%. i dont want to be wearing it cos' someone thinks it's wajib. inshAllah it will be good.
BTW- should you really be interested in a prospect's extended family? like should you try n find out about em?

p.s-> welcome into the world of Islam:) (am 4 yrs late!)

AKA
07-11-2007, 11:51 PM
As-salaamu 'alaikum wa rahmatAllah

You can listen to it starting tomorrow at 2:15 PM Central Standard Time from his class, and listen to the class and benefit from the class, and then after will be question and answer and I will make sure to have him answer yours first

You can Click Here (http://masjidibrahim.org/) and listen to it starting tomorrow around 2:15 PM CST.
Just click on the top link where it says "Live Broadcaste" at that time, insha'aAllah..

May Allah help all of the muslims.

And my advice, if you sincerely sincerely wish good you will insha'aAllah listen tomorrow from 2:15 and take up this offer..

how many are there that are looking for a "sign" from Allah 'azza wa jal, wouldn't somebody consider THIS a sign from Allah ta'la?

Insha'aAllah in keeping us in your du'as, as in the hadith of An-Nu'man ibn Bashir radyAllahu 'anh who reported that Allah's Messenger salAllahu 'alaihee wa sallam as saying: The believers are like one person; if his head aches, the whole body aches with fever and sleeplessness.

May Allah grant you and us what is best, forgive our sins, raise our station, and bring us nearer to Him. Ameen.

WAllahu 'Alam
WAs-salaamu 'alaikum wa rahmatAllah
mashAllah, am really impressed by your knowledge..and at your age! May Allah (swt) reward you.
I missed the broadcast. the website wouldn't show and platalk needs 'paid' updating (which i didnt realized until then).

Teena
07-12-2007, 12:08 AM
walaykum-assalam. hm...believe it or not, but ive almost been doing a research on hijab..am reading up different rulings etc..let's see where that heads. I wanna wear hijab after i'm convinced 100%. i dont want to be wearing it cos' someone thinks it's wajib. inshAllah it will be good.
BTW- should you really be interested in a prospect's extended family? like should you try n find out about em?

p.s-> welcome into the world of Islam:) (am 4 yrs late!)Wa Alaikom Salaam,
As for your other question, what do you mean by his extended family? I think it's important to know (and even meet) his immediate family (parents and siblings) and any other relatives that he sees regularly. Other than that, I guess you would find out about them eventually, but it's probably mostly going to be his parents and siblings that will have any impact on your life. And I think you should try to find a religious husband (at least one that prays and fasts) because your husband will have a huge impact on how your children grow up. *And alhamdulilah that Allah has guided me and the countless revert Muslims into this beautiful deen! May He guide the rest of the non-Believers insha'Allah.* Teena

Bint Roots
07-12-2007, 03:19 AM
Please make sure to keep this discussion on the topic. JazakAllah khair

MSalah
07-12-2007, 08:39 AM
As salaamu aleykum

This is a true story!

A female family friend of my mom's, who was a bit older in age and had not been married before, asked my mother this same question about 'Mr. Right'. She said, "Where can I find 'Mr. Right'?" (But it sounds better in Somali, so I will say it in Somali for my mali peeps :D, she asked my mom: "Eedo, Xageen ka Helaa Nin Wadaad ah oo Wanaagsan?" My mom said, "Masaajidka".) Losely translated to: "Aunty, where can I find 'Mr. Right' who is good & pious?" My mom replied to her: "At the Masjid".

I don't know if she has taken my mom's advice. Allahu 'Alam.

-----------------------------
Now to the sister who asked the question about 'Mr. Right', it begs to ask, what kind of 'Mr. Right' are you looking for? Cuz frankly, the definition of Mr. Right can vary from continent to continent, culture to culture, heck it even varies from state to state sometimes, what's cool in NY might not fly in California - trust me there are a lot of flavors of this elusive guy called 'Mr. Right'.

Once you have nailed down what you are looking, start praying lots and lots of Istikhaarah and be on-the-lookout. Be on the lookout because things are gonna come your way and things are gonna start happening in your life. Some subtle, some very clear. Sometimes they will even be what you made duaa for, sometimes they will differ from what you made duaa for. The Hadith of the Prophet (salal Allahu aleyhi wa salim) is clear and full of wisdom, "Tie your Camel, then make Tawakkul".

Inshaa Allah and make duaa for those less priviledged than you and those that are suffering, and inshaa Allah the Angels will make duaa for you. Allahu 'Alam

May Allah aleviate you from your problems and shower you with His mercy. O' Allah forgive our sins and reward our efforts with Jannatul Firdaus 'Alaa.

Wa salaamu aleykum
M

Stawf
07-12-2007, 08:59 AM
AKA, would you like to contact with me, I am your Anutie. InshaAllah we can try together. mawasalaam.

AKA
07-12-2007, 11:00 AM
As salaamu aleykum

Losely translated to: "Aunty, where can I find 'Mr. Right' who is good & pious?" My mom replied to her: "At the Masjid".

I don't know if she has taken my mom's advice. Allahu 'Alam.walaykum-salam

maybe it's time for me to hit the masajid:-D

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Now to the sister who asked the question about 'Mr. Right', it begs to ask, what kind of 'Mr. Right' are you looking for? Cuz frankly, the definition of Mr. Right can vary from continent to continent, culture to culture, heck it even varies from state to state sometimes, what's cool in NY might not fly in California - trust me there are a lot of flavors of this elusive guy called 'Mr. Right'.

Once you have nailed down what you are looking, start praying lots and lots of Istikhaarah and be on-the-lookout. Be on the lookout because things are gonna come your way and things are gonna start happening in your life. Some subtle, some very clear. Sometimes they will even be what you made duaa for, sometimes they will differ from what you made duaa for. The Hadith of the Prophet (salal Allahu aleyhi wa salim) is clear and full of wisdom, "Tie your Camel, then make Tawakkul".

Inshaa Allah and make duaa for those less priviledged than you and those that are suffering, and inshaa Allah the Angels will make duaa for you. Allahu 'Alam

May Allah aleviate you from your problems and shower you with His mercy. O' Allah forgive our sins and reward our efforts with Jannatul Firdaus 'Alaa.

Wa salaamu aleykum
Mjazakallah kheir for that, really appreciate it:)

AKA
07-12-2007, 11:03 AM
AKA, would you like to contact with me, I am your Anutie. InshaAllah we can try together. mawasalaam.lol auntie matchmaker, you kidding me? in case you arent, :), jazakallah kheir, but i think i'll pass. i need to work on bettering myself as a Muslimah before going 'groom hunting'. maybe that wont have to happen. maybe Allah swt will bring someone in my life who will sweep me off my feet (inshAllah)

i guess am getting really emotional one of my best buddies got engaged, another one got married a month back. everyone's growing up *sniff*

mahin
07-12-2007, 11:25 AM
It's also important to keep in mind that Mr. Right changes as one develops in deen. You mentioned that you don't deserve a good practicing brother now...but that could change.

I would suggest that don't close off the idea of marriage now...it's important to do it if you can. But don't be afraid to get out of your comfort zone and try to marry someone who might be 'out of your league'(from a deen perspective) b/c that will help you out in the long run. As long as you have the perspective of continual self development rather than "I'm fine right now and don't need to get better"..you should be OK marrying a brother who is a higher level.

PS forgive me if I used non-PC language.

Ghare Hira
07-12-2007, 11:44 AM
i would say make continuous and sincere dua... youd be surprised, instead of looking for "mr.right" he might just find you!

so be open in terms of who you are considering... change the route you have been going in thus far; it obviously has not been working... try considering someone different, try considering someone who seems not so mr.right but has other qualities you are looking for...

the best part being that in the end you have nothing to lose... BUT think about all that you could have potentially gained (inshallah)

and allah knows best

Stawf
07-12-2007, 12:02 PM
It's also important to keep in mind that Mr. Right changes as one develops in deen. You mentioned that you don't deserve a good practicing brother now...but that could change.

I would suggest that don't close off the idea of marriage now...it's important to do it if you can. But don't be afraid to get out of your comfort zone and try to marry someone who might be 'out of your league'(from a deen perspective) b/c that will help you out in the long run. As long as you have the perspective of continual self development rather than "I'm fine right now and don't need to get better"..you should be OK marrying a brother who is a higher level.

PS forgive me if I used non-PC language.

__________________





I agree with Mahin. No, I am not kidding ---you can say me a matchmaker!!!!!! What should an auntie do when she sees to grow up all her children in Islam, and looking for “Mr or Miss perfect?” Yea, if I find out somebody for you, inshaAllah my first priority will be DEEN. So, you have to think twice and inshaAllah you will be happy with DEEN-------Alhamdulilallah. We all should have a tendency for “self development” in order to achieve highest success in here and hereafter.

AKA
07-12-2007, 12:17 PM
It's also important to keep in mind that Mr. Right changes as one develops in deen. You mentioned that you don't deserve a good practicing brother now...but that could change.
I would suggest that don't close off the idea of marriage now...it's important to do it if you can. But don't be afraid to get out of your comfort zone and try to marry someone who might be 'out of your league'(from a deen perspective) b/c that will help you out in the long run. As long as you have the perspective of continual self development rather than "I'm fine right now and don't need to get better"..you should be OK marrying a brother who is a higher level.
oh no, i dont mean am a pathetic muslim. i want someone who's like me, striving to be a better muslim, rather than someone who's already a know-it-all. but jazakallah kheir for the naseeha.

AKA
07-12-2007, 12:20 PM
i would say make continuous and sincere dua... youd be surprised, instead of looking for "mr.right" he might just find you! inshAllah that's what am hoping for.

so be open in terms of who you are considering... change the route you have been going in thus far; it obviously has not been working... try considering someone different, try considering someone who seems not so mr.right but has other qualities you are looking for... ive been meeting up men 'picked' by my parents n family. it didnt work and hence my friend suggested the 'friends' route. i dont think that's so halal and everyone here agrees w/ that.

AKA
07-12-2007, 12:27 PM
I agree with Mahin. No, I am not kidding ---you can say me a matchmaker!!!!!! What should an auntie do when she sees to grow up all her children in Islam, and looking for “Mr or Miss perfect?” Yea, if I find out somebody for you, inshaAllah my first priority will be DEEN. So, you have to think twice and inshaAllah you will be happy with DEEN-------Alhamdulilallah. We all should have a tendency for “self development” in order to achieve highest success in here and hereafter. aww auntie, please accept my big hug :) jazakallah kheir kaseeran kaseera.

Stawf
07-13-2007, 09:21 AM
Alhamdulilallah, as an auntie, I believe it is my responsibility and as a young Muslim you have right over me . Please make dua for me. Only Allah (swt) knows the best what I can do or can not do. InshaAllah, I would like to try my best in order to do something for our Muslim community ("Tie your Camel, and then make Tawakkul"). Here is my email address: stawf013@yahoo.com


Whoever likes to contact with me on this issue, please use this email address.

Sabiqoon
07-13-2007, 09:26 PM
Jazaa killaahu khair Auntie Stawf. I am happy there are people like you in the Muslim community doing this.

I guess we can join forces so to speak. (my email is sabiqoon at yahoo dot com)

As a hobby I do a little "matchmaking" here and there. I have recently started. So I am trying to get my muslimah close friends married. And it is tough. As a matchmaker, I can definitely say this.


Allaah SWT has already written for you to be married to whoever you are going to be married to, 50,000 years before( or at least when you are in the womb of your mom).

So, what does that mean?

You can wait patiently and/ or you can go through halaal means of "acquiring" about potential suitors, be that through your parents, through matchmaking Aunties, through myself, etc.


In the end it doesnt matter if you are going to be married or not. Allaah destines for you then you will be married. Your job is to expediate the process if you fear you might fall into sin or to wait patiently and try halaal means.

I pray that may Allaah help all the brothers and sisters who are looking to get married to find a spouse that is the coolness of their eyes and their ultimate goal of worshipping Allaah 'Aza wa Jal.


And Mr. Right?

or Mrs Right?

that is in Jannah. What you should really be searching for, "Mr. with whom I can live a good and halal life in order to get to jannah."

:)

Stawf
07-15-2007, 10:42 AM
Assalamualikum Sabiqoon, Sorry, I did not check the forum. I appreciate your sincere efforts for your friends. If all young Muslim couples take initial steps like you on this issue, then inshaAllah our young generations will have opportunities to choose their spouses without difficulties. InshaAllah, I guess we can work as a team by making our intention clear. I will contact with you soon. May Allah (swt) reward you for your every single good deed. Ameen. :)

AKA
08-02-2007, 11:25 PM
why is it that everytime some decent muslim guy approaches me, i feel way out of his league?:-(

AKA
08-03-2007, 02:36 AM
alota ppl think that way, you'd be surprised that if you seriously consider marriage with these people that you think they are out of ur league, you'll find out that they're not so out there, dont let thoughts like that put u down, we all have em...we wonder "will they accept us, no, im not worthy enough.." and these are all just...thoughts...thoughts thoughts...try looking at ur good side and make good thoughts and see where that takes u...examples? : i know how to cook desi food or arabic food, i memorized from the quran aloooot, i have sympathy for kids or ...i love my parents and treat them well , or my manners are awesome or ...whatever, always look at ur good side...and improve on the downside and keep ur head up :)

(might not be your islamic answer that you're lookin for, but whatever helps)lol, your probably right, uncle!

UmmSarah
08-03-2007, 07:37 AM
every single one of us has a lot to work on.... and there is no one who knows-it-all.... the idea is to keep striving and working on improvement.... if a guy expresses that that's what he desires out of life... to keep trying to be the best Muslim he can be... and his appearance indicates that it's more than just talk... AND he has good manners (his immediate family has good manners)... then go for it. definately marry a guy who appears to know a lot and practice what he knows... but, of course, one that appears humble, not a guy who thinks he's mr. know-it-all. :)

we don't know where anyone stands in the sight of Allaah, nor who is more pious in his heart, but in this world all we have to judge by are the actions that we see and the words that are said. We can't say someone IS good or bad, just what they SEEM to be, based on what is observable to us..... we love all of our Muslim brothers and sisters and realize we are all in this together... one nation....and should be trying to help each other fulfill our responsibilities in this life. we definatley shouldn't look down on people, but at the same time try to hang around those who 'look' like they will help us become better.

the heart is the king of the body and as the prophet (SAS) told us... if it is good, that goodness has to reflect on the tongue and limbs. if a heart is good, there will most definately be an outward indication... if the inside looks good, the outside surely will.... unfortunately, sometimes the outside looks good, but it's a facade, and the inside isn't so great.... but we can only go by what we see. that's why it's important to ask about a guy... what his friends, relatives, co-workers etc. say about him will be waaaaaaaaaaay more helpful than what he says during a get-to-know-each-other period anyway.... guys tend to try to act their best then.... but the people that have known him in his regular daily life will be able to give you a better idea of what he's really like.

wallaahu a'lam

Ghare Hira
08-03-2007, 03:03 PM
every single one of us has a lot to work on.... and there is no one who knows-it-all.... the idea is to keep striving and working on improvement.... if a guy expresses that that's what he desires out of life... to keep trying to be the best Muslim he can be... and his appearance indicates that it's more than just talk... AND he has good manners (his immediate family has good manners)... then go for it. definately marry a guy who appears to know a lot and practice what he knows... but, of course, one that appears humble, not a guy who thinks he's mr. know-it-all. :)

we don't know where anyone stands in the sight of Allaah, nor who is more pious in his heart, but in this world all we have to judge by are the actions that we see and the words that are said. We can't say someone IS good or bad, just what they SEEM to be, based on what is observable to us..... we love all of our Muslim brothers and sisters and realize we are all in this together... one nation....and should be trying to help each other fulfill our responsibilities in this life. we definatley shouldn't look down on people, but at the same time try to hang around those who 'look' like they will help us become better.

the heart is the king of the body and as the prophet (SAS) told us... if it is good, that goodness has to reflect on the tongue and limbs. if a heart is good, there will most definately be an outward indication... if the inside looks good, the outside surely will.... unfortunately, sometimes the outside looks good, but it's a facade, and the inside isn't so great.... but we can only go by what we see. that's why it's important to ask about a guy... what his friends, relatives, co-workers etc. say about him will be waaaaaaaaaaay more helpful than what he says during a get-to-know-each-other period anyway.... guys tend to try to act their best then.... but the people that have known him in his regular daily life will be able to give you a better idea of what he's really like.

wallaahu a'lam
niceeeee, that is some really good advice =) alhumdulillah