PDA

View Full Version : Parents: sigh


AKA
07-25-2007, 08:34 AM
ok, i probably am gonna sound like a teenager, but here it is. what exactly is doing justice amongst your kids? can someone please explain that to my parents (particularly mom)?
last night me, my bro, and older sister were foolin around and teasing each other. then next minute i try talking to my sister, she's like get lost, i dont wanna talk to you guys. and the next thing i know my mom's scolding me, she's like why did you misbehave with your big sister? whoa i mean she was saying silly stuff to me and our younger bro too! and yet mom was taking my sister's side, just cos' she's 'elder, married' and expecting her first kid. i wonder what this says about me, but it really hurt me. i love my sister and am always at her side. she's not well and staying with us, and despite being unable to deal with my own HUGE problem, i make it a point to be there for her. read dua's and blow on her unborn baby, hold her hand to make her feel better, talk to her when she's upset..and she isnt even aware of the mess am in for the last 2 yrs. and mom, why cant I deserve 'special' treatment at this TERRIBLE phase of life? why cant she treat all of us the same way? i remember going to this great islamic lecture and they talked a lot about being just with your kids. i wonder what my mama picked up from there..(she's always reminding me of the stuff i hear at those lectures!)
my sister's mad at me and our bro , i did say a couple of stupid things, cos' we had a chance to get together as a family after a long time. but she said them too! and now when i think about my behavior (which wasnt really bad), i think i was trying to distract myself from my own mess, isnt that human? but i guess no one understands. this ayah is a constant reminder:

Allah will grant a way out for anyone who heeds Him, and
provide for him in a manner he could have never anticipated.
Allah is enough for anyone who relies on Him; Allah will
accomplish His purpose. Allah has granted everything thn due
proportion. [surah al Talaq]

i probably sound like a kid, but i am like that, sensitive when it comes to my parents and siblings. am so down, cant even concentrate on work, my boss would probably fire me if he sees me this instant. but that would be just one of the MANY disappointing things ocurring lately. should i just forget about it and move on? my mom's always been more close to my sis, for reasons Allah knows best. ive been more of a daddy's girl, but i dont want to drag him into this, he has his own share of stress. :(

AbdulHasib
07-25-2007, 09:01 AM
This thread should help (http://forums.almaghrib.org/showthread.php?t=20350)

Especially highlighting this point:

... cause i'm thinking, Fatima, radi Allahu 'anha, would mention her father. Sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam.

Then on the other hand, is it the nature of the children to depreciate what their father has done for them? Maybe, sure, they didn't nurture them emotionally, but they were working day and night so that the family would have a roof and food on the table. He nurtured them in a different way, a way that most people do not appreciate.

AKA
07-25-2007, 09:06 AM
This thread should help (http://forums.almaghrib.org/showthread.php?t=20350)

Especially highlighting this point:I love my parents more than i love myself! i just am not emotionally comfy with them the way i would want to (mom actually) for anyone's well being, both the psychological and physical factors counts.

AbdulHasib
07-25-2007, 09:28 AM
I love my parents more than i love myself! i just am not emotionally comfy with them the way i would want to (mom actually) for anyone's well being, both the psychological and physical factors counts.It's natural to feel that way..
As we grow and mature there are naturally going to reside conflicts

Easy to ask why?

Why are we going through those emotions - Allah created us to test us.

Did he not say

Alif - Lam - Meem. Ahasibannaasu anyutraku anyaqullu aamanna wa hum la yuftanoon?

Alif-Lam-Meem. Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: "We believe," and will not be tested? (Al Ankaboot)

We are tested not only with calamites.. but with knowledge, with our desires, with our friends, with afflictions, with blessings and goodness, and even our OWN parents..

One should reflect on this verse as it will ease the heart in those times.

I say to myself (outloud), "it's just a test" and subhanAllah you can't help but smile at it. Yes i mean it. SMILE. Because you are blessed to realize it's a test, and you can overcome it.

No soul is given more than it can bear.

And most importantly one should reflect on compared to the significance of this temporary emotion... we will be going through what Allah describes..

Then, when there comes As-Sakhkhah (the Day of Resurrection's second blowing of Trumpet), That Day shall a man flee from his brother, And from his mother and his father, And from his wife and his children. Everyman, that Day, will have enough to make him careless of others. (Al 'Abasa)

That one day where we will be careless of them.. pales to comparison anything we go through with them now no?

WAllahu 'Alam

AKA
04-18-2008, 03:32 AM
i was like laughing real hard goin thru this, lol it's an old thread, 'nyway, here's an article i came across on one of the arab websites i would like to share wid everyone.


The darling of all daughters
It is often the case that parents instinctively give their youngest child a special position. This may often be the result of the parents’ trying to protect the youngest child against excesses by its elder siblings. In the case of the Prophet (peace be upon him), Fatimah was the youngest daughter, and he loved her more than anyone else, even though he never favored her with any special treatment. Before her, Lady Khadeejah gave him two sons and three daughters. The two sons died in infancy, while the daughters survived until they got married and some of them gave birth to children. The Prophet was a man who cared for others, sympathized with anyone who had problems and tried to help whenever he could. All this was part of his nature. When he was troubled by his first encounter with the angel Gabriel, struggling to understand what it meant, and he expressed his fears to his wife, Khadeejah, she reassured him that God would never allow anything evil to happen to him. She said: “By God, you are faithful to your trust, kind to your kinsfolk and you always tell the truth.” She also described him as one who “helped people in trouble.”Such a loving, caring person will naturally be the model of a family man, eager to give his children a happy upbringing. The Prophet was certainly such a man, but he also continued to demonstrate this throughout his life. Fatimah had a special position in his heart. He said of her: “Fatimah is a part of me.” Although two of his other daughters had children, it was through Fatimah alone that his offspring continued, generation after generation. When she was a young woman, he chose for her a husband who would know her position and give her all the care a loving husband could give. Ali, his cousin, was that man. We may think that a loving father would try to ensure a very comfortable life for his darling daughter when she married. Yet Fatimah was married to an almost penniless man. Ali was encouraged by a certain woman to speak to the Prophet about marrying Fatimah. He said: “What have I got to offer her?” The woman, however, looked at his character and continued to encourage him. He went to the Prophet to make his proposal, but he, the most eloquent of people, was speechless. Since they had a very close relationship, with Ali living for several years in the Prophet’s home, the Prophet realized that Ali’s inability to speak pointed in a certain direction. He said to him: “Perhaps you have come with a proposal for Fatimah?” When he answered in the affirmative, the Prophet asked: “Do you have anything to offer as dowry?” He said: “I have nothing.” The Prophet asked: “What have you done with the body armor I have given you in case you need to fight?” Ali said that it was still with him. He said: “I accept that as her dowry.”

Speaking to his daughter about her forthcoming marriage, the Prophet said: “I am marrying you to a young man who is the best in the community in knowledge and forbearance, and who was the first to accept Islam.” All that the Prophet could give her to take to her new home consisted of a hide, a piece of cloth, two water containers, a millstone, a pillow filled with fiber, a short cover, a sieve and a cup. He prayed for the newly married couple, requesting God to bless them and their offspring.

Fatimah lived a hard life with her husband. She did all housework, including baking bread for her family. That was exhausting by any standard. Hence, when some captives were brought to the Prophet, she and her husband requested him to give them one to help Fatimah. He said to them: “I cannot give you one when I see that some people in the community are hungry, unable to find enough to eat. I will use the money I get for these captives to alleviate their poverty.” It should be mentioned that the rule for the treatment of war captives is to free them against ransom or as a gesture of kindness.

Yet the Prophet felt for his daughter and her husband. Therefore, he went to see them in the evening. He found them having just got in bed. They rose to greet him, but he told them to stay, and said: “Shall I tell you something which will be better for you than what you wanted me to give you? It is these words which Gabriel has taught me. After each obligatory prayer, glorify God ten times, thank Him ten times and praise Him ten times. When you go to bed do the same 33 times each, but praise Him 34 times.” Ali said as he reported this many years later: “I never omitted to do this since then.” He was asked: “Even on the night of the Battle of Siffeen?” He confirmed that even on that night. It should be remembered that that was the hardest night he ever faced, because the fighting was an internal one, between two armies of Muslims.

Trying to comfort Fatimah and encourage her to accept her hard life, the Prophet said to her: “Fatimah! Some sins are not atoned for by prayer and fasting. Yet they are atoned for by hard work and care for one’s children.”

Had he wished, the Prophet could have ensured a most comfortable life for his daughters. He could have married Fatimah to one of the richest people among his companions. In Madinah, some Muslims were rich, and any one of them would have felt it a great honor to marry the Prophet’s daughter. Yet he preferred for them to have an ordinary life, and not to be distinguished from other women. Indeed, he drove it home to them that they have to redeem themselves on the Day of Judgment by their own work. Their relation to him would not give them any special position. He said to his youngest daughter: “Fatimah bint Muhammad! I cannot be of any benefit to you when you stand before God.” To all his kinsfolk, he said: “Let not other people come forward on the Day of Judgment with their good deeds, while you come only with your kinship.”

Yet as a loving father, he felt for his daughters. When he heard that Ali wanted to marry another woman, which is perfectly allowed in Islam and common in the Arabian society, the Prophet declared his opposition to this marriage, saying: “Fatimah is a part of me. What hurts her hurts me.” He made it clear that the only way Ali could marry another woman was by first divorcing Fatimah. Ali never entertained any thought of divorcing her. The couple continued to live happily until Fatimah died, six months after her father had passed away. Ali married other women after that.


I'm the middle one, the eldest and the youngest get all the goodies *sigh*

Sally Mahmoud
04-18-2008, 09:26 AM
I'm the middle one, the eldest and the youngest get all the goodies *sigh*

I'm sorry that you're feeling down.. It seems like your mom is just worried about your sister, and that's her motivation for trying to make sure that your sis is not bothered during her stay.. also mom expecting her first grandchild must be making your sister quite the star! This must be a very special time in all of your lives.. so don't let shaitan take the focus away from all these special things that are going on..

I see that you refer to a certain mess your in.. perhaps your stress from that is carrying over into how you're preceiving mom and sis... When you're in a good place inside yourself, it's easier to feel happier for others, and not get saddened by less-then-excellent treatment from others.. You can only control yourself, not mom, not sis, and u certainly cannot control their feelings!

So cheer up..focus on yourself for now.. try to be at peace with yourself and your surroundings.. no need to harbor resentment for people who love you.. You're gonna have to consciously choose to find 70 excuses, and replace bad thoughts with good thoughts..

:)

AKA
04-18-2008, 10:29 AM
I'm sorry that you're feeling down.. It seems like your mom is just worried about your sister, and that's her motivation for trying to make sure that your sis is not bothered during her stay.. also mom expecting her first grandchild must be making your sister quite the star! This must be a very special time in all of your lives.. so don't let shaitan take the focus away from all these special things that are going on..

I see that you refer to a certain mess your in.. perhaps your stress from that is carrying over into how you're preceiving mom and sis... When you're in a good place inside yourself, it's easier to feel happier for others, and not get saddened by less-then-excellent treatment from others.. You can only control yourself, not mom, not sis, and u certainly cannot control their feelings!

So cheer up..focus on yourself for now.. try to be at peace with yourself and your surroundings.. no need to harbor resentment for people who love you.. You're gonna have to consciously choose to find 70 excuses, and replace bad thoughts with good thoughts..

:)jazakiAllah khayr ukhti but if you scroll up and have a look, this is a really an old thread. i've been blessed with a wonderful nephew and he's at our place right now:-) as regards to my mom, alhamdulillah everything's alright. i'm not holding anything against her. when i step out of the house into this fitnahful world and dont get tangled or carried away with it, I realize how much effort she and dad must have put into bringing us up , instilling all the right morals and values with Allah's help. i can never repay them for that. no one can.

AKA
04-18-2008, 10:43 AM
salamualikum,
I'm going to tell you that your mom loves you dearly from all her heart..if u feel the way you're feeling, i think u should talk to your mom and tell her how u feel....(It works....trust me!) what will happen is, when u tell her how u fell she'll realize wat she's done and as u know the mother tries her best to satisfiy her children...

Feeling that way is perfectly normal...just always remeber that you're mom loves all her children...! i sometimes feel like that.. and then i confront my mom and tell her how i feel, she'll start laughing and tells me that she loves all of us....
Also always rember allah swt...that will make u feel better inshallah...

one more thing is remeber that the mother is the one that raises her children and sometimes she does mistakes but she doesn't really mean it...



May allah swt make u feel better...jazakiAllah khayr sweetie :-) I do tell my mom and get back the same thing y'know, ' don't be silly, I love ya'll'. no, i don't doubt for that for a sec, it's just the different way she deals with us. she's like 'i treat everyone with respect to their needs, wait till you become a parent'. maybe..

iss ME! zahweee!
04-18-2008, 11:42 AM
awwwwwwwww
i can totally understand what you're feeling
sometimes it's like everyone's against you and you have it the worst
these are only shaytan's tricks to deceive you of how much you DO have

i was such a pain to my mom, she always used to tell me i was the worst out of all of us :D lol subhanAllah.. i can laugh about it now since we have a good relationship but i really did hurt her when i didn't listen.. and despite that, i would only think of my own pain, go to my room, stay there forever, mope and moan about why me why me........ but that doesn't help anything or anyone
remember our moms always have our best interest at heart

and you will sometimes feel like she's being unfair to you but remember even the worst mothers, even the unbelieving mothers deserve the best treatment because for 9 months they carried you through hardship (subhanAllah!) and with extreme pain did she finally give birth to you

and that's when all the real worries started!

one thing i always found is best when you have a little tiff with your mom is to tell yourself in your head that whatever you feel, she feels more worried than you can imagine, not just about you, but about your sister, about the home, about the education of her kids, about finances, about other people in the community, about friends, about the masjid... it's insane how much our one mother always has to deal with that sometimes she overlooks one thing, one step.. and she should be forgiven for that.. just like she always forgave us when we didn't kiss her or hug her, or when we gave temper tantrums and kicked her (when we were toddlers!), and just like she always forgives us for every time we don't listen

so do what i do, suck it all up.. clear your heart of any ill feelings.. then catch her by surprise.. get her when she has her back to you, jump on her and smother her with the biggest hugs and kisses and tell her how much you love her.. guaranteed you'll get lots of love in return.. she's your mom after all ;)

lastly i hope that whatever problems you're dealing with become alleviated in the quickest and best way.. each and every difficulty that comes our way is a means to gain forgiveness (and who doesn't need some 'a that!) and also is a means to get closer to Allah.. may Allah help you through this tough time and bring you out into the sunshine.... but when that happens.. do remember to be grateful ;)