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View Full Version : Question for Sheikh Yaser... Forced Marriage


Tariq Maruf
08-08-2007, 01:38 PM
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu..

I have this very important question to ask you Sheikh. Please read through the whole scenario and reply. The names are just fictitious. This is a real life situation and I need some guidance.

A girl (Fatima) gets a proposal from a guy (Ahmed). Fatima does not know Ahmed and is reluctant to accept the proposal. Fatima's parents emotionally blackmail Fatima to accept the proposal and hence she complies. Fatima and Ahmed are not engaged. Just the parents have agreed to the arrangement. The agreement was done in October 20X1. Wedding is set for December 20X2.

On the same day that Fatima had to agree to the proposal from Ahmed, another guy (Ali) proposes. Fatima knows Ali since she was young. They grew up together but were not in touch for almost 15 years. Fatima likes Ali, but it is too late now as she had to accept the proposal from Ahmed. So she decides to forget about Ali and not to mention it to anyone.

Two months pass by and Ahmed is being a bit difficult with Fatima. He is rude in talking and has a lot of bad habits which she does not approve of. In January 20X2, Fatima asks Ali if his offer still stands and decides to talk to her father (Hassan) about it. Fatima is worried that her father will not take it in the right spirit and might not agree to it. Hassan is known to be very conscious of his image and prestige in front of his community.

Finally, Fatima does not gather up the courage and gives up on talking to her father. Six months pass and Ali and Fatima are in touch on and off. Its just a casual relationship over the internet. Purely innocent relationship as two friends and Ali was a good counsellor to Fatima. He encourages her to practice Islam in the rightful way. This had a good impact on the faith in Fatima.

The relationship between Fatima and Ahmed is getting worse by the day. So, by mid July 20X2, she has had enough with his behaviour and asks Ali once again if his offer still stands as she wanted a confirmation before she took such a big step. Ali assures her of his support and also confirms this with his parents. Before Fatima would take the step, Ali advises her to pray Istikhara. Fatima does Istikhara and decides to talk to her father.

Fatima informs her father about Ahmed's bad behaviour. She does not mention anything about Ali as she is worried that her father would think that Ali was behind this.

Hassan takes it in a positive way and shows support to Fatima. He is ready to call off the wedding but just needs a confirmation of the character. In the mean time, Fatima mentions about Ali, as Hassan is worried for his daughter's future. She mentions it out of good faith that her father would be more confident in what was next for Fatima.

The mention of Ali is not taken well by Hassan. He knows Ali since he was born and he knows the family. The relations between them have always been excellent. Hassan thinks that Fatima is breaking up with Ahmed because she has Ali and not because something is wrong with Ahmed.

Hassan asks Fatima to make a decision - if she wanted to break-up with Ahmed, she will not be able to marry Ali. Fatima thinks about it, and agrees to it expecting her father to cool down and maybe consider Ali in the near future.

Hassan is not happy with Fatima's decision and says that he will not agree to it. More evidence arises of Ahmed's bad nature and financial instability. Hassan is not ready to break-up with Ahmed as there would be a havoc in his society and people would start pointing fingers in all directions and the spread to rumours.

Fatima makes it clear to her father that she is not happy with his decision and wants to call off her wedding with Ahmed. Her father gets adamant and says that she did not have a choice as it was too late to call it off.

Fatima protests and ends up crying day and night. No mercy is shown to Fatima from any of her family members. It is all about family prestige and the daughter's happiness is ignored.

Ahmed is also aware of what is happening and starts calling Fatima everyday. Hassan starts believing that Ahmed has suddenly changed for the better. Fatima asks Ahmed to call off the wedding as she was unable to. Ahmed is also not ready to call it off.

Fatima is in a difficult situation and needs help. What options are available to her? It is already mid August 20X2 and she is clearly being forced into marrying someone she does not want to. Ali and his family are helpless in trying to do anything.

- Is Fatima wrong in breaking up with Ahmed?
- Are the parents right in forcing Fatima to marry Ahmed?
- What are the options available to Fatima to avoid marrying Ahmed?
- Can Fatima go against her family and get married to Ali?
- Are the parents liable in front of Allah for forcing their daughter to marry someone because of family name and fame?

This is quite important and please reply at the earliest as Fatima might lose out and may be forced into marriage.

Jazak Allahu Khairan!

Tariq

ammatu'rahman
08-09-2007, 12:31 AM
masha'allah quite interesting!!! I'd realy want to know what the answer is!!

cuze I know of a simillar story but that sister decided run away!!!!

Tariq Maruf
08-11-2007, 10:13 PM
Assalamu Alaikum...

Sheikh Yaser, can you please reply soon as Fatima needs some advice and she is under a lot of pressure from her parents.

I would request all the brothers and sisters reading this thread to pray for 'Fatima'. She is going through the biggest test of her life. Pray that Allah shows her a way out of this situation and that Allah softens the hearts of her parents towards their daughter. May Allah give them the guidance to overlook what the society has to say and to give more attention to what Allah has commanded.

I hope to hear from Sheikh Yaser very soon, Insha Allah.

Wassalam...

Tariq

Yaser Birjas
08-17-2007, 04:44 PM
I'm sorry. I have written a detailed answer but my computer jammed and I lost everything before I was able to post it.
I'm gonna have to summarize the whole thing again.

Yaser Birjas
08-17-2007, 05:18 PM
Disclaimer: The answers are given based on the information provided in this scenario.



- Is Fatima wrong in breaking up with Ahmed?
- What are the options available to Fatima to avoid marrying Ahmed?



First of all, May Allah make ease her situation and give her the strength and power in Iman, body and spirit to go over this peacefully.

Secondly, I'm not clear on the issue of engagement mentioned here and based on it the following answer is being given.

If the engagement was only 'Khitbah' or betrothal then the case is easier. The betrothal is not a marriage contract. And therefore she has the full right to call it off any time before the actual contract takes place.
If she was forced to go with it then she can still get her last chance before the Imam or the judge who will be performing the contract. She then needs to clearly say NO.
This for sure will not bring any pleasant parental consequences but it is still better than living with someone she doesn't approve.
Obeying the parents is better, however in this situation the choice was given to her over her father's based on the authentic hadith.


If the engagement here meant the actual 'Katb Alkitaab' or contract then they are legally married and the only way to go about it is through divorce. The marriage was not consummated yet, and the proceedings are not like in the case of a full consummated marriage. In her case there are no marital rights imposed yet so it doesn't take the same legal consequences of a full marriage contract.
She needs to find some family members who can help her reach the court or Imam who performed the contract and explain her desire to call this marriage off.



- Are the parents right in forcing Fatima to marry Ahmed?
- Can Fatima go against her family and get married to Ali?



Parents sometimes see things differently. They might be right at some point but they can also be wrong. And they are absolutely wrong if the reason for all of this was ego and family pride.

Parents according to the majority of schools of thoughts in Fiqh has no right to force there daughters into any marriages. They have -and here we are speaking about the walis- the right to object to some proposals but they cannot force a marriage on them.

They only thing here I see right for the parents is to demand the fulfillment of the marriage contract if it was already done based on her initial approval in the first place and if it appears that she is changing her mind just because of the arrival of Ali.
We need to remember that legally she is already the wife of Ahmad.

She can still fight her case though and ask for divorce even before the wedding takes place but we cannot claim the parents fault if Ahmad wants his wife according to the marriage contract.

She cannot marry Ali without the wali’s approval but she needs to work hard on making it possible.

If Ali didn’t get a chance to speak with her father in better circumstances then he needs to find his ways to make this happen by the will of Allah.

Her relationship with Ali while married to Ahmad was not right and was not suppose to continue the way it went even if she claims an EmanRush feeling coming to her through it. It is all another test to elevate our status with Allah subhanahu wa ta’aala.



- Are the parents liable in front of Allah for forcing their daughter to marry someone because of family name and fame?



Yes.

And Allah knows best

Yusrah Uthman
08-17-2007, 06:24 PM
as salamu aleykum

Brother Berjas, I wanted to ask you something. Say a person promises to marry another Muslim yet before the Nikah is done and the walima, the person withdraws - are they allowed to do so? Is a promise considered as a nikah?

as salamu aleykum

Tariq Maruf
08-17-2007, 08:25 PM
Jazak Allahu Khairan Sheikh Yaser for the answer.

The engagement was just a 'Khitbah' or a betrothal. There has been no marriage contract. It was just a verbal agreement among the parents.

The answer has helped a lot and I just pray that things go the right way for Fatima. Once again, thank you very much for the clear answer.

Wassalam...

Tariq

Yaser Birjas
08-21-2007, 01:38 PM
as salamu aleykum

Brother Berjas, I wanted to ask you something. Say a person promises to marry another Muslim yet before the Nikah is done and the walima, the person withdraws - are they allowed to do so? Is a promise considered as a nikah?

as salamu aleykum

A promise of marriage does not establish a legal marrige contract and it is not binding except according to a view ifound n the Maliki madhab.
Is that withdrawal considered ethical? That is another story, but it does not affect the rule itself.