View Full Version : What to do if your friend gets 'heart-broken'?
01-15-2008, 03:01 PM
What to do if your friend gets 'heart-broken'?
Remember when you and your friend were always close and you could tell each other anything? You were the closest to each other and nobody else came between you two?
After some time, you noticed that this friend was acting abit strange, and they wasn't giving you the attention you usually had.. wasup with him/her? you asked yourself. This friend gradually started hanging out with you less and you never spoke to each other that much. They started acting abit more 'kool' and they felt that you was oldskool..
What if it's a guy, or a gyal? you thought to yourself.. i've never seen them act this strange before.
Turns out, what you thought was right. They wanted to join the scene too and you was left behind, you're still a kid in their eyes but they've grown up. I'm hangin with the bad boyz now, or the 'thuggetez.'
You either had two options; you could do the same, or you could stay quiet and be a good practisin muslim right? Yeah man, you're bare shareef, thats what they all say... you felt uncomfortable with that, but you was scared about what the rentz [parents] would say, so you decided to stay on the back rowz for abit.
Turns out, this mate that you had - they wasn't interested in knowing you no more, they were with their crew and had their gyal/kuri or their thug with them. Man, why did this have to happen to me for.. you thought to yourself. Deep down inside, you was kinda jealous - how come this person got all the popularity, even though you was the 'good one.'?
A little time passed, a while later.. this friend came back to you. They were sad, but still you saw they was dressed the same way as their crew. Hoodie on, and rockiez.. or was it the big hoops and foundation?
"What's up?" you mumbled..
"Nothin much, u?" they said.
You was still kinda sad, confused and not sure what was goin on. You wanted to talk to them like the times before, but you knew that loads of things had changed now. What if things could get better? You wasn't practisin full time, but you knew that dating was wrong, you knew that because you wasn't allowed to talk to that gyal/guy on parents evenings when your parents came over to check up on your progress at school..
"I got sutin to tell you yeah.."
You was confused, not knowing what to do or how to respond..
"Yeah?" you asked.. not knowing what tone of voice to use.
"It's about this person i got to know a little while back..."
To be continued insha'Allah..
01-15-2008, 03:02 PM
Asalaamu alaikum wr wb.
This thread will be updated insha Allah, hope u don't mind me posting.. it's got an Islamic twist to it, don't worry. Hope u enjoy it insha Allah.
01-15-2008, 03:21 PM
What to do if your friend gets 'heart-broken'?
You had noticed that your 'friend' had been hangin out with different people for quite a while now.. most weren't upto any good.
"Yeah, well it was this gurl/guy that i knew.." he/she said.
You didn't expect your friend to be like this just two years ago, subhan Allaah things really had changed alot.
What am i supposed to say? you asked yourself..
"er..yeah? what about them?"
"I got to know this person some weeks back, that's what you gota do init to get known. When you got a guy/gurl you get popular.. it was more like a dare if you get meh."
"Oh, ok.. b..but erm, you know its haraam right?"
"Look, i came to you for advice, so hear me out.. they don't understand what i'm goin thru man."
You had noticed that your friend had been effected by these people alot, the personality was much harsher than before and they swore alot now too.
"They don't want to talk to me no more.. it wasn't even my fault..."
Their face seems sad now, you can see it. Your heart sinks down..
"Who? who doesn't talk to you no more?"
You still care, you don't want your friend to get hurt. Was it the people your friend hung out with, or was it someone else? You had forgot about the time they turned away from you, because deep down inside you wanted them to come back to talk to you, so you could be friends again.. like before.
Your friend didn't respond, you could see in their face that they actually wanted to control themselves.. trying to control the tears from coming out. You knew what had happened, you didn't need to ask any more. Your friend was crying, you could feel their pain..
The heart beats faster.. a big lump in the throat, it hurts... You can't control the tears, they flood out no matter how hard you try to hold them in. Your head hurts. Whether you're a guy or a gurl, its the same.. if it's your first time - you're going to feel this pain. This is what your friend was experiencing.. the cold wind whipped the face, a harsh wind.
It doesn't matter what the people think now.. "I tried..i swear.. i really tried.. how can people..d-do this..?" they said.
You can't do nothing, all you can do is watch and make them feel that things will get better with time insha'Allaah. You have to reassure them, you're there for them.. You pass them a tissue, come closer to them.. and give them a hug.
To be continued insha'Allaah...
01-15-2008, 04:22 PM
Love which Harms and Love that Benefits
When a person experiences love, their whole life changes and they feel two extremes:
1) a sense of joy which can get so extreme where you feel that you can accomplish anything.
2) the second extreme is feeling hopeless, exhausted and sad because the 'other half' isn't there.
The person usually experiences no.1 when they're with the person that they love or after they've met with them, and the person experiences no.2 if they havn't contacted them for a while, or if it had ended..
When a person really has fallen for a person, they feel that their whole life is surrounded around them. They may even obey that person in matters which contradict islaam, which obviously isn't the right thing to do.
There are 4 types of love in islaam:
1) Divine Love - which is specifically for Allaah alone. And none should be loved divinely more than Allaah.
2) Love for the sake of Allaah, which is love for the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), the companions and the righteous etc.
3a) Love of the permissible: wives/husband, children etc.
b) Love of food, water, clothing etc.
4) Love of any other deity besides Allaah, such as something which contradicts what Allah has ordered us to do etc. which isn't permitted.
1) The person has to have divine love for Allaah only, which is compulsary in islaam. It isn't permitted that a person's love for anything else goes against the commandments of Allaah.
2) We also have to love the Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) more than we love ourselves - this is needed in order to perfect faith. [check tafsir ibn kathir Qur'an 9:24] (http://tafsir.com/default.asp?sid=9&tid=20914)
3) The 3rd love is a permissible love but it can either lead to sin or it can lead to reward if the believer has the intention of pleasing Allah.
4) The 4th love is what stops a disbeliever from coming closer to Allah, it may be something else worshipped instead of Allah, such as an idol, a person, the persons desires etc. We should seek refuge in Allah from this.
Most people who fall into haraam love usually don't understand islaam properly. They might start off with desire, and gradually be played into falling in love with the person. However, one has to realise that no love is real, no love is really lasting - unless it is done for the sake of Allah. This is why love which is done while disobeying Allah is usually broken, ends up in hurt, and both people usually end up as enemies, or go down other evil after this, unless Allah saves them and blesses them hidaayah (guidance.)
There was a lecture i heard last year, and in this lecture the brother discussed good and bad endings of people.
There was a man who was waiting to go on a date with his girlfriend, i think he was muslim. He was waiting for her somewhere, but for some reason - she was taking a really long time. He was so desperate to meet her, why was she taking so long? After a while, she came. He was WELL HAPPY! He got so happy, he fell down and.. prostrated to her. What? Yeah, he did that.. but guess what? He never got up after that again. He died in that state. May Allaah protect us. You know what's shocking? We will be raised on the day of judgement on the last position we were in.
Here's a good one though.
There was a woman who was getting prepared on her wedding day. The people were putting her makeup on her, her gel and all that women wear on one of their most special days of their life. She finds out its maghrib salaah (prayer.)
"I need to do my wudhu.."
"You've got your makeup on now, you can't do that now.."
"I have to pray salaah!"
She got up and ran to do her wudhu. She washed off her gel, her makeup. Starts praying maghrib salaah.
What's the last thing she does?
She moves her head to the side to finish her prayer; [i]"Asalaamu 'alykum warahmatulah..." the angel takes away her soul.. thats the last words that come out from her mouth..
What will happen on the day of ressurection? We'll be raised up on our last physical action that we did.
Ask yourself - What death do I want? Where do I want to die? How do I want to die?
01-15-2008, 05:24 PM
The first time experience...
The first time is always the most emotional. It's like you're re-born, and you're that baby who got the attention its always wanted. Someone cares for you, and wants to be there for you, they there to help.. they understand, you understand them too. They don't want anything in return except you..
You feel happy, nah its not just happiness - its not even like getting that toy you always wanted when you were small.. but its deeper than that, the whole feeling runs through your body.
Joy, excitement, you smile when you're together, and you just want to shout out to all the world.. your emotions are at an all time high. The first time is the most special, you've never felt this before..
Love is special, its a blessing from Allaah.“And among His signs is this,
that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts.
Verily in that are signs for those who reflect.”
Anyone who's ever been in love can nod their head to that, that verse has to have the greatest description of love. When in love, you feel a sense of calmness.. a sense of ease in your heart. You even feel a physical change, and you sigh more often, deeper breaths which makes you feel even more calm and tranquil. This breathing gets affected tremendously if this relationship breaks, which we may discuss later inshaa'Allaah.
Ibn Katheer says something really interesting to explain this verse:
Tafsir of Surah al-Rum  : 21If Allah had made all of Adam's progeny male, and created the females from another kind, such as from Jinn or animals, there would never have been harmony between them and their spouses. There would have been revulsion if the spouses had been from a different kind. Out of Allah's perfect mercy He made their wives from their own kind, and created love and kindness between them. For a man stays with a woman because he loves her, or because he feels compassion towards her if they have a child together, or because she needs him to take care of her, etc.
The best way to enjoy this love is by staying away from dating even if others around you are getting involved in this. The reason for this is because when you're married, you both have agreed on a contract to live with each other and not cheat on each other.
You've agreed that you will work together so you can channel your feelings in a halaal or even rewarding way instead of doing the same in an immoral and haraam (forbidden) way. Islaam doesn't forbid you from all things, rather it forbids the harmful and it balances your desires, so instead of turning to haraam - you have a halaal method instead.
For instance some food is made haraam for you, yet other food is made permissible. Riba (interest) is forbidden, yet business transactions are permitted. The same way having boyfriends/girlfriends is forbidden, but marriage is permitted and can even be rewarded for if the person has the sincere intention of pleasing Allaah in the process.The Prophet (peace be upon him) said "And one will be performing an act of charity when he has sexual intercourse (with his wife)."
The companions said, "O Messenger of Allah! Will one be satisfying his desire and still gain a reward?"
He said, "Do you see that if he satisfies this desire with Haraam (illegal sexual intercourse), will he carry the weight of this evil act?
Likewise, if he satisfies it with Halal (permissible means, with the wife), he will gain a reward."
[Muslim & Ahmad]
When you fall in love, all that was worrying to you before - lifts off your shoulders. You might use these troubles to gain sympathy off your lover and to gain their attention. When you do this, they understand you and that makes the sad feelings go away. Their there for you, thats all that matters..
Remember when we said before that they put a smile on your face? It's because you can't control it, it just comes out. Sometimes your cheeks even get tired because you're smiling soooo much. It even happens if their not there, and can happen if you remember the good memories you had together.
Next time, try seeing a pair of lovers. Maybe not your mom and dad, don't want the shoe hitting your face now do we? lol don't stare at non mahrams either, but if you can see a pair of lovers. Try looking at them, they'll try to play games with each other. One of them will say something, and even though the other one agrees - they'll become 'cheeky' and try to say the exact opposite. Why? Because opposites attract, and you need some playful opposition to keep things alive. If you both were to simply agree on a point, and not disagree on anything whatsoever - where would the fun be?
Advantages of the first experience:
The advantages of the first time include some of the following:* It happens gradually, so you experience it step by step which makes it more rememberable, this is probably why most people don't forget their first time experience.
* You fall into it whole heartedly, without holding back. You've never experienced it before so you can't control yourself and your emotions. This is why it's of the most powerful experiences within your life.
* You're the most jealous within the first time, because you're in it whole heartedly, you don't want anyone else going close to your lover. You want all the attention, and you don't want anyone to take your place in their eyes, so you do as much as possible to become closer. You're a baby, who wants the attention off the one who cares for you, before their eyes turn towards someone else.
The first experience is the most special.. anyone who's been there knows. Make your first time special, do it for the sake of Allaah, and He will bless you in it more and more inshaa'Allaah. Don't waste your time with other stranger guys or gurlz, because you're just harming yourself - you're harming the innocence of your heart. And the only time you can really experience the love is when your heart is innocent.
Your whole life will change after you experience your first lover - everything you've ever felt in life will seem insignificant uptill that point, let that person be worth it.
Do it the halaal way, Allaah will bless you inshaa'Allaah.
01-15-2008, 05:25 PM
Asalaamu alaikum wr wb.
next part will be added tomorrow insha Allah.. don't worry, the story will carry on soon.
01-16-2008, 12:07 PM
The [Un]Hidden Enemy?
Some days pass by, and you feel that your friend still needs your help. You decide to go to their place. You feel sad that their hurt, but you know that it's better for them.. its for their own good. The people they were with before were harmful for them, and instead of allowing them to fall deeper into the darkness of sin, you have a chance of bringing them closer to Allah's Love and Mercy.
The stage their in right now, is a proper emotional stage and a life changing event. It's like someone’s just pushed them off a plane, they got no parachute, so you gota stand at the bottom with a massive safety net ready to catch em and then quickly divert them towards the hospital for safety.
The hospital is islaam.. because this is a proper critical & emotional time for the person, they can be pushed to one of two extremes [depending on who their friends are]: either towards the guidance and light of islaam, or they can be pushed to the side of evil where they hurt others because of the pain that they experienced them self, which then leads them to the darkness, and once a person falls into that zone - it's really hard to climb back out.
If the person was hurt for the first time, they will get different responses depending on who their friends are. The one who experienced the hurt will be affected by this, because like its been mentioned many times before - you're a baby, and you're going to get affected by everyone around you. These people will affect your future outlook on things, because when you've lost your lover - you feel alone, timid, distressed, weak, and your friends are the one's who will look after you at a social level, which alters the way you think and react.
The same way a mother nurtures her child when it's weak, and the child is affected by the people around it; in the way it thinks, reacts, imagines etc.
Let's look at what would happen if your friend still hung out with the bad boyz or thuggetez:
Your friend would usually go to the person who they felt most comfortable with from the crew. They wouldn't tell everyone in public because that would be a loss of respect infront of the people init? Or maybe something they felt shy about.
Bro, lisen.. remember that gurl i was with a few weeks back?
Yeah? What about her bro?
*the person thinks twice before saying this, their scared - not sure of what the response would be*
...I..m-miss her man..
Nah. no worries bro, this gurlz with some nex man now, y'knw. That's the life init, she thinks she's some pimpress or sutin. You gota get used to it.
..How come she got over it so.. q-quick tho? (the person works hard to control their emotions and their voice becomes quite shakey.)
Bruv, did you really think you two would stik 2geva get married, hav kidz n dat? lol this iz da game man!
- Time Out -
(Deep down inside, thats what your friend felt. He would love it if that could happen, thats what everyone wants. That's the fitrah [natural inclination] Allaah has placed in man, where love and mercy is in the hearts of the people, and this is what keeps them working together, staying together even when hardships come in their way..as a team.)
Your friend knows that you feel this way, but the friend doesn't want to talk about it. They don't want to discuss how you're feeling, because its not kool to do that. This society is surrounded by sin and promotes the idea of a hardened heart, which is the consequence of sins. The friend probably doesn’t even feel sad for the fact that your hurt, rather they would be more happy if you got over it and moved on because you gota be stronger. In other words, have a more harsher, hardened heart, because obviously, the intention is bad.
[خَتَمَ اللَّهُ عَلَى قُلُوبِهِمْ]
(Allah has set a seal on their hearts), "A stamp. It occurs when sin resides in the heart and surrounds it from all sides, and this submersion of the heart in sin constitutes a stamp, meaning a seal.'' Ibn Jurayj also said that the seal is placed on the heart and the hearing.
In addition.. "The stain is not as bad as the stamp, the stamp is not as bad as the lock which is the worst type.''
Al-A`mash said, "Mujahid demonstrated with his hand while saying, `They used to say that the heart is just like this - meaning the open palm. When the servant commits a sin, a part of the heart will be rolled up - and he rolled up his index finger. When the servant commits another sin, a part of the heart will be rolled up' - and he rolled up another finger, until he rolled up all of his fingers.
Then he said, `Then, the heart will be sealed.' Mujahid also said that this is the description of the Ran (refer to 83:14).''
كَلاَّ بَلْ رَانَ عَلَى قُلُوبِهِمْ مَّا كَانُواْ يَكْسِبُونَ
(Nay! But on their hearts is the Ran (stain) which they used to earn)'' (83:14).
[ At-Tirmidhi, An-Nasa'i and Ibn Majah recorded this Hadith, and At-Tirmidhi said that it is Hasan Sahih.]
By the way, I’m not saying that moving on from a previous love is bad – rather, trying to move on from a previously commited sin and not be regretful of it, then go onto other sins is bad. Because the aim of bad friends is to tell you to ‘get over’ the past lover, in order to become a ‘player’ or to become more harsher against others.
Subhan Allaah, surprisingly, females, who are usually known for their emotions even more, give a similar reaction. The irony is that they were also like this at their first time; they were exactly like your friend. In a state of worry, confusion, sadness...
It occurs when your friend might have gone out with a 'player' because he was popular, something which your friends promoted. They pushed you into it, so you went along because you wanted to be accepted, to be known, to be popular. It seemed exciting too, going out with the most popular guy who you could never have imagined to speak to before. Was it because I had started wearing more makeup? because i had removed my hijaab?
Shaytaans clever, he's had more experience than anyone on this earth put together.
Too bad though; because he's inviting us to harm, to sadness and to hell, but for some reason - we chase after it.
Hell's surrounded by desires right?
Your friend probably experienced all that's been mentioned in the previous chapter, love's like getting high without sniffing nothing but the perfume/aftershave your lover wears.
Or is it really love? Love's a two way thing right? Seem's like it wasn't real, or true from the receiving end of the playa or pimpress. Was it just a fake? Why do they do this? Don't they care how people feel?
These are the exact questions your friend asks when you meet them. Why did this happen?
People who have become used to playing others like picking on innocents. Someone who's doing it for his or her first time. You know why? Because they can control and limit their emotions, at least the emotions they have remaining. Whereas the innocent doesn’t know what’s going on, they don’t know the plans – they fall in it more emotionally than using their logic.
Remember we were saying in the earlier chapter that the only one who can't control their emotions are those that are experiencing it for the first time?
That's true, and the players are usually those who can limit their emotions, control them, manipulate them in a way so they don't feel hurt and if they've got bad friends, they will actually promote it and the more they cheat, the more they get rated.
It's a sign of respect infront of the people - yet its a sign of dishonor, and anger in the sight of Allaah.
The playa thinks he/she is getting away with it, they feel proud - yet because their locking their emotions up , they harming themselves and falling deeper down the ladder, the deeper into darkness, and if they don't repent - deeper into the wrath and punishment of Allaah.
Why do these people lock up their emotions? Because they want to have fun and they really don't want to get hurt, so they don't place their emotions in, but use their past experiences and trial and error methods to play the person. To pretend to the other that they love them, while using deceit.
Some gyalz even call themselves 'Gold Diggers' because they use guys for their money, same can be said about some guys doing it to women.
The deeper one falls into this, the further they are turning away from Allaah. They are harming themselves, while feeling proud of who they are - not realising what Allaah has prepared for those who are rebellious.
Hurting someone on purpose is a bad thing. People are so used to it today, where some people say '[i]once a playa, always a playa' and they feel proud of that. These people don't desire a secure, honest relationship. Their heart becomes darker, their emotions are lost. Because they have no emotions, they don't understand, don't feel a sense of right and wrong. The consequences of this are enjoying, desiring evil and hating/detesting what is good [which is going against the fitrah which Allaah has originally programmed us with.]
Abu Hurayrah narrated that the Messenger of Allah said,
«إِنَّ الْمُؤمِنَ إِذَا أَذْنَبَ ذَنْبًا كَانَتْ نُكْتَةً سَوْدَاءَ فِي قَلْبِهِ، فَإِنْ تَابَ وَنَزَعَ وَاسْتَعْتَبَ صَقِلَ قَلْبُهُ وَإِنْ زَادَ زَادَتْ حَتَّى تَعْلُوَ قَلْبَهُ، فَذلِكَ الرَّانُ الَّذِي قَالَ اللهُ تَعَالى:
[كَلاَّ بَلْ رَانَ عَلَى قُلُوبِهِمْ مَّا كَانُواْ يَكْسِبُونَ
(When the believer commits a sin, a black dot will be engraved on his heart. If he repents, refrains and regrets, his heart will be polished again. If he commits more errors, the dots will increase until they cover his heart. This is the Ran (stain) that Allah described,
كَلاَّ بَلْ رَانَ عَلَى قُلُوبِهِمْ مَّا كَانُواْ يَكْسِبُونَ
(Nay! But on their hearts is the Ran (stain) which they used to earn)'' (83:14).
The ironic thing is that these 'players / pimpresses' were just like your innocent friend once upon a time. They fell into love, and got hurt also. They had two choices; either turn towards Allaah and His guidance, or hurt others because you experienced this hurt.
They chose the wrong path, and this is what lead them to harm their own self, and the others who may have fallen astray in the process.
However, Allaah is so Merciful that He is prepared to forgive us for our wrongdoings, even if these sins cover all of the earth. But we have to turn to Him sincerely in order to earn His forgiveness and reward. To Him we shall be brought back and be judged on all that we did.
May Allaah protect us from falling into evil, and may we all die in the state of Islaam. Ameen.
01-16-2008, 01:38 PM
*the phone rings. the latest R n B polyphonic track*
You check the cellphone/mobile screen name, it's him/her!
You got a smile on your face!!
hey sup, Listen.. i need to tell you sutin. i need some space for a while.. i got things on my mind and that.
..w-what..what do you.. mean?
It's not you, it's me.. i got things on my mind, thats all.. i need to sort em out.
What is it? What's the problem.. I can try to help you.. remember what we promised each other, we said we could overcome anything together.
Ayt, yeah about that.. but this is sutin else. We gota have a break for a little while, ya'know.
But.. how come? Is.. it someone else? Why..
Don't you trust me!? Look, I just got other things to sort out.
Anyway, listen, we'll chat later. inabit.
- silence -
*a dead tone echoes in your ears*
You dial the number, which you already know off by heart now.
"The number you are calling is busy.."
You call again, again its the same voice.
*your eyes face down towards the ground.*
A feeling overwhelms you... a feeling..
It's the feeling of when the heart beats faster.. a big lump in the throat, it hurts... You can't control the tears, they flood out no matter how hard you try to hold them in. Your head hurts. Whether you're a guy or a gurl, its the same.. if it's your first time - you're going to feel this pain. This is what your friend was experiencing...
The lump in the throat builds up, it hurts, it feels like your hearts actually reached your throat and you can feel it beating like a drum. It's sour, like.. like when you get hit really hard.
The higher area of your cheeks feel the same hurt as your throat, if you don't close your eyes the pain will increase more..
[like when you've been running for so long and you need to rest, otherwise you get a sour/tangy feeling in your muscles
This is why you have to close your eyes (to ease that pain), and when you do this - the muscles push against your tear glands which are already building up on the amount of water being produced,[this is the reason for the pain.] and when you close your eyes [the muscles which are holding the tears relax] which releases the water & your eyes overflow with tears.
[i]"I tried..i swear.. i really tried.. how can people..d-do this..?" they said.
You can't do nothing, all you can do is watch and make them feel that things will get better with time insha'Allaah. You have to reassure them, you're there for them.. You pass them a tissue, come closer to them.. and give them a hug.
This is what shaytan promises you.. deceit, false desires and harm, in this world and the hereafter. He makes it seem fun, we get that feeling of adrenaline, a 'high'.. yet anyone who's experienced this 'high' - can tell you that there is a worser pain which comes after it. Whether this feeling comes through drugs, guys/gurls etc.
Allaah only forbids us from certain things because He knows that they are harmful for us. And he creates these harmful things in order to test us, if we go stay away from them - we may be saved from it, however some even get stuck there for life, while others Allaah saves by bringing them back to the guidance and light. However, this guidance can only come through sincerety and patience.
You wake up.. oh no! I fell asleep.. you check your phone,
2 new SMS messages Recieved.
I must have overslept, you think to yourself.
- [b]Open -
hey.. listen, i havn't had no callz since dat day. do u really think their with sum1 els now?
i cant sleep. i've tried txtin, evn tried callin but they not pickin up. are you still awake?
You text back telling them you'll come over in a little while.
Come in, he/shes in their bedroom.
Oh okay, thanks.
You go upstairs, the doors locked.
It's me! open up!!
Your friend goes back to lie down again, staring at their phone.
*sigh* you go sit next to them.
Why did it have to happen to me for? I wasn't, i never even.. t-they.. came to me first. I never wanted to hurt him/her, thats the only reason i said yeh when they asked me..
Oh.. but you knew it was a sin.
Yeah.. but.. i really felt it would work, then maybe we could get married and be good.
Good can't come from bad though, sin can put a person in a worser position.
I know.. i know that now. I thought that he/she cared for me, we even said to each other that we would be together like bonnie and clyde. It's just that i wish it never had happened, yet at the same time i do.
I tell myself that if it had never happened to me, my life would be so much easier now, but imagining life without him/her kills me inside.
I can't love him/her if he/she isn't there for me, but i can't move on without them either.
Life without him/her makes me feel lost, yet life before that was free.. everything felt so simple, like i had no worries, and remembering how i cried when i fell in the park makes life before this seem so free.
But when i'm with him/her i feel even more special, i feel like someone cares for me, and they want to be by my side, they understand me and they make me smile. Yet whenever i imagine life without them, i feel lost again. It's like a circle, a cycle.. which has no ends.
You could see a tear rolling down your friends eye. Their face wasn't like that fun, baby face that they had when you two were younger.. it was now more serious, focused, it seemed more mature.
You missed your childhood, when you never had to worry about guys/gurlz, and all you had to worry about was who would win in the playground. This was a life changing event, and your friend wasn't who you knew of before, they were a different personality.
You have no choice though, you have to move forward with them.
Your friend was crying now.. it looked like they were having an anxiety (http://www.answers.com/anxiety&r=67) attack.
You could see the pain in their eyes.. they were still focused like before, except the tears were flowing out much quicker than before. Sometimes they would whisper the person's name.. then become breathless. They would breathe rapidly, their lips quivering, while their eyes rained tears constantly. They would seek security, warmth by holding onto their pillow.
Imagine a baby crying, and what it does when it loses the one it loves and cares for. If a baby loses the one it loves, it can even die because it needs love, the same way it needs food and water to live.
When it cries, its eyes flood with tears, its breathing becomes rapid, its lips quiver, and if it's old enough it cries out, cries out for its mother and holds onto its pillow for security too.
We are all babies deep down inside, we only change outwardly.. but we desire for someone to care for us, to be there for us and to love us...
To be continued inshaa'Allaah...
01-17-2008, 12:17 PM
It was my turn before you!
No! it was mine..
I'm going to tell my daddy over you..
Sooo.. you started it! shall i tell teacher?!? you even hit me.. saddo *sniff*......
Nope, i'm wearing a jubba with a hoody for eid.
Yep, we'll wear it for eid salaah.
It's not the beauty that counts, its the inside isn't it?
Yeah sis, anyway i want to wear loads of jewellery on my wedding day.
lol, thats a looong time yet.. remember your mom said you would get married until only after college?
..yeah thats a long time yet. do you want arranged marriage or love marriage?
Shall we join in?
No, don't. They think their kool but we just messing ourselves up if we get involved.
Yo, sup! listen, we got sutin goin on? wna join in?
...Oh..Alright.. yeh safe!
respekt! ayt your one of us now..
Kool! what do i have to do?
Fo startaz, talk propa.. yo 1 of uz naw, ayt n 2nd we got a lil dare fo ya.
...Alrigh..aiiight! i'm in then...
The Truth of this World
Life is a short journey.. you'll be travelling since the day you're born till the day you die. Then you will rest in your temporary home [the grave], which is probably an even longer place of residence than the home of this world. And the one after it will be even longer lasting.. once Allaah has created the soul of a human or jinn, it will last forever, the location of the next life [hellfire or paradise] can only be determined by what was accomplished within the life of this world.. the person lives in this life while facing many difficulties, and these difficulties can have different responses.
1) Some people may become arrogant and harsh because they are facing difficulties, and they feel it's stopping them from accomplishing what they want in this world.
When they are given an easy time, they act proud, but when they face a difficulty - they become angry and impatient. They feel they are self-sufficient, and rely more on the creation than on the One who really provides for them [Allaah Almighty.]
2) The person feels really weak and helpless, they feel that there's a reason for these problems. This person sometimes turns to God for help because he/she feels weak, but they still need to climb that extra step so they can turn to God whole heartedly. Which will be good for them and make this life and the hereafter easier for them, if they only knew.
3) This person has submitted to God/Allaah whole heartedly. The person feels desperate to turn to Allaah for help, because he/she knows that everything is under Allaah's control. The more a person is dependant on the Creator, the less they are dependant on the creation.
The successful ones are those who turn to God/Allaah whole heartedly in total submission [person no.3] because if a person submits to Allaah and is sincere, Allaah will give this person an easy life in this world and the hereafter. Whereas those who become arrogant when Allaah trials them, they go deeper into their arrogance which may distance them even more further away from Allaah. Person number 2 stays in a state of confusion and if they don't turn to Allaah whole heartedly, they are likely to be influenced by the society around them, which is usually something negative.
The only reason Allaah trials us is to see if we will turn back to Him, if we will stay firm on our belief in Him, because these hardships we face, they are given by Allaah; to remove our sins, to raise our ranks in His sight and in paradise, & to make us better people in this life and the hereafter.
Why? Because a person usually only turns to God if they are in need of help, otherwise we prefer our desires and turn away from what Allaah expects off us. These hardships are a way of bringing us back to Allaah for help, which is in of itself a form of worship.
Truth or Dare? erm.. truth?
lol ayt.. You ever been out with a guy/gurl before?
Nah! thats not a proper answer. You gna do a dare instead, i dare you to go ask him/her out. Go on, you can do it!
what u mean? its a dare, its a game.
*the drum in your chest starts beatin faster*
hey.. lisen erm, this is jus a.. dare, so.. u wna.. go out with.. me? .. it's just a dare sorry.
what u think u r!? do one.
ok, i'm sorry about that..
hahahaaaa! lol that was funny, what did he/she say?
nothin.. it was nothin.
eww! did you see that guy, he thinks hes a thug or sutin. i hate dem wanabez.
lol alow it, he proli part of der crew now init.
yehh.. i thote he waz religios n dat.. weird.
listen bros, i'm out - catch up wit u'z later init.
ayt bruv, chat inabit. make sure u 'dont fall in luv wiv er' shes not your type! haaha.
hm.. ok. inabit.
you walk on home, your annoyed at yourself.. still kinda embarrased, but yeah - i'll be more braver from now on.
you need to get popular, but things aren't working out.. you start walking faster, looking at the floor while thinking of what you did wrong.
what was that? must be my imagination..
You stop. Look around you, to your right.. someones standing there.
"who is it?" you ask.
you walk forward and near the corner you see two gurlz. Or is it one guy? Depends on your gender init.
Note: Females usually prefer to be in groups. This way, they can discuss the issue, usually with their best friend and explain how they feel emotionally etc.
Being in a group with more than two is social, and they might not get involved as deep into matters as much as if there were only two. If there are two and they are best friends, they are likely to explain how they really feel instead of playing along with the way they are expected to act [by the group they are with.]
Guys usually stick together in gangs, especially if they going to face opposition, or if they want to show their strength.
They don't usually discuss their emotions to each other, however - if two really trust each other, they might discuss how they feel regarding a certain issue. In islamic principles its a good thing to explain how you feel, especially when you know something is wrong. However, in the society we live in it is looked down upon, and this has many evil consequences such as doing something wrong, even though you know its harmful.
"listen, come here.. my mates callin ya"
"yeh?" you look at her then quickly look down..
[this is shocking because when Allah orders us to lower our gaze in the Qur'an 24:30 - we are naturally by default embarrased to stare at a person from the opposite gender, however this can be altered if the staring is done continuously and this feeling of hayaa (modesty) dies out.]
[i]"listen, you know what happened today yeh.. i was kinda harsh on ya, jus wanted to say sorry n dat init."
"oh.. its ok."
"go on, say it then."
"what she's tryna say is that she thinks your cute."
"oi, shurup you lol" *embarrased*
"Nah calm down gurl, so wa u think of her?"
"Wna go on a date with her then? listen, whats your numba, we'll give you a call later init."
"Just give us a bell and we'll save your numba"
*you take your phone out and save the other persons no. then you miscall them so they know what your number is too.*
"ayt, chat later yeh.. she's just quiet cuz shes shocked, thats ma gurl init!"
you rush home.. that funny feeling inside of you, its an exciting feeling. lol you got that smile on your face now init? your boddy feels ticklish.. and you're taking looong breaths [compare this to the short, quick rapid breaths of the person who's been hurt.]
01-17-2008, 12:17 PM
Love is like A Tree
Love can't really be described in one word. It's a tree, and there are loads of branches extending out of it.
These branches include; extreme joy, extreme sadness, grief, anxiety, excitement, looking forward to what may come ahead, sweetness, pain, energy, a feeling of the unability to do anything.
Any word you can describe love with, its always got an opposite extreme to it.
This world has both of these extremes in, where love can end in pain, and pain can turn into love. Where many hard years of earning wealth can be destroyed within a moment, and a large amount of wealth can be earned within a small amount of time.
Allaah has created these factors so that we may see both sides of this world and recognise the reality of the hereafter. If a person submitted to Allaah in this world and through Allaah's Mercy entered paradise, there would be eternal love, joy, peace, tranquility, happiness there.
Yet anyone who disbelieved and turned away from Allaah's signs, they are liable to Allaah's punishment, and the punishment of the fire will be pure regret, hatred, anger, sadness etc.
Anything which Allaah has made haraam [forbidden] for us in this world, it is for our and other peoples benefit. Yet at the same time, like mentioned in an earlier chapter - Allaah has made certain things permissible for us, so instead of adultery/fornication, Allaah has made permissible for us marriage, and instead of doing haraam to fulfill our desires, we have something permissible instead to fulfill our desires and even get rewarded for it.
We all will die, and every soul will taste death. If we have turned to Allaah whole-heartedly, we will be succesful in the hereafter inshaa'Allaah. However, if we have turned away from Allaah and His messenger's commands, we are doing injustice because we are turning away from what Allaah has made permissible for us, inreturn for what is sinful, and harmful for ourselves and others.
We know that even if we love someone fully from our heart in this world, it still won't do good if it is a sinful love, rather it will push us deeper into Allaah's anger. If it's a permissible love, you may even get rewarded for it, that is allowed and if you keep your duty to Allaah your love story can continue in paradise insha'Allah forever...
01-17-2008, 01:40 PM
What Can I do?
How long has it been now?
oh ok.. listen, try not to think about it too much then.
what can i do though? that's all i got on my mind.
hm.. what did you used to do, like what do you miss?
It's jus..st that we could talk about anything together. We said we wouldn't end it.. i don't, i don't think i can ever move on..
But, it wasn't even for too long.
Yeah, i know.. but my whole life, it feels worthless now..
No, don't say that!
it is though.. seriosly, everything that happened to me, it feels as if the rest of it's irrelevant, except the time when i was with them.
Can't you try to forget about it though?
no.. i think the reason why its so powerful is because usually.. in our lives, we do things which we don't fully focus on. So we don't use all our senses, maybe use hearing, listening while talking to someone. Or maybe tasting when you're eating.. but the difference is that when you're with that person.. you use all the senses you have, and that makes you remember them memories more.
Like, you use your eyes to stare at them, and your eyes pupils become bigger so you can stare into their eyes.. you hear every word they say carefully, trying to remember it; every word they say, and every moment feels special.
What about the others like smell, taste, and feeling?
All the time you got that person on your mind, so whenever you do anything - it reminds you of that person.. whenever you eat something, that taste remains in your mind, the scents you smell, the things you touch. It all gets stored in your memory.. that's why anything you do after makes you feel hopeless, because all your emotions feel limited, whenever you remember the person, you feel lost, because their not there for you no more...
Oh.. do you feel like moving on though? So that way, you can try to forget the past and try to do new things to keep your mind busy?
Move on to what though? I thought he/she was my future.. we could be together and have a family together. But, it looks like.. it was all false promises, it all just ended so quick..
I'm tired now.. tired of this world. I don't know what to do, where to go.. it's like, like...
It's like what?
.. I don't know what to say. You know like when you hold some ice, even though its freezing cold, you still feel it burning you, just like fire. The one that made me feel so special, they were the one who made me feel the lowest.. it's like they didn't even care. They just ended it.
You kept listening, trying to understand what they were going through. They would sometimes get breathless and emotional like before, but they had stopped contacting this person now, they had given up hope in them.. yeah - they desired to be with them again.. but we don't always get what we want in this world. Usually this is a blessing in disguise from Allaah.
Therefore, we can say that the first step for you is is to lookafter the person who's hurt, allow them to explain how they feel, and allow them to let it all out instead of keeping it locked in.
Don't always keep saying to them that 'you will get over it', or 'there are plenty of other fish in the sea' because this hurts the person more. They don't want any other fish apart from the one they were with before.
Every person differs on how long it takes for them to recover, so you will have to be patient.
However, you can tell them to be patient and gradually with time they will be able to move on.
At the same time explain to them that they might feel they can't move on, but Allaah has made us in a way so that we can, but this takes patience. The person will realise this later on in life, and its still worth mentioning because its something positive.
At the same time you can explain that Allaah never overburdens a soul with more than it can bear.
On no soul doth Allah Place a burden greater than it can bear. It gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it earns.
(Pray: ) "Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget or fall into error; our Lord! Lay not on us a burden Like that which Thou didst lay on those before us; Our Lord! Lay not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Blot out our sins, and grant us forgiveness. Have mercy on us. Thou art our Protector; Help us against those who stand against faith."
Your friend will still feel sad.. they don't really want to move on, they want to be with this person. But they can't.. we know this world is surrounded by hardships, and even though Allaah may take away something/someone we love away from us, it is only for our own good. Allaah knows what is in the future, while we don't.
This person we were in love with may have given us a worser time in this life in the future, maybe made us live a sinful life, or maybe even lead us into the hellfire because of our sins and wrongdoing [we seek refuge in Allaah from this.]
The reason why its a blessing in disguise is because if it wasn't for this reason that stopped them, they would try to cling on even if they had to hold onto a thread. However, by one person ending it - it's actually the only way the person can try to move on Other situations which force the relationship to end, such as parents, death, moving away etc are all different ways which may break up a relationship.
But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth, and ye know not.
You have to move forward...
As time passes by, your friend will gradually have to move on, whether they like it or not.
What can you do?
The first thing is, you have to make them lift their head up. If their still thinking about the past, it's going to keep them depressed for even longer.
Do this only after a few weeks, or 2/3 months minimum.. otherwise it's going to be rushed. It's also going to be hard to push them forward if you don't allow them the time for rest, or time to get over it.
You need to bring them to a new group of people. The best thing to do is to bring this person to practising muslims, maybe in a new environment.
This is because the person experiences a new place, and different people.
The new environment is important because your friend will experience new things. Maybe see something new, talk to, and listen to others who have a different mindset, compared to your mates old friends. Your friend will still feel in a daze, however these new people are likely to keep your friends mind more occupied, instead of your friend just staying at home all day [while remaining depressed about everything which occured in their past relationship]
Okay, lets see what we've just said.
[b] 1) Allow your friend to feel sad, and explain how they feel for a few weeks. Reassure them that things will get better inshaa'Allaah.
Don't use quotes like 'there are plenty more fish in the sea' or 'get over it' - but show that you feel their pain. And show them that you're a good friend. If you become arrogant and tell them their acting like a baby, their just going to feel more hurt.
Also pray to Allaah for them, because Allaah is the one who changes the hearts.
2) After a few weeks or 2/3months. Bring them to practising muslim friends so these people can benefit them in a good way inshaa'Allaah.
The Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) said:
"A person is likely to follow the faith of his friend, so look whom you befriend."
[Abu Dawood and at-Tirmidhee]
These people will make the person move on from their sad memories and make them think about new things. Your friend will have more contact with different people [instead of the sinning friends they may have had before.]
Keep this constant and make your friend meet them and go to different environments to keep their mind occupied. These environments can include meeting other good friends, reflecting on the creation of Allaah [i.e. scenery], visiting islamic seminars etc. anything which will make the person feel abit more different, a new experience for them. Their in a weak, timid state - so they need to have a calm place, time where they can feel relaxed. This is usually common in places where there is alot of nature.
Gradually as time passes by, your friend will start thinking less about the past and be occupied with the present inshaa'Allaah.
Remember we discussed in an earlier chapter that your friend's just been pushed off a plane? It's really important that you take them to safety with good practising muslim friends. If you don't, their just going to become harsh, or get influenced by society again to do more wrong.. which may make them hard hearted, and push them further into darkness - which we really don't want.
People differ alot; some move on from the past within a few weeks, months, others it might even take a year or more. However, the same method applies, but the timing differs. You know your friend, and you have to help them - its your responsibility. Don't give up on them, if you work hard enough and place your trust in Allaah - He will help youl; dua' (prayer) and patience - these are of the most powerful weapons which we underestimate.
You keep hearing this statement loads right? You're a baby, and you're going to be affected by those around you. You're the friend, it's your responsibility to help them from not falling astray. It's also your responsibility to be with those who are practising islaam, otherwise you could fall astray too.
So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief:
Verily, with every difficulty there is relief.
[Qur'an Inshirah 94:5-6]
A man asked the Prophet http://www.livingislam.org/durood.gif about the Hour (i.e. Day of Judgment) saying, "When will the Hour be?" The Prophet http://www.livingislam.org/durood.gif said, "What have you prepared for it?" The man said, "Nothing, except that I love Allah and His Apostle. " The Prophet http://www.livingislam.org/durood.gif said, "You will be with those whom you love." We had never been so glad as we were on hearing that saying of the Prophet (i.e., "You will be with those whom you love.") Therefore, I love the Prophet http://www.livingislam.org/durood.gif , Abu Bakr and 'Umar, and I hope that I will be with them because of my love for them though my deeds are not similar to theirs. Anas narrated it.
Who do we really love?
Those who follow the way of the dwellers of paradise, or do we love the way of those who are under the wrath of Allaah?
Which group of people do we really want to be raised up with?
01-17-2008, 06:02 PM
why is life like this..? i thought it would be more special .. why did it have to end so soon.. i should have been more patient.. should have stayed away..
But if i never, i wouldn't ever meet up with him/her.. and I wouldn't feel hurt that way though?
..i miss those times... *sigh* .. lifes so messed up...
*Beep Beep* 1 New SMS Recieved.
Your heart skips a beat. You rush to open it.[indent] - Open -
Hey, sup. listen, wna hook up?
who is it? reply bak.
Who could it be? is it them? i wish it is... go on, reply back quick please!
1 NEW SMS
its me, i changed my number.
sorry about before, i had to sort some things out.
anyway, u ayt n dat?
hey! yeh, its ok. i 4giv u. i missed u sooo much.
where u wna meet up?
erm.. whereva init. cinemaz? be there at 7.
okay! i'll meet u there outside at 7. i missed u. mwah x
What? is this a dream!? you've got all that energy inside of you again.. you wipe your eyes and start searching for your best clothes.
Where you going? It's getting late.
Oh, just to a friends house.
It's gettin late now, whats with all the makeup?
Don't worry, she's got a party. Girls only, i'll be back by 10. Don't tell dad init, he'll flip.
Alright, don't mess about. This is cuz u backed me up last time, safe?
Alright, ayt.. anyway am out.
Wonder wats up with her? hm...
Have i got my phone? *checks pocket*
Hey, listen. Can you drop me off to pictures?
yeh, k.. wa time?
dno.. bwt half 6ish?
k, u owe me..
thx! yeh, i owe ya.
Beeep beeeeep! "get in you idiot!"
So who izi? wats hiz name?
lol, he ma hero init.
ayt ayt.. make sho hez na playin ya lol.
yeh, we ere. take a bus home init? i'll be at wrk. need sum cash?
nah, got sum from home. kk inabit!
Looks quite busy.. wonder where he's at? Oh, its not 7 yet.
hm this is takin a while.. i'll text him.
Yo! wag1.. how long u been waitin for?
Hey! na dat long.. i missed ya.
Nah, am here now init. so wa u wna watch den?
Dno, u pik. I'm happy with woreva u wna watch..
Ayt.. safe. We'll watch an action movie. u okay wit dat?
If you're happy, i'm happy...
Anyway, we'll decide later init. What u been upto? Been starin at any new guys lately?
W-what? what you mean..?
Oh, nothin. What's new anyway?
Nothin really.. i'm jus really happy that you're ere now...
Listen, anyway. I think i left my cash at home, let me check my wallet.
*opens up wallet, and looks through it.*
I'm skint. You got any money?
Yeah, i got some from home.. how much u need?
hm.. sorry about this yeah, nah we just need enough to see the movie together init.
Yeh.. don't worry. I'll pay.
Good one, thanks. C'mon, lets go now. Their about to start, let's get the tickets.
The seats are at the back i think.
Yeah, should have come earlier.
I did, but yeah.. maybe next time.
It's about to start..
Hey listen, do you think you could get some popcorn? We could share and that init?
Sure, that's okay.
You walk away to get the popcorn.
*Beep Beep* uh oh, i should have kept it on silent.==================
Hey, where are you! listen, you need to get home.
Why what is it? *you whispered back*
I heard you said that you was at my house.
Oh, how did you find out?
Your bro rang my house, he asked, and we never had no party...
Do my parents know?
I'm not sure, but get home quick okay?
..okay.. i'll try.
You walk back towards your seat.
Who were you on the phone with?
Oh, it was just my friend..
Where's the popcorn?
I forgot to get that, sorry.. listen, i'm really really sorry about this but i have to go.. my friend just called me, and i have to go home.
Who's this friend you keep talking about? You sure you not messing about with me?
No, honest. I'd love to stay with you, but i can't init..
Why not? Is this friend more special than me?
It's not that...
Look - i can't be bothered with this, just do one.
I'm really sorry.. seriosly.
Nah, you can go. I'll stay here.
Ok..kay. i'm sorry. Bye.
he wasn't interested, just kept staring at the screen.
You went outside, it was dark now. The street lamps had a glow to them, it was becoming colder.
Your heart sank.. a lonely feeling. You worked hard to control your tears again. Something covered your heart this time.. like an extra layer.. like a cloak.
You waited at the bus stop, everything became blurry.. you wiped your eyes.
The skin underneath them had become soar now, it hurt.
Listen, come inside quick.
*You walked in, and rushed upstairs.*
"I think they know where you've been..."
01-17-2008, 06:03 PM
Asalaamu alaikum wr wb.
lol thats it for today.. nex part comin 2moro insha Allah.
01-18-2008, 12:24 PM
The Good Friend
What took you so long anyway?
I was at my mates house init..
Nah, don't mess about. We phoned your mates house.
Listen, i dno.. i think you should tell the truth before you get yourself into a deeper mess...
Both of you! come downstairs.
you sat there, staring hard at the floor.
C'mon.. dad's calling.
You stood up.. everything's happening too quick you thought to yourself.
Both of you, come down! Now!
You walked down the stairs, knowing that you were going to be questioned.. i wish i could run away you thought to yourself.
You were in a daze, everything had happened within one day. No-ones even on my side, you felt alone...
You sat down, not knowing what the response would be..
So, where did you go?
You felt, scared.. confused. What can i do? You was just getting over what had happened earlier today, and now i had to face this.
These thoughts floated in my mind, i was scared.. yet the room was dead silent.
Your eyes were still firmly fixed to the ground, is this really the worst moment i've experienced in my life? It was a feeling of hopelessnes, an empty feeling. Tears were working hard to burst out, but you strived to keep them locked in.. one escaped, it ran down your cheek.
How long was this going to take??
Pass me your phone.
Now go to your room.
You tried opening your mouth, it was dry.. no sound came out, just a choke.. you put the phone on the table.
The eyes were hurting now, you closed them to stop more from rolling out.. as soon as they were closed, you ran upstairs. Fell onto your bed as tears rushed out, like a fountain.. you pushed your face into into the pillow and wiped your eyes.
Hopeless.. nobody to trust..everything was too much.. you.. cried yourself to sleep... you were having a dream.. everything was so special;
hey! where shall we meet up? hahaa, lol. lets go together okay? yeh! safe.
..where are u? stop messin with me.. i'm here.where!?i'm here..ur krazy lol. oii!!...
Oi! Wake up! wake up.. its me, its me. Your eyes were stuck to the pillow.
where! who? i cant see..?
It's me, what happened? What did your parents say?
.. oh it was just a dream... i miss them times..
i'm sorry.. what happened yesterday?
i don't wna talk about it.. my parent's have my phone now though. *you rubbed your eyes*
oh.. does it still have the messages in?
yeah.. dno what they gna say yet.
i'll pray for you..
thanks.. these past few weeks have been kinda tough, especially the past few days.
yeh, i feel your pain. i've known you since we were kids lol.
remember when we used to hate each other?
oh yeah.. lol. time.. changes people..
yeah.. it does.. alot...
You know when i walked in, your parents were lookin at me weird..
i think i know why..
cuz of yesterday?
yeh, because ..i said i were at your place, sorry?
it's k. listen, i've been goin to the masjid lately because i never had too much people to hang out with.. i made some friends there, is it okay if i call them over?
okay, make sure it's not someone from the opposite gender.
lol shurup.. obviously.
"Asalaamu 'alykum, listen - can you come over to my mates house? the one i was talkin about earlier?"
"wa alykum as-Salaam, alright. I was thinking of comin over anyway."
Alhamdulillah, they comin over. I hope your parent's dont get suspicious.
doesn't matter, they practisin muslims anyway. your parents might be happy.
so what happened yesterday then? did it end?
yeh.. kinda. i dno, its mixed messages init.. its not like the same like the beginin, everythin changed.. i dno why.
what if its another person?
Come downstairs! your friends here.
Can you go down for me?
Oh okay. insha'Allah.
hm.. I wonder what that dream was about? They have been actin strange quite alot lately.
You heard some people running up the stairs.
Asalaamu 'alykum! hey.. how are you.
wasalamz.. am ayt n dat, u?
yeh, me gud thx.
i met them at the masjid init.
lol yeh, we study together.. got a club runnin in the masjid, we go places, travelin and everythin..
my mates just abit down today, that's all. lol.
its ok.. no probz. whats up anyway?
nah, its nothin.
no go on..
it's someone i knew...
oh.. is it, someone?
Love's something you don't have much control over, it usually happens before you know you've fallen into it. sometimes, it doesn't work out..
it reminds me of a story in the lifetime of the prophet (peace be upon him.)
i'll try explaining it insha'Allaah:
The Messenger of Allah salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam was telling his uncle Al Abaas the story of Mugheeth and Bareerah, he said: "O Abbas! Isn't it amazing how much Mugheeth loves Bareerah and how much Bareerah loves/hates? Mugheeth?"
Bareerah was a female slave and A'isha was interested in buying her. She was married to Mugheer, and Ai'sha freed her (they were married in slavery); a free woman cannot marry a slave man, so after she became free, she had the choice to keep this marriage or to ask for the dissolvent of the marriage. She said, "Alhamdulillah, I'm tired of this marriage, I'm going to get out." Mugheer loved her so much, sincerely and honestly. After she left him, he couldn't take it, so he went in public weeping, chasing her, asking her "Ya Bareera just look at me or talk to me." He went to sahaba and said, "Please talk to her for me (to Abu Bakr and Umar and at the end, even to the Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wassalam) to ask him to intercede. So Prophet (peace be upon him) (as the mercy for mankind) felt sorry for him, and he said he'd do it. When he went to Bareerah, she asked, "Are you commanding me or are you just interceding?" The Prophet said, "I'm interceding." She replied, "If this is the case, then I don't want him", and since all else failed, he spent his life chasing after her and crying for her.
What to gain from the hadith:
Excessive love sometimes causes the forgetfulness of shyness. Just like in his example, he could not hide his love for Bareerah, but the Prophet (peace be upon him) didn't chastise him for it (becuse it wasn't in his hands.) He wouldn't have been chastised for it unless he totally crossed the limits. Imam Ibn Hajr said that it is permissible if it's out of someone's hands.
In the story above, Mugeeth even went to the extent that he asked the Prophet to intercede for him. Mugheeth loved her so much that the Prophet didn't deny that love, and he didn't say, "You can't because she's not your wife anymore."
*Love is a secret and it's an amazing secret from Allah (Subhanaw wa Ta'Ala!)*
oh.. thats shokin. I never knew islaam covered all of dat. i thought it was all about prayin n everythin.
nah, nearly anything that happens in our lives, we can relate it to the life of the Prophet or his companions. That's so kool because atleast we know that other people have been in similar situations to us..
yeh.. thats true u know. i never thought of it that way before.
just remember that Allaah never overburdens you with what you can't bear, Allaah won't test you so much that you feel you can't take it no more.. love feels like that sometimes, but in reality - Allaah is strengthening you, making you a more stronger , patient person.
We going library tomorrow, wna come with us? We can get some islamic books insha'Allaah?
Aiigh..Alright. Sure, tomorrow insha'Allaah. Tell my parents though, i don't want them being suspicious on me.
No worries, we'll sort it out for you insha'Allah!
01-18-2008, 04:59 PM
The 3 Steps to the Cure
When getting over a past relationship - theres 3 main steps the person has to go through in order to 'move on.' or move forward in their life.
The 3 Steps are:
3) Moving Forward.
All the events will differ according to each person. Some people will move from one step to the other quicker than someone else.
Some of the factors which affect this are if it's the persons first love, other reasons might include the persons friends and how these friends may distract them from the past and push them to move on etc.
1) Recovery Period.
In the first step, your friend will try to hold onto the relationship as tight as he/she possibly can. Their desperate to make it work and may even go back to their lover, even if this person cheated on them.
The emotions override the logic and all the person wants is for things to be normal again, but they can't - because they feel that without their lover their nothing, and even though they might want things to be back to normal - it can't because it was a life changing event for them.
You should allow your friend to go through this stage; they might cry, feel depressed, and want someone to talk to about everything. Be there for them and give them some time to recover. If you don't allow them to recover, they may become hard hearted and be forced to keep their past behind them. Which can have negative affects, so allow them to recover and explain how they feel.
Minimum time: 1 Month or a few weeks.
This is the stage where the person isn't sure of what to do. They still don't want to move on, but they know that it won't work out. Maybe they havn't had contact with the person for a while,
The person was clinging on in step no.1, but they fell off. Now they don't know where they are. They might still explain how they feel, but by now they've probably let it all out. You should now try to walk foward with them, maybe get more good friends who can influence them in a positive way.
These friends might help them and explain to them similar situations they know of, maybe within the lives of the prophets, the righteous etc.
We know of a famous worshipper called Fudhayl:
HE BROUGHT ME TO THEM SO THAT I CAN REFORM MY CHARACTER..
Al-Fudayl bin Iyaad was famous for his piety and worship, but he was not always a practicing Muslim. In his early years, al-Fudayl was an infamous highway robber; he would prowl in the night for victims on the road from Abiward to Sarakhs. Between these two cities was a small village in which lived a girl that al-Fudayl was in love with. One night, out of desperation to be with her, al-Fudayl climbed the wall of her home. As he was climbing over it, he heard a voice recite:
?????? ?????? ?????????? ??????? ???? ???????? ??????????? ???????? ???????
Has not the time come for the hearts of those who believe to be affected by Allah's Reminder?
[al-Hadeed : 16]
At that moment, al-Fudayl answered, "O my Lord, the time has indeed come." He returned from where he came and sought refuge near a traveling party on the main road. They were busy engaging in a serious discussion. al-Fudayl heard one of them say, "Let us continue our journey now." Another answered, "No, not until the morning, for al-Fudayl is lurking on the road somewhere out there, just waiting to rob us."
Having heard the entire conversation, al-Fudayl thought to himself, "I go around in the night to sin, while a group of Muslims remain here because they fear me. Indeed i feel that Allah has brought me here to them only so that I can reform my character. O Allah, I indeed repent to you.."
[MOD.EDIT No outside links please]
You see that the most pious of people may not have been pious once upon a time, but due to their sincerety and good companions - they came closer to Allaah. How could they imagine they would be known 1000 years later? That is part of Allaah's Mercy and signs for those who are sincere to Him.
The Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) said:
A person is likely to follow the faith of his friend, so look whom you befriend.”
[recorded in Abu Dawud & Tirmidhi]
So you should benefit yourself and your friend with friends who will influence you in a good way.
This is the stage where your friend is confused, they need to move ahead and this can only be done through social interaction. Otherwise the friend who's heart-broken isn't going to move on from the past.
These social friends should be good, and help you guys move forward. Even if you give him/her a little push.
3) Moving Forward.
Moving Forward can only be done once your friend is giving signs of recovery; maybe their interested in what your friends are saying, or maybe their talking about something else besides their previous relationship. Maybe their crying less, and wanting to accept the advice instead of simply nodding their head to please you.
Again, it will differ on how quick your friend recovers. Keep them busy so they don't hold onto the past and don't mention it much either, but keep them moving forward. Keep them busy with other activities, other ideas and thoughts. If you keep giving that extra push - they will have other things on their mind, and have a new social group - and feel accepted, loved and cared for.
That's what you want, and if you're doing it to please Allaah - you will be rewarded for it and Allaah will help make things easier for you. Just keep remembering, dua' (prayer) and patience are of the best weapons of the believer.
01-19-2008, 10:38 AM
Don't listen to them! ?
Listen to what?
Look for me! Young, B
Cruisin down the westside - highway
Doing what we like to do - our, way.
.. huh? what's that!? o-l-d-skool.
<< R - E - W - I - N - D <<
When people listen to it, they feel hyper. Like their on top of the world, but it can make you sad too.. What you think, you agree?
Especially when you're in the moment, when you feel like you got the world. When you feel you can break through any barrier. Yet when you're not together it breaks you down, like you're hopeless.. but atleast it understands you, it knows what you're going through?
It hits you most when you hear it again, but this time the situation is different. Last time you were hyper when you listened to it, but this time you're sad.. because you don't have no-one to share it with. You don't have that security you had before, and you don't know who or what to apply your emotions on.
It's like you were hanging onto something before, you even felt secure - but someone just c-u-t that rope which you were clinging onto. Everything went down.. after that.
Yeah, you probably guessed it. The songs you listen to affect you and your emotions ALOT. We discussed earlier that your senses are at an all time high; including your hearing, seeing, smelling, emotions etc. All these are stored up in your mind.
So if you ever do something later on which reflects on the time you had the relationship (like taste, listening to something you heard previosly etc), its likely to confuse you, because inside you still have that desire for that relationship to be there.. but its not, which confuses your mind, it makes your heart skip a beat, almost like it just sunk.
In the Recovery Period of the relationship, the person usually tries to reflect on the moments when they had that relationship, they try to listen to the same songs, or think about the moments because they feel insecure. They want it to be there, but it isn't. They keep asking themselves Why? How? Unsure of whats coming ahead.
The problem is that because the person keeps holding onto the past memories, they don't want to walk forward. So they listen to the same songs, while crying and tiring themselves out. Those moments of happiness you once had are against you - your closest companion is now someone who your jealous of. You don't trust hardly anyone. And you don't want to move on.
This is why its important to keep moving forward with your friend, even though it should be gradual. If they keep listening to these tracks, their sticking onto the past, if they keep doing it - their going to feel insecure, and remain in the past for too long. You have to push them forward lightly. Take them tracks away from them, which are likely to be haraam [Forbidden] anyway because of the music and evil lyrics. Which can lead a person more further astray, especially when their in a weak situation like this...
What's the point of this? Wel.. erm, you just gota try to stop your friend from listening to these tracks because you want them to move on.
That can only happen if you make them move on from this past. And you as the friend have to remove those obstacles out of their way, but it should be done gradually.. don't rush it.
01-19-2008, 10:39 AM
The Islamic Wisdom?
When a woman gets divorced, or widowed [her husband dies] - she has to go through a waiting period, called the Iddah (in arabic.)
The iddah differs; according to if she's been divorced, or if she's been widowed.
The woman who's been widowed has to wait for [MOD.EDIT No outside links please] 4 months and 10days as a waiting period What's the wisdom behind that?[/i]
You usually hear alot of people say its because she might be pregnant within that time, so if she was to get married to someone within this period, she wouldn't know who the father is, of the child.
That makes sense right?
Okay, now there was a situation at the time of the companions of the Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him.) Umar ibn al-Khattaab was the Khalif [leader of the believers] at that time, and the muslim soldiers had gone out.
It is related that one night Umar went on his round in Madina as usual. It was the dead of night, and every where was quiet. From one of the houses in the street, Umar heard a lady lamenting. She said:
"The night is wearisome and keeps me sleepless;
For I have none to keep me company.
I fear Allah, Who keeps watch over our souls,
And would not take another companion,
But who could tell Umar,
That he should not be so cruel,
As to keep my husband away from me,
For such a long period."
Umar knocked at the door, and when the lady came to the door he said:
"I have heard, what you wanted to be conveyed to Umar.
How long has your husband been away."
The lady said, "About a year."
Umar said, "Rest assured your husband would come back to you shortly."
Umar consulted Hafsa (his daughter - the widow of the Messenger of Allaah) as to the maximum period for which a man might remain separate from his wife.
She suggested a period of four months. Umar accordingly issued orders to the effect that unless a man of the armed forces could take his wife with him, he should be allowed a spell of leave after every four months of active service on the front.
[MOD.EDIT No outside links please]
So from there we see that out of Allaah's wisdom, we see the mother of the believers saying that a woman can wait upto a limit of 4 months till she can't wait no more, and if the husband doesn't return - she has to move on, or atleast the husband has to return home.
And we also know that the waiting period of the widow is 4months and 10 days [MOD.EDIT No outside links please]. maybe this symbolises that a person can get over someone else after about 4months?
Within that waiting period, the person has time to recover [go through the Recovery Period] and gradually get over the past relationship.
Umm Habeebah bint Abi Sufyaan reported that when the news of her father’s death reached her, she called for some perfume and wiped it on her forearms, and said: [i]“I do not need it, but I heard the Prophet http://www.islam-qa.com/images/saws.gif (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: ‘It is not permitted for a woman who believes in Allaah and the Last Day to mourn for any dead person for more than three days, except for a husband, (in which case the period of [MOD.EDIT No outside links please] is) [u]four months and ten days. (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4926).
After this period (if she isn't pregnant) she can marry someone else. After this period of 4 months, she's mourned over her husband. She might even be over it now, and if she wants to get married - she can.
Within this iddah period, she might even have friends over who might help her, to make her feel abit more securer. So she can gradually move on.
We discussed the 3 steps to recovery before in another chapter:
The 3 Steps are:
3) Moving Forward.
Maybe these steps differ according to how attached you two really were?
Maybe your friends helped you walk forward quicker to help you move on?
Or what if everyones just different?
Ahmed Ibn Hassan
01-19-2008, 12:53 PM
Allah has blessed you with the concern for your religion and for your community. This concern is not a problem; it is a blessing. You should thank Allah that you have these concerns. Instead of feeling depressed or angry, you should try to take this concern in a positive way. Pray regularly. Take good care of yourself. Try to be in the company of the Muslim youth who are seriously minded and who are doing well at school and at home. Do not associate with those who are failures or those who always complain about others. I suggest that you also pray Tahajjud prayers. Get up about an hour before Fajr time. Take a full bath with the intention of purity. Put on clean clothes and pray four or eight rak`ah nafl prayer in a place where you are alone by yourself. Pray well. Make long ruku` (bowing) and sujud (prostration) and then make du`a'. Ask Allah to teach you and to guide you.
You should also prepare yourself to correct the false information against Islam. You must pay attention to your studies, learn more about your religion and practice what you learn. Become a real soldier of Allah to guide Muslims and non-Muslims to the right path. Do not let this fire of faith die from your heart. Let it grow and let others also get the same concern that you have. Pray to Allah to use you for His work of truth and guidance. May Allah bless you and keep you on the right path."
01-19-2008, 04:31 PM
Asalaamu alaikum wr wb.
Jazak Allah khayr akhi :) thats some useful advice in this thread.. insha Allah it will benefit those reading this. may Allah reward you.
01-19-2008, 04:32 PM
Life Goes On...
[<] - Track 5 - L . . . - [>]
You had your headphones on.
You looked out of your bedroom window, it wasraining. The rain was tapping your window, you opened it. I need some air to clear up my mind..
Staring at the ceiling. The past flashed through your mind; It was sunny and warm, you were sitting in the park, your uncle was walking past so you ran quick .... FAR.
You were laughing. "Did you see that!? lol hahaa, they nearly busted ya!" "Yeah.. was close init. Phew!"
You were breathless. "Who was that?" "Lol, someone i know, don't take the mick ayt?!" "lol thats funny.""Wonder what your uncles doing in the park!? "lol!"
Everything seemed bright and colorful. You still remembered the scent of the different colored flowers...
- Suddenly, a cold breeze started blowing in your direction, it gradually grew stronger. Something hit your face, it was cold, wet.. it was a raindrop.
"uh-oh, i think its going to start to rain now."
"Yeah, i think so too. Listen, i gota go now."
"Oh, its okay.. i think i should go too."
"No worries, text me okay?!"
"Yeh will do!! see ya!"
It was cold, the wind was pushing stronger now.. you put your jacket on tighter, and ran back home.
You hugged your pillow tighter, it was cold. A warm drop of water rolled down your eye.. *sigh*
You closed the window, and stared at the ceiling again.
Come downstairs, Your mates here!
You were listening to a track. Atleast someone knows how i feel, you told yourself.
The Music was on loud, you couldn't hear anything else except that.
You might aswell go to their room.
Oh okay, thanks.
You heard someone knock on the your bedroom door, 'i cant be bothered' you told yourself and lay back down again.
They walked through, and sat next to you.
You put the volume down, whats up?
Remember when said we were gona meet up in library? Get ready quick c'mon.
We'll be waiting in the car, be quick.
Oh yeah, what did you say to my parents? Will they let me go?
Yeh alhamdulillah, we sorted it out. That mate i found in the masjid helped me to convince them.
lol alhamdulillah, kool! I'll be out inabit.
Don't worry, their coming.
Salaamz. Okay c'mon, lets go.
make sure no-one see's ya..
they goin to laugh at us..
we in the library man! lol
nah, we gota live our life init. if we keep runnin after everythin they say, then we'l just be doing whatever they tell us to do and we'l become one of em.
tru.. not like they get upto any good anywayz..
Anyway, what we looking for?
We were looking for some books init, for 'educational purposes' lol.
Don't call each other that..
Call each other what?
What you mean?
Nah, iss nothin. my bad.
I'm sorry, just me actin krazy.
Lol, alright. Let's get back to work - what book were we looking for?
I t hink it was...........
Why is everything reminding me of that again? I thought i was getting over it now?
What kinda books you interested in?
What's wrong with your mate?
I'm not sure..
This is messed up..
Look, you know that couple down there next to the door - one of them's probably going to do the same thing that happened to your mate! thats how messed up it is.. seriosly that's one of the reasons why islaam prohibits this kinda relationship.
What!? You know that person next to the door.. I think it's.. its. They were the one who asked my mate out...
You serios? Your mates ex? Can you actually see that far?
Nah, i'm wearing contacts.. its them, i know.
Shall we tell?
No, don't. Keep your mate distracted.
O okay.. *what shall i do?*
..Listen! i think someone from your family just texted me!
Your friend turned towards you, like they had just woken up in a state of shock.
Wait up, let me check... Oh, it was a miscall from another mate.. sorry.
"What shall i do?" you whispered.
"Keep them busy!"
Listen, i think its better we go.. c'mon. It's more better than staying here, anything can happen.
Yeah, lets go. We'll take you for a cruise, fresh air and that. What you say?
You got up, along with your other friend. You tapped your friend,who was still focused, tense. You walked off together towards the exit.
Do you think they saw him/her?
Not sure, lets just keep walking fast init.
Yeah, true say.
Where's your friend anyway?
*you look back*
. . . Why they standing there for !?
Uh-oh.. what's he/she doing?
You shouldn't have acted all kool in the first place init! I only went out with you cuz i thought you was safe n dat!
Yeah, whatever. Look, i got someone else now.
So what?! You think your so fit? Listen, this gurl/guy's gna play you. I was with her/him before.
Izi tru? i thote u said we were stickin wiv it 2geda? 4eva? nah, u na playin me no mo. I'm out, u get back wit yo ex now init.
Listen, its na lyk dat.
Nah, u know. I waz playin u along while bak, i got someone else. Laterz.
Should've kept a closer eye on them..
yeh.. too late now though.
Wa do u think ur doin!?
I knew somethin was up.. atleast i know why you was actin all weird lately. I really thought we would work.. but it never did, it couldn't. You changed who i am, and the way i view life.. i've become stronger now.
The wind blew your clothes, the rain hitting the ground forcefully. A raindrop hit your face. Both of you stood still, the wind roared.
It's hard, and I will move forward. I know that, insha'Allaah [God willing.]. I've never been this hurt in my life before, but it was my fault for falling into your trap, into the trap of shaytaan [the devil.]
You can laugh at me as much as you want, but i've placed my trust in Allaah. Allaah loves me for who I am, and i don't need to mess my life up and be something i'm not. He will sort this out for me, He will cure my heart, no-one else can. I put my trust in Him Alone.
"C'mon, lets go!"
"Yeh.. let's go."
er..erm.. I think somethings rolling down your eye..
'..I think i did.. the right thing.'
You wiped your eye with your sleeve.
You grinned at your friends. "lol. let's get home before we all get another uncle chasing after us!"
01-20-2008, 01:08 PM
To you, the friend.
You're doing a good job masha'Allaah. Just keep checking your intention because remember that if you do it to please Allaah, your reward is with him and your help will more likely have an impact.
Keep your mate busy with alot of different activities so their mind gets off their past relationship. Usually they've got the person on their mind all the time, you need to try to make them experience similar situations which brought the same level of excitement they had before. So take them to places they've never been before, places where they will have fresh air, where they can experience the world (obviously not anywhere which is forbidden - like clubs etc.) Try not to take them to places where they went with their 'lover' in the past for quite a while, because this can trigger them emotions again.
If you keep them busy, they'll have new experiences on their mind which might even remove some of the past memories, or if not that - atleast it will keep their mind occupied for a little while.
Introduce new friends, remember that these friends will have a greater impact on what might happen in the future, or who your friend will turn out to be. So make good practising muslim friends, and with that you can study situations of other people who have gone through similar situations, and how they moved forward.
New friends mean that your friend will face new people and have to adjust him/herself to these new people. These friends might ask questions, so the person has to wake up from their past memories or 'day-dream world' to answer back. When they talk to the new friends, they'll learn things about them too, which will also keep their mind occupied insha'Allaah.
The reason why it's good to get new friends is because you learn about someone new, whereas if you just stayed with the old friends - then you already know about each other, and your friend has an excuse to stay quiet because they know what he/she is going through.
By meeting new people, your 'heart-broken' friend will feel abit insecure, but thats what you want - because if they keep themselves secluded (emotionally, and also socially) - then their going to stay depressed this way for quite a while. You don't want that. You want them to move forward.
Anyway, remember to keep praying and don't put alot of pressure on them, just gradually step by step insha'Allaah. Allow them to recover, but don't delay it for too long but keep helping them. Make alot of dua' [supplication] to Allaah because He is the turner of hearts.
A famous dua' [supplication] of the Messenger of Allaah, peace be upon him which was reported by by Umm Salama (may Allaah be pleased with her) who said:
"Ya muqallib al Quloob, thabbit qalbee alaa deenik"
O turner of the hearts, establish my heart upon your deen [way of life.]
Subhan Allah! This is such an easy dua and we should try to recite it as much as possible, for ourselves and our brothers and sisters.
To da Playa.
Hey, sup. Listen, think about your life.. do you remember when you was a kid? Remember the first time you fell for someone? Did you get really hurt when you got turned away? That's exactly the same thing you did to your ex, their going through the same thing you went through.. but it's fun right? Cuz someone did it to you, so you want to take it out on someone else?
You know weneva you look for a guy/gurl, you do it for the fun of it right?.. the first time you really wanted it to work, to be in a serios relationship - but the one you loved never wanted that.. because turns out, they were a player too, they hurt you.. they were just looking for fun and they never wanted a serios relationship. Do you see that in yourself? It's something to be proud of init? Nah, its not..
Listen, you know that you've been workin hard to have a laugh all this time right? Can you actually remember your life since you've been in all these relationships? Or is that the time since you've been forgetting everything? Because you block your emotions out, because you don't want to put your feelings in just incase you fall for that someone.. then you won't be able to breakoff because you'll get too attatched? And get the same emotions like you did for the first time...
The thing is, these quick enjoyments - most you can't even remember.. and all you've really done is harm yourself. You're getting older, your life's wasting away.. just look at yourself. Look again, everything you got is gona end. That's not it though, everything you do is being recorded.. you're na escaping it. Allaah is watching you, and He's giving you more time.. time to turn back to Him before its too late. Ask yourself deep down inside, do you want an easy life.. don't you want to experience the first time you fell in love? Forget that hurt for a second, but just remember that feeling you had on your first time.. it was fun wasn't it? What if you could get that back again? Yeah you can.
You gota turn to Allaah.. if you turn to Him, He will clear your mind and the tightness you feel in your heart.. that weight you feel falling down on you will be lifted. You'll feel happy, that feeling of excitement like you felt for the first time.. it's not that temporary excitement you feel to get a 'buzz' - but its that long lasting one.. Allaah will clear your heart for you so you don't feel heavy from the inside.. and yes - there is such a thing as falling in love again, so don't think it can't happen!
Turn to Allaah, trust me. If you turn to Him for help, He will protect you and make your life in this world easier for you.. thats what you want. Try to turn away from friends who have a bad influence, and get friends that will help you become a better muslim.. that way you can get stronger in faith and experience life like you've never imagined before...
If you obey Allaah and His messenger (peace be upon him) - you will be rewarded with an everlasting reward in this world and the hereafter. If you turn away from Allaah, Allaah will make life harder for you than it already is, the punishment of the hereafter is greater and longer lasting.
To the heart-broken friend.
Patience is one of the best medicines, because even though it might taste horrible - in the long term it will have positive effects on you insha'Allaah.
Having the desire to want to be with them again is natural, but when you can't, then we have to work hard and try to accept that.. say alhamdulillah (praise be to Allaah) that you actually have Allaah on your side, because there are people in life who might have turned away from Allaah, then they have no protector or helper.. so turn to Allaah because He is the only one who can help you through this trial, who else knows what's really inside your heart except Him? He is the turner of hearts, and He will help you if you turn to Him in prayer.. it might take some time, but stay continuous in it because gradually day by day you will become more stronger, more patient.
Follow your good practising muslim friends in the good that they do, get involved in activities which will keep your mind occupied and go new places to refresh your mind.. to get a high level of excitement again, so long as it doesn't go against the laws of Islaam. Because going against the teachings of islaam is what actually makes us feel this bad later on.. this is the only reason why Allaah forbids us from certain things, and He only creates these as a trial to see if we will fall into the temptation or not.
If we fall into it, we should turn to Allaah in repentance and ask for His forgiveness, this will remove our guilt and if we are sincere - Allaah will actually turn our bad deeds into good!
Unless he repents, believes, and works righteous deeds, for Allah will change the evil of such persons into good, and Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
You might not understand what people mean when they tell you that it will get better with time, but as time progresses you will realise insha'Allaah. Allaah is the All-Wise and He is doing this to make your life easier for you, even though you might not understand how it's good for you. Think about it, could you really keep clinging onto a thread of hope for the rest of your life, not knowing what's going to come ahead of you? Allaah allowed this to occur because out of His Wisdom, He knows that you will become more patient, more stronger and even more wise insha'Allaah.. you'll later on realise that it was better that it's actually over than to keep holding onto nothing.
You have the right to cry, and remember the past.. just don't hold onto it for too long. If you're friend asks you to go with them to keep your mind occupied, do that - because they want what is good for you. Keep constant in your prayers because Allaah is the turner of hearts, and remain patient.. Allaah is with those who are patient and those who place their trust in Him.
Remember - Allaah is always keeping watch on us. We're responsible for everything we do, and if we disobey Allaah for the sake of the creation - then that person we tried to please instead of Allaah will be the one who will criticize us later on. But if we do anything to gain Allaah's Mercy, He is sufficient for us and He is the best of providers.
01-20-2008, 04:51 PM
Reject it Straightaway, and don't feel guilty for Doing that.
A person's likely to fall into the traps of society which have been happening since the beginning of mankind.
When you think about the people of the past, you probably think that they were all innocent; a guy riding on his donkey, look-aftering his farm and all that.. that's all his life is about. He might make mistakes, but yeah every person can fall into that, so you think he'll be forgiven for that.
You could never imagine though that people in the past would go night clubs, maybe even longer than thousands of years ago. They might not have had the disco lights, or the Techno, R n B.. but they had their stuff. They had alcohol, had their dope, the next level animals [nowadays their replaced with cars], had loads of guys/gyals after them..
You might think they had stuff which was 'old' - but you know what? They actually had longer lives than you so they stayed beautiful hundreds of years while you might just stay that way for 40years.. that's one of the reasons why most rejected islaam, Prophet Nuh [Noah] actually called people to islaam for 950yrs! but barely anyone responded.
We know that the disbelievers from Quraysh at the time of the Messenger of Allaah, Muhammad (peace be upon him) would have similar clubs like this, and they would actually have a flag outside so anyone who wanted to do something dodgy, could actually come in and not be stopped from doing that! One thousand four hundred years ago.. and you think things have just become that way today?
So maybe it wasn't totally like our times.. but yeah - they did have similar experiences to our times. They just never knew how to read and write so they couldn't preserve history like we do nowadays.
Did you know that the first murder was done because of a girl? Yeah, you got it - it was the two sons of Prophet Adam (the first man on earth!).. Qabil killed his bro Habil because he wanted to marry the gurl his bro Habil was about to marry. Why? She was more beautiful. [Mentioned in Qur'an 5: 27-32]
Alright, i understand that. What's that got to do with any of this anyway?
The thing is.. we simply going to fall into the same mistakes as all the people before us, if we don't have any form of security. We might think we're advanced now cuz we in the future, but time doesn't make a difference, we all have been humans and fall into similar mistakes. We just think that the people before us were simple people, when in reality they thought the same about the people before them..
hm.. i'm slow, what you tryna say?
It's simple, a guy falls for a gyal because she's good looking, and a gurl falls for a guy cuz he's good looking. It's like icing sugar because turns out, this persons popular too. So what do you do when they ask you out? You get embarrassed right? What do bad friends do? They make you feel funny inside and encourage you, so you get involved with it because they want to be popular because their 'your friend.'
What do you say when you got all this pressure? You got the chance to become popular too, and feel 'kool.' Do you say yeah? Is it easier to say that? What if family finds out? Remember that Allaah is the All-Seer, All Knower, but also remember that Allaah is sufficient for us, against everything, everyone and He is the source of Strength.
Let's see some examples of the Pious people before us, because if we can follow the way of bad people without guidance, why not try to take advantage of this guidance and see how the good people before us reacted to things like this, and the benefits which came out of that.
Story No.1 - Prophet Yusuf.
It's been narrated in Saheeh Muslim that Prophet Yusuf (peace be upon him) was given half of all beauty. [For reference purposes, its in the hadith when the Messenger of Allaah, Muhammad (peace be upon him) met the Prophets in the night of Israa' wa-l Mi'raaj/The Night of Descent. He described the Prophets, and he met Prophet Yusuf in the third heaven/sky.] So imagine a block - that's a block of beauty. Now if that block was to be cut into half, one half of that beauty would be given to all of mankind, and guess who the other block of beauty is given to? Prophet Yusuf (peace be upon him.)
Imagine how beautiful he would be...
This story happened way longer than two thousand years ago, and its mentioned in the Qur'an. (Chapter 12.)
Yusuf (peace be upon him) is brought up in a house where he's like a servant. The person who own's the house is like a prime minister, he lookafters all of the wealth of Egypt. So imagine, he's likely to have a reaaaaallly good looking wife right? Not just that though, but she's really popular/high social class, and she's got loads of cash/wealthy.
Now Yusuf (peace be upon him) grows up and is a man now. Top of the range, buff, fit, whatever you wna call it. Turns out, this woman starts to like him.. because he's in the same house, she starts to get emotions for him and loves him, he's still innocent because he's just working as a servant there, he has no choice. What do you think she does? Her husband isn't in the house now, but she's there alone with Yusuf...
She calls him over; [Qur'an 12:23-4]
And she, in whose house he was, sought to seduce him (to do an evil act), she closed the doors and said: "Come on, O you." He said: "I seek refuge in Allah (or Allah forbid)! Truly, he (your husband) is my master! He made my stay agreeable! (So I will never betray him). Verily, the Zalimun (wrong and evil-doers) will never be successful."
And indeed she did desire him and he would have inclined to her desire, had he not seen the evidence of his Lord. Thus it was, that We might turn away from him evil and illegal sexual intercourse. Surely, he was one of Our chosen, guided slaves.
So from there we see that the woman tried to seduce him, calling him to herself. She's really beautiful and Yusuf is just newly a man, when his hormones are at a krazy high level. The moment was s0o0o heated that he was about to incline towards her, but Allaah gave him a sign. That sign was from Allaah, and remember that Allaah has forbidden this for us in the Qur'an so we got a sign too.Nor come nigh to adultery: for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil, opening the road (to other evils). [Qur'an 17:32]
He tries to run away.. she tries to pull him, so hard that his top tears.. he keeps running towards the door.
And they both raced to the door, and she tore his shirt from the back, and they found her husband at the door.
Uh oh.. but wait, the verse hasn't finished yet..
..they found her husband at the door. She said, "What is the recompense of one who intended evil for your wife but that he be imprisoned or a painful punishment?" [12:25]
That was well sly init! She accused Yusuf (peace be upon him) of pretending to call her to do that sin.. even though she was the one who really tried to seduce him.
She's saying that he's the one who did it, and that he should be punished for it by bein locked up or severely beaten.
[Yusuf] said, "It was she who sought to seduce me." And a witness from her family testified. "If his shirt is torn from the front, then she has told the truth, and he is of the liars.
But if his shirt is torn from the back, then she has lied, and he is of the truthful."
So when her husband saw his shirt torn from the back, he said, "Indeed, it is of the women's plan. Indeed, your plan is great.
Yusuf, ignore this. And, [my wife], ask forgiveness for your sin. Indeed, you were of the sinful."
Okay, now what happens after this is that the husband tells his wife to ask for forgiveness, probably from their God's, and he tells Yusuf that he should keep it quiet.
Now wait a second. You might think this is weird.. how can a person fall in love with their servant?
The thing is, you're not the only one who found that strange..
And women in the city said: "The wife of Al-'Aziz is seeking to seduce her (slave) young man, indeed she loves him violently; verily we see her in plain error."
The wife finds out about the rumours that are spreadin about her.. kinda reminds you of what happens to gurlz when they gossip each other init?
So what does she do? She wants to show these gyalz why she's in love with him.. she loves him alot; because he's handsome/beautiful, shall i tell you another thing that she likes about him? It's because he's innocent, she knows that he doesn't like doing bad, you know like when a person doesn't want to cheat on someone.. alot of people like that, even players/pimpresses like it. Even though someone might cheat, they still don't want their partner to be like that..
So what does she do?!
So when she heard of their accusation, she sent for them and prepared a banquet for them; she gave each one of them a knife (to cut the foodstuff with), and she said [(to Yusuf (Joseph)]: "Come out before them." Then, when they saw him, they exalted him (at his beauty) and (in their astonishment) cut their hands. They said: "How perfect is Allah (or Allah forbid)! No man is this! This is none other than a noble angel!" [12:31]
He's so beautiful/handsome that they comparing him to an angel! Not just that, but because they were so busy staring at his beauty, they cut their own hands instead of the fruits with the knives, because their too busy staring at his beauty..
She said: "This is he (the young man) about whom you did blame me (for his love), and I did seek to seduce him, but he refused. And now if he refuses to obey my order, he shall certainly be cast into prison, and will be one of those who are disgraced." [12:32]
She's threatening him now, that if he doesn't listen to her, in the sin she's trying to push him into - then she's going to order him to be locked up in prison..
How does Yusuf (peace be upon him) respond?
He said:"O my Lord! Prison is more to my liking than that to which they invite me. Unless You turn away their plot from me, I will feel inclined towards them and be one (of those who commit sin and deserve blame or those who do deeds) of the ignorants." [12:33]
So his Lord answered his invocation and turned away from him their plot. Verily, He is the All-Hearer, the All-Knower. [12:34]
Then it appeared to them, after they had seen the proofs (of his innocence) to imprison him for a time. [12:35]
You see how messed up society is? If you don't do something bad, they turn their back on you.. we as muslims know that this life is a test anyway, and even if the whole world turns its back on you, Allaah is still on your side.
Prophet Yusuf prayed to Allaah that prison was better to him than to do the sin because he knew Allaah's punishment was severe. Yeah, he could have been more popular if he did accept the 'offer', but he knew that if you obey Allaah, Allaah will give you more good in this world and the next.. so why not be patient for a little bit and you'll see the good come out of it?
(Allah the Exalted said,
`If my slave intends to perform a good deed, then record it for him as one good deed; if he performs it, then record it for him multiplied ten folds. If he intends to commit an evil act but did not commit it, then record it for him as one good deed, if he left it for My sake. But if he commits it, then write it as one evil deed.')
[recorded in Bukhari & Muslim]
So from the hadith above - we can say this:
intention of a good deed = 1 good deed recorded.
intention + act of doing good = 10 to 700 (or many times over) good deeds recorded.
intention to do bad, but doesn't do it = 1 good deed.
intention to do bad, and does it = 1 bad deed.
Remember - the greater the trial - the greater the reward!
So what happened to Prophet Yusuf? He was put in prison for a while, even though he was innocent.. but he knew that it was better for him than to go to what they were calling him to. He knew that if he stayed there longer, he would actually get the desire to do that.
Anyway anyone who feels that their beautiful, remember this true story. If a good looking/popular/wealthy guy or gurl comes upto you, asking you out on a date, or something even worse. Say No - I fear Allaah, and don't feel regretful - because you're doing it to please Allaah. If you give up something for the sake of Allaah, Allaah will replace you with something better.
If your friend asks you to do it, don't listen either.. because it's actually putting you into a worser situation, probably a trap of shaytaan, and you know this is true because you've probably got a friend who's fallen into this pain of heart-break (which started off as fun too), or maybe you've experienced it yourself?
I'm sure the person's not going to lock you up insha'Allaah, they might laugh or take the mick - but in the end, you're doing it for Allaah's sake and anything that happens - happens only by the will of Allaah, so Allaah will protect you. And if you get locked up, remember that the most beautiful of people was locked up, for a loooooong time.. so he never went out in the streets to show off his beauty, he just stayed in prison, till he got older.. maybe you can try to find out what happens next by opening the Qur'an and reading Chapter 12 - Surah Yusuf?
The Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) said:
(Allah will give shade to seven, on the Day when there will be no shade but His:
- A just ruler,
- a youth who has been brought up in the worship of Allah,
- a man whose heart is attached to the Masjid, from the time he goes out of the Masjid until he gets back to it,
- two persons who love each other only for Allah's sake and they meet and part in Allah's cause only,
- a man [or woman] who gives charitable gifts so secretly that his left hand does not know what his right hand has given,
- a man [or woman] who refuses the call of a charming woman [or man] of noble birth for illicit intercourse with her [or him] and says: 'I am afraid of Allah' and
- a person who remembers Allah in seclusion and his eyes are then flooded with tears.'')
[Recorded in Sahih Al-Bukhari]
01-21-2008, 01:46 PM
'Stories of Old' ?
There are loads of other stories in history, one of a man who was in a similar situation to Prophet Yusuf (peace be upon him.) The woman locked all the doors, and he couldn't escape.
The man at the end had to agree.. he said; let me go to the bathroom to change - when he goes there, he puts his hand in the toilet, and his hands are filled with human waste (what someone might find in the toilet if they don't flush it properly.)
The woman get's shocked, she doesn't know what to do so what else can she do apart from asking him to leave?
Another story is of a man who's really beautiful. Loads of girls in the town like him.. but they too embarrased to ask 'him out.' One of them is really beautiful, she's proper confident - so she goes upto the guy and asks him if he would be prepared to do whatever she wants to do.
Suddenly the guy starts crying - out of fear of Allaah.. everyone starts staring at them, not knowing what's happening.. but think about it - a guy crying infront of a good looking gurl while everyones watching!? Isn't that embarrassing?
Yeah, we might think that.. but this guy knows that Allaah is watching, he knows that Allaah is severe in punishment if we disobey Him, yet He is the Most Loving if we obey Him. Because all Allaah wants us to do is that we don't do evil right? So it's for our own good.. may Allaah make us as strong in faith like the righteous, ameen.
Just look how much these people feared Allaah's punishment. Don't you see, their so good looking and they can be 'playaz' anyday. It's easier to accept the offer than to say no, someone has to be alot more braver to do that.. but they sincere in obeying Allaah, even if they desires tell them to do it - Allaah comes first. Respect.. seriosly these people are worthy of being followed. Praise be to Allaah He has given us examples, because you know its just too hard to believe anything like that these days.
Okay, now you probably thinking that i've done soooo wrong to explain all this to you init? Probably because you're a sister reading this and you think that i'm saying that there's loads of females like this.
Don't worry, females aren't the only ones who do sins, guys do it too:
ONE SIN LED TO HIS REPENTANCE
A righteous man was once asked to tell the story of the pivotal moment of his life, the moment in which he first began to apply the teachings of Islam, and the following was his answer:
When I was a young man, I would not hesitate to perpetrate any sin that was made available to me. Then, one day, I saw a young woman who was perhaps the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Much tempted by her, I indicated to her that I wanted her to approach me. She seemed nervous, but I thought that she would probably agree to satisfy my sexual desires for money. She approached me with what seemed to be a great deal of trepidation, and when she actually stood before me, she looked extremely terrified.
Feeling sorry for her, I said, ‘Do not fear, for I will not harm you.’
But my words did not lessen her terrible fright in the least; in fact, her situation worsened. She began to tremble like a palm tree leaf trembles with the wind.
I said, ‘Tell me your story.’
She said, ‘By Allah, o my brother, never before this day have I offered my body in this way. Dire need is what has driven me to this, for I have three daughters who have not eaten a single morsel of food for three days now. It was pity for them that brought me to this low point in my life.’
For the first time in my life, I felt pity; her story moved me, and I no longer entertained the intention of taking advantage of her. After she told me where she lived, I took a great deal of money, clothing and food to her house. When I returned to my house, I told my mother what had happened.
My mother knew that I had a book in which I would record all of my evil deeds, and so she said to me, ‘My son, you are a man who has never performed a good deed except for the good deed that you performed today. I know that you have a book in which you record your evil exploits, go now and write in it your good deed.’
I stood up, went to my book, opened it, and found that all of its pages were blank- except for the first page on which was written a single line.
Verily, the good deeds remove the evil deeds (i.e. small sins)
[Hud : 114]
At that very moment, I raised my hands to the sky and said, ‘By your Might and Majesty, never again will I disobey You.’
DEATH IS BETTER THAN ALLAH'S PUNISHMENT
A very rich businessman was once relaxing in his home when he heard someone knock on his door. When he opened the door, there standing before him was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen in his entire life. He yearned for her and invited her to come inside. But it was not to fulfill his desires that she came; rather, she came because she was extremely poor and was forced to go around begging for money. He ignored her plea for help and instead insisted that she come inside. She answered him in a clear and dignified tone, "Death is better than disobeying my Lord."
She left but then returned after a number of days. Her situation had become more desperate and again she asked him to help her. The businessman answered her as he did the first time.
With tears flowing down her cheeks, the girl entered his house. Again she pleaded, "Please! Feed me for the Countenance of Allah!"
"Not unless you allow me to satisfy my desires with you," said the man, both coldly and hungrily.
"Death is better than the punishment of Allah," proclaimed the girl.
As she was leaving, her sincere words echoed in the mind of the businessman, and after a long life of sinning, sincere tears of remorse flowed from his eyes for the very first time. He repented to Allah and then fed the girl. He later married her and they enjoyed a happy marriage together.
[So, in the end, he got what he wanted, except that he got it in a lawful manner. And that is what made all the difference].
We also know the famous story of Al-Fudayl, the thug/badboy/gangsta who had a gurl but gave her up when he recieved a sign from Allaah:
HE BROUGHT ME TO THEM SO THAT I CAN REFORM MY CHARACTER..
Al-Fudayl bin Iyaad was famous for his piety and worship, but he was not always a practicing Muslim. In his early years, al-Fudayl was an infamous highway robber; he would prowl in the night for victims on the road from Abiward to Sarakhs. Between these two cities was a small village in which lived a girl that al-Fudayl was in love with. One night, out of desperation to be with her, al-Fudayl climbed the wall of her home. As he was climbing over it, he heard a voice recite:
Has not the time come for the hearts of those who believe to be affected by Allah's Reminder?
[al-Hadeed : 16]
At that moment, al-Fudayl answered, "O my Lord, the time has indeed come." He returned from where he came and sought refuge near a traveling party on the main road. They were busy engaging in a serious discussion. al-Fudayl heard one of them say, "Let us continue our journey now." Another answered, "No, not until the morning, for al-Fudayl is lurking on the road somewhere out there, just waiting to rob us."
Having heard the entire conversation, al-Fudayl thought to himself, "I go around in the night to sin, while a group of Muslims remain here because they fear me. Indeed i feel that Allah has brought me here to them only so that I can reform my character. O Allah, I indeed repent to you.."
THE RANKING OF A PERSON WHO REPENTS
Bakr ibn Abdullah al-Muzani is the narrator of this story:
There was once a butcher who fell in love with the daughter of his neighbors. One day, the girl's parents sent her on an errand to the neighboring town. Seeing that she was alone, the butcher follwed her until she reached a seculeded place, where he made his presence known to her. When he tried to seduce her, the girl said, "Do not do so! Indeed, I love you even more than you love me, but I fear Allah."
The butcher's jaws dropped and he said in self-reproach, "You fear Allah and I don't!" He left her alone and repented for his intentions.
On his way back, he became extremely thirsty. He soon came across a Prophet from the Prophets of the Children of Israel. Noticing the expression on the butcher's face, the Prophet asked, "What is the matter with you?"
"Extreme thirst," said the butcher.
"Let us go supplicate to Allah for rain."
"I have no good deed that makes my supplication worthy of being answered," said the butcher.
"Then let me invoke Allah while you say 'Ameen' to my invocations," said the Prophet.
He then began to supplicate, and the butcher said, 'Ameen,' after each of the supplications.
Suddenly, a cloud appeared, rain fell from it into the nearby town, after which it approached the two men. Wherever the butcher walked, the cloud followed after him, instead of hovering over the Prophet.
"You claim that you have no good deeds," said the Prophet. "Yet despite the fact that it was I who suplicated while you said 'ameen' the cloud shaded the city and then it followed you. What is your story?"
The butcher the told him what happened with his neighbor's daughter.
"One who repents to Allah has a ranking that no other person can achieve," said the Prophet.
Don't worry, praise be to Allaah there are also stories of women repenting for sins:
Perhaps it was because he was righteous and they were not; perhaps they were jealous of him; whatever the reason, a group of people resented Rabi' bin Khuthaim, and so they decided to put him to trial.
They chose the most beautiful woman they could find, and they offered her a reward of 1000 dirhams [silver coins] if she could successfully seduce him. After she agreed to take on the challenge, she attired herself in her most beautiful clothing and she put on the best perfume she could find.
Then she went to Rabi' and presented herself before him. They were all alone, and Rabi' seemed to be cornered; worse, her beautiful figure and face presented what seemed to be an inescapable temptation.
Approaching him she moved her body enticingly and she spoke sweet, melodious words. What was Rabi' to do? He had no where to escape; her beauty had practically taken him as captive; and he had no weapon with which he could ward her off.
But wait, he did have a weapon: the truth.
Adressing her with a resolute tone, Rabi' said, "what will you do if you are afflicted with disease and your body and beauty take a turn for the worse?
What will you do when the angel of death comes to take your soul? Or what will you do when Munkar and Nakir test you in your grave?"
He continued in this manner until the woman let out a shrill scream and fainted. When she regained consciousness, she repented for her past sins, and until the very end of her life, dedicated her days and nights to the worship of Allah.
What similarities do you see in all of those stories? Alot of them became good muslims right? But why/how did that happen?
It's because they realised that their low desires are just temporary, that these blessings that Allaah has given them will die out soon enough.. they've experienced the other side of the story.. have you not noticed that those who are innocent at the beginning - when they turn bad - people start gossiping about them?
The person's personality changes, they become more harsh and they not that innocent as you thought them to be before? If they don't turn back their life just goes worse, but if they turn back to Allaah they will see that Allaah will make their life easier for them.
The people who turned back to Allaah told themselves that they would change for the better, they were sincere to turn back to Allaah and be good. That's why they were successful. Allaah will only guide us if we have a sincere intention to turn back to Him, not if we want to take a pick n mix of islaam - instead we take the whole package. Yes it can be a gradual change, but you should be prepared to change the bad ways that you're in.
Islaam doesn't make everything haraam [forbidden], but instead whenever there is something haraam - Allaah always makes an alternative for us. So if we can't have a girlfriend/boyfriend, we are given the chance to marry etc. and yeh - we have a choice in that. Forced marriages aren't a part of islaam.
When we repent to Allaah; we should feel regret for what we did, we should intend that we won't do that sin again. Just give it a go, you'll see the benefits come out of it. If you've wronged someone, say good about them instead of gossiping about them.
So remember that Allaah will only guide you if you are sincere in wanting to come closer to Him, which will take sacrifices. If we don't sacrifice anything for Allaah's sake, then does our faith really have any value?
These people you see in the stories, they might have been alive over thousands of years ago. Yet their stories still live on today, because Allaah loved what they did.. so Allaah raised their status in this world, and the world to come, where Allaah has kept hidden for His servants which no eye has ever seen, no ear has ever heard and no heart has ever felt.
Allah will admit those who believe and work righteous deeds, to Gardens beneath which rivers flow: they shall be adorned therein with bracelets of gold and pearls; and their garments there will be of silk.
[Qur'an Al Hajj - 22:23]
What you waiting for..?
"O My slaves who have transgressed agaisnt themselves! Despair not for the Mercy of Allah, verily Allah forgives all sins. Truly He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." »
[Qur'an, Chapter 39: Verse 53]
If you give up something for the sake of Allaah, Allaah will give you something better in return. And Allaah never overburdens a soul with more than it can bear.
Remember - Allaah is the source of Strength. He is the Protecting Friend & Supporter, and He is the Most Loving to those who turn to Him.
01-21-2008, 01:47 PM
asalaamu alaikum wr wb
Don't worry, the stories not totally finished.. about two more parts left yet insha Allah. Will be posted soon, insha Allah.
01-22-2008, 03:17 PM
Asalaamu alaikum wr wb.
i just did it over a period of time.. and yeah, thats why it might look like too much (since i'm postin it all within a few days.)
01-22-2008, 03:19 PM
Pass me the plate please.
Okay, here you go.
Jazaak Allaah khayr.
lol, masha'Allaah i'm really happy that you get involved with family now.
Yeah, you're not a bully no more! said your little bro/sis.
Phone's ringing. "It's my friend."
Asalaamu 'alykum. [Peace be upon you.]
wa alykum as-Salaam [and peace be upon you too.]
Ayt, what's up?
Lol, you still into the slang?
Nah, lol anyway what you calling for?
Just asking how things are init.
Yeh, alhamdulillah they goin well..
erm.. so what els?
i was thinking you could come over? is that okay with your parents?
yeah, alhamdulillah they trust me now.. Allaah put my trust in their heart now lol.
thats good masha'Allaah.
yeh, alhamdulillah.. listen, i'll be over in a little while insha'Allaah, gota eat init.
ayt, safe.. inabit. wasalaamu 'alykum.
wa alykum as-Salaam.
What's up? what did they say?
nothin really, just called me over.. is that okay?
Ok insha'Allaah. Come back soon though, okay?
Can I come?
No, you're too small.
Nah, i'm big now. Look, i can even talk slang like you. I'm well buff [good looking.]
Huh!? shurup before you get in trouble.
lol, shall i tell what else u used to.... -
"Okay i'm going now!"
ok, you got your phone with you?
Yeah alhamdulillah. Wasalaamu 'alykum everyone.
It was alot warmer today..
Your mobile phone rang.
Must be a miscall so i get there quicker.
You checked the phone:
1 Missed Call - Caller: Withheld their number.
hm.. that's weird.
It started ringing again - this time the number showed; you picked it up.
I was just checking to see if you're coming over or not?
Yeah i'm on my way.
Okay, safe. I thought you were still eatin.
Nah, i'm comin insha'Allaah.
A cold wind hit your face.. "hm.. my memories are stupid."
"Come in. Their upstairs."
It was warmer here. You rubbed your hands, they hurt abit.. and ran upstairs.
wa alykum asalaam.
So what's up?
Er.. ok. I need to go masjid init?
Just come with me..
Okay insha'Allaah. Now?
Is there a class going on or something?
Nah, we're going to work on a project with my mates in the masjid init.
Oh ok, kool.
What's it on?
Wait up, i got a call.
Why's this happenin!? i keep gettin miscalls man. I thought it was you before?
hm.. i dno.
Ok let's go then.
Since when you been getting the miscalls?
Earlier today init.
Safe.. anyway we're here now alhamdulillah.
Have you got your bag with you?
Yeah, lets go.
hm.. i think i just got another miscall.
Forget that now.
Are we allowed to go through those doors? Or are they just for the opposite gender?
Yeah, we can't go through them. Theres another door past that.
Ok.. let's go then.
Lower your gaze ok? Remember Allaah says:
Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze... And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze [Qur'an 24:30-31]
lol obviously. lets go past quick.
you walked past the door trying to walk as fast as you could.. was it a miscall again?? you took your phone out to check.... it ss-s-lipped.. out of your hand. You watched as it fell down, in slow motion.. all you could do was wait till it.. it crashed to the ground.. the battery fell.. the screen had cracked.
you went down to pick the phone.. the pieces were everywhere.
you looked all over the floor, looking for the spare pieces when something caught your eye..
Someone was staring at you.
..they were standing next to the door.
"to Allaah we belong and to Him is our return" [Qur'an 2:156], you remembered to say that at times of calamity.
The person went down and picked something up, was it your phone battery?
the wind blew past your face..
"here you go.." the person said quietly.
*Remember to lower your gaze.* you remembered what your friend said earlier.
you stayed quiet for abit.. where's my friend gone?! this is weird.. your face start heating up, this was embarrasing.
You quickly picked the pieces and got up.
The person still had the battery in their hand.
"Jazaak Allaah khayr" (May Allaah reward you.)
"wa anta" (and you.)
you never wanted to look up, your face was glowing out of embarrasment.. you quickly gripped the battery and turned around, ready to walk away.
You stopped. Something was wrong.
"Please listen to me.."
This wasn't the right thing to do.. whenever two non mahrams (people you can get married to) are together alone, the third is shaytaan.. you remembered the prophectic saying.
...The voice seemed familiar, you had the urge to find out who it was.
You looked up and froze.. memories flashed through your mind.
W-was..s it r-really..?
They had changed now.. were they practising islaam? Who could have thought...
The face was staring back at you.. then it looked down.
"Do you remember that day? the day when you saw me with someone else...?"
You felt shocked, confused.. nothing came out of your mouth.
"..I really thought about what you said, it hit me deep. I saw your courage that day, and i saw something change in you..
I don't know.. i felt that i needed to change my life. Things were just getting worse.. so i met with some people in the masjid and they helped me become a better person, praise be to Allaah.
I used to try to get enjoyment by hurting people, and i kept having to do worser things to get the same thrill again.. but now i that i look at it, it all seemed cheap. I've only felt proper happiness since i turned to Allaah, because He makes life easy for those who turn to Him, in this world and the one to come..."
You closed your eyes.. I have to turn away before things get worse.
"I'll be leaving today.. my families moving away. After praying now in the masjid we're setting off.
I think i still care for you. And i remember hearing a hadith of the Messenger of Allaah, who said:
“There is nothing better for two who love each other than marriage.” (Sahih Al-Jami`, 5200)"
I weren't ready for this.. you told yourself. Memories flashed through your mind, why was everything changing so quick?
"So what do you say.."
"I.. i don't know.."
You felt as if you were in the same situation, just like a few months ago.. but now everything was the total opposite...
A warm wind blew past your face.. again.
The door creaked open; "What are you two doing here? Aren't you getting ready for prayer?"
"Yeah.. sorry about that uncle, i'm coming insha'Allaah."
You looked down, embarrassed.
"Okay, i'll be going now.. i pray that you have a good life.."
"I'm really sorry about the past.."
"It's ok-k.. me to.."
The door shut.
You were still staring at the floor.. you shook your head and looked up.. almost as if you were dreaming. The sun was shining in the light blue sky, the end was the start to a new beginning...
You looked down at what was in your hands. You realised your phone sim/chip had broken.
That's life i guess...
"Allaahu akbar Allaahu akbar!"
The prayer had just started..
"To Allaah we belong, and to Him is our return."
01-23-2008, 12:01 PM
Love - Can it happen Again?
This is a question alot of people ask, and they're unsure of the answer.
When a person loses the person they love for the first time, they feel that they'll never be able to get over it. They feel sad, stressed out and helpless.. unable to move on.
I was just thinking about this a while back, i wasn't sure of the answer but i remembered the life of the Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him.) I remembered that he loved Khadija (his first wife) alot, he loved her because when the whole world was against him, he turned to her for help and she was on his side. He had never had a relationship with anyone like this before.. He never even got married to anyone else when he was married to her.
When Aa'isha asked the Messenger of Allaah why he loved Khadija so much, he said this. He said that she was with him when no-one else was on his side, she was the second muslim from this ummah [nation.] Whenever he felt sad, she reassured him and made him feel calm, she would help him through the good and bad. She was his best friend.
Just to note, she was good looking too and also rich. (Kind of hard to find nowadays huh?)
Now that's exactly what you want in the person you love.
The thing is though, she died. She died in a really critical time in the life of the Messenger of Allaah. He was really sad, because she never just died.. but it was his uncle too. His protecting friend. So it's like losing your guy/gurl, and your homie/best friend in the same year.
The Messenger of Allaah never gave up though, at this really sad time in his life.. he left Makkah and went to the people of Al-Taa'if. These people insulted him, just because he was calling them to Allaah's obedience, and Paradise. They threw stones at him, till he was bleeding soo bad all over his body.
Aa'isha (his wife) asked if there was any day worser than the battle of uhud for the Messenger of Allaah in his life. He (peace be upon him) said that this [the day he got stoned] was of the worst days in his life. [Authentically recorded in Bukhari & Muslim, narrated by Aa'isha herself.]
Now look how the Messenger of Allaah strived continously, even though he's going through a really tough time in his life.. he's just lost his true love, and also one of his best friends. Now he's being harmed by others physically. This should be a good example to us about dedicating ourselves to Allaah, because after hardship Allaah will bring ease.. we just gota have that patience and trust in Allaah. This is exactly what happens later on in the life of the Messenger of Allaah, because 1) He is taken to Allaah in the Israa' wal Mi'raaj journey (to the heavens), 2) He is able to make hijrah to Medina and have authority there after a long state of weakness.
Anyway we're discussing love. So let's look at what happens later on when the Messenger of Allaah is in Medina.
Amr ibn Al-'Aas, a famous companion, asked the Messenger of Allaah:
“Who is the most beloved person to you?' He said: “Aa'isha” I asked “Amongst men?” He said: “Her father (Abu Bakr)...” [Authentic - Bukhari.]
From there we see that the Messenger of Allaah loved Aa'isha (his wife) even though he used to love Khadija (may Allaah be pleased with her.)
Aa'isha (may Allaah be pleased with her) said:
“I never felt so jealous of any woman as I did of Khadija, though she had died three years before the Prophet married me, and that was because I heard him mentioning her too often, and because his Lord had ordered him to give her the glad tidings that she would have a palace in Paradise, made of pearl, and because he used to slaughter a sheep and distribute its meat among her friends” (Bukhari).
So you see that the Messenger of Allaah loved Khadija before he married anyone else, and he still loved her after he married Aa'isha. That's why he used to mention her so much. That's true love.. because he never forgot about her after she had passed away.
We also know that the Messenger of Allaah loved Aa'isha aswell, thats whats been mentioned in the earlier hadith.
“Who is the most beloved person to you?' He said: “Aa'isha.”
He wasn't ashamed to say that either.. Okay, but what am i trying to say?
What i'm trying to say is this; a person can love someone, yet they can have emotions for someone else in the future too.
That's why, if you've felt love. You'll understand that you can move on as time passes by, you can even have another relationship and love this new person. But the person you first loved is likely to stay in your heart, because obviously this was the first time you ever experienced love. And because it was so special and unique, it's probably likely that you won't forget it. Even if you tried.
When you lose that earlier love, you'll need some recovery time. If you can break up, move on easily, without thinking twice - then that mean's its not probably love. But if it was love - when you do move on, you might be hesitant and insecure to fall into it again.. because you're scared of being hurt.
It can Happen.
But it can happen. You can experience it again, and it doesn't have to have that same taste/feeling like the first time. Alot of people think this, and they don't truely understand because their too scared to take that step forward.
So because you'll have different experiences with this new person, you'll do different things, go different places, and as time passes.. that love will increase, or go the the opposite way and it won't work for you. But if it's successful, you will love this person - you'll even find it exciting again, and it will be a new experience because many things are different.
It's like mixing water with those drinks which you can dilute, the water can be you. The drink can be raspberry, strawberry, or whatever flavour. So you're the same, but everyone else is different. Which mean's your relationship is likely to be different so you will have different results and different experiences, different tastes/flavours etc.
Don't get me wrong, if you remember your first love. You might miss those moments in a way.. but usually if you got another relationship - your mind is already occupied with this relationship. The exception might be if you havn't recovered from the earlier relationship.
The same can happen if this new relationship was to break. If you loved this person, you can also feel hurt.. miss the good memories. Maybe you'll be more stronger? Or maybe equally sad.. it depends on whether you entered into the relationship whole-heartedly, or not.
01-23-2008, 02:36 PM
Asalaamu alaikum wr wb.
ok.. last part of the story as promised insha allah.
01-23-2008, 02:37 PM
Al-Nikah [The Marriage]
RingRing.. Ring Ring.. R..
wa alykum assalaam, who is this?
Are your parents at home?
* whisper:who is it? *
* They asking about you..*
Asalaamu 'alykum, who is this?
Er.. we live in your town.
Is it okay if we come to your house? To discuss this issue?
What is it about?
I have a.. proposal.. to make.
What kind of proposal?
Inshaa Allaah we can discuss this if we come over, is that okay?
Erm.. okay, do you also know my address?
Yes alhamdulillah, i got it from the Masjid Local Directory.
..Okay, when will you be coming?
We are on our way..
erm.. okay insha Allaah.
They hung up.
Your mom stared at you with a grin on her face.
huh? Go on tell me!
You're going to get married.. you're going to get married! said your little sis/bro.
What?! to who?
Your father walked in: What happened?
Your mom went to her husband;
"I think its about time.. you're childs grown up now, they need a companion. Someone who can help them through the good and bad.
Look at all the temptations they face today, don't you think its best that they do it through the way which Allaah has prescribed? It's much better for them. What do you say?"
"I've been thinking about this for quite a while myself.."
"So what do you say?"
"I'll go open it, you should go in the living room for now."
So who do you think it is mom?
I'm not sure, we'll see what your dad says.
Asalaamu 'alykum, so this is your son?
Yeah, alhamdulillah he's been practising Islaam for a few months now.
Oh, that's good Maasha Allaah. It's quite hard to find people like this nowadays. Most want to be be like them 'rap stars' on tv, you know?
Alhamdulillah, Allaah has protected us from that.. now.
He means that we're happy that Allaah has saved us from that evil.
Oh yes, yes. Alhamdulillah very much.
One minute, i think the tea's nearly ready. Let me just go and get it.
Okay, inshaa Allaah.
- The door opened -
So who is it?
It's the family who was going to move houses today, they proposed, subhaan Allaah.
Have you ever spoken to them in the past?
Yes, he's my brothers friend. I think i'll call him over now aswell. Is the tea ready? Alhamdulillah their son is good muslim now, i think he used to be with them bad boys in the streets last year..
Alhamdulillah, that's good.
So what do you think daughter, would you be willing to accept the proposal??
I think.. she would be. We have a good daughter alhamdulillah.
So what do you say?
I think her silence is her consent, don't you know that the Messenger of Allaah said:
“A deflowered unmarried woman (i.e., widow or divorcee) may not be married without her instructions; and a virgin may not be married without her permission, and her silence indicates her consent” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim).
Oh yes, that is true. So we agree, right? This is a lifetime decision.
Inshaa Allaah, let's pray to Allaah that we make the right decision. Are you pleased with his character?
The Prophet of Allaah said:
“If there comes to you with an offer of marriage (for your daughter, sister, etc.) one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry (your daughter, sister, etc, to) him. If you do not do so, there will be mischief on earth and widespread corruption.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 1004; classed as hasan in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 270)
Yes, he seems like a good lad. And alhamdulillah it seems like he is following the Sunnah.
Okay, i think the tea's ready. You can take it now.
*Knock Knock - Ding Dong*
hm.. i think its the door again, i wonder who it must be? Can you make another cup of tea, i think you should get the cake out too. Just incase.
Okay inshaa Allaah.
The sun was shining through the window, it was kinda hot today. lol, but it felt special, and it was all thanks to Allaah:
He it is Who makes (men) laugh and makes (them) weep;[Qur'an Al Najm 53:43]
Who could have thought this could ever happen? Only Allaah provides us from ways we dont' expect..
Asalaamu 'alykum warahmatulah!
wa alykum as-salaam warahmatulahi wabarakatuh ya akhee! kayfa haaluq?! [how are you]
Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah.. bi khayr shukran.
Come in inshaa Allaah, we have some visitors.
Ohh, its you! Asalaamu 'alykum brothers and young man!
wa alykum as-Salaam. *they said together.*
*I hope Allaah makes this go well, Oh Allaah, please only allow this if it is good for me, and her, in this life and the herafter. ameen.*
Young man, are you embarrased. Look up now, is everything alright?
Yes, uncle. Alhamdulillah.
Okay, i think the tea is ready now. Inshaa Allaah i will get it.
So young man, are you looking forward to marriage? I'll tell you its tough these days, women expect alot off us men..
Inshaa Allaah uncle, the Messenger of Allaah said:
The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman. [Sahih Muslim #3465]
Maasha Allaah, son. It looks like you've prepared for this a long time ago.
No, i havn't really.. hm...
*Her father came back*
Okay, is everyone ready now? This is serios, and lets pray to Allaah to guide us to what is right.
"Young man, we have two male witnesses here - which is required for a marriage to take place; your father and my brother. I am my daughters wali [guardian] - so what you say now is extremely important. This will affect your and my daughters future.
..Yes, i understand.
Okay, now; Do you accept my daughter in marriage?
....I accept.. your daughter in marriage.
Alhamdulillah, can you sign these papers now. Just sign your signature here inshaa Allaah;Husband: ___________ son of ____________.
Daughters Guardian (Wali): ____________.
Mabrook! Congratulations, alhamdulillah now you are married!
..Alhamdulillah. Thankyou Oh Allaah. *sigh* I remember how i felt, back in the days...
*Back in the Living Room*
What do you think the noise is about?
I'm not sure, yet.
Your dad walked in.. he has a smile on his face. Alhamdulillah, its done. May Allaah bless your marriage.
Ameen, you whispered to yourself. You couldn't control yourself... lol you smiled back.
The End... a new beginning.
So is that it? The whole things done?
Yes. It's all done now, alhamdulillah.
Jazaak Allaah khayr (May Allaah reward you) all!
Ameen, everyone whispered.
- Everyone was smiling now -
Dad, why.. would someone knock in the living room door?
I'm not sure, let me see..
"Uncle, my fathers calling you."
Okay, my.. son? he grinned.
lol, if you want to call me that..
hm.. You two, go upstairs now.
Sure you can, he's your husband.
loll subhan Allaah, okay.. then...
You turned your head, looked at each other, he stared back - with a grin on his face.
"Ayt, get upstairs old man."
"lol safe honey."
You ran to your room.
You want anything to eat?
Nah, its kay.
You still got that in you eh? I thought you was all pious now?
haha, shurup.. alhamdulillah Allaah guided us to good init.
Yeah, alhamdulillah. Otherwise we wouldn't be together now.. would we?
..Allaah knows best.
And remember! your Lord caused to be declared (publicly): "If ye are grateful, I will add more (favours) unto you; But if ye show ingratitude, truly My punishment is terrible indeed." [Qur'an 14:4]
yeah.. all the praise is for Allaah who gave us good so we could be thankful to Him.
And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect. [Qur'an 30:21]
lol yeh.. i'm just reflecting on that right now.
yeah, so am i.. the beginning to a new road huh?
May Allaah make it a success in this life and the next, ameen.
mmm... MWAH! x
OI! LOL. People are reading this you know!
lol joka! i think its about time this story ended.. what do you say?
Hm.. lol, its not good to spy is it?
Yup, i think this is a good way to finish off our story..
see ya, inshaa Allaah!
Are they still reading this?
No, i shut it off.. i think my moms coming. sshh..
"Asalaamu 'alykum son in law, i've writ a list of things you have to do before the end of the week, here's the whole list."
Yes, alhamdulillah we've wanted a son in law for quite a long time, alhamdulillah my daughter - your dad can retire now and my son, you can take his place.
Huh? Me? work instead?
Uh oh.... sigh
The END...but the start to a new beginning, insha Allaah...
01-23-2008, 08:16 PM
here is a solution : "never chase a bus or a woman, there's always another coming around the corner"
01-25-2008, 12:52 PM
asalaamu alaikum wr wb.
the stories finished now.. but i got a few extra stuff related to the issue on marriage which u might be interested in insha Allah.. so i'll continue posting that insha Allah.
by the way, keep checking this section [love notes] - cuz i got another story.. but in this one, it's just a plot - you gota learn the lessons and morals by experiencing what the character in that plot experiences.. somethin our youth are goin thru alot lately.. so keep checking once these chapters have finished insha Allah.
01-25-2008, 12:53 PM
Marriage, to who?
On the Authority of Abu Huraira (may Allaah be pleased with him) -
The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said: “A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her commitment to religion. Choose the one who is religious, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper)!”
[Sahih Al Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 27:]
This hadith can be referred to males aswell as females.
But it's true though init? A person usually gets married to someone either because of their:
1) Wealth - who doesn't want to start off marriage without some money? You gota buy each other presents right? erm.. you also gota look after each other (and maybe some babies?) for the rest of your life.
2) Lineage - this one isn't too common in the west today, but back home its still quite important. They want you to get married to a respectful or 'high class' family so you have protection and respect.
That way people don't start a fight with your family for no reason - otherwise the police will get involved (since your inlaws have contact with the government.) Trust me, i'm not making this up.
3) Beauty - Everyones beautiful in their own way, you might not think someones good looking, but someone else will love that exact same thing you might not find beautiful. Everyone has their own favourite flavour.
4) Religion - This is the key to - Success -
How much times has someone been married to another because of their wealth only? Have you ever seen people do this? On the news just a few weeks back, there was a model who got married to a really old, but rich man. She probably thought she could keep his wealth after he died, but subhaan Allaah it's so shocking because she was probably only in her late 20's, but she actually died before she even spent that money.
Could she really imagine that could happen? She probably thought she had her whole life infront of her, waiting for the man to die.. yet she fell unconscious, and she never woke up after that day again. Until the Day of Ressurection, obviously. We seek refuge in Allaah from the trials and tribulations of that day.
People in the past did it quite alot, especially because they never had any guidance or love/fear/hope of Allaah. So some would take advantage of others, especially the weak and poor.
One of the best forms of protection was to get married into another tribe or family which would have strength, power and nobility. Obviously they would probably only accept you if you were of benefit to them aswell, so the high class would marry in the high class, and the low with the low.
When Allaah's Messengers' came, people married each other for piety and character since they knew that this leads to success. Those were the good times, but guess what? We live at a time when people want to follow the ways of the people of old again.
Nah, i won't talk about this one.. or maybe i should?
There's not much to say really, well.. people do say that looks fade out as time passes by, but you still want someone beautiful right? Someone that makes you feel all hyper inside, and then you can hug them tight and say "you're all mine!" then you can laugh.. and praise Allaah.
Some people take looks too seriosly and might get mesmorized by someones looks to the extent where they think they've fallen in love with them, just by staring at them.. think of it this way, have you ever seen some food which looked soo kool that you wanted to buy it, but when you ate it - it wasn't as tasty as you expected it? You quickly got over it right, and preferred something else?
So looks by itself shouldn't really be something which you only concern yourself with, since beauty doesn't settle in the heart, its the good that comes with it that really sinks in. The good looking food with good taste is what you're after.
Obviously religion is a big issue, especially when it comes to; lifestyle, having children - how they're brought up etc. What is good/bad. If the person is aware that Allaah is watching their every single action etc.
So in reality - religion is really important. Obviously it's extremely good if a muslim marries a muslim, since it helps the children have a good upbringing without seeing major differences in their parents beliefs.
Also, know that a muslim man can get married to a Muslim woman, Christian woman, or Jewish woman. It's preferred to get married to a Muslim woman though.
However a muslim woman can only get married to a muslim man. There is no other choice for her. Maybe this can be explained some other time, Allaah knows best. But after reading this, i wonder why you wouldn't want to get married to a practising muslim brother?
How is the Religious spouse a key to - Success? -
When you get married to someone who's practising Islaam properly, then you'll see that it is one of the greatest blessings you can have.
Think about it, what other culture or religion orders the man to be good to his wife? Seriosly, think about it. If a guy acts kind to his wife - his friends think he's being too 'soft' - so what does the guy do? He acts abit harsh in order to please his friends, but guess what happens? He displeases his wife in return.
What did Allaah say?
Live with them on a footing of kindness and equity, If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.(Qur'an 4:19)
The Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) said?
"The best among you is the one who is best to his wife" (Related by Ibn Hibban) in another version it is the one who is most kind to his wife.
This was at a time when guys took their wives as toys, kind of like nowadays right? Where a guy can 'drop' his girl whenever he wants, and take her back whenever he has the desire for her again. What can the girl do when she's going through such an emotional time, especially when her family might not even accept her again?
All these acts are things which Islaam called against, yet us people who call ourselves muslims are following the exact footsteps of those who disbelieved before us. And due to that - we're going against what the Messenger of Allaah called us to. Why? Because we don't even know our own religion, yet we call ourselves muslims?
Islaam is a mercy for mankind, it isn't to make life any harder. Maybe to make life harder for those who like to do evil, but Islaam has rules so we follow them - why? So people don't oppress each other. And to make life easier for those who might feel weak and helpless.
The one who has fear of Allaah - fears to harm others, yet they have love for Allaah so they are too shy to harm His creation, and they hope for reward from Allaah for their patience when they may become angry.
The Prophet (peace also said: "If any man shows patience with his wife's bad temper, Allah will give him a reward similar to the reward of Ayyub (Job) for his patience, and if any woman shows patience with her husband's bad temper, Allah will give her a reward similar to the reward of Asiyah daughter of Muzahim, the wife of Pharoah (Cf. Qur'an 66:11)."
Is there any culture in the world, or even any religion which has such concepts today? You're either rewarded for your patience, or you live a happy life - in this one and the next. Isn't that what everyone wants in a marriage?
So who should i be looking for ?
Alot of people by looking at the saying of the Prophet (peace be upon him) think that you can only get married to a religious person. Even if their wealth, lineage, and beauty isn't according to what you require.
Whenever you're looking for that special person, you have to keep their Islaam as your main principle. Is the person a good Muslim? Have they got a good character? Yes?
Okay - next, have they got enough wealth to support me and a future family? If the guy is poor and the wife is from a rich family - she might get impatient with him. So sometimes social status is important to take into consideration. They don't have to be a billionaire, but they might need to live upto your normal standards. Otherwise you might become impatient.
Some people think that knowing the lineage is part of the times of ignorance, and you shouldn't care about their lineage. But that isn't true - For example there might be a woman who is from a family of scholars, and her husband may be a guy who isn't really that knowledgable - even though he may be pious. Now obviously there's nothing wrong with them getting married, but it's important to know that this can be a disadvantage to the guy since he will face alot of pressure from the scholarly family.
So sometimes lineage can be important too, but its better to get married to a family who has a lineage of good history. If they don't have a good history and they're known for their strength/power to abuse others - then its better to stay away, since you can get dragged into it all.
Is he/she good looking? Incase of marriage, looking at ones potential spouse is allowed. Would you be happy to see this persons face everyday when you wake up?
I read a true story of a brother who got married to a really pious Muslimah, he said that they had a really simple wedding and he was really pleased. However, he said that she wasn't really beautiful. May Allaah bless them in this life and the next, but when i read that i thought to myself - how would the wife feel if she heard her husband say that?
I also thought to myself, what if there was a day when there emaan (faith) became weak, and they became abit impatient with each other? Would the brother think twice before divorcing her? You see that if you find something beautiful, you don't want to give it up since you find it precious, and you don't want no-one else to have it. So find someone who you will be pleased with, otherwise you might regret it later on.
Do you see how everything fits in? Their Islaam comes first which moulds their personality for the best, and then along with that you should see things according to your social situation.
That way, even if you ever slip and become weak in emaan (faith) - you'll still have a spouse who you love, who can help you back on your feet again, while you stare at their beautiful face, knowing that they're your close friend.. then you can hug them tight and say "you're all mine!" then you can laugh.. and praise Allaah for all the good He's given you in this life, and inshaa Allaah (God willing)... something even better in the the one to come! Ameen.
01-25-2008, 03:59 PM
What Girls like, and what Guys Like?
In this part we'll discuss what kind of things a person desires in a spouse. You can agree or disagree, we all have our own tastes. But you need to apply it upon yourself before it has an effect on others, and if you do it for the sake of Allaah - then you will even be rewarded for your sincerety and efforts, inshaa Allaah.
If you read the chapter which mentioned the story of Prophet Yusuf, you'll see that there was one aspect about Prophet Yusuf which made the women desire him even more. Can you guess what it is? No, its not just the beauty.
It was his modesty, his shyness (known as hayaa' in arabic.) There's not really a good translation for it in the english language, but it means to feel embarrassed to do an immoral act. When she beautified herself and called him towards herself, he knew that it was something which Allaah had forbidden, so he never did the act - even though his desires are just as human as ours.
Later on when she called her friends over (maybe the most beautiful women in Egypt at that time) - she said that she would force him to commit that act with her, and if he never agreed - then she would place him in jail. (Ask any guy, and he'll tell you that this has to be one of the most hardest situations to be in.) But guess what? He preferred prison over what they were calling him to, which showed his sincerety in Allaah.
This probably leads to the next concept:
Sincerety & Commitment..
Someone who is sincere and commited is an attribute alot of people like in a partner. Someone who doesn't waiver all the time, changing their mind. It's not that changing the mind is a bad thing, but if there are two options and both will have an equal effect, then it's better to stay firm on your word If you always waiver and change your mind, it makes the others doubt you on your decisions.
..and then placing your trust in Allaah.
When the Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) heard that the Quraysh was coming to attack the Muslims in Medinah - he asked his companions what they wanted to do. Do they want to fight within Medina so the children and women can throw stones at the enemy aswell? Or do they want to fight outside Medina? The youth wanted to fight outside Medina.
So the Messenger of Allaah went home and put on his armour, then he came out and some of the older companions had disagreed with the youth. They felt that fighting within Medina would be better since that was the earlier decision of Allaah's Messenger.
They said: "O Messenger of Allâh, we should have not disagreed with you. So, you are free to do what you desire. If you prefer to stay inside Madinah we will stay with you."
Upon this the Messenger of Allâh remarked: "It does not become a Prophet that once he had put on Armour, he should take it off, until Allâh has decided between him and the enemy."
From that example - we see that Allaah's Messenger:
1) Discussed with his companions what they wanted.
2) He was commited & sincere in what he was doing.
3) He realised that fighting within Medina or outside Medina wouldn't really make a big difference in the outcome of the battle, so he stuck to the opinion of his companions once he had worn his armour.
Then he (peace be upon him) placed his trust in Allaah; because after we do all we have control over in life - then we pray to Allaah, and remain patient so He may make us of the successful. Ameen.
[u] Someone who has mercy for others.
Allaah says about His beloved Messenger (peace be upon him):
(And by the mercy of Allah, you dealt with them gently) [3:159]. meaning, who would have made you this kind, if it was not Allah's mercy for you and them. A famous scholar of Qur'an - Qatadah said that,
(And by the mercy of Allah, you dealt with them gently) means, "With Allah's mercy you became this kind.'' Al-Hasan Al-Basri said that this, indeed, is the description of the behavior that Allah sent Muhammad with. This Ayah is similar to Allah's statement,
(Verily, there has come unto you a Messenger from among yourselves. It grieves him that you should receive any injury or difficulty. He is anxious over you (to be rightly guided, to repent to Allah); for the believers (he is) full of pity, kind, and merciful) [9:128]. Allah said next,
(And had you been severe and harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about you;)
The severe person is he who utters harsh words, and,
harsh-hearted) is the person whose heart is hard. Had this been the Prophet's behavior, "They would have scattered from around you. However, Allah gathered them and made you kind and soft with them, so that their hearts congregate around you.'' `Abdullah bin `Amr said that he read the description of the Messenger of Allah in previous Books, "He is not severe, harsh, obscene in the marketplace or dealing evil for evil. Rather, he forgives and pardons.''
We also know a saying of the Prophet (peace be upon him) who said:
"Those who have no mercy on other human beings, will not receive the mercy of Allah." (Sahih Al Bukhari)
And he also said:
Those who have mercy will receive the mercy of the Most Merciful. Have mercy on those who are on earth, the One in heavens will have mercy on you." (Recorded in Al-Tirmidhi).
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: "Be kind, for whenever kindness becomes part of something, it beautifies it. Whenever it is taken from something, it leaves it tarnished." He also said: "Make things simple and do not complicate them. Calm people and do not drive them away." - Imam Bukhari's Book of Muslim Morals and Manners
The Best Example
We know that Allaah's Messenger is the best example to follow, since Allaah says in the Qur'an:
Ye have indeed in the Messenger of Allah a beautiful pattern (of conduct) for any one whose hope is in Allah and the Final Day, and who engages much in the Praise of Allah. [Qur'an Al-Ahzaab 33:21]
We also know that he told us many things which would benefit us, like being;
- Helping those in need.
- Having: Love/Hope/Fear of Allaah.
Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #286 and Ahmad
Abu Huraira (may Allaah be pleased with him), said, "I heard Abu al Qasim (the Prophet sal Allaahu alayhi waSalam), say, 'The best among you in Islam are those with the best manners, so long as they develop a sense of understanding.' "
Pray to Allaah that He allows us to follow the example of his beloved Messenger (peace be upon him) in the treatment of others, aswell as our partners.
What you after?
If you were to ask a female on what kind of partner she wanted, she would probably give you a big list. Here's some things which are likely to be included;
erm.. okay i think you get the flow now.
Males also look for similar characteristics, but they might have things in a different order. Maybe 'good looks' would be placed more nearer the top etc.
Getting married is something which needs alot of commitment, so the person getting married needs to have that as their intention. If they don't - then they might just be doing it to get the persons money, or just to fulfill their desire and then divorce the person later. If someone does this - then in reality they're just throwing themselves into trouble since Allaah will judge us all on our actions and intentions on the Day of Resurrection. May Allaah ease our reckoning and forgive us.
Guys' usually find looks really important, whereas females put personality higher in the list - especially when it comes to a relationship which you're commited to. Again, i might be wrong because everyone differs.
You should have a relaxed personality, and if your partner annoys you - control yourself. The only time the Messenger of Allaah would get angry is if the person transgressed against a commandment of Allaah, he never got revenge off someone who harmed him personally. He would only be pleased for the sake of Allaah, and he would only be displeased if it was for the sake of Allaah. And if someone did something which he personally wasn't pleased with - he would remain quiet.
So if your partner makes a mistake, give them an excuse. But if they go against a commandment of Allaah - then use your wisdom and teach them in a way which will cause the least harm, but the most benefit. That's what you would want for yourself right?
We all want to have a fun time every now and then. Being excessive in it isn't always the best thing to do, but permissible ways of fun is encouraged in Islaam.
The Prophet (Peace be upon him) always kept his smile with his wives and he used to laugh and please them to make them laugh as well. With all the troubles around him, he used to take his wife Aisha, to the desert and say, “Aisha, lets race!” And she used to race him and win. So, he kept on feeding her meat for a whole week, so she would unassumingly gain weight, until he took her again to the desert and said, “Aisha, let’s race!” At that time, he won and said to her, “This time I won!”.
(Recorded in Ahmad & Abu Dawood)
We also know that the Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) said:
Everything other than remembering Allah is (considered) wasteful play except four: a man humoring his wife, a man training his horse, a man walking between targets (learning archery), and man learning swimming,"
[Narrated by An-Nasaa'i and authenticated by Al-Albaani (Sahih Al-Jami' 4534]
It's cool to have a companion who helps you get a smile on your face, and its boring to not be fun. So be a fun person! It can actually be a form of worship! *now smile!*
Theres different types of jealousy in Islaam, some are bad, but there are also good ones.
The one thats bad is when you become suspicious on your spouse - even if they're not guilty of nothing. To follow them wherever they go and to give them no freedom is negative also. This type of jealousy is looked down upon.
The good type of jealousy in Islaam is where a person feels jealous if someone else stares at their partner. An example of this can be where a stranger guy might say something immoral to his wife, and the husband becomes defensive over her. Now alot of guy's don't know this - but no matter how much you think you're giving your wife the 'freedom' - females actually love it when you be their hero. So in this situation, the woman would be happy for you to come at her defense. That makes her feel proud that she's yours, whereas if you simply allowed others to do it - she would question how much you really care about her.
Some men however go to the extent where they might blame the wife for something which she never even had the intention of doing, accusing her, claiming that she had a bad intention, yet its only Allaah who truely knows what is in our hearts and minds! So don't rush to judge on suspicion, since suspicion is one of the worst and greatest forms of falsehood.
Allah’s Messenger said, “Allah will cover up on the Day of Judgement the defect (faults) of the one who covers up the faults of the others in this world.” (Sahih Muslim)
Everyone wants to have a friend who's easy going, someone who you can talk to without feeling as if you're being placed under pressure. Someone who you know will keep your secrets, someone you can trust.
This was the way of the Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him.) That's why his wives were so talkative with him.
There's loads of different things we can discuss in regard to this topic, but i think the best way to finish this chapter is with this hadith (you can apply it on yourself aswell as your spouse and friends/relatives etc.)
The Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) said:
"Beware of suspicion, for suspicion is the greatest falsehood. Do not try to find fault with each other, do not spy on one another, do not vie with one another, do not envy one another, do not be angry with one another, do not turn away from one another, and be servants of Allah, brothers to one another, as you have been enjoined. A Muslim is the brother of a muslim, he does him no wrong, nor does he let him down, nor does he despise him. Fear of God is here, fear of God is here, and he pointed to his chest. It is evil enough that a Muslim should look down on his brother. For every muslim is sacred to one another : his blood, his honour, and his property. Allah does not look at your bodies or your forms, or your deeds, but He looks at your hearts".
[Recorded in Bukhari, Muslim]
And Allaah is the source of Strength, so if you ever run out of energy.. ask Him to give you all that you need, and He will give it you so long as you keep your trust in Him.. you'll never know unless you try right?
01-26-2008, 11:49 AM
There's many obstacles people face when wanting to get married, or even once you're married. Let's discuss some inshaa Allaah:
Does a person's age matter? It depends on you, but in reality it doesn't really. If you prefer someone around your age, then that's fair enough. But even if it's someone who's older or younger, so long as you're both prepared to be commited and make some changes in life - then there's nothing wrong with that either.
Some people think that you can only have fun while you're young, but that isn't totally true.
Maybe your hormones are at a really high level then, but that can be an advantage & a
disadvantage; if you do something fun - they might be extremely hyper, but making them sad has an equally opposite effect.
That's why some people fall in love when they're older, they've calmed down abit now and they can use their experience to know that they shouldn't fall into similar mistakes. But some people actually are commited from a young age and the trials they face in life actually help them become stronger together. Again, it depends on what you're comfortable with.
Similarities & Differences
I like the color blue.
Wow! me too!
If you have similarities, you can agree on something together. If you have differences, you should still agree. But sometimes it can get abit too repetitive;
I like food.
You just want to show that you truelly love them, so you love what they love. But the reality is that, well.. it gets quite boring after abit.
So what you have to do is show your true self; bricks can't do nothing if they sit together - they'll just fall after a slight push. If you use the bricks and support them with cement, they'll become firm together. At the beginning they might seem abit uneasy, but this strengthens the wall to the extent that even if a strong wind comes to try to separate them - they'll still be united.
Your lover will love you for who you are, not what you're trying to be. So be yourself, so long as this doesn't lead to things which go past the boundaries set by Allaah and His Messenger (peace be upon him.) Since our bodies hate sin anyway, its harmful for us - in this life and the next.
Sometimes a person wants to get attention off their partner, maybe because they feel down, or maybe because they just miss the old times. So guess what they do? They become sad and moody.
Asalaamu 'alykum, i'm back home.
erm.. is everything okay?
They actually think they've done something wrong, and might feel guilty. So what do they try to do?
What's wrong dear?
...... *silence* ..........
Now depending on what kind of relationship you have, the outcome will be different. Either they will try their best to get your attention so you become pleased with them again (even though they don't know why?) Or they'll simply ignore it and wait till you get over it.
So what's the best thing to really do in this kind of situation?
Answer: It's to tell them how you really feel, and how you want things to be. If you close the door to communication - then that's just going to make things worse, and it might even cause impatience & unneccessary guilt and suspicion among each other.
Yep, sins break up a marriage apart quite alot. There have been many situations where a husband and wife got married the true Islamic way, they had a blessed marriage.
But one day a couple started to buy shares, it gradually lead to them paying interest/usury, they became depressed and had to give their property away gradually because they never had enough money. They ended up divorcing in the end.
The earlier scholars even stated when they did sins, there riding animals became rebellious against them. It's quite common, once you start going against the commandments of the Creator, the creation goes against you also. But if you draw yourself closer to the Creator, then the creation loves you more out of His Mercy. So avoid sins, and inshaa Allaah you're relationship will become more secure inshaa Allaah.
There was a situation of a man who once went to the market, and he saw a woman there. He went towards her and touched her with his hands. When he went back home his wife told him that there was a man who had also touched her that same day. He said subhaan Allaah, i'm so glad that i never did anything more to that woman - otherwise that man would have done more to my wife.
Where did the Money Go?
This one's specifically for the brothers. When you get married, get a job so you can support your wifey. And once you get the money - use it wisely. Some people might be too extravagant, while others might not spend enough to support the house. You need to hit the middle.
Sometimes the woman wants to spend some money, but she feels guilty to get it from the husband. Try making life easier for her - give her some spending money. It's much more better for her to spend her own money instead of always feeling guilty for getting yours.
Holding onto.. nothing now.
When two people fall in love, they can't get enough of each other. They just want to continue talking to the other, staring at each other, they want to be in each others presence, always.
Some lose each other, while some actually get to remain with their partner and be together. They can stare at each other as much as possible now, they can do whatever Allaah has permitted for them. But as time passes by.. you get used to it.
What they were wishing for so long ago gradually dies out. When they used to dress up for each other, the conversations they had.. it's become a common routine. So wearing unclean clothes doesn't make you feel uncomfortable, whereas at the beginning of the marriage you were well embarrassed if that happened.
People take marriage for granted, they become so used to their spouse that they actually don't show their love. But if this person was to go away for a few days, they would miss them. So how can you get that spark again, that you once used to have?
1) Communication: Tell each other how you feel, talk things over and support each other through the good and the bad.
2) Do new activities: Go different places together, so long as its not anywhere which is forbidden by Allaah or His Messenger. This way you both have something new to discuss and think about instead of just thinking about the common lifestyle at home.
3) Separate yourselves for a little while: Sometimes people need space, so maybe you could do Islamic activities with your friends. And so could your spouse. At the end of the day you could come back home and discuss what you did. That little time of absence makes you pleased with meeting them once again.
We know that the Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) went through alot in his life, so many good and hard times yet he remained patient. He never took it out on his wife like some people might do. Infact he would listen to the stories his wife, Aa'isha (may Allaah be pleased with her) used to narrate to him. And he was the Messenger of Allaah - the one who came for all of mankind, so why shouldn't we spend enough time with our families?
Time is something which alot of people are in need of, some spend too much of it at work. Others spend it too much with their friends. But theres the other extreme where someone has too much time, and they just waste it.
But one needs to give some to their spouse. They might work all day, come home late, and their wife is already a sleep and so are the children. Now why does a person work? To support their family right? You should work to live, not live to work. So you need to give time to family, otherwise the children won't even accept you and they'll take someone else as a role model. Just for beneficial purposes; this usually starts when the child is 4 and older. And Allaah knows best. So bring them up Islamically, if you don't - who will? The TV?
Be prepared to change yourself..for the better.
These are only some of the obstacles that come in some peoples lives when they get married. Just remember that you have to be prepared to mould yourself in a way to fit in with your spouse, and so does your spouse. If no-one sacrifices, then are they truely willing to commit themselves to this relationship? If the answer is yes - then sacrifice shows & proves ones commitment, and when someone is commited for the intention to please Allaah, He will not let their patience & reward go to waste. Rather, He will bring through it a great deal of good.
Remember that success only comes from Allaah - so ask Him for it. The best example is Allaah's Messenger, Muhammad (peace be upon him), and his honorable family (may Allaah be pleased with them.) So read his lifestory, since he was a shepherd, businessman, commander, teacher, leader, husband, father, imaam and much much more. His wives were great woman, and an example for our sisters. May Allaah grant us good in this life, the next, and May He save us from the punishment of the fire. Ameen.
01-26-2008, 02:45 PM
asalaamu alaikum wr wb.
the last two chapters (read the male one if your male or female one if you're female) will be posted up now, then insha Allah the new plot which i discussed earlier will be posted tomorrow.. or atleast sometime soon insha Allah.
hope u enjoyed and benefitted from this one.. and the new one too soon insha Allah.
01-26-2008, 02:47 PM
Some tips for Guys.
Heres some tips for guys in a relationship:
- Look Good. Females like to have a man to support them, they feel proud of having a guy who's arms they can hide in, and they like to have something which is precious.
So you should make yourself look good for her, otherwise she's probably not going to care, and then you'll be the one to blame if she doesn't come to you.
- Understanding/Reassuring. You can be muscular, but that isn't enough. You need to have a good personality aswell to make her pleased with you.
If we look at Allaah's Messenger (peace be upon him) - he was a built man, medium height, handsome, but guess what? He had the best manners aswell. So if his wives cried, he wouldn't tell them to shut up, infact he would be patient with them and reassure them.
Once during a journey, Safiyyah - the wife of Allaah's Messenger (may Allaah be pleased with her) was crying because she had be made to ride a slow camel. The Prophet (peace be upon him) didn't tell her she was being unreasonable. Instead, he wiped her tears, comforted her, and even tried to find her another camel for her.
Would you do similar in that situation?
This involves many things, like giving gifts to the wife every now and then. The best gifts are those which come from the heart (lol you're probably thinking yeah right!) but its true.. atleast if you love each other anyway. Because you can explain to each other why you chose that specific gift, and their pleased since they know that you thought about them deeply when you chose it.
It's also good to give it as a surprise, since that makes it more exciting.
Remember her likes and dislikes, that way she knows that you care and think about her alot. This is part of the love and respect for her.
It also involves taking into consideration on what she says, because if you care about what she says - then you can make a joint decision together and feel appreciated and more unified. You should keep an open mind and accept each others ideas, and if you disagree on some things - come upon a unified decision on things that you do agree on. Otherwise arguments just lead to a breakup and hatred/jealousy for each other, which breaks up a marriage.
The proof for this is:
The Prophet said: 'Consult with women. Indeed, you have some rights over your women and they have some rights over you. It is their right on you that you provide for their food and clothing generously, and your right on them is that they do not let anyone whom you dislike in the house, walking upon your floor. (Sunan Ibn Mâjah, Sunan At-Tirmidhî)
Remember marriage requires patience and sacrifice like its been mentioned many many times before.
Opening the Car door?
You think this is something new? Let's see what Allaah's Messenger did:
Anas ibn Malik narrates, "I saw the Prophet (salla Allahu 'alaihi wa sallam), making for her (Safiya) a kind of cushion with his cloak behind him (on his camel). He then sat beside his camel and put his knee for Safiya to put her foot on, in order to ride (on the camel)." [Sahih Al-Bukhari]
So kool init! Now all you have to do is follow the Prophetic example.
I think opening a car door is easier anyway.
Don't be harsh.
If you've got the good characteristics, then don't spoil them by being harsh and becoming angry to the extent where you start beating your wife.
`Âishah said: “Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) never once struck a servant of his nor a woman, nor did he strike anyone with his hand.” [Sahîh Muslim (2328), Sunan Abî Dâwűd (4786), Sunan Ibn Mâjah (1984), as quoted from Sunan Ibn Mâjah]
I was discussing with a brother a little while ago, and we were saying that; your partner is like a diamond. You might have strong security around it, so others can't harm it - but when you lookafter it, you treat it with care. Otherwise you'll disfigure it, and that will be harmful for you aswell as the diamond.
Should guys really do household chores?
Hadith - Mishkat, Narrated Aisha [Transmitted by Tirmidhi]
Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) used to patch his sandals, sew his garment and conduct himself at home as anyone of you does in his house. He was a human being, searching his garment for lice, milking his sheep, and doing his own chores.
Hadith - Sahih al-Bukhari 8.65, Narrated Al Aswad
I asked 'Aisha what did the Prophet (peace be upon him) use to do at home. She replied, "He used to keep himself busy serving his family and when it was time for the prayer, he would get up for prayer."
There's a really long narration found in Sahih Al Bukhari, i can't quote all of it since it's quite long, but it's narrated on the authority of Aa'isha (may Allaah be pleased with her.)
She was narrating it to her beloved husband, Allaah's Messenger when she narrated the story to him. He sat there patiently, waiting for her to finish.
She says: Eleven women sat (at a place) and promised and contracted that they would not conceal anything of the news of their husbands.
- stop -
Okay, so she's telling that there were eleven women sitting together who would tell each other about their husbands. Most of them said that their husband doesn't even have time for them. One said that if she mentioned the bad things about her husband - he would divorce her.
Anyway, i think i'll just quote the hadith here:
Sahih Al Bukhari [the Book on Wedlock / Nikah] -
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 117:
(http://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/fundamentals/hadithsunnah/bukhari/062.sbt.html) Narrated 'Aisha:
Eleven women sat (at a place) and promised and contracted that they would not conceal anything of the news of their husbands. The first one said, "My husband is like the meat of a lean weak camel which is kept on the top of a mountain which is neither easy to climb, nor is the meat fat, so that one might put up with the trouble of fetching it." The second one said, "I shall not relate my husband's news, for I fear that I may not be able to finish his story, for if I describe him, I will mention all his defects and bad traits." The third one said, "My husband is a tall man; if I describe him (and he hears of that) he will divorce me, and if I keep quiet, he will neither divorce me nor treat me as a wife." The fourth one said, "My husband is a moderate person like the night of Tihama which is neither hot nor cold. I am neither afraid of him, nor am I discontented with him." The fifth one said, "My husband, when entering (the house) is a leopard, and when going out, is a lion. He does not ask about whatever is in the house." The sixth one said, "If my husband eats. he eats too much (leaving the dishes empty), and if he drinks he leaves nothing, and if he sleeps he sleeps alone (away from me) covered in garments and does not stretch his hands here and there so as to know how I fare (get along)." The seventh one said, "My husband is a wrong-doer or weak and foolish. All the defects are present in him. He may injure your head or your body or may do both." The eighth one said, "My husband is soft to touch like a rabbit and smells like a Zarnab (a kind of good smelling grass)." The ninth one said, "My husband is a tall generous man wearing a long strap for carrying his sword. His ashes are abundant and his house is near to the people who would easily consult him." The tenth one said, "My husband is Malik, and what is Malik? Malik is greater than whatever I say about him. (He is beyond and above all praises which can come to my mind). Most of his camels are kept at home (ready to be slaughtered for the guests) and only a few are taken to the pastures. When the camels hear the sound of the lute (or the tambourine) they realize that they are going to be slaughtered for the guests."
The eleventh one said, "My husband is Abu Zar and what is Abu Zar (i.e., what should I say about him)? He has given me many ornaments and my ears are heavily loaded with them and my arms have become fat (i.e., I have become fat). And he has pleased me, and I have become so happy that I feel proud of myself. He found me with my family who were mere owners of sheep and living in poverty, and brought me to a respected family having horses and camels and threshing and purifying grain . Whatever I say, he does not rebuke or insult me. When I sleep, I sleep till late in the morning, and when I drink water (or milk), I drink my fill. The mother of Abu Zar and what may one say in praise of the mother of Abu Zar? Her saddle bags were always full of provision and her house was spacious. As for the son of Abu Zar, what may one say of the son of Abu Zar? His bed is as narrow as an unsheathed sword and an arm of a kid (of four months) satisfies his hunger. As for the daughter of Abu Zar, she is obedient to her father and to her mother. She has a fat well-built body and that arouses the jealousy of her husband's other wife. As for the (maid) slave girl of Abu Zar, what may one say of the (maid) slavegirl of Abu Zar? She does not uncover our secrets but keeps them, and does not waste our provisions and does not leave the rubbish scattered everywhere in our house." The eleventh lady added, "One day it so happened that Abu Zar went out at the time when the milk was being milked from the animals, and he saw a woman who had two sons like two leopards playing with her two breasts. (On seeing her) he divorced me and married her. Thereafter I married a noble man who used to ride a fast tireless horse and keep a spear in his hand. He gave me many things, and also a pair of every kind of livestock and said, 'Eat (of this), O Um Zar, and give provision to your relatives." She added, "Yet, all those things which my second husband gave me could not fill the smallest utensil of Abu Zar's."
'Aisha then said: Allah's Apostle said to me, "I am to you as Abu Zar was to his wife Um Zar."
If you see the etiquette of Allaah's Messenger, you see that he patiently listened to the whole story without saying anything until Aa'isha finished the.
Yet he was the Messenger of God for the whole of humanity, so if anyones doing anything for the sake of Islaam, then know that even the Prophet of Allaah - the greatest man to ever live spent time with his wives. We should take an example from that.
Do you also see how after listening to what she said, he ended it off in a Romantic way? Showing interest to what she said, and then linking it back to her to make her feel cared for, and understood.
That's exactly the way you want to follow. And please Don't fall asleep.
Devotion: Make her feel that you truely do care for her, so if you have your TV on, shut it off or atleast mute it in order to talk to her. She feels happy and cared for since you're prepared to listen to her and accept her ideas.
Also look at her when you talk, don't stare at the TV while nodding to what she says.. because she really wants your attention, so give it her and she will give it you back when you need it.
I Love you too..
Don't be afraid to tell her you love her, Allaah's Messenger wouldn't be afraid to, so why should you? Tell her you love her everyday, and mean it. Women want that, because they feel reassured that you still do love them, and that you havn't moved on.
Next part will be on women inshaAllaah...
01-26-2008, 02:47 PM
Some tips for Females.
Heres some tips for females in a relationship:
Beautify yourself for your husband:
This is the same advice given to the brothers. Everyone wants to have a person they can look at without feeling regret on the decision that they made. And if you want your guy to like you, you have to attract his attention.
Remember that this shouldn't just be kept up at the beginning of the marriage, but it should be kept constant throughout it.
Ask him what he likes, tell him what you like - if you take into consideration the other persons tastes, it will make them happy since they will feel appreciated and accepted.
There's a type of beauty which alot of people don't recognise; yeah - there is the makeup and all that, but theres one which we don't usually remember.
It's reported authentically from Bukhari & Muslim - On the authority of Abdullah Ibn `Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:
"Verily, some eloquence (can be so beautiful); it constitutes sorcery.
There's some eloquence in talking which is soo beautiful that it has a similar effect to magic on people. Remember that you can talk to your spouse in a way which will attract them, but just don't do it in public because you might get unwanted attention.
You could call them by a personal nickname you choose for them, we know that the God's Messenger would call his wife Aa'isha by the nickname 'Aa'ish' just to joke with her. Don't call them something they dislike though, because that will just make the relationship go bad.
Maybe you could bewitch your spouse now eh? (not in the forbidden (literal) way obviously.)
Show Trust: Imagine your husbands been working on fixing the kitchen sink all day - he's nearly fixed it! When suddenly you walk upto him and say: "Maybe you should call a plumber..?"
You might have good intentions, but this will make him feel devastated, as if you don't trust him enough. He's been working hard all day, and in his eyes - it seems as if he's not trusted to do what's best for the family. As if he's weak and you feel that someone else should do his job for you.
Just trust him enough and if he really wants to call the plumber, then he'll probably do that himself.
Appreciation: Using the example given before, imagine the husbands been working all day to fix the sink. You've encouraged him since he's helping out in the household, and the praise is for Allaah - he fixes it!
Now you should show him your appreciation, don't say something like 'my grandma can do better than that' - but be happy so he can be happy with you. Appreciate him and he will appreciate you. If you don't appreciate your spouse - then they won't be bothered to help out next time.
Acceptance: You should accept your spouse, even though there might be certain things which you might not totally like. It may be that Allaah's placed in it a lot of good, but you don't know of it yet?
If you don't like a thing, you should show your spouse that you're willing to change certain things about yourself, and that if you do, then your spouse should also. That makes it fair.
Don't nag your spouse about their bad habits or try to control their behavior by sharing upset or negative feelings. Sharing feelings is ok, but not when used to punish or manipulate.
Aa'isha (may Allah be pleased with her) narrates in Sahih Al Bukhari V2/B 15/no.70]:
It was the day of 'Id, and the Black people were playing with shields and spears; so either I requested the Prophet (peace be upon him) or he asked me whether I would like to see the display. I replied in the affirmative. Then the Prophet (peace be upon him) made me stand behind him and my cheek was touching his cheek and he was saying, "Carry on! O Bani Arfida," till I got tired.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) asked me, "Are you satisfied (Is that sufficient for you)?" I replied in the affirmative and he told me to leave.
That's cute; they showed each other that they weren't embarrassed to be in love with each other.. it shows your acceptance towards each other too.
There are many other narrations which state that Allaah's Messenger (peace be upon him) would eat with his wives, both would eat from the same and drink from the same glass etc. That's how it should be - it unites you together physically, aswell as the hearts.
Encouragement: Your husband might have experienced something, he feels he needs support. So he turns to his wife; the best thing she can do is encourage him and make him feel that she is on his side and supporting him (so long as he isn't doing something forbidden.) Look at the example of the wife of Allaah's Messenger; Khadija:
When the Prophet (salla Allahu 'alaihi wa sallam) received the first revelation from Allah, he was terrified and sought comfort with his wife Khadija. He said, "I fear that something may happen to me."
Khadija replied, "Never! But have the glad tidings, for by Allah, Allah will never disgrace you as you keep good relations with your kith and kin [family], speak the truth, help the poor and the destitute, serve your guest generously and assist the deserving, calamity-afflicted ones."
[Authentically recorded in Sahih Al-Bukhari]
This assured the Messenger of Allaah, and this is what every guy wants. Behind every great guy is a good woman.
Admiration - When the wife views the husband with wonder, delight, and pleased approval, the husband feels *admired*. Telling him what to do as if he were a child does not make him feel admired. Admiration is when the wife is happily amazed by his unique characteristics or
talents like humor, strength, persistence, integrity, honesty, romance, kindness, love, understanding, etc.
Here's a good example:
Once the prophet (salla Allahu 'alaihi wa sallam) was sitting in a room with Aisha and fixing his shoes. It was very warm, and Aisha looked to his blessed forehead and noticed that there were beads of sweat on it. She became overwhelmed by the majesty of that sight was staring at him long enough for him to notice.
He said, "What's the matter?" She replied, "If Abu Bukair Al-Huthali, the poet, saw you, he would know that his poem was written for you."
The Prophet (sallaAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam) asked, "What did he say?" She replied, "Abu Bukair said that if you looked to the majesty of the moon, it twinkles and lights up the world for everybody to see."
So the Prophet (salla Allahu 'alaihi wa sallam) got up, walked to Aisha, kissed her between the eyes, and said, "Wallahi ya Aisha, you are like that to me and more."
[This was narrated in Dala'el Al-Nubuwa for Imam Abu Nu'aim with isnad including Imam Bukhari and Imam Ibn Khuzaina.]
Grow up together..
Remember that you're both still young inside, no matter how old you get. What really matters is that you grow up together, because with age comes experience. Every moment of your life is a step closer to your return to your Creator, and you're best friend on that day will be your good character with others.
...Abu Darda' reported that the Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, said, "Nothing is weightier on the Scale of Deeds than one's good manners." [Sahih Al Bukhari - Book of Manners #271]
Strive towards Paradise hand in hand, because one of the greatest blessings Allaah has given us is love, and to gain alot of good - you need to make alot of sacrifices, and it is worth it in the end.
Remember to ask Allaah for that good, since He is the turner of hearts, He is the All Rich, and He has Power over all things.
01-26-2008, 05:44 PM
Mashaa-Allah, great advice (and examples)! Jazaak-Allah khair.
01-27-2008, 05:34 PM
Asalaamu alaikum wr wb.
The Path that led me to Allaah.
- A pre-authors edition to the heart-break series -
07-04-2008, 11:44 PM
As salaam 'alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,
Wow, Masha Allah that was written excellently and I can totally relate it to the youth of our time. May Allah reward you for it!!! Ameen.
12-10-2008, 09:28 AM
Asalaam alaikum warahmatulahi wabarakatuh
How to know if your wife/husband is impressed by you...
Disclaimer:This article's for the benefit of the Muslims, and is not intended for fitnah. The article allows the person to understand their marriage life better insha Allah. Aswell as give some brief understanding of human psychology. I've tried to put it into note form since its easy and direct to the point insha Allah, and alot of the info. is based on research and studies - so its not personal opinions.
Remember - marriage isnt a challenge like them relationships in jahiliyah where you have to fear competition from outsiders. Its about working together to enhance your relationship while hoping for aid from Allah in all matters related to it.
Below are certain attributes which may seem attractive in a spouse, which you might want to apply to yourself insha Allah. Most of these attributes are within the perfect guide to (sal Allah alaihi wasalam), so try to implement them. Then at the end there'll be some notes on Physical attributes, and how you can figure out whether your wife or husband are impressed by you.
Charm is something which we hear of a lot but don’t really know what it is. Its usually associated with good, many people want it – since it allows you to make more friends, and it’s the ability to make people like you when you’re in their presence. In simple terms; it’s the ability to make people happy, which in return will make you more happy – without really expecting anything back in return.
Some people think that looks are really important in a relationship, others think wealth, others status. But like we know, we marry someone for their religion. In the past, the Muslims would say that the Jews married for wealth, the Christians for looks, and we for a persons Islam. The same way a persons Islam is extremely important, the same way charm is more important in a relationship (than other physical attributes.) But how does Islam actually make you more charming?
Without Islam, you follow the crowd – imitating those around you in what they do, without thinking too much about what they’re doing, since your only aim is to be accepted, so you accept what they accept.
With Islam – you follow what Allah and His Messenger revealed to us. You know you’re accountable for what you do, so you do think twice before doing anything. This then makes you more aware of who you are, which then makes you more unique – you learn who you are truly are, with the addition of moulding yourself into the Sunnah of Allah’s Messenger. Giving good, not expecting anything in return except from Allah.
We have the Prophet (sal Allah alaihi wasalam) as a role model who was full of charm. That's why his followers shouldn't intermix with stranger women/guys - because their charm may be a source of fitnah without them knowing that they're charming the stranger.
Allah's Messenger gave every person respect, giving noble people who were leaders of clans respect (which convinced them that he wasn't after kingdom in this world), and giving love to the weak, children, and honour to women. He praised them without overpraising them, and being truthful when complimenting them. This is an important rule in charm, because praising someone when its not truthful, or when its exaggerated causes the person to not take it seriously or to heart - which doesn't really affect the person, so you lose in this scenario instead of win.
For example a wife might say to her husband; "you looked really nice today." And just to please her, he might reply "thanks.. you did too." That isn't always clever. He actually made a mistake there, because all he portrayed to her was that he was trying to equal her because she complimented him, almost like giving her a favour for her kind words. What would be more clever is for him to say thanks, and to keep this in mind. Then when he truly saw her later and found her to look beautiful, then he praises that and says that "you look beautiful today, maybe even throw a gift in to further strengthen that compliment." Which makes her happy, that's charm.
Some mistakes in applying 'Charm'
Don't be too absorbed in yourself, rather - give them the attention which you yourself would desire. And then they too will give it in return insha Allah. If they know that you think too much of yourself, and that you're not willing to give up for your own benefit, then they probably won't be attracted to this selfish attitude. The whole concept of relationships is that you give and you get due to trust, love and care.
When you be with someone, you have to prove that you do what you say. If you don't, then what you say really isn't worth much. For example, you hear alot of youth saying that they'll do something krazy to make the one they love laugh, now if they never went ahead with it - the other person would think "is this person cheap or what? he doesn't even do what he says." But if he does it, they laugh together. Its just how life works - theres no point of words if they aren't supported by action. Its usual for a person from the opposite gender to do something which befits their gender role, so guys will usually do something manly to impress a woman, and a woman will do something feminine which will attract the guy. That might be because they're imitating their role, and if someone else from your same gender supersedes you in that - it can sometimes even cause jealousy.. which can be harmful.
Charms also to talk to them like you were thinking about them when they weren't there, to remember something about them which they really love, and to do something which will surprise them - related to what they do love, therefore you're being loved directly because u were the center and cause of something which they really do love.
Things that might seem attractive...
People sometimes find 'risky' people interesting or more fun, compared to 'quiet boys/girls' because they love the adventure behind them, and they might stick by them longer because the person portrays themselves as someone whose got 'alot to offer' - causing the one whose after them to want to continuously be with them, for that 'fun' and that 'clinging on' feeling keeps them on the edge, always afraid to lose them.. with the addition that people might find this risky person more attractive, therefore the person whose with them feels that they've got a 'kool' reputation because they're with this really kool person. But in Islam, we don't harm our partners this way, instead we show them goodness and excitement so they love us and don't want to lose us anyway.
Smile! when you smile at anyone, they can't prevent it, but it comes from them too. It's free but its worth so much!
Mysterious people.. people who might not talk too much, but they still keep their nobility - so people are willing to respect them and hear them out when they do speak. these people seem interesting, because they don't give themselves up 'freely' to others, compared to those who talk all the time. So that when they do talk - everyones head turns towards their direction. I've seen some people trying to portray themselves as 'mysterious' this way, but it just doesn't work unless its accompanied by this being your real personality.
People reach their peak of physical strength uptill the age of 33 (that might be why the people of jannah are 33), after that it goes downhill again. its for men and women alike. the word 'peak' was mentioned there, therefore someone who is more older [yet below 33] will look more attractive to someone who is slightly older than them. i.e. some guys wouldn't mind being married to a woman whose slightly older than them so long as she isn't too old, because they like the concept of a mature woman as a wife and they might find it more interesting too, and this is a fact for women wanting a maturer husband (although some may differ.) however, once the people themselves go old, they would prefer a younger one because they have gone past that peak level, and everyone loves the tastes of youth.
The man whose wives stayed with him..
There was this man who had alot of wives when he was old. People asked him how he had so much wives at such an old age. He replied: When i was young, they stayed with me because of my youth and beauty. When i was maturer, they stayed with me because of my wealth, and now that i'm old - they stay with me because of my good manners and personality.
Below are a few signs when your with your partner to see whether they really like you when your together on a special occasion - (especially at the beginning of the marriage);
S/he Keeps an eye on his/herself- so they focus alot on their looks when you're together, especially when you got a special occasion together. Like they check up on themself to make sure they look right for you. Both guys and females might touch their hair to feel that its in place, or fix their clothing etc.
They ask about your family - if you are close to your family, u might be more warmer, it might hint at the fact that you want family of your own, and your personality may be shown through what type of family your from.
They're attentive - focusing on you more than other things. they can get distracted easily if they're not interested. One sign of distraction might be a loss of eye contact in the middle of conversation (but that also depends on your shyness level.)
Touch - she might touch you alot for jokes, like giving attention and wants it back too. Guys usually tease a girl which they like, especially when they're young. When people are older though, they usually have different ways of expressing themselves - you know what they are if you understand your partner well.
The longer lasting the person wants to carry on i.e. for a meal together - that might be because they enjoying it. if they want to end quick, might be because of opposite (not necessarily though, because women care about other matters too whereas men might be able to put them on the back of their minds more easily). i.e. a woman might not enjoy a meal together because she's got the kids on the back of her mind as a source of worry.
When you argue too much, you first get closer to each other after the first sincere apology.. then you argue again, and whoever caused it has to be sorry, but the more you argue, the more you distance from each other, because you leave scars behind. so try not to argue too much, that'll make the person feel that they've got more to lose (of goodness from you) - so they too will want to get back with you this way.
Balance everything out, if someone is becoming tighter (like a rope knot) , you loosen yourself and relax so the knot doesn't go tighter (because if it goes too tight - you can't open up the knot again.)
Allow them to express themselves in a legitimate way [this is important so they can release their grief instead of locking it up inside] so they can be heard, then help them calm down by telling them that 'you understand them.' Then try to make them happy to change the mood from heaviness to light.
Don't always argue or debate with each other, especially when you know that debating will cause more problems. debating is done to make your point heard so that it benefits the hearer. If you know they won't benefit from it, then whats the point of arguing over something which u can't agree on? All it does is escalate friction between you two further.
Alot of people even argue, beat or even divorce their wives simply because they dont cook well! one piece of advice which i've noticed is this; without islam, people will accept the pressures of society and argue that a wife is a 'bad wife' if she doesnt cook well, or anything irrelevant which is measured in a worldly scale. But we know quite well that Aa'isha herself was NOT a good cook, but she was the 2nd most beloved wife to Allah's Messenger (sal Allah alaihi wasalam. [after Khadijah]) Therefore, if your wife lacks some worldly qualities, accept that or help her to achieve them, but that doesn't mean she's a bad wife, someone can only be bad if they have unIslamic attitudes, and don't want to correct them. So base your concepts of good and bad on Islam, and give alot of free space to your partner in what they can't achieve, while helping them in achieving what you want them to be like (this includes you striving to help change yourself too! to what they like.) I personally dont like restrictions on myself, since less restrictions or rules can make life simpler, so i wouldn't want to restrict another either.
Ibn Abbas said, [i]“I verily adorn myself for my wife the same as she adorns herself for me. Also I would not ask her to fulfill all the rights which she owes me, so that it would become binding upon me to fulfill all the rights which I owe her”
[Tafsir Ibn Kathir - Hasan]
For both: don't impose too much on each other or force them to do something which they don't really like, it really puts people off because people naturally hate force and oppression. if a person lacks in a certain quality, u probably also lack in some which they like. i personally think that there are prohibitions in islam, so stick to them limits, and try not to make too much prohibitions for yourself and your partner.
Some people might argue with someone else.. and they think continuously, not for a real solution to their problem - but just to prove their point, so they don't lose their honour (even though the thing might be permissible i.e. her visiting her relatives.)
Like I know of an example where theres this young woman who wants something her way, but the father in law will say to her 'no, you cant.' . The girl will get frustrated and won't be happy with the situation, maybe even complaining about it to her husband. So the husband will be in a tough situation, not really knowing who to side for, because if he does one thing - the other side will say that he betrayed them. So the wife should keep this in mind, that he is in a tough situation. And the inlaws should also be aware of this. This situation puts the guy through alot of stress and may lead to a worser situation i.e. him distancing from the family, or even divorcing the wife. Patience is important, but so is trying to find a conclusion both sides can agree to.
Along with this scenario, the inlaws may justify that the girl can't do one thing or another simply because "the other daughter inlaw down the street doesn't either." this doesn't justify the situation too, since that isnt the end of the problem.
I know of a family where the daughter in law complains that she can't visit her relatives, the inlaws say she cant - and they say that even the other daughter in law whose a cousin can't, the funny thing is though that this other girl doesn't really have any relatives she can visit. Plus, you have to see the background of each person individually, one girl may have visited her relatives alot before the marriage whereas another may not have close relatives. So take each person as an individual.
The 3 Needs Pyramid
Remember that theres 3 needs an average person goes through [in chronological order];
1) Physical needs- these involve; water, food, shelter, etc.
once the person has all his physical needs fulfilled to the basic level, his mind has desire for some form of social connection.
2) Social needs. - these involve people who love and care for you, a place of shelter but with other social protection and belonging, and connection with others for other personal requirements.
Once the person has his social needs fulfilled, they still feel empty. A great deal of the non muslims in the west only reach upto this stage but lack the 3rd. Which usually leads to them still feeling that 'empty' feeling inside of them.
3) Spiritual needs- This is the stage where you feel you need connection with Allah, and we know its the fitrah [natural disposition.] An example of this can be to get the inner peace, a personal level of safety. To feel a higher purpose, and we know that this is achieved through Islam.
something similar to it is the Pyramid of Maslow which might be useful to study:
So keep these concepts in mind, because your partner may complain about certain issues. You will need to look at the situation to see what concept their complaining about, evaluate it by seeing the condition that they really are in - and to aid them in that (depending on where they are in the pyramid) - which will help you insha Allah in helping them in the right direction.
This way, they'll be happy that you're aware of their situation. And they'll say [i]"I like my partner because he/she understands me..." or "you really know how to make someone happy, may Allah reward you."
Women from mars men from jupiter (yeah yeah, that book);
Men, being from Mars, think before they feel. When men discuss problems, they do not commiserate, they offer solutions. This creates a huge communication gap in relationships, because a woman wants emotional support while the guy without knowing it suggests a resolution. Neither side is right or wrong, but women are created to be feelers and men are hard wired to be thinkers (this is something praiseworthy for each party because females focus more on emotion, and males focus more on thinking, so both are specialised in their own fields.) Understanding that he is not being callous/hard hearted or short when he tells you what he thinks rather than what he feels will score you lots of points.
Remember that guys think of solving problems alone, while women like to share their emotions with the guy. There can be clashes if each side doesn't listen to the other, so give some attention, aswell as some space to each other in a balanced way. Its also amazing to figure that women are more emotional because children need that emotional upbringing, and men are more focused on thinking ahead - so they lack as much emotion, but this thinking helps them keep the child safe in the long run (i.e. future planning/thinking ahead).
Complaining isn't always good
Don't always complain about your problems, there's the right times for it - but to always make people feel sorry for you puts them off from wanting to be with you. they want to be with someone who makes them smile, and enjoy themselves. there's some time for this, and there's sometime for that. always follow that middle, balanced path to get the right results.
continued insha Allah...
12-10-2008, 09:28 AM
continued from part 1...
Can you force yourself into love?
You can force yourself to be in love with anyone, even if they don't appeal to u at the beginning. this is something amazing from Allah, where u might hate someone first, or just be neutral about them (treating them like any other), but due to different situations, you may start liking them. This is all within yourself, where if your willing to fall for someone - you can. even if this is a gradual process over a period of time. it could be due to a certain order of events, or situations u face.
you continuously start telling yourself about them, you tell yourself in your mind.. sometimes even whispering to yourself what u feel repeatedly until u start believing in it. so your body responds to these thoughts, and u start getting feelings, which can then turn into actions...
When people are in love, they actually start ignoring the things they disliked about the person at first, and focus on the things they do like. That's why some people be shocked at why someone more good looking is with someone who isn't on the same level, because its likely that this really beautiful person wanted someone equal to them, but then they fell into it without knowing - and they continued with it because they loved what they loved more than they hated it... so it became stronger.
So much people have fallen in love with someone else without actually knowing it, and the only time they find out is when it's too late! That's why love is so risky, because sometimes you only realise what you've got, when its gone. Usually, you dig a deep hole the more and more you get to know each other, then when one person makes that first next level move out of deep feelings - only then you find out. What usually happens is that you actually get shocked at this, but since you were already enjoying their company - you might be amazed at the fact that this person cares about you at such a deep level - which makes you feel good about yourself - which then makes you open to love them too.
What can further enhance this feeling is if this person is somehow more special, unique than the rest, this is when the real love feeling enters you and this is when u feel more committed to the idea. If you've read that Prequel to the heart-break series, you'll actually figure out that the main character proper falls for the S girl because he finds out she's popular and good looking too. That's when he's shocked, thinking that 'if this is the type of person who likes me, then i must be well kool or amazing to be liked by such a person.' Lol, and then this is why A falls for him... The same applies if someone from a lower class tribe got married to someone from a noble lineage etc. Sometimes if you've been in love before, u try to find ur first luv in the new person.. because u miss the first love so much.
It's alot about how others view you as a couple too - which gives you confidence in your relationship, and there's always been certain couples which have always been famous for their love throughout history in every age and time. For example: Masrouq (a narrator of hadith) would refer to A’isha (Radiallahu Anha) in the following way:
“And on the authority of the Love of the Messenger salalahu alaihi wassalam“ (Meaning A’isha (Radiallahu Anha))
Imam Muhammad Ibn Shaab az Zuhri said,
“The first love that was ever recognized and known is the love between Prophet Muhammad (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) and A’isha (r.a.)”
When people like something, their eyes dilate (their pupils get bigger) because they think that things really beautiful. The bigger the pupils, the more you're 'zooming in' to allow your eyes to focus on the details of that thing.
when you stare at someone, they might stare back. if they like, their eyes will also dilate to see who you really are - the longer they focus on detail - the more dilated the eyes, the more beautiful they seem.
studies have shown that if a person has dilated eyes - they look more beautiful.. to make the study a fair test, they simply made the eyes less dilated using photo editing software, and by showing the same photo (with the difference of eye dilation) - they found that the person looked more beautiful and attractive with more dilated eyes.
in egyptian history, there were women who would put some chemical in their eyes, which would allow their eyes to be dilated more often, but they never knew of its effects until much later, that it was poisonous - so it blinded or killed them. Just showing how much some people wanted to look beautiful.
candle lit dinner, dark night, looking at moon/stars etc. bigger pupils - more attractive. so this might be the type of setting you want to eat in with your wife or husband.
glancing sideways, looking at them for few seconds, then looking away again. then returning the sight again after a few moments (to see if the other person's still giving the attention.) the more the look, the more they want attention back off you. the more attention you give the other, the more beautiful they themselves feel - which is one of the reasons why people like another, because that other person makes them feel better about themselves.
women like attention, men like giving attention.
men breathe stomach in [so they dont look fat, but fit instead] - women might do similar for other similar purposes, and when they talk - they elong words in tune form to sound cute and funny.
the following method may also seem like a joke, but it shows that they really do like you. Imagine sitting together opposite each other, you'll probably be staring at each other - now when one person moves, the other person imitates them. if one gets closer, the other copies in a subtle way. showing that 'i accept that. i accept what you're doing and i'm willing to do the same' whereas if they stay still, they might still be thinking about it. the longer they take, the more things they've got in their mind to prevent anything from actually happening between you two. This kind of stuff usually happens during the early stages but can die out later when it matures.
height - shorter men may be more aggressive to show their 'manliness' due to their lack of tallness.
majority of males and females would like their partner to be more taller, since thats found to be more attractive.
Normally - in the dreamy fairytale, the guy is taller than the girl slightly, so she is upto his chest level, close to his shoulder height. Which made that the 'perfect' and most suitable look to make them a match. I think alot of people think that's the best match.
But we know that this isn't always the norms, some females are extremely tall and some males shorter than average, does this mean they'll never find the right person? No. There are some women who are tall, and prefer shorter men simply because of the situation they're in. They might feel too embarrassed to be tall, they might want their husband to be shorter so when they have kids, these kids will be of average height, insha Allah.
Facial: There are alot of different cultures in which there are different signs of beauty, for example some wives of Allah's Messenger (sal Allah alaihi wasalam) felt that Aa'isha was more beautiful because she wasn't skinny - but rather she had some fat (not overweight, but enough to not make her boney) - (its well known that slightly plump skin is a sign of youth and skinniness which leads to the feeling of bones makes a person feel uncomfortable) . This youth of Aa'isha made some wives jealous (a natural jealousy which is allowed in Islam between co-wives - so long as it doesn't lead to the forbidden). And this was something praiseworthy among arab women because many were so thin that they hardly had any weight, especially due to the poverty in Arabia.
Even in nations such as Finland, Denmark etc. women are more likely to be married if they weigh more since this shows that they are from a 'rich' family. Obviously times are changing now where the world is uniting on a similar culture, but this was well known amongst many nations in the past.
There are other signs of difference in culture too, such as what colour skin you should have to be more attractive. Where, among many nations with tanned skin - it is preferable for people to have white skin, whereas among white people - the more tanned skin you have, the more attractive it is.
However, there are certain features which are recognised by nearly ALL cultures to define certain aspects of beauty.
For example, in women - it is something liked if she has high cheek bones - which are apparent, but don't stick out too much. In Men - it is liked for him to have firm cheek bones, not like the womens - since that would make him look too feminine. It's also liked for the man to have a strong jaw, and not much 'puppy fat' - if you exercise, i believe that this 'fat' can be removed and that area will become toned - due to the strength that it takes (from all the body) when lifting weights. It is also liked for women to have a well defined jaw, since nice symmetry and neat features make the face look pleasing to the seer.
The 'blush effect' also enhances a persons beauty, and this is the part between the jaw line and the distance between the lips/nose. That area between usually is the 'blush' area (on the cheeks) - and when someones embarrassed or feels hot, they are likely to get red from there. This is found attractive on females and males.
There's some guys who grow up and realise that their voice is becoming deep so they take out a lighter voice since they're not used to the deep one. Don't do that, once i saw a police man on the news who did exactly that and he sounded like a girl. Remember, women like it more when a guy acts like a guy more than if he acts like a girl.
- When women are 'ovulating' - their voices are more attractive to males. However, when they're not (maybe due to menopause, or a different time of the month etc.) - they're voices do not always have the same effect. That's why when women reach a certain age
Person uses soft voice when likes sum1 - showing that they're caring/gentle, and that i'm not a thread, i dont mind if you approach me.
nice smell; the same way you're trying to appeal to every sense of your husband or wife, smell is also extremely important (since it's 1 of the 5 senses, its nearly 20% of who you are!) some people put on professional colognes, usually with dull or 'professional' tastes. DO NOT wear them, unless your partner really likes them. Instead, wear something exciting, alot of the times, its smells which are from sporty deodorants, or a variety of fruit flavoured smells. these types of smells bring excitement in your relationship, instead of that dullness of the cologne. Then when you want to relax, where something relaxing (for women like lavender - which aids in sleep and relaxation). we as Muslims are alright with this anyway since many of the smells which we buy from abroad are of different varieties anyway.
women are already aware of this and don't wear colognes, they usually wear fruit or sweet flowery smells. most of these exotic flavoured smells are cheaper than them expensive, yet 'dull' colognes. So ask your partner what they like, so you can wear it often. it's likely that you'll actually put something on that they'll respond well to - which will be a good hint for you. but don't always wear the same one, because it'll become too 'normal' [imagine some noise, the more you hear it continuously - the more you ignore that its there, same with smell] - you want to do as much things as possible to re-liven the relationship, to make it more fun and stronger - so do new, fun exciting things!
Hadith - Sahih Al-Bukhari #1.258, Narrated 'Aisha, r.a.
Whenever the Prophet took the bath of Janaba (sexual relation or wet dream) he asked for the Hilab or some other scent. He used to take it in his hand, rub it first over the right side of his head and then over the left and then rub the middle of his head with both hands.
Try it bros, when you smell your wifes hair - you want to fall asleep in it.. she might want to in yours too, cuz of the nice smell. And don't wear gel, it really does make your hair drop off cuz of all the chemicals. Wear coconut oil instead, it has the same effects of gel, but without the harmful chemicals.
Sisters, maybe you can try that too. But remember that its an obligation upon women to not wear it outdoors so she should do proper ghusl (have a bath) to remove it.
Play a game
Sometimes people get kind of bored with a continuous pattern in the relationship, where everything is the same and you're used to what they wear, what u eat, what you smell of etc. make it fun for yourself. Try to play different roles, and meet up where u have privacy, then be someone else.
Someone your partners wanted you to be like, but you've never been like that before. You're like a totally new character, and something which your partner really likes. It might just re-liven their feelings once again for you guys.. tell each other that you'll meet up together at a certain time at a certain place [within Islamic rules obviously] - making it like a fast heartbeating and slightly risky feeling experience. Alot of people like the thrill, but don't usually experience it.. but this thrill re-livens your relationship because you're experiencing your partner, but in a totally new way, and in a way which you really like too! The whole feeling makes you excited about meeting and linking with them.
Now lets just place all that into context, imagine you and your partner are linking together sometime..
its a dark night, everythings quiet.. you walk in, suddenly a small glow of light flickers near by (a candle light), the stars are apparent, and you're on a protective balcony. You look in the distance and see something which looks really beautiful, handsome. So you approach them, and look in their direction.. your eye pupils dilate (go bigger), and theres do too. Thats why alot of people like that 'candlelight' moment feeling, because its just you guys, its different - the focus is just on the other person, and it literally enhances the beauty of both of them too.
As you approach them, you smell something which attracts you more towards that direction. This smell is obviously coming from the one whose with you, and they're wearing the right smell for the right situation - in this case its something relaxing, because you two are in a relaxed environment, wanting a relaxed moment... Pick your smells carefully, smells can trigger memories from years earlier, meaning that you could wear a smell from 7years ago and if it was a special moment - the person may feel them moments once again during this present moment.
Its quiet, you can hear the soft wind blow against your skin.. the first one to speak focuses your attention upon them more.. its a soft voice, you feel relaxed.. so you reply softly too. You feel light, calm, and at ease... It's a mercy from Allah.
You choose this moment, and make it something which they remember, something special.. do it after every certain time period so that your love doesn't die out, trying to change it only slightly with new small changes which will surprise them everytime. Make it a moment without out worries. Preparing well so its just for you two, and the kids are lookaftered well (some restaurants have nurseries for kids while the parents can relax temporarily.)
Ask Allah to make it good for you, and a source of success. It might be that;
...Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.
(Qur'an Al Nisa 4:19)
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