Staying home mothers: Questions for Brothers

[Stawf]

Bismillah,
Assalamualikum warahmatullah wabarakatu,



Shockingly I found most of the staying home-mothers (they want to be staying home mothers) are violently forced to work against their wills because of the dominant cultural pressures (houses, prestige, statues, money, careers and so on). Most of the cases men (Husbands, regardless Muslim and non-Muslims) take for granted that they are marrying educated women in order to have dual income families.

I believe if a Muslim woman has to go workforce against her will (husband wants her to earning money, or paying bills for house which is bought with interests) then that is an injustice and an invisible violence against woman. I think we must recognize such violence through our dialogues and awareness. Today's "working mothers" is a normative phenomenon, but trust me while I was working with violence against women, I found lots of women don't want to be working mothers, rather they want to be staying home mothers with recognition and respect.

But our society puts them down as they are worthless, family look at them as they are good for nothing, and at the end children ask them why don't you earn money like daddy? I think we Muslim women should speak up for our staying home mothers' respect and dignity.



My Question for Brothers:

How many of you (brothers) want your wives must earn money in order to survive today's dual income social systems?
Are you going to force her to earn money for the family if she does not want to?
Are you going to respect her because she wants to stay home and raise her (your too) children in Islam? Or in your mind you will always compare her with other working women?
Are you going to give her financial freedom (if she earns money, you will not ask her money or depend on her money)?
Are you ready to take full financial responsibilities for your wife and your children without having any doubt? Are you a man of Islam?
Do you believe she has right to choose work or not to work for money?
If your prospective wife says that she wants to be a staying home mother and that is her life long dream. How will you react upon this statement?
**EDIT**
Can the mods please move this thread to the FOL or Love Notes Folder. JazakAllaah Khair in advance.

[TawhidFirst]

InshaALlah, should I get married soon:

1) I would definitely prefer that my wife would not throw my kids into daycare inorder to make some money (unless financial situation is do or die)

2) No way would I ever force my wife to leave the home for work against what she desires (this is not just injustice, but a shaykh maybe could comment on it's halal/haram status)

3) I respect a wife who raises her children rather than daycare them, so definitely I would respect her

4) Her money is hers. BUT if she is totally misusing it, I would tell her to fear Allah and maybe get a male or female scholar to speak to her privately

5) Yes, ready to take financial responsiblities inshaAllah

6) She definitely has the right to work outside home or not. However, working outside home definitely has some islamic guidelines (depends what job she would want to work in)

7) If her dream is to be a stay at home mother who raises her children, teaches them islam, holds female halaqas, reviews islamic material, writes islamic material (if she is qualifiied), keeps strong contacts with relatives, possibly has a part time job at home (this part is up to her), etc... then that would be a super duper woman!!

[Siraaj]

The problem with the dual income family is that it exists in order to satiate the needs that they put upon themselves. Could you live in a simple apartment? Sure, but no, we want halaal mortgaged homes. We want brand new cars (leased or bought).

In short, people want more than their wallets can handle on a single income, and therefore, in order to enable themselves to get into more debt, the women end up working to bring money for a home that in the end, no one really enjoys because there is always the pressure of having to pay for it on the heads of both husband and wife. How happy does that sound?

Myself, I told my wife she's staying home and raising our children, while I'll provide for the family from my income, and alhamdulillaah, we live a simple yet happy and fulfilling life in the apartment that we rent.

Be happy with simplicity, and if you truly want to get bigger and better, make a plan that doesn't require a dual income. Look around for alternative streams of outcome, and insha'Allah, you'll find them.

Siraaj

[TawhidFirst]

The problem with the dual income family is that it exists in order to satiate the needs that they put upon themselves. Could you live in a simple apartment? Sure, but no, we want halaal mortgaged homes. We want brand new cars (leased or bought).

In short, people want more than their wallets can handle on a single income, and therefore, in order to enable themselves to get into more debt, the women end up working to bring money for a home that in the end, no one really enjoys because there is always the pressure of having to pay for it on the heads of both husband and wife. How happy does that sound?

I totally agree. InshaAllah, i also plan to not desire things which would lead to a family that lives for paying bills.

Besides, with the amount of hunger and disaster all over the world (especially in muslim lands), I would feel far too gulty to run after the BIG stuff...

[~Oum AbdurRahman~]

Forgive me for butting in. I need to really really get in touch with Sh. Muhammad AlShareef, I sent an email to the managers addy, but no response. Please manager if you could for the sake of Allah, please do email me at oumabdurrahman AT gmail DOT com . I sincerely need help. Thanks.

BY the way, in some countries, a double income is essential in order to survive.

The wives here in this country are dieing in efforts find work, so that way they can help support their families. 'Umar radiAllahu 3an said, "Al Fugr, Kufr." I got that hadeeth from the book, "Laa T7zaan" by Sh. 'Aidh AlQarni.

[Stawf]

I totally agree. InshaAllah, i also plan to not desire things which would lead to a family that lives for paying bills.

Besides, with the amount of hunger and disaster all over the world (especially in muslim lands), I would feel far too gulty to run after the BIG stuff...MashaAllah we have brothers like you. May Allah (swt) make our sons, brothers and husbands real men of Islam. Because of financial responsibility Muslim men are guardian of Muslims' families. May Allah (swt) honour both of you and those brothers who know what are their roles and responsibilities in Islam. Ameen.

InshaAllah if you don't use credit cards and you never-ever take loans with interests (riba) from any bank or company (ex: mortgage company to buy a dream house!!), then financially you will be in good shape. Because you will see the baraka in your income, insahAllah. In your hard time, you may take loan from your family members and friends and give them back ASAP. Or strive in hunger by knowing that million of Muslims are going through financial hardships---and be please with it. InshaAllah you will taste the sweetness of your Eman.

To be rich in your halal earning, you just need your self dignity and satisfaction. To have self fulfillment what you have, you need to stop shopping from TV. By watching TV, we often desire things which we don't need and we end up using credit cards.

If you have a dream about a sweet-happy home without loans, and financial struggles, but prosperities, love and dignity; then you should start to live without TV (specially if a staying home wife/mother watches TV and desires things, nobody can stop her- ---) and Credit cards. I am talking from my 20 years experiences. You may not agree with me. It is just my personal experiences with people around me.

It seems I am off track, but I believe that before marry a man should be smart enough to earn, invest, save and spend money and he also should know how to guide his wife in Islam. Allah knows the best.

[Sally Mahmoud]

It seems I am off track, but I believe that before marry a man should be smart enough to earn, invest, save and spend money and he also should know how to guide his wife in Islam. Allah knows the best.

I think this is excellent advice for young men and women.. there's no shame in aspiring to be a wealthy muslim.. you can be a bigger asset to the Ummah if you're a generous wealthy person ;) and no one gets rich off their salary.. if you're financially savvy, your family and community will have what they want, and you wouldn't live your life simply paying bills..

Just think of the hadeeth qudsi "I am what my servant thinks of Me.."