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muslimaah
08-20-2008, 09:52 AM
bismillah

salam alaikum I am in a situation where I need some genuine advice. couple of weeks back this guy in one of my Quran classes proposed to me. (insert blush :->) I was taken aback cause no one ever dared to do that to me before lol..so I decided I'm not a stage where I'm actually looking to get married and 2 days later I turned him down -politely. He thanked me, sulked, and left. I'm not regretting losing him lol, but I'm really confused. do you guys think I should tell my parents? well, knowing them, they would probably freak out, set curfews, and blame me perhaps for not conducting myself *appropriately*. y'know desis are really big on these issues..at the same time, I think it's disrepectful to not let them know. help someone!

hibahmac
08-20-2008, 03:22 PM
bismillah

salam alaikum I am in a situation where I need some genuine advice. couple of weeks back this guy in one of my Quran classes proposed to me. (insert blush :->) I was taken aback cause no one ever dared to do that to me before lol..so I decided I'm not a stage where I'm actually looking to get married and 2 days later I turned him down -politely. He thanked me, sulked, and left. I'm not regretting losing him lol, but I'm really confused. do you guys think I should tell my parents? well, knowing them, they would probably freak out, set curfews, and blame me perhaps for not conducting myself *appropriately*. y'know desis are really big on these issues..at the same time, I think it's disrepectful to not let them know. help someone!
wa 'alaykum salaam...may i ask a question?? my husband and i were married and already parents before we converted together, so honestly i haven't experienced the proper etiquette of premarriage. is it normal for a brother to ask a sister directly to her face? i know it's the western way, but is that the desi way too, or more importantly the muslim way?? if not, then perhaps that indicates he was rough around the edges in adab and so on anyway, you know?

maybe there's a way to wake your parents up to the issue without freaking them out, maybe in some hypothetical way. the thing is that you know your parents better than any of us here, so you have the leg up when it comes to approach, really.

whether you disclose this incident or not, the question is what would you do should a direct proposal happen again. perhaps you, in respect to your own protection and to your parents, would offer your father's number right away. if the guy never calls, he isn't serious. if he does and the proposal is still on the table, then at least there's no shame to be found in the way things are being handled.

whatever your parent's (over)reaction, they love you. would you prefer indifference and permissiveness? http://forums.almaghrib.org/images/icons/icon7.gif

sireen
08-20-2008, 05:16 PM
Wa 'alaikum assalam wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh,
Here's mine http://forums.almaghrib.org/images/icons/icon10.gif. Yeah.. I really think you should fill your parents in. It's really important that people know that proposals should NOT go through the girl herself. Things can get really icky that way :).
I agree completely...
Not only should you tell them...but also discuss it with them (and future things that might happen)...always keep them aware of these things...you want excellent communication with your parents all the time inshaAllah...
And also realize that it is usually best if it goes through the parents and not through you...(I don't know about the desi culture though...maybe for you this is not a concern...)

WAllahu ta3ala a3lam..

muslimaah
08-20-2008, 08:38 PM
jazakiAllah kheir for responding everyone :)

wa 'alaykum salaam...may i ask a question?? my husband and i were married and already parents before we converted together, so honestly i haven't experienced the proper etiquette of premarriage. is it normal for a brother to ask a sister directly to her face? i know it's the western way, but is that the desi way too, or more importantly the muslim way?? if not, then perhaps that indicates he was rough around the edges in adab and so on anyway, you know? It's NOT the desi way, but I guess, from what I know there's nothing wrong with a brother directly proposing a girl, as long as he does it the halal way (pls correct me if Im wrong) .

maybe there's a way to wake your parents up to the issue without freaking them out, maybe in some hypothetical way. the thing is that you know your parents better than any of us here, so you have the leg up when it comes to approach, really.

whether you disclose this incident or not, the question is what would you do should a direct proposal happen again. perhaps you, in respect to your own protection and to your parents, would offer your father's number right away. if the guy never calls, he isn't serious. if he does and the proposal is still on the table, then at least there's no shame to be found in the way things are being handled.

whatever your parent's (over)reaction, they love you. would you prefer indifference and permissiveness? http://forums.almaghrib.org/images/icons/icon7.gifI love your advice! thanx :-)

brother_bruce
08-20-2008, 08:52 PM
Yes, you should most definitely tell them.

Dont forget to make it absolutely clear that you had no idea it was coming, and told the guy no...

muslimaah
08-20-2008, 09:19 PM
I actually decided not to tell them. I don't want to take a risk and have them stop me from attending my Quran class or set any curfews- I don't wanna lose my freedom! my parents are really overprotective about me- the curse of being the youngest child :(

Yes, you should most definitely tell them.

Dont forget to make it absolutely clear that you had no idea it was coming, and told the guy no...I feel bad about not telling them, but I dont really have much of a choice. they would freak out and go into panic mode. 2-3 yrs down the road when my parents actually start *looking* for me, Ill tell em. hope the guy is still single then lol

Rabiah - la Voyageure
08-20-2008, 10:37 PM
Would you rather want them to find out from someone else?

safa_709
08-20-2008, 10:52 PM
Assalamu-alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh,
Ok, this is totally up to you :). But.. I'm seriously advising you to change your mind. It's probably going to bother you for a long time, and the longer you keep it in you, the worse it will get! Believe me, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, I've learned from experience never to keep anything from parents.. even if it means you're going to have to face the music. Think about it this way, let's say the boy goes around and tells all his friends that you rejected him, and they go tell their sisters and their sisters tell their moms and their moms go tell your mom.. you see?

May Allah (SWT) make it easy on you to make the right decision. Try making Du'aa for the blow not to be so bad :), Du'aa works miracles.. SubhanAllah. I agree with Nahlah!

Never keep anything away from your parents.......even if you think it may have repercussions, b/c ultimately if you have good intentions then that is the best decision to make. Dont ever break that trust.

Even if they force you to leave the quran circle, know that what you are doing & your sacrifice inshallah is a test b/c ultimately you are obeying your parents which comes first and foremost. Make duaa, that this wont get out of hand and Allah will iA open for you a way out.

Wasalams.

Hala
08-20-2008, 11:23 PM
wallahu a'lam. I don't think we can really make the decision for you, dear sister. You know your situation and your parents best. If you feel telling them will bring you/them harm, then do what you feel is best for you and your family. If you feel keeping it a secret will bring greater harm, then share this with them. Bottom line- pray salatul istikhara and make du'a that Allah guides you to that which is best for you!

hibahmac
08-20-2008, 11:24 PM
I feel bad about not telling them, but I dont really have much of a choice. they would freak out and go into panic mode. 2-3 yrs down the road when my parents actually start *looking* for me, Ill tell em. hope the guy is still single then lolAllahu 'Alim, yet I would imagine that your parents would be really hurt by withholding such information for 2 or 3 years. What would be the gain in telling them then? What would engender more trust between you and your parents in the long run: a brother proposed to me last week and i turned him away or a few years ago, this guy approached me for marriage and i said no? It's better to speak up now...treatment of parents is right up there after believing in Allah, right?

Oh yeah, the brothers/sisters are bringing up an excellent point: what if it gets back to your parents before you say anything??? Yikes!!! Definite trustbuster there.

If you feel bad, then this is a sign. One of the ahadeeth an-Nawawi goes something like if you feel no shame, then do as you wish. The fact that you do feel bad is a huge hint, yeah?

And, you do have a choice. Please don't let the value you place on your freedom let you deny it.

I know you fear their reaction, but fear Allah more. Perhaps this happening was a sign that you do need more protection now as you are definitely an eligible woman. We can't expect to say we believe without being tried from all directions, including through the things we hold near and dear.

Just think some more on it, k? Better yet, pray some more on it. We want you to succeed now and in the hereafter. http://forums.almaghrib.org/images/icons/icon7.gif

Sally Mahmoud
08-20-2008, 11:54 PM
I actually decided not to tell them. I don't want to take a risk and have them stop me from attending my Quran class or set any curfews- I don't wanna lose my freedom! my parents are really overprotective about me- the curse of being the youngest child :(

I feel bad about not telling them, but I dont really have much of a choice. they would freak out and go into panic mode. 2-3 yrs down the road when my parents actually start *looking* for me, Ill tell em. hope the guy is still single then lol

Salam dear muslimaah! Are you the oldest? Do you have an older sister? try to establish a connection with a family member who is in a position to advise you, and with whom it's ok to discuss marriage/guy stuff.. It's really important that your outlet is not an internet forum (not that there's anything wrong with that) but if you're at an age where you're getting proposals, then i think many people in your life would want to be there for you during this time.

I think you should let your parents know.. casually.. it's all in how you tell them.. You might as well let them know now.. before more situations come up and it becomes awkward. Maybe your parents can help you with a strategy if your in the same situation again..etc.

As to the very last part of your post.. if you think this is someone you want to learn more about, then CERTAINLY tell your folks! they can insha'Allah facilitate things for you.

<3

-Jumanah-
08-21-2008, 12:30 PM
bismillah

salam alaikum I am in a situation where I need some genuine advice. couple of weeks back this guy in one of my Quran classes proposed to me. (insert blush :->) I was taken aback cause no one ever dared to do that to me before lol..so I decided I'm not a stage where I'm actually looking to get married and 2 days later I turned him down -politely. He thanked me, sulked, and left. I'm not regretting losing him lol, but I'm really confused. do you guys think I should tell my parents? well, knowing them, they would probably freak out, set curfews, and blame me perhaps for not conducting myself *appropriately*. y'know desis are really big on these issues..at the same time, I think it's disrepectful to not let them know. help someone!
AssalamuAlaykum Warahmatullah

Sister, I think you should tell your parents insha'Allah as in my opinion it'd only strengthen their trust in you, in that they'd be satisfied in the knowledge that you'd talk to them about anything that was happening or had happened to you.

Ok, so they might freak out but sometimes things like these happen and there may come a day when you feel as though you'd like to accept a proposal and you'd definately need your wali involved then anyway. Go with what you think is best but I think telling your parents would be the best way to go. Wallahu A'lam

WassalamuAlaykum Warahmatullah

-Jumanah-
08-21-2008, 12:35 PM
MashaAllah, said very nicely! I agree totally.
AssalamuAlaykum Warahmatullah

JazakAllahu Khayran sister *smiles*

WassalamuAlaykum Warahmatullah

muslimaah
08-21-2008, 02:17 PM
think about it this way, let's say the boy goes around and tells all his friends that you rejected him, and they go tell their sisters and their sisters tell their moms and their moms go tell your mom.. you see?Would you rather want them to find out from someone else?trust me my parents wont find out from a third party. besides guys dont exactly go about singing sad songs on rejection :D


I agree with Nahlah!
Never keep anything away from your parents.......even if you think it may have repercussions, b/c ultimately if you have good intentions then that is the best decision to make. Dont ever break that trust.
I dont know. I mean I cant tell my parents everything. you simply have to take certain things to the grave.

You know your situation and your parents best. If you feel telling them will bring you/them harm, then do what you feel is best for you and your family. If you feel keeping it a secret will bring greater harm, then share this with them. Bottom line- pray salatul istikhara and make du'a that Allah guides you to that which is best for you!
I clearly see more harm than good.

muslimaah
08-21-2008, 02:22 PM
Allahu 'Alim, yet I would imagine that your parents would be really hurt by withholding such information for 2 or 3 years. What would be the gain in telling them then? What would engender more trust between you and your parents in the long run: a brother proposed to me last week and i turned him away or a few years ago, this guy approached me for marriage and i said no? It's better to speak up now...treatment of parents is right up there after believing in Allah, right?

Oh yeah, the brothers/sisters are bringing up an excellent point: what if it gets back to your parents before you say anything??? Yikes!!! Definite trustbuster there.

If you feel bad, then this is a sign. One of the ahadeeth an-Nawawi goes something like if you feel no shame, then do as you wish. The fact that you do feel bad is a huge hint, yeah?

And, you do have a choice. Please don't let the value you place on your freedom let you deny it.

I know you fear their reaction, but fear Allah more. Perhaps this happening was a sign that you do need more protection now as you are definitely an eligible woman. We can't expect to say we believe without being tried from all directions, including through the things we hold near and dear.

Just think some more on it, k? Better yet, pray some more on it. We want you to succeed now and in the hereafter. http://forums.almaghrib.org/images/icons/icon7.gifyeah my parents will be really hurt alright, but they are not the kinda people who will hold it against me forever. but.................you are right. aghh I don't like that guy for landing me in this mess :(

bint_habibullah
08-21-2008, 02:32 PM
Wa 'alaikum as salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu

Ahh, sticky situation, sis. My best advice is tell your parents. The first thing that concerns me is you said that no one else will find out - meaning it will be between you and him? As far as I know a man should never be alone to talk with a non-mahram women unless there is a third party present (that's the impression I got at least from what you said, forgive me if I'm wrong). Even if your parents are taken aback at this situation, they'll just want to make sure you're not in a situation where a man might propose to you in this manner. Therefore, whatever restrictions/changes they put will be served in your interest. I don't think you should see it in a negative light at all - and you'd have to obey your parents in all matters anyway. I think that's better so you don't have to feel the way you are now, i.e. wondering whether or not to tell. :)

bint_habibullah

muslimaah
08-21-2008, 02:40 PM
Salam dear muslimaah! Are you the oldest? Do you have an older sister? try to establish a connection with a family member who is in a position to advise you, and with whom it's ok to discuss marriage/guy stuff.. It's really important that your outlet is not an internet forum (not that there's anything wrong with that) but if you're at an age where you're getting proposals, then i think many people in your life would want to be there for you during this time. i'm the youngest in fact. Ive an older sister I can talk to after salatul istikhara. i'm way to embarassed to talk to anyone, thank God for internet:p

I think you should let your parents know.. casually.. it's all in how you tell them.. You might as well let them know now.. before more situations come up and it becomes awkward. Maybe your parents can help you with a strategy if your in the same situation again..etc.

As to the very last part of your post.. if you think this is someone you want to learn more about, then CERTAINLY tell your folks! they can insha'Allah facilitate things for you.

<3haha I'm hardly at a stage where i'm looking to get married. but in the future inshaAllah my parents will be involved.


Salam sister,

As the youngest sibling of four girls myself, I would have to tell you that it isn't the "curse" of being the youngest one as you see it, you see, we can always use everything to our advantage. Firstly, from the way you described the situation, I won't say you're wrong but I will say that it is strongly recomended that he go through your parents if he wanted to marry you. Granted, at least he had a good intention by wanting to marry you instead of something stupid and haram. Secondly, you have to pray salat ul isthikhara on telling your parents and if you want to marry him. Something that you pray isthikhara on, you will never regret it. Thirdly, back to being the youngest, I have learned that i have never really had to go through my parents with the whole "marriage" nerve racking stuff, instead, I found out what they want for me through my older sisters and their marriages. Then, they came to me and told me the same that they would do for my sisters. By that time, I was a lil comfortable in listening to them at least about it. haha, as in not squirming in my seat wanting to leave the room. Anyways, you'll never find those real moments where you seriously sit down and have a whole long talk about marriage with parents, I mean, unless you want to iniate it, but my point is, is that being the youngest, you should get an idea on what kind of reaction they will have to this. You did not do anything wrong, you just made a decision on your own. Telling them this, will ensure the trust and I know you're thinking they're gonna be double protective of you now, but if you do tell them, then they'll be able to trust you to tell them more stuff later on. Do you get it? Anyways, I just wanted to give you some advice, hope I helped insha'Allah. And May Allah(swt) guide you to the best choice in your salat ul isthikhara. Ameen. yea its fun being the youngest sometimes. growing up dad always took my side when me and my siblings got into fights. he still does :p BUT at times, like now it's really hard. my parents treat me like a kid and they probably wont be able to digest the fact that somebody dared break their daughter's *sanctity* (for a lack of better word lol) Also being a desi i'm not expected to bring up the topic. I pretty much know what my parents want thru vague conversations. I really cant have a nice, long chat about MY marriage. they will probably think I'm desperate or something (i'm not).
salatul istikhara it is.

muslimaah
08-21-2008, 02:44 PM
AssalamuAlaykum Warahmatullah

Sister, I think you should tell your parents insha'Allah as in my opinion it'd only strengthen their trust in you, in that they'd be satisfied in the knowledge that you'd talk to them about anything that was happening or had happened to you.

Ok, so they might freak out but sometimes things like these happen and there may come a day when you feel as though you'd like to accept a proposal and you'd definately need your wali involved then anyway. Go with what you think is best but I think telling your parents would be the best way to go. Wallahu A'lam

WassalamuAlaykum Warahmatullahwalaikum assalam. easier said than done :p I dont have trust issues with my parents walhamdulillah.

jazaki Allah Kheir for responding. you guys rock =]]

Um Tammer
08-21-2008, 10:11 PM
be careful sister, maybe this Brother was just testing your limits.
May Allah protect you.

muslimaah
08-22-2008, 12:29 AM
see this is what i'm worried about, my parents freaking out over nothing. I know this guy, he's not dangerous or anything. oh well they have the right to know what goes on in my life......BUT in the past my attempts to talk to my parents (about this topic in particular) always ended up in arguments. I dont want that crap to happen again. It's hard being a desi girl+baby of the house :(

muslimaah
08-22-2008, 12:36 AM
well, I dont know what this thread tells about me but contrary to what you guys might think, I actually share a pretty good relationship with my parents. it's when it comes to these issues I dont want to talk to them or rather they dont want me to. not unless I want to get married. If I talk now, they'd probably be like oh she wants to get married and guys are noticing her, maybe we should just marry her off, she's getting old.................you know the drill.

BlessedMuslimah
08-22-2008, 08:14 AM
wa'alaykum us salaam warahmatullah,

Ma shaa Allah there's a lot of good advice on this thread. I agree with sister Hala - ultimately you know your situation and your parents better than any of us.

I did want to add one thing. If Allah subhanaHu wata'ala destined for you not to continue attending the Qur'an class, or to have a curfew, or for your parents to blame you - then all of this that is written will happen, whether you tell your parents about this brother or not.

Do not be of those who mistakenly think that they have avoided their Qadar (by not telling their parents something for example), only to have what they feared waiting for them around the next corner!

Find comfort in knowing that everything happens only with Allah subhanaHu wata'ala's permission - and if telling your parents will bring you closer to Allah subhanaHu wata'ala's Rahma and Ridha (Mercy and Acceptance), then tell them - no matter what you think your consequences may be.

If you choose to tell them (or even if you don't) keep repeating "la hawla wa laa quwata illa billah"(there is no change or power, except through Allah) - for indeed there is no change that your parents can bring you or power that they have over your situation except through Allah.

And may Allah subhanaHu wata'ala assist you in all that you wish to do, and ease this situation for you. Ameen!

ikbenidil
10-09-2008, 08:41 PM
asalamu calykum sis, as u have already turn down the propusal i don`t see why u should tell your parents especially if they are gonna freack out .

Ummmolly
10-11-2008, 02:04 PM
Assalamu'alaykum
A decent brother would rather approach the lady's Walee or the Imam to state his intention and interest. Anything other than that is not proper and will surely expose his lack of knowledge in the subject of Fikh of Marriage. He needs to go back to his teachers.

This is a lesson to all young and old people in seeking marriage.

Alrryaan
10-11-2008, 11:59 PM
Assalamu'alaykum
A decent brother would rather approach the lady's Walee or the Imam to state his intention and interest. Anything other than that is not proper and will surely expose his lack of knowledge in the subject of Fikh of Marriage. He needs to go back to his teachers.

This is a lesson to all young and old people in seeking marriage.
Asalamu alykum waramtuallahi wabaraktu,

well said mashallah, very true! This is something that is lacking amongst the young brothers and sisters, May allah swt increase knowledge of the deen and help us all to do what pleases him! ameen

muslimaah
10-12-2008, 02:31 AM
Assalamu'alaykum
A decent brother would rather approach the lady's Walee or the Imam to state his intention and interest. Anything other than that is not proper and will surely expose his lack of knowledge in the subject of Fikh of Marriage. He needs to go back to his teachers.

This is a lesson to all young and old people in seeking marriage.
I'm sorry but it's not for us to decide whos decent and whos not. our sahabas and even rasul Allah proposed women directly. if it's done in a halal way, why not? maybe the guy didnt have any other choice? maybe he just happened to see some random sister and thought perhaps it's his only chance? if the sister is interested she can give him her walee's contact details and they can take it from there inshAllah.

ikbenidil
10-20-2008, 02:55 PM
I'm sorry but it's not for us to decide whos decent and whos not. our sahabas and even rasul Allah proposed women directly. if it's done in a halal way, why not? maybe the guy didnt have any other choice? maybe he just happened to see some random sister and thought perhaps it's his only chance? if the sister is interested she can give him her walee's contact details and they can take it from there inshAllah. well said sis

Rizak
12-15-2008, 09:11 AM
I'm sorry but it's not for us to decide whos decent and whos not. our sahabas and even rasul Allah proposed women directly. if it's done in a halal way, why not? maybe the guy didnt have any other choice? maybe he just happened to see some random sister and thought perhaps it's his only chance? if the sister is interested she can give him her walee's contact details and they can take it from there inshAllah.Of course it's not for us to judge someone and it may be permissable to ask a sister directly but to be honest, from a young american male's perspective... it's just not gonna happen.

I don't think any of us are comparable to even the companions of the Prophet (s), they had much more taqwa and Iman than us.

What I am trying to say is: While on some occasions it is the only way for a brother to start the process, it is dangerous for both the sister and brother to know they like each other while neither of their parents yet know.

I know of people who fell into this situation, they both wanted to get married and intended for it to happen right away but because of cultural backgrounds of the parents they decided to keep waiting. For what? Allahu Allim because I don't think their cultures are changing anytime soon. Meanwhile the haram relationship continues.

Naima Abdulkadir
12-15-2008, 09:54 AM
asalamu calykum sis, as u have already turn down the propusal i don`t see why u should tell your parents especially if they are gonna freack out .Well said.

Sis, it's done with and you turned him down. There is no reason to tell them. I wouldn't tell them unless I was considering him.

I would only involve my family if I was considering this brother. I don't understand why so many people are making big deal for not telling your parents. You didn't do anything haram by not telling them.

muslimaah
12-17-2008, 09:39 AM
I don't think any of us are comparable to even the companions of the Prophet (s), they had much more taqwa and Iman than us.true but his marriages are an example to us. it's completely halal but can be the source of a very difficult test (when the parents refuse and the haram relationships continue etc). Allahu 3lam.

muslimaah
12-17-2008, 09:44 AM
Well said.

Sis, it's done with and you turned him down. There is no reason to tell them. I wouldn't tell them unless I was considering him.

I would only involve my family if I was considering this brother. I don't understand why so many people are making big deal for not telling your parents. You didn't do anything haram by not telling them.i didnt tell them and feel very sad about it. i mean if it were my daughter i would want her to share everything with me, well almost everything b/coz everyone is entitled to some privacy in their lives. but i did istikhara and didnt feel good about telling them. truly Allah knows best.

Naima Abdulkadir
12-17-2008, 10:37 AM
i didnt tell them and feel very sad about it. i mean if it were my daughter i would want her to share everything with me, well almost everything b/coz everyone is entitled to some privacy in their lives. but i did istikhara and didnt feel good about telling them. truly Allah knows best.There are things I don't tell my parents and don't feel good about it, but after I make istikhaara I feel better. You did pray istikhaara and you didn't feel good about telling them. Allah knows best and we don't. Just make dua and Allah will guide you.

shahida.A
12-17-2008, 10:51 AM
i didnt tell them and feel very sad about it. i mean if it were my daughter i would want her to share everything with me, well almost everything b/coz everyone is entitled to some privacy in their lives. but i did istikhara and didnt feel good about telling them. truly Allah knows best.

May Allaah bless you ukhti - i feel sad too when i haven't told things to my parents - like you said we would want our future daughters to be able to come to us. However you know your family best and after making istikhara maybe its better to leave it. Like you said Allaah knows best. I pray Allaah rewards you for your patience. Aameen.

Kaltham
12-17-2008, 03:18 PM
Assalamu'alaykum
A decent brother would rather approach the lady's Walee or the Imam to state his intention and interest. Anything other than that is not proper and will surely expose his lack of knowledge in the subject of Fikh of Marriage. He needs to go back to his teachers.

This is a lesson to all young and old people in seeking marriage.Assalaamu aleeykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh...

It's interesting that you said this sis, some of the responses coming from specific cultural backgrounds implied this as well... I just wanted us to realize that as Muslims we have many different cultural backgrounds.. it's funny how what some consider to be indecent, others consider it the norm!

I don't want to generalize and say most Somalis, but for me and for many of my somali friends, ain't no guy is gonna go talk to our walee... our walee expects us to say here is the brother... A friend of mine once tried to do it the other way and so she told her dad that a brother is asking her for marriage... he was surprised she even told him and he said to her finalize this matter with him then come to me when you are ready... this is a religious father mind you, and he knows his daughter and the guy who is asking about her are both religious... but realize this is a cultural norm... it's not a western thing either, this is the way people have been for a long time... There are instances where a brother approaches the walee, but wallahu a'lam it's not common...

I don't know if i should consider this a curse or a blessing, it is difficult for sisters who want to do it the total Islamic way and never speak to a man, but when the father and the brothers refuse to get involved what is she to do?

Fi Amaani'Laah