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Eman
10-20-2008, 02:51 PM
SubhanAllaah fellow ittihaadis.....this is EXACTLY EXACTLY what Sh. Yaser said in the class today about why men cheat on their wives....must i say this is freaky that i just saw this as the headline story on yahoo.....freaky .... Our beloved prophet (S) told us 1400 some years ago about wives underappreciating their husbands:



Narrated Ibn 'Abbas: The Prophet said: "I was shown the Hell-fire and that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful." It was asked, "Do they disbelieve in Allah?" (or are they ungrateful to Allah?) He replied, "They are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and the good (charitable deeds) done to them. If you have always been good (benevolent) to one of them and then she sees something in you (not of her liking), she will say, 'I have never received any good from you." Sahih Bukhari, Volume 1, Book 2, Number 28




The article written by a NON-MUSLIM that the shaikh mentioned (i think it may be the same one, but anyway....shaikh mentioned it b4 it was put up) about statistics of why men cheat on there husbands (#1 reason bc they dont feel appreciated subhanAllaah) is below. Stuff like this...above hadith and below article should really give us an iman boost subhanAllaah! Alhamdulillaah Allathee Hadaana Lee Haatha, Wa Maa Kunna Lee Nahtadiya Law Laa An Hadaan Allaah! (Praise be to Allaah, the One who guided us to this (Islam), and we would not have been guided had he not guided us)!

___________________________________________


What makes men cheat? Marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman dug through past research on male infidelity and found that most answers came from the wife's point of view. "Wouldn't it make more sense to ask the guys?" he thought. So for his new book, "The Truth About Cheating," Neuman surveyed 200 cheating and noncheating husbands to get at the real reasons behind men's infidelity -- including what cheating men say could have prevented them from straying. Here, some of his findings:


48% of men rated emotional dissatisfaction as the primary reason they cheated.
So much for the myth that for men, cheating is all about physical intimacy: Only 8 percent of men said that physical dissatisfaction was the main factor in their infidelity. "Our culture tells us that all men need to be happy is to have physical intimacy with someone," Neuman says. "But men are emotionally driven beings too. They want their wives to show them that they're appreciated, and they want women to understand how hard they're trying to get things right." The problem is that men are less likely than women to express these feelings, so you won't always know when your guy is in need of a little affirmation. "Most men consider it unmanly to ask for a pat on the back, which is why their emotional needs are often overlooked," Neuman says. "But you can create a marital culture of appreciation and thoughtfulness -- and once you set the tone, he's likely to match it."


66% of cheating men report feeling guilt during the affair.
The implications are a little scary: It isn't just uncaring jerks who cheat. In fact, 68 percent of cheaters never dreamed they'd be unfaithful, and almost all of them wished they hadn't done it, Neuman says. Clearly, guilt isn't enough to stop a man from cheating. "Men are good at compartmentalizing feelings," Neuman explains. "They can hold on to their emotions and deal with them later." So even if your partner swears he would never cheat, don't assume it can't happen. It's important for both of you to take steps toward creating the relationship you want.


77% of cheating men have a good friend who cheated.
Hanging around friends who stray makes cheating seem normal and legitimizes it as a possibility. The message he's subconsciously telling himself: "My friend is a good guy who happens to be cheating on his wife. I guess even the best of us do it." You can't simply ban your husband from hanging out with Mr. Wandering Eyes, Neuman says, but you can request that they spend their time together in an environment that offers less temptation, like at a sporting event or a restaurant for lunch rather than at a bar or club. Another strategy: Build your social circle around happily married couples that share your values -- it'll create an environment that supports marriage.

40% of cheating men met the other woman at work.
"Oftentimes the woman he cheats with at the office is someone who praises him, looks up to him, and compliments his efforts," Neuman says. "That's another reason why it's so critical that he feel valued at home." Luckily, there's a clear warning sign that your husband is getting a little too cozy with a colleague: If he praises or mentions the name of a female coworker more than he would a male counterpart, your antennae should go up -- and it's time for the two of you to set boundaries about what is and isn't okay at work, Neuman says. Is it acceptable for him to work late if it's only him and her? Can they travel together to conferences? Have dinners out to discuss a project? Ask him what he'd feel comfortable with you doing with a male colleague.


Only 12% of cheating men said their mistress was more physically attractive than their wife.
In other words, a man doesn't stray because he thinks he'll get lucky with a better-looking body. "
In most cases, he's cheating to fill an emotional void," Neuman says. "He feels a connection with the other woman, and physical intimacy comes along for the ride." If you're worried about infidelity, focus on making your relationship more loving and connected, not on getting your body just right or mastering how to please him physically. (But know that physical intimacy does matter -- it's one of the key ways your guy expresses his love and feels close to you, so be sure to keep it a priority.)

Only 6% of cheating men had physical intimacy with a woman after meeting her that same day or night.
Actually, 73 percent of men got to know the other woman for more than a month before they cheated. This means that you may have time to see the warning signs before infidelity occurs -- you might even see it coming before he does. Keep an eye out for these common signals: He spends more time away from home, stops asking for physical intimacy, picks fights more frequently, or avoids your calls. Your gut reaction may be to confront him, but most men will deny even thinking about cheating, especially if nothing physical has occurred yet. Instead, Neuman suggests, take charge of what you can control -- your own behavior -- and take the lead in bringing your relationship to a better place. Don't hesitate to show your appreciation for him, prioritize time together, and initiate affection more. Give him a reason to keep you at the front of his mind, Neuman says. And be open about how you feel about what's going on between the two of you (again, without mentioning any third parties). Try "I think we've started to lose something important in our relationship, and I don't want it to disappear." In the meantime, commit to keeping tabs on your relationship and doing what it takes to keep it working for you.

iss ME! zahweee!
10-20-2008, 04:21 PM
i understand where this is coming from and everything... but this is a nonmuslim article as stated

as muslims we know that zina is one of the kabaair

completely agreed that women are in general very ungrateful (hey, i'm a woman, i know).. but is it a kabaair sin? (i don't recall, but i may be wrong) but that and anything else wrong with a woman's character will never justify if a brother cheats...... in the same way that we can't say that just because a brother doesn't have time, that's one of the reasons that a woman will cheat (a'oodhubillah, that's what nonmuslims will use to justify this evil done by women, but it is no excuse for muslims)

if the husband is really getting it bad from his wife, then he can get another wife or consider separation or divorce if she's that horrid....
i'm really not sure of the point of all this? the association between ungratefulness and cheating that is..

i guess if nothing else, it should remind us sisters that we HAVE to be grateful (not just so the husband doesn't stray), but so we don't go to hell :(

Generous_1
10-20-2008, 07:37 PM
It is interesting that the highest percentage of cheating men have friends who cheat. This should say a lot.

rana06
10-20-2008, 08:53 PM
i understand where this is coming from and everything... but this is a nonmuslim article as stated

as muslims we know that zina is one of the kabaair

completely agreed that women are in general very ungrateful (hey, i'm a woman, i know).. but is it a kabaair sin? (i don't recall, but i may be wrong) but that and anything else wrong with a woman's character will never justify if a brother cheats...... in the same way that we can't say that just because a brother doesn't have time, that's one of the reasons that a woman will cheat (a'oodhubillah, that's what nonmuslims will use to justify this evil done by women, but it is no excuse for muslims)

if the husband is really getting it bad from his wife, then he can get another wife or consider separation or divorce if she's that horrid....
i'm really not sure of the point of all this? the association between ungratefulness and cheating that is..

i guess if nothing else, it should remind us sisters that we HAVE to be grateful (not just so the husband doesn't stray), but so we don't go to hell :(
For us muslim's, we would have to change it from cheating to a man marrying a second wife....that's what the Shaykh, hafithahu Allah, said.

Eman
10-20-2008, 10:22 PM
i understand where this is coming from and everything... but this is a nonmuslim article as stated

as muslims we know that zina is one of the kabaair

completely agreed that women are in general very ungrateful (hey, i'm a woman, i know).. but is it a kabaair sin? (i don't recall, but i may be wrong) but that and anything else wrong with a woman's character will never justify if a brother cheats...... in the same way that we can't say that just because a brother doesn't have time, that's one of the reasons that a woman will cheat (a'oodhubillah, that's what nonmuslims will use to justify this evil done by women, but it is no excuse for muslims)

if the husband is really getting it bad from his wife, then he can get another wife or consider separation or divorce if she's that horrid....
i'm really not sure of the point of all this? the association between ungratefulness and cheating that is..

i guess if nothing else, it should remind us sisters that we HAVE to be grateful (not just so the husband doesn't stray), but so we don't go to hell :(Sister, I am confused by your post.

The point of the thread is that the prophet (S) told us that most of the women in hell are there because they are ungrateful. People may not understand why ungratefulness is such a big problem, and the above article explains one of the consequences of ungratefulness (something as big as cheating). This shows us the extent of ungratefulness, which a lot of us underestimate.

SubhanAllaah even though we knew the truthfulness of the prophet (S)'s hadith, we see it unraveling before our eyes.

The shaikh mentioned this in the class, so maybe if you were not there it does not make sense.

iss ME! zahweee!
10-21-2008, 06:16 AM
Sister, I am confused by your post.

The point of the thread is that the prophet (S) told us that most of the women in hell are there because they are ungrateful. People may not understand why ungratefulness is such a big problem, and the above article explains one of the causes of ungratefulness (something as big as cheating). This shows us the extent of ungratefulness, which a lot of us underestimate.

SubhanAllaah even though we knew the truthfulness of the prophet (S)'s hadith, we see it unraveling before our eyes.

The shaikh mentioned this in the class, so maybe if you were not there it does not make sense.
jazakAllah khayr
i figured that by the end (where i said we shouldn't be ungrateful so as to protect ourselves from hell)

the way the article was presented, it seemed like a justification for cheating (look again)
i was sure that there was something missing, and yes, obviously i wasn't in the seminar.. so it all makes sense now alhamdulillah
jazakAllah khayr for the explanation!

AkheeAB
10-21-2008, 08:25 AM
The phenomenon of cheating




In the Qur’aan, Allaah has condemned cheating and the people who do it, and has warned them of bad consequences. This may be understood from the words (interpretation of the meaning):




“Woe to Al‑Mutaffifoon (those who give less in measure and weight).


Those who, when they have to receive by measure from men, demand full measure,

And when they have to give by measure or weight to (other) men, give less than due”

[al-Mutaffifeen 83:1]

This is a severe warning to those who cheat (by giving less) in weights and measures, so how about those who steal, embezzle and withhold from the people the things that are their due? These are more deserving of the warning than those who cheat in weights and measures.

The Prophet of Allaah Shu’ayb warned his people against reducing the value of people’s property and cheating in weights and measures, as Allaah has told us in the Qur’aan.

Similarly the Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) cautioned us against cheating and issued a warning to the one who does this. The Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) passed by a pile of food and put his hand into it, and his fingers touched something wet. He said, “What is this, O seller of the food?” The man said, “It got rained on, O Messenger of Allaah.” He said, “Why did you not put it (the wet part) on top of the pile so that the people could see it? He who deceives does not belong to me.” According to other reports, “He who deceives us is not one of us,” or, “He is not one of us who deceives us.” (Narrated by Muslim).

The wording of the version narrated by al-Nawawi, “he is not one of us”, is sufficient warning against cheating and sufficient deterrent against indulging in this heinous sin.

We need desperately to instill this message in our hearts so that we might stir the conscience and be aware that Allaah is watching all that we do, without the need for any human supervisor.

The way we deal with this phenomenon and other destructive phenomena that exist in society should not be like a patient who has a problem in his appendix and needs surgery, but instead they heat up a poultice for him and put it on that spot to relieve the pain… for then the patient will die before they even think of calling the doctor.

Here we will examine the phenomenon of cheating, now that you know the warnings that apply to it.

Definition of cheating:

Al-Mannaawi said: Cheating is that which mixes bad with good.

Ibn Hajar al-Haythami said: the forbidden type of cheating is when the owner of the goods knows something which, if the would-be purchaser knew about it, he would not pay that amount of money for it.

Al-Kafawi said: cheating causes blackness of the heart and frowning on the face, hence this word (ghish = cheating or deceit) is also used (in Arabic) to refer to hatred or enmity.

Where cheating takes place:

The one who thinks about what happens in real life will find that many people engage in some form of cheating in all areas of their lives. Examples of that include:

1 – Cheating in buying and selling:

How often this happens nowadays in the marketplaces of the Muslims! It may take the form of concealing faults in goods or other ways such as deceiving people about the quality of a product, or its components, quantity, weight, essential features or source.

These are some of the ways in which that cheating is manifested:

1- Some fruit-sellers put a lot of leaves or papers in the bottom of the basket of fruit, then they put the best fruit at the top. In this manner they deceive the purchaser and cheat him by making him think that the basket is full from top to bottom, and that all the fruit is of the same quality as that which he sees on the top.

2- Some of them get food oil and mix it with perfume, with the larger proportion being of oil. Then they put it in glass bottles, and this substance smells like perfume, and they sell it for a low price.

3- Some traders buy a product in a very light wrapper, then they put it in a much thicker wrapper, maybe five times thicker. Then they sell the wrapper and its contents, weighing the whole lot and charging for both the wrapper and the contents.

4- Some traders do some light mending on clothes, then they sell them without explaining that they have been mended, rather they swear by Allaah that they are new – may they perish!

5- Some of them may wear a garment until it loses its value, then they shorten it and put some starch in it, to make people think that it is new, and they sell it as if it is new.

6- Some perfume-sellers put some products, such as saffron, near water so that they may absorb the moisture, thus increasing the weight by approximately one-third.

7- Some vendors and shopkeepers make their stores very dark by using coloured lights, so that rough products will look smooth and ugly ones will look beautiful. The Shaytaan makes their evil deeds attractive to them.

8- Some goldsmiths mix gold with copper and the like, then they sell it as if it is pure gold.

9- Some of them buy clean second-hand gold, then they offer it for sale at the price of new without telling the purchaser that it is second-hand.

10-Some vendors at car auctions put thick oil in the car engine so that the purchaser will think that it is in good condition.

11-Some of them turn back the odometer, if it shows that the car has traveled a great distance, to trick the purchaser into thinking that the car has only been used a little.

12-Some of them, if they have a car that they want to sell and they know that it has a hidden fault, will say to the one who wants to buy it, “Try this car if you want to buy it,” without telling him anything about it. By Allaah, this is cheating and deceit.

13-Some of them describe many faults in the car which are not real, with the intention of concealing the real faults of the vehicle behind these imaginary faults.

Even worse than that is when they do not mention the faults until after the sale has been made and the deposit paid, and the purchaser is not able to inspect the car and is not allowed to do so.

14-Some of them, if they have a car that they want to sell, will praise it and swear by Allaah that it is good, and they will fabricate reasons why they want to sell it, but Allaah knows all secrets and that which is yet more hidden.

15-Some of them agree with their friends to increase the price so that someone else will take it. This is the najsh (artificial inflation of prices) which the Messenger of Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade.

16-Another kind of cheating in selling is when butchers inflate the animal carcass that they want to sell so that the purchaser will think that it is all meat.

17-Some vendors at sheep auctions and places where chickens are sold feed the animals salt [to make them drink more and thus look fatter], so that the purchaser will think that they are fat when they are not.

18-Some owners of cattle etc. tie up the teats of milking-animals a few days before selling them so that this will look like milk when it is not.

19-

20-

I leave it for you to add more examples of cheating in buying and selling that may cross your mind. May Allaah protect you, if you are a seller or a buyer, from cheating or doing any of the things described above.

2 – Cheating in matters of marriage

These are some of the ways in which this cheating is manifested:

1- Some fathers may offer a man who comes to marry one of his daughters his youngest daughter who is still a virgin, then on the wedding night he finds out that he has been given the older, previously-married daughter. Some men can find no escape and no way out from such a marriage.

2- Some fathers and guardians of women show the suitor the daughter who is beautiful, then on the wedding night he finds out that he has been given a different daughter who is ugly, but he has no choice but to accept the situation.

3- Some fathers may conceal some sickness or fault that may be present in the daughter, not telling the suitor so that he may have a clear picture. Then when he goes in unto her on the wedding night he discovers the sickness or fault.

4- Some fathers and guardians of women, if the suitor asks to see the woman – which is permissible so long as the conditions stipulated in Islam are met – give him permission to do so after they fill her face will all kinds of colours and dyes, i.e. “make-up”, so that she will appear beautiful to him, but if he looked at her without that mask of make-up he would not be pleased with her. Is this not cheating which leads to great corruption of the rights of both husband and wife?

5- Some guardians marry off the female under their care without making the effort to find out about the suitor and how religiously committed he is or what his attitude is like. This is a kind of cheating and wrongdoing against the wife.

6- Another kind of cheating in marriage is when the suitor pretends to have what he does not, to make it appear that he is a man of status and that he owns a lot of real estate and cars. He may even go to the extent of hiring a luxury car, spending hundreds of riyals, to give the impression that he owns it, when in fact he does not own anything.

7- Another kind of cheating is when some people praise the suitor before the people whose daughter he wishes to marry, speaking of him in the highest terms and describing him as one who prays and is righteous, even though this suitor does not even know the way to the mosque.

Enough of this cheating and deception which destroys homes and breaks up families!

8- A form of cheating done by some women – especially those who are older – is when they file their teeth to create nice-looking gaps between them, thus making an older woman look young, so that the suitor will think that she is young, then when he marries her he discovers that she is very old. The Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) cursed the women who file their teeth for the purpose of beauty and alter the creation of Allaah.

3 – Cheating in naseehah (sincere advice)

The whole point of giving advice is to help a person meet his worldly objectives or his religious objectives. One of the mutual rights of brotherhood among the believers is to be sincere towards one another, and the hypocrites are cheats.

The believer is the mirror of his brother, so if he sees some fault in him he should correct it. Sincerity means refraining from harming the Muslims, teaching them about matters of their religion of which they are unaware, and helping them to adhere to it in word and in deed, covering their faults, filling their gaps, warding off harm from them, bringing things that will benefit them, enjoining what is good upon them and forbidding what is evil in a kind and sincere manner, showing compassion towards them, respecting their elders, being merciful towards their young, giving them good advice and choosing the appropriate time for doing so, loving for them what one loves for oneself of goodness and hating for them what one hates for oneself of disliked things.

Al-Haafiz Abu’l-Qaasim al-Tabaraani narrated with his isnaad that Jareer ibn ‘Abd-Allaah al-Bajali (may Allaah be pleased with him) commanded his freed slave to buy a horse for him. So he bought him a horse for three hundred dirhams, and he brought the horse and its owner to him so that he could pay him the money. Jareer said to the owner of the horse – look at this sincerity – “Your horse is worth more than three hundred dirhams. Will you sell it for four hundred dirhams?” He said, “Yes, O Abu ‘Abd-Allaah.”

He said, “Your horse is worth more than four hundred dirhams. Will you sell it for five hundred dirhams?” He kept increasing it by one hundred each time, with the owner agreeing and Jareer saying, “Your horse is worth more than that,” until he reached eight hundred, for which price he bought it. And he said concerning that, “I gave my oath of allegiance (bay’ah) to the Messenger of Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) that I would be sincere towards every Muslim.”

4 – Cheating in positions of authority

It was narrated that Ma’qal ibn Yassaar al-Muzani (may Allaah be pleased with him) said during his final illness: “I heard the Messenger of Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: ‘There is no person whom Allaah has put in a position of authority and he dies on the day he dies cheating those under his authority, but Allaah will forbid Paradise for him.’” This was narrated by al-Bukhaari and Muslim; this version was narrated by Muslim. According to one of the two versions narrated by al-Bukhaari: “There is no Muslim whom Allaah places in a position of authority over people and he is not sincere towards them, but he will not smell the fragrance of Paradise.”

This is a stern warning which includes everyone whom Allaah has placed in a position of authority, whether great or small, starting from the individuals of a royal family. Everyone must be sincere towards those who are under their authority, and not cheat or deceive them.

So an employee must be sincere in his work and do it in the manner required by sharee’ah, without cheating or deceiving anyone, and without delaying work for people. He should realize that he will stand before Allaah and that Allaah has only given him this job so that he can be sincere towards the Muslims.

Similarly a father must be sincere towards his children and not neglect their upbringing, rather he must do all that he can to save himself and his children from a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are appointed angels stern and severe (cf. al-Tahreem 66:6).

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “How many people have caused misery to their own children, the apples of their eyes, in this world and in the Hereafter, by neglecting them, not disciplining them, encouraging them to follow their whims and desires, thinking that they were honouring them when they were in fact humiliating them, that they were being merciful to them when in fact they were wronging them. They have not benefited from having a child, and they have made the child lose his share in this world and in the Hereafter. If you think about the corruption of children you will see that in most cases it is because of the parents.”

(Tuhfat al-Mawlood, p. 146)

5 – Cheating in exams

How many ways and means of cheating there are among the students! The reason for that is the lack of any religious deterrent, weakness of faith, and the lack of any sense that Allaah is always watching.

Our Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “It was narrated that the Messenger of Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Whoever cheats us is not one of us.’ This includes cheating in dealing with others and cheating in exams, including English-language exams. It is not permissible for students to cheat in exams in any subject, because of the general meaning of this hadeeth and other similar reports. And Allaah is the Source of strength.”

These are some of the ways in which cheating is manifested, and there are others, for this is just a drop in the ocean,

“so that those who were to be destroyed (for their rejecting the Faith) might be destroyed after a clear evidence, and those who were to live (i.e. believers) might live after a clear evidence”

[al-An’aam 8:42 – interpretation of the meaning]

To everyone who has committed some form of cheating, whether it is mentioned here or not, we say: fear Allaah and remember that the Knower of the Unseen is always watching you. Remember His punishment and torment:

“Verily, your Lord is Ever Watchful (over them)”

[al-Fajr 89:14]

Realize that this world is transient and that the Reckoning will examine the smallest details; righteous deeds benefit one's children while bad deeds adversely affect them. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And let those (executors and guardians) have the same fear in their minds as they would have for their own, if they had left weak offspring behind. So let them fear Allaah and speak right words”

[al-Nisa’ 4:9]

Whoever ponders the meaning of this aayah will fear the bad effects that evil deeds may have on his children and will refrain from them lest something like this happen to them.

And it should be noted that cheating is very harmful, which may be explained as follows:

The harmful effects of cheating include:

1- Cheating is a way that leads to Hell.

2- It is indicative of the mean and evil nature of a person. No one does this except one who is ignoble and does not care about his soul, so he causes it to indulge in that which will cause its doom and destruction.

3- It alienates one from Allaah and from other people.

4- It causes one’s du’aa’s not to be accepted.

5- It causes one to be deprived of barakah (blessing) in one's wealth and one's life.

6- It is indicative of a lack of faith.

7- It is the reason that leads to being overpowered by the oppressors and kaafirs. Ibn Hajar al-Haythami said: “Because of these evil actions – i.e., cheating – that are committed by traders, workers and craftsmen, Allaah caused the oppressors to gain power over them and take their wealth and violate the sanctity of their women. Indeed, He enabled the kuffaar to gain power over them, so they took them prisoner and enslaved them, and made them taste all kinds of torment and humiliation.

Cases where the kuffaar gained power over the Muslims, taking them prisoner and confiscating their property, taking their wealth and women, have happened a great deal in recent times, because of evil deeds that traders and others have committed, cheating in many different ways, because of the enormity of these crimes, deceit and trickery by means of which they took the wealth of the Muslims in any way they could, and did not feel that Allaah is always watching them.

Verb
10-27-2008, 05:44 PM
Jazak-Allah for posting this thread.

Um Tammer
10-28-2008, 09:13 AM
AsSalamu Alaykum


Some practical tips from brothers on wives can show appreciation
would be nice.

The definition of cheating was good, although i was expecting to see something mentioned about virtual cheating. Opportunities to cheat are countless, this is also a problem.

JayshAllah
10-28-2008, 12:46 PM
Wa alaykum as-salam,

Admittedly, I only scanned this thread, so maybe what I am saying has already been said...

But I think it should be clearly said that the reason men cheat on their wives is because they are sinful, evil, and wicked people. That is the primary reason anyone would cheat.

Fi Aman Allah

sirtal mustaqeem
10-28-2008, 01:59 PM
Wa alaykum as-salam,

Admittedly, I only scanned this thread, so maybe what I am saying has already been said...

But I think it should be clearly said that the reason men cheat on their wives is because they are sinful, evil, and wicked people. That is the primary reason anyone would cheat.

Fi Aman Allah
perhaps...that s HUGE generalization...and alittle too hasty in your judgement

and i dont think that really does any justice to the topic..

its a social ill and such generalizations doesnt help to foster or solve the problem...in a marital relationships when spouses are struggling and going through pains, we can not say to one "you are evil, wicked and sinful."

u have to be careful in how you use u r tone but moreover, you have to view those that have committed such acts with a little mercy and compassion...in marriage its not always so black and white...

i take it that you are single?!?

may Allaah protect our families and loved ones from this fitnah---ameen ya Rabb

sirtal mustaqeem
10-28-2008, 02:37 PM
AsSalamu Alaykum


Some practical tips from brothers on wives can show appreciation
would be nice.

very good question...as im sure the brothers can use advice too..

its always nice when the wife shows appreciation and TELLS that to the husband consistently how much she appreciates his effort and values him...men like to be apprecited and shown how masculine they are...

for myself, i admire my wife when she suggests we take my mother out...as my mother is the most important person...and her other advice when she usually initiaties us visiting my family...her love and respect for my mom and dad makes me admire and love her even more..

cooking is among the MOST important things...consistently making meals he likes...desserts and etc...i love it when my wife packs me lunch for work with a note...

also very important is to dress nicely for husband consistently...in this kafir society, men are exposed to much fitnah on a day to day basis...keep him grounded and his eyes on you...dont wear sweats and do take care of your groomings and etc

keeping the house clean and not complaining and easy going...and letting him to his things whether with his friends or video games lol...

lastly, the topic is on what SISTERS can do...i did not mention what husbands should do due to the topic....for men have to be consistent on doing things for their wives as well...i hope this helps alittle

barakallah feek sister
may Allaah swt bless our brothers and sisters with happy marriages--ameen

JayshAllah
10-28-2008, 03:44 PM
As-Salam Alaykum.

Bismillah.

I believe that we as a society have to stop justifying such actions, because this lessens the gravity of them.

perhaps...that s HUGE generalization...and alittle too hasty in your judgement I disagree. How can a morally sound person cheat on his wife? Such a man should be stoned to death.

its a social ill and such generalizations doesnt help to foster or solve the problem...I disagree. We must make it taboo, such that people do not even consider it. If we try to justify such actions, then we are giving them grounds for justifying it to themselves.

in marriage its not always so black and white... We can justify *any* sin or crime by saying this, sister. The kufaar have created so many shades of grey that there is no longer truth vs falsehood, but just varying shades of uncertainty.

Fi Aman Allah

Um Tammer
10-29-2008, 02:12 PM
Yes, it is a major sin. We know what we should do, but at times, we are weak. I do not think
any excuse can justify cheating, but it is becoming more common. May Allah Help us.

Kaltham
10-31-2008, 10:04 PM
very good question...as im sure the brothers can use advice too..

its always nice when the wife shows appreciation and TELLS that to the husband consistently how much she appreciates his effort and values him...men like to be apprecited and shown how masculine they are...

for myself, i admire my wife when she suggests we take my mother out...as my mother is the most important person...and her other advice when she usually initiaties us visiting my family...her love and respect for my mom and dad makes me admire and love her even more..

cooking is among the MOST important things...consistently making meals he likes...desserts and etc...i love it when my wife packs me lunch for work with a note...

also very important is to dress nicely for husband consistently...in this kafir society, men are exposed to much fitnah on a day to day basis...keep him grounded and his eyes on you...dont wear sweats and do take care of your groomings and etc

keeping the house clean and not complaining and easy going...and letting him to his things whether with his friends or video games lol...

lastly, the topic is on what SISTERS can do...i did not mention what husbands should do due to the topic....for men have to be consistent on doing things for their wives as well...i hope this helps alittle

barakallah feek sister
may Allaah swt bless our brothers and sisters with happy marriages--ameenThis is nice, but does it not get boring? Some of our cultures preach that you should not do all this for the husband otherwise he'll get bored and bounce! ;)

During one of the TCE sister's QA, shaykh Yaser talked about how Aisha radiya Allahu anha was known for her ebada (salah and fasting) after the death of the prophet alayhi assalaam. Shaykh Yaser said: "before his death she only focused at the prophet sallallahu alayhi wassalam." My understanding from this is that if Aisha left off Ebadaat such as nafl salah and siyam, then would she have chosen to build a career while married, would she have chosen to be involved in politics like she was after the death of the prophet alayhi assalaam, would she have been so involved in extensive teaching...? No, she gave all her attention to the prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam... Also in TB Shaykh Waleed talked about Ibn Hajar and his first wife, she became an Alima, devoted all her time to Ilm, the imam got another wife... Maybe it was just a coincidence, or maybe he simply like any other man wanted 'undivided attention'.

Fi Amaani'Laah

Kaltham
10-31-2008, 10:08 PM
Wa alaykum as-salam,

Admittedly, I only scanned this thread, so maybe what I am saying has already been said...

But I think it should be clearly said that the reason men cheat on their wives is because they are sinful, evil, and wicked people. That is the primary reason anyone would cheat.

Fi Aman AllahIt goes without saying that cheating is haraam... The thread was basically reminding us of men needs as is in the Sunnah and in reality. It does not justify the sin of cheating... subhanna Allah, they're not even Muslim, shouldn't we worry about that before we worry about how grave of a sin it is to cheat!

Fi Amaani'Laah

Um Tammer
11-02-2008, 07:35 PM
Men want 'undivided attention'. hmm....that must be the solution!!!!
Jazakee Allah Khayr sis Kaltham