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mutawakilah*3la allah
12-08-2008, 08:57 PM
The Westernized Muslim Wedding of Today
By Reeaz H Paruk


The Western Whirlwind of Destruction which has been constantly blowing across this country for decades and undermining the morals of the Youth, of more recent times has found new victims in young men Muslim men and women who appear to be voluntarily stepping into its evil path. And whilst this "Tornado of the West" is leaving in its wake a continuous trail of crushed moral values amongst our young brothers and sisters, the parents are openly and unashamedly displaying an attitude of incredible irresponsibility by aiding and abetting the youngsters in their suicidal ventures.


Clear evidence of this gross misbehaviour can be found, for instance, at Muslim weddings and engagement parties where the type of conduct reminiscent of the western way of life is fully exercised in its most naked form, where Muslim men and women, boys and girls, act and do things that have nothing in common with the actions and doings of true Muslims. Indeed, some of the formalities which are considered indispensable (by modern standards) at these gatherings are in diametric conflict with Islam and reminiscent of the times of jahiliyyah (ignorance).

Notwithstanding the fact that western-styled garments are designed primarily to emphasize the shape of the female body and to attract the attention of members of the opposite sex, these immodest apparels are worn by Muslim women who, in anticipation of the opportunity to show themselves off at impending weddings or engagements, start making preparations on a lavish scale by acquiring the more "modern" versions of these abominably styled clothing. What is even more deplorable is the practice of equipping the bride with several of these immodestly designed suits, and subjecting her to a most humiliating display on an elaborately prepared stage after clothing her in an exquisite western wedding gown and obliterating all her natural beauty with western cosmetics. And to ensure perfection in the scrupulously observed rituals of the west, the bride is provided with a retinue of bridesmaids, flower-girls and page-boy, with their faces similarly disfigured with the same satanic object of attracting the maximum of lustful stares. Crowds of people, including fashionably dressed men, are then allowed to queue up to see the "puppet show" and quench their unholy thirsts whilst trampling under their feet all Islamic standards of modesty.

This slaughter of Islamic morals and principles by no means ends here. Some parents even go further and not only permit but actively encourage couples to meet and speak, dine and dance and roam around together in cars in blatant violation of the Sunnah of the Holy Prophet (S.A.W.). These extremely dangerous divergences from traditional Islamic precepts are becoming more and more common, and their perpetrators more and more shameless. In some Muslim weddings, even dancing forms part of these revolting innovations. In the words of Dr E.S. Sonners, ".....social dancing is fundamently sinful and evil.....It is nothing more or less than damnable, diabolical, animal, physical dissipation". It is not certainly not beyond one's imagination to think of the lustful gazes and corruption of the minds of young, impressionable audiences which such diabolical displays are bound to cause. And as an ironical prelude, some invitation cards printed to advertise these most insidious and sinful programmes are headed: "In the Name of Allah.......". What a mockery of Islamic ethics!


The following are some of the practices that are meticulously carried out during matrimonial affairs despite the fact that they are either expressly forbidden in Shariah, or have no bases in Islam







The engaged couple meet at a public gathering where the boy holds the girl's hand and slips a ring onto her finger whilst the two look romantically at each other. This act is void of modesty and completly foreign to Islamic culture. It is furthermore, a flagrant violation of the Quranic Law of Purdah. It is an evil innovation of the godless west , and those indulging in it should take cognizance of the Prophet's stern warning that "those who imitate others will rise on the Day of Judgement as of them
The prohibition in Islam of the gathering and free mixing of the sexes is nowhere else more flagrantly violated than at engagement and wedding feasts. Members of both sexes, young and old, are accomodated in the same tent or hall without so much as a curtain partition between them and to add insult to injury, women, including immodestly dressed young spinsters, are waited upon by men. What shameless impudence on the part of the organisers, who appear to be blissfully unaware of the tremendous responsibility which they must shoulder for the resultant decline in the moral standard of the Muslims
Another very indecent practice copied from the west is the appearance on the stage together of the married couple after the Nikah. Here, the new husband presents his bride with a wedding ring, kisses her, and then (in a growing number of cases) allows his friends to kiss her too! and that in full view of the hundreds of guests! This is indeed the total and tragic destruction of Islamic modesty and shame
It has become a normal thing at Muslim weddings for the bridegroom to appear before his mother-in-law to be showed with confetti and gifts of rings, ties, hankies, etc. in full view of women guests whose envious eyes and flattering tongues add to the morbidity of the whole act.
The parents take great pride in making a public display of the bride's "trousseau", and advertising all the individual items therein, thus wasting valuable time and effort which could otherwise have been more fruitfully spent in teaching the bride how to conduct herself with credit in her new responsiblities. This show (of the "trousseau") is motivated by the spiritually destructive elements of "riya"(ostentation) and "takabbur"(pride).
large number of Nikah are performed in a specially rented hall or tent. The Mosque as a central pivot of all Muslim religious activity is often ignored. It is no exaggeration to say that many people regard a Nikah at the Musjid as "inconvient" simply because they are well aware that some of their ill-conceived western rituals are too shameless to be permitted there. However, according to the Tradition of the Prophet(S.A.W.) marriages performed in the House of Allah, immediately preceded and followed by prayers, will attract the maximum of Allah's Blessings, whereas this is not, and cannot, be the case where alternative venues are chosen with the express purpose of facilitating the performance of things Un-Islamic.

Many people are known to be labouring under the misconception that the conduction of marriages on certain specific Islamic dates is contrary to Islamic Law. Such beliefs are not only unfounded, but are also against the grain of common sense. Likewise, the notion that it is incumbent upon the bride to spend her first Ramadaan and Eid after marriage at the parents' home has no basis in Islam.
In recent years, more and more innovatory and satanic western practices have been added by the Muslim commercial elites whose coffers are bursting at the seams as a result of the inflationary trends and economic booms of the past decade. Among these are the European-orientated fashions of printing expensive, pictorially-embossed "thank you" cards, and, more despicably, the insidious practice of a male member of the family escorting the bride arm-in-arm from the comparative seclusion of her home, through the mixed crowd of envious guests, right on to the stage for the ultimate "puppet" show, and all these farcical and morbid, soul-destroying scenes being "shot" for posterity by specially appointed and professionally equipped "video and photography" teams, with a fully fledged and "high ranking" musical band in close attendance! Within the self-same decade, the progressive deterioration of the bride's wedding-day garments from bad to worse in the very latest and obnoxious "see-thru" materials has been causing grave misgivings among the Ulama , many of whom are known to have turned down invitations from close acquaintances for fear of being confronted with scenes too shameless to comprehend. Several more instances can be cited where a great deal of expense and trouble are incurred over acts that are counter-productive of Islamic ethical and moral values. It is a tragic fact that each year hundreds of thousands of Ranks are squandered in the process of upholding and intensifying these senseless, soul-destroying procedures. "Lo! the squanderers were ever brothers of the devils, and the devil was ever an ingrate to his Lord." (xvii-27) "The best of marriage is one over which the least trouble and expense have been incurred" is a most off-flouted maxim of the Holy Prophet(S.A.W.). The Great Master's sound teachings have been thoughlessly and savagely thrown overboard and substituted by the fast-decaying cultural values of the godless west.

Someone was heard to remark at a recent wedding reception: "Here is part of the reason for the drought....and for escalating Muslim divorce rate....(to heights unknown in previous generations)....and for the downward plunge of the Muslims.... into the abyss of physical and spritual destruction....in this world and the next......"

May Allah grant Hidaayat, to one and all! Aameen

Nafsul-Awwaamah
12-08-2008, 10:25 PM
MashaAllaah, an amazing article. May Allaah سبحانه و تعالى give him Jannatul Firdows for this much needed eye opener - one, I feel, is very much needed as well as purposely ignored.

Naima Abdulkadir
12-09-2008, 12:22 AM
Jazaakiallah khayr sis! A much needed reminder.

May Allah make it easy on us and enable us to stay away from the haraam, ameen.

ummiefatima
12-09-2008, 05:03 PM
Maasha'Allah TabarakAllah, a very well written article, and Jazakillahu khayr for sharing this portion of knowledge with us.

May Allah make it easy on us and enable us to stay away from the haraam, ameen.
Ameen :)

AZikria
12-10-2008, 05:46 PM
As a moderator of this folder I would like to make sure we don't randomly cut and paste articles from other sites but to post questions or start intellectual conversations and discussions of our own in the future to make sure that I don't have to close threads because they are breaking our fourms rules.

In regards to the first post I would say that it is well written and thoughtfull but I really didn't learn anything that I didn't know already. Secondly it took an unfair stance of generalizing "the West" as "godless". This is very inaccurate as the U.S. is known to be 65% Christian and that I've given dawah to non-Muslims often I can tell you that many many non-Muslims actually believe in some sort of a creator. Sure there are many that are lost to the dunya, are athieist, or even oppressive of religion but to generalize the "West", as a whole, as bieng "satanic" or "godless" is contrary to reality. And we should reframe from that type of language as it as defies our Islamic morals and character.

As for the main points of the article regarding modesty i would agree with as being unislamic. With that being said the same practices actually derived from Muslim countries. Practices such as the bangara and dances similar to it are designed to include both genders and in front of both mahrams and non-mahrams, yet it is deeply rooted in the indo-pak culture.

I also feel a few of the points can still be within Islamic principles if they are done properly. For those of us who were born or grew up in the west all we know is the west. Our culture is the western culture. so why don't we do what our ancesters did when they brought islam to pakistan, afghanistan and the rest of the world. By taking the good of the culture and giving dawah to the evil practices of the culture?

Sure we can all point out faults but i have yet to see weddings that are Islamic, fun, and with invitees being from the whole community. I mean even the islamic weddings tend to be small and for a exclusive group of friends and family. Seriously at times we get bored at weddings that adhere to islamic principles (not that I attend ones that don't). Am I saying that we should do away with the Islamic principles? NO Absolutely not but let's make the halal weddings more fun by spending more time in preparing them, or having the close friends come up with cool activies or something.

So how do we have fun Islamic Weddings?

Yaser Birjas
12-10-2008, 06:05 PM
Although I agree that many Muslim weddings today do not qualify to be legal and halal weddings, but I have to disagree on the fact that its all westernized. The east had its 'evil' wedding parties before they even met the west. Islam is not about east or west, its about what is right and what is wrong on this subject of matter. To make the west all evil and the evil of weddings all from the west is an unfair general statement.
It would have been better if the wrong practices were discussed without any specific indication to being west of east practice. Wrong practice is wrong anyways.

And Allah knows best.

safa_709
12-10-2008, 06:22 PM
Sure we can all point out faults but i have yet to see weddings that are Islamic, fun, and with invitees being from the whole community. I mean even the islamic weddings tend to be small and for a exclusive group of friends and family. Seriously at times we get bored at weddings that adhere to islamic principles (not that I attend ones that don't). Am I saying that we should do away with the Islamic principles? NO Absolutely not but let's make the halal weddings more fun by spending more time in preparing them, or having the close friends come up with cool activies or something.

I would have to disagree with you on that one! Maybe you need to attend more weddings at different areas, wa Allahu Alaam.

My community has always, walhamdulilah, had "Islamic" weddings (maybe not too perfect) that were fun, HALAL, mixed in some awesome cultural traditions, and the invitations extended to all ethnicities, age groups, and the such. There were no mixing, music (there was anasheed) and it was far from being boring! Speaking from both the mens and womens sides.......

Activites that varied but from what I have seen in wedding programs: Dabkah (traditional palestinian/lebanese/araby dance), poetry, skits, slideshows, singing, Islamic 'trivia' competitions, hired groups/munsheds to sing anasheed or perform dabkeh or other dances, etc

AZikria
12-10-2008, 06:39 PM
My community has always, walhamdulilah, had "Islamic" weddings (maybe not too perfect) that were fun, HALAL, mixed in some awesome cultural traditions, and the invitations extended to all ethnicities, age groups, and the such. There were no mixing, music (there was anasheed) and it was far from being boring! Speaking from both the mens and womens sides.......

Activites that varied but from what I have seen in wedding programs: Dabkah (traditional palestinian/lebanese/araby dance), poetry, skits, slideshows, singing, Islamic 'trivia' competitions, hired groups/munsheds to sing anasheed or perform dabkeh or other dances, etcIt would be awesome to have a Islamic weddings planning guide on the forums. I am sure many people would love to use it. MASHA ALLAH, there is reward in it too.

Rizak
12-11-2008, 02:51 AM
Asalaam Alaykum,

I was also wondering what other things we can do to have a fun Islamic wedding, any ideas?

Just a thought, or more of a dream, it would be awesome if EmanRush Press put together a book that comes from ideas on the Forums or through past experiences shared by students about having an Islamic Wedding. Or it can be an early chapter or preface for the Fiqh of Love, or maybe even come as a set? "The Islamic Wedding and The Islamic Marriage" *smile*

JayshAllah
12-14-2008, 05:54 AM
I agree with Ustadh Yasir Birjas and brother Azikria. Too many generalizations in the initial post. And quite frankly, it comes across as dogmatic, didactic, and typical "haram, haram, haram" Indo-Pak mentality.

We should inform people with love and care. Demonizing people--who are most likely ignorant of Islamic regulations in the first place--is not the best way in my opinion, and it only reinforces the stereotypes the awwam (masses) have for the "mullahs". It is because of this mentality that the "mullahs" have lost respect in the eyes of the average Pakistani of our parents' generation. Al-Hamdu Lillah the scholars and dawah-carriers in America are changing this perception by bringing something intellectual to the table!

AZikria
12-15-2008, 05:24 AM
I always noticed that when solutions are given, instead of as objections to a unislamic practice, it makes things easy when couples want to approach their parents.

I noticed a practicing couple had a very religiously problematic wedding and they would come to us apologizing due to the fact that that thier parents added some rituals and customs, that were pointed in the first post, that were unislamic.

It was sad but weddings are a time of joy for parents and families not just the couple themselves so I guess the parents felt it was okay. So how do couples appraoch their families when put in this position? What can they do beforehand to keep from such a thing happening?

Rizak
12-15-2008, 08:45 AM
I agree with Ustadh Yasir Birjas and brother Azikria. Too many generalizations in the initial post. And quite frankly, it comes across as dogmatic, didactic, and typical "haram, haram, haram" Indo-Pak mentality.
While I also agree, I can't help but respecfully point out the irony this post.

Hamzah Al-Amin Sohail
12-15-2008, 10:25 AM
Exactly what I was thinking. Well said Shaykh.
very tru.