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Abu Zayna
01-07-2009, 01:26 PM
salaamz! My fiancee earlier told me that she was'nt feeling romanticly inclined like she used to. And something is telling me to prepare myself emotionally so am prepared for the worst. We could have been married but am having issues with some of her family members. She is a dynamic sis. But frankly i was hurt badly by someone in the past and i don't want to fall into the same trap again insha'Allah. Ur suggestions and advise highly welcomed my dear brothers and sisters.

Abu Zayna
01-07-2009, 01:34 PM
I understand the fiqh of love. and i don't want to hurt her. I try to the best of my ability. Yet when she says such things it puts me down.

Abu Zayna
01-07-2009, 01:50 PM
Jazakhallahu khayrun akhi. I feel much better now. But earlier on i was so down. Hasbunallah wanimal wakeel.

Rizak
01-07-2009, 03:14 PM
Just don't doubt her love for you, imagine if she doubted your love for her how would you feel?

Stay positive *smile*
Maybe she is just hinting towards wanting you to be a little more romantic?

Maybe there is a lot going through her mind? Talk to her, get to know what she is going through and figure out how you can help. Be romatic, pamper her joke around with her etc. but don't joke around with her when she's in a bad mood of course...

Think of little things to do to so you can rekindle the flame and make sure you don't go overboard and surprise her lol.

Allahu Allim, these are just suggestions. Assume the best and continue to do extra when it comes to your relationship and let her know she can talk to you about anything.

brother_bruce
01-07-2009, 03:32 PM
Just don't doubt her love for you, imagine if she doubted your love for her how would you feel?

Stay positive *smile*
Maybe she is just hinting towards wanting you to be a little more romantic?

Maybe there is a lot going through her mind? Talk to her, get to know what she is going through and figure out how you can help. Be romatic, pamper her joke around with her etc. but don't joke around with her when she's in a bad mood of course...

Think of little things to do to so you can rekindle the flame and make sure you don't go overboard and surprise her lol.

Allahu Allim, these are just suggestions. Assume the best and continue to do extra when it comes to your relationship and let her know she can talk to you about anything.
They're not married.

Rizak
01-07-2009, 03:37 PM
Never said they were.

By "engagement" I thought that meant nikkah is done but they just don't live together yet.

Allahu Allim, but what I do know for sure is that they are engaged to be married and are talking so I assumed the contract was done. If so, he can still do all of the stuff I mentioned, even if they are just talking.

Allahu Allim.

iss ME! zahweee!
01-07-2009, 03:42 PM
Talk to her, get to know what she is going through and figure out how you can help. Be romatic, pamper her joke around with her etc. but don't joke around with her when she's in a bad mood of course...

Think of little things to do to so you can rekindle the flame and make sure you don't go overboard and surprise her lol.just to reiterate.. the brother's talking about a fiancee, not a wife
i don't think there would have been an issue of falling out of love if you hadn't been talking in the first place (i have to be honest) but i understand that's a difficult thing for many to do

may Allah ease your situation and give you khayr in dunya and aakhirah.. definitely keep making lots of du'aa, increase in dhikr and fasting and good deeds.. you'll find answers to your hearts questions soon enough bi'idhnillah

Khadija
01-07-2009, 06:21 PM
If you are an intuitive person, most likely your feelings are correct. There probably were red flags that you noticed, and either they can be from shaitan to cast doubt in your process of zawaj (I don't think shaitan would ever be happy to see two people unite upon good, especially in zawaj) or a form of guidance from Allah, to lead you to a different path.

Either way, clear communication is always key. It might be proper to discuss the matters seriously with the family. Since you are at the stage of engagement, it's pretty much serious so you cant go on assumptions.

The details are not really clear. Allahu alem what the situation is, or what factors play in it but getting hurt is just part of the process, but with Allah's help you do get over it.

Alhamdulilah we are Muslims and Allah blessed us with Eman, unlike the Kufar who have no hope and end up living in despair.

I guess before making any hasty decision about leaving or whatever, discuss it with the family. Weigh it out, and pray istikhara. After the istikhara there are NO regrets

wallahu ta'ala alam.

Abu Zayna
01-09-2009, 05:15 AM
Jazakumullaahu bikhayrun katiran for ur suggestions. Sorry i was buzy and had no internet access that is why am repying late. I understanding the talking stuff got out of hand. And both of us are now trying to keep it Sunnah as muuch as we can. Infact it got better. There is khayr now b/w us. This sister helps me to be better brother, and keeeps me focused on the hereafter life. She is the best sister i have ever met. My dear brothers and sisters plz put me and the sis in ur sincere du'as that Allah hastens the nikaah and He blesses it as well.

iss ME! zahweee!
01-09-2009, 08:08 AM
waiyyakum bro
masha-Allah i'm really pleased that you reached that decision amongst yourselves to be better and talk less.. trust me when i say half of the excitement of when you first get married is that things are still unknown and it's like a treasure hunt in every situation.. you get to find out what makes her/him laugh, what makes them tick (and now that they're stuck with you, you can use that information against them for the rest of their life :D), and even little details are fun to find out, like what's their favorite season, favorite flower, favorite color, not to mention favorite shaykh, favorite sahaabah, favorite seerah moment, etc.. you end up learning a lot about yourself from that other person.. but subhanAllah if you already know everything about them, where's the surprise and fun that early marriage is supposed to bring? you'll pretty much be sitting together and saying "soooooooo..........." you know? and to think of having your first fight before you're even married which can very well happen if the two talk a lot, subhanAllah that just gives shaytaan the idea to put into one or both's mind that "hey this may not be right" which is not only going to hurt the couple, but both families as well.......whereas when you're married and disagree you have no choice but to work it out amongst yourselves.. i mean you sleep in the same room so there's no avoiding the other person so subhanAllah it just works out and you can resolve any issues and get back to the fun parts of marriage

i really hope and pray that things stay better between the two of you.. masha-Allah the way you describe her makes me think she'll be a great wife to you (now work on trying to be that inspiration to her as well! so that when she's with you her iman will feel higher as well).. may Allah put barakah in this union, facilitate you in a quick marriage and always keep you both on the straight path and thereafter may you always be in love! aameen

Abu Zayna
01-10-2009, 08:01 AM
waiyyakum bro
masha-Allah i'm really pleased that you reached that decision amongst yourselves to be better and talk less.. trust me when i say half of the excitement of when you first get married is that things are still unknown and it's like a treasure hunt in every situation.. you get to find out what makes her/him laugh, what makes them tick (and now that they're stuck with you, you can use that information against them for the rest of their life :D), and even little details are fun to find out, like what's their favorite season, favorite flower, favorite color, not to mention favorite shaykh, favorite sahaabah, favorite seerah moment, etc.. you end up learning a lot about yourself from that other person.. but subhanAllah if you already know everything about them, where's the surprise and fun that early marriage is supposed to bring? you'll pretty much be sitting together and saying "soooooooo..........." you know? and to think of having your first fight before you're even married which can very well happen if the two talk a lot, subhanAllah that just gives shaytaan the idea to put into one or both's mind that "hey this may not be right" which is not only going to hurt the couple, but both families as well.......whereas when you're married and disagree you have no choice but to work it out amongst yourselves.. i mean you sleep in the same room so there's no avoiding the other person so subhanAllah it just works out and you can resolve any issues and get back to the fun parts of marriage

i really hope and pray that things stay better between the two of you.. masha-Allah the way you describe her makes me think she'll be a great wife to you (now work on trying to be that inspiration to her as well! so that when she's with you her iman will feel higher as well).. may Allah put barakah in this union, facilitate you in a quick marriage and always keep you both on the straight path and thereafter may you always be in love! aameen
Jazakhallahu Khayrun katheeran for ur lovely naseeya and allahumma ameen to ur du'as. Wa iyaakum. This advise should be written in a golden book!

Abu Zayna
01-10-2009, 08:13 AM
Insha Allah Allah will get us married since He subuhanahu wa ta'ala is ala kulli shayin qadeer. I think she's my zawjaty forever and better half insha Allah. I'll definatly keep u guys updated insha Allah. I will also need ur constant du'as and adive. Barakallahu feekum to all of u guys(my almagrib family)...