View Full Version : A problem

01-24-2009, 06:54 PM
Asalaamu Alaikum WrWb,

I'm having a little issue with my father. I'm not quite sure where to turn to for advice and I remembered the forum. I'm hoping you guys can help. inshAllah.


My mother, and father have been divorced but my Dad insists that they were never really divorced. Anyways, my Mom married someone else, which is my step dad. My mom requested that I not tell my Dad right now that she is married. However, news got around and someone told my Dad`s family.

Now, my Dad keeps asking if my Mom really got married and he keeps taunting me everytime I ask him to do anything like: ''Why don't you just ask your Dad? Why do you need me? You have another father now.''

I know I'm not one to complain but my real Dad always hinders at fufilling his duties as a father, especially to my brother. He keeps saying things like: ''My relationship with you is only through your Mother. Now, what relationship do I have with you guys?''

I know as a daughter, I have to respect my Dad but sometimes he crosses the line by swearing, and saying really inappropriate things like: ''How do you know I'm your father? How do you know that your Mom didn't just sleep with someone else.''

How should I handle this?

01-24-2009, 08:12 PM
Wa alaykum as salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu. Honestly ukhti I can only sympathize with you in a situation like this and the biggest peice of advice I can share with you is that this is nothing more than a test from Allah. Your father has rights over you and no matter how bad he treats you, he is still your father and he deserves your respect. Be polite when speaking to him even if he does not respect you, always remember that no matter harsh he may be, he is your father and he loves you. Allah subhana wa ta'ala speaks about treating your parents well numerously in the Qur'an. Mistreating your parents can cause someone to enter Jahannam so we must be careful in our akhlaaq.

In the meantime, make du'a constantly for your father. Look at things from his point of view. He just lost his wife! Of course it will be a hard time for him. Be supportive of your father, give him a reason to smile. You know the kind of things your father likes, for example my dad gets really happy when I send him long emails. Little things like that please our fathers immensely and your reward with Allah will be just as immense.

Just be careful in your akhlaaq towards your father and if it would help just sit down with your father and explain to him how you feel. If not, sabr sabr sabr!

Another tip is praying tahajjud. Allah subhana wa ta'ala comes to the lowest heaven during the last third of the night to answer the supplications of those who call on him. So wake up, pray tahajjud, and just complain to Allah of your struggles. We can only advise you but Allah is the One who can change your situation.

May Allah reward you for wanting to help your father. Sometimes we overlook the status of parents in Islam but subhanAllah, just remember that you too will have kids one day so treat your parents the way you would like your children to treat you.

01-24-2009, 08:35 PM
JazakAllah Khayr for the nice advice, sister Aminah. I really appreciate it.


And, he didn't just lose her. It's been about 7-8 years now.

01-24-2009, 09:37 PM
Salaamualaikum Sr Creusaia I want to send you an email about your situation however, I hesitate to post any personal information os an open forum so please send me an email at msyed813 @ gmail . com (obviously without the spaces).