View Full Version : lowring of gaze issues
02-08-2009, 04:49 PM
is it just me or does everyone agree a lot of muslim men need to learn to lower their gaze? when I were in high school and didnt wear hijab, no (seemingly practicing) muslim guy would give me a second glance. when I started hijab it's like these same guys are suddenly checking me out, staring, trying to start random conversations..why is that? I never joined the MSA for the same reason. It's because of muslim guys I started putting on the niqab. why is that when I am at work in my hijab and abaya (I dont wear niqab full time), non-muslim guys respect me and keep their distance when they hardly know a thing about real modesty? I feel so disappointed when some random muslim dude on the street feels the need to smile and say salam alaikum. what's with that? i mean go ahead say salam but you dont have to give that million dollar smile! the reason i am posting this is because i get to hear a lot of non-muslim and modern muslimahs using this reason to excuse the obligation of hijab. nothing can stop a man from checking a woman out regardless of what she wears, they say. how do I respond to that one?
02-08-2009, 05:01 PM
SubhanAllah, you shouldn't make such a harsh generalization ukhti. Maybe the brother was smiling at you because he was happy to see a muhajiba. We shouldn't let shaytaan get the better of us, make excuses instead of jumping to conclusions.
Try analysing the situation from another perspective, never be quick to point the blame at someone else.
As for those who deny the obligation of hijaab, they have no right to say the above statement. It was Allah subhana wa ta'ala who ordered for women to veil themselves and who knows better...the Creator or the creation. Honestly, hearing things like that makes me laugh. How is it possible for someone to think they know better than Allah? Just tell them that instead of making up their own rules, they should say "Sami'na wa ata'na" we hear and we obey. But don't make it into a debate because there's no point in arguing with ignorant people.
Please do not take any of this to offense, but it really hurts me when I hear people are being judged without proper justification.
02-08-2009, 05:11 PM
nothing can stop a man from checking a woman out regardless of what she wears, they say. how do I respond to that one?
But that's not the reason why I wear Hijab...The reason I wear it is because Allah azza wa jal said so. That's it...
Now, we might find some wisdoms such as the one above to explain why we have to wear the hijab...but it's not the ultimate reason to wear it...
Some time ago, a sister said she wears hijab because it protects her...That's not really the reason why...If she's walking on her own in the middle of the night the hijab isn't necessarily going to protect her, she's just following one of Allah's commandments by wearing it...
We have to be careful when trying to figure out reasons why we have to follow commandments...we might end up thinking that the wisdoms we have figured out to doing these commandments are the reasons we follow them...when it's actually the fact that Allah told us to do them that we do them (regardless of whether or not we understand all the wisdoms)...it would be nice to understand the wisdoms though :) as it for sure makes following so many things easier for us! And that's why there is no harm in trying to understand these wisdoms :)
As for lowering the gaze, it's something both men and women need to work on and I don't think it would be fair to blame one gender without the other...
02-08-2009, 05:17 PM
I'm sorry I dont want to come across as a men basher or something..I'm not being judgemental. many sisters I know feel the same. why do we get more respect from non-muslim guys then some muslim men? this is probably the reason why muslim women tend to cover more when muslim guys are around.
your explanation on hijab is spot on! : ) maybe we should tell them we wear hijab because it's a commandment from Allah. all they hear is it protects a woman from man's wandering gaze.
02-08-2009, 05:23 PM
SubhanAllah, you shouldn't make such a harsh generalization ukhti. Maybe the brother was smiling at you because he was happy to see a muhajibasome of these brothers didnt know i exist until college ya3ni they didnt know i started hijab until recently. as much as it hurts you it hurts me as well. I feel disappointed when i get respected better by non-muslim guys at work. they dont stare and keep their distance.
02-08-2009, 05:27 PM
When I first came to Canada I used to say I wore the hijab for modesty...then I was faced with girls who were technically modest without the head cover...and I had to find a reason why dressing like them is not enough...and then I realized why it really was that I wear the hijab...to obey Allah azza wa jal...
As for getting more respect from non-muslims...I think, from what I have noticed from non-muslim colleagues, is that many times they don't even interact with us because they know we are different...so they don't even bother...they also see us as a woman who would not be interested in them...they might also have a "respect" if they were to think of us anything like nuns or what not...
I mean...if shaitan was gonna come to them, they're probably gonna go to the non-muslim sister vs. the dressed one because they know there's no way with the hijabi...
but for muslim men, they are of our kind, and they might be interested in us...so shaitan does not stop and will do his trick...
I don't know if what I'm thinking is right or wrong...but that's the general feeling I have about this...
Some sisters face the same situation where they feel more comfortable dealing with non-muslim men just because they know in the back of their head that there is no way to them...when in fact...it's a completely wrong way of thinking because a man is a man regardless...it's just a trick by shaitan : )
02-08-2009, 05:36 PM
I'm not sure I totally agree with you sister. I wear hijab and abaya to college, and almost every guy is respectful and nobody really approaches me. But yes, sometimes the Muslim men are a bit more "free" but I think that's because they feel we are responsible and we won't transgress our bounds. Wallahu 'alam.
02-08-2009, 05:43 PM
jazakAllah khair. you're probably right sireen. I admit I'm way more comfortable with the non-muslim colleagues. they and i know it's not gonna happen..contrary to one muslim co-worker who wanted to have iftar with me and was very "thrilled" to see a muslim.
sorry if this thread offends anyone. i dont want to write back and forth, pages after pages. inshaAllah it reminds us of the virtues of lowering our gaze.
02-08-2009, 05:49 PM
That is true, I was going to say the same thing. Sister, before when you didn't wear the hijab, those same muslim guys never knew you were muslim, so then, they weren't even interested or just thought of you as the rest. When you put on the hijab, they automatically know that you are muslim, and they might be interested in you and looking because of Shaitan or whatnot. Even with this fact, I would never feel comfortable with a non muslim man before a muslim one. And personally, I've gotten more respect from muslim men before any non muslim who doesn't even know right from wrong sometimes with me. Non muslim men don't look at you or stare because they don't care, you're automatically invisible to them, respect is something else that is totally different, just because they don't look at you like that, doesn't mean they won't say some harmful things about your hijab or your religion, which is why I agree that we shouldn't be saying we feel more comfortable with non muslim men rather than the other(just don't feel comfortable anyway actually)... If you yourself knows your boundaries, and you lower your gaze (I'm saying , in general "you"), then I don't think we would be that worried about others not lowering their gazes. If you do it, then you should be happy with that, because you are obeying what Allah (swt) is telling you to do, the people who don't and the ones that bother you, it's always going to happen with one way or another. Hijab is a commandment from Allah (swt), and that is the only reason we wear it. Now, having said that, living in a non muslim country, you will be stared at because you are different. With the hijab, comes a lot of tests that you may not have noticed before such as dealing with issues like this. I once wondered if we wore abaya in a non muslim country, wouldn't we be getting unwanted attention solely based ont he fact that we're dressed different? and aren't we wearing it to NOT get that attention? Shaykh Yasir Qadhi said to that, that we are doing what is right in the eyes of our Lord, and even if we get that attention, it's not that kind of attention where we would've gotten if we weren't wearing it. You get it? InshaAllah you do. :)jazakAllah khair :) you're right. i dont feel comfortable with every non-muslim guy. only some at work because i talk to them about Islam and they genuinely respect our religion, they just dont happen to agree..
02-08-2009, 05:55 PM
one more thing..the niqab really helps our brothers in lowering their gaze alhamdulillah. it's beautiful when you help your brothers like that. it's what helped me walhamdulillah.
iss ME! zahweee!
02-08-2009, 06:07 PM
if sisters lower their gaze, they won't even know that brothers aren't lowering theirs :D no offense intended, just a general statement.. everyone has weaknesses here and there but if everyone did what was prescribed, we'd be a lot better off.. but it's definitely good that this thread was put up.. insha-Allah it's a good reminder for us
Ahmed Ibn Hassan
02-11-2009, 01:19 AM
I've read the previous post.. (im not going to comment on it).
Lowering the gaze for me has been something that I train myself to do, if you dont train yourself then your exposing yourself... before you know it your heart is captured. Your not 'perfect', you will commit mistakes, or fall into sin but the best of those sinners are those who repent to Allaah.
For Instance while I'm school the girls in my class have a habit of being too touchy, too friendly-cozy but I hate to be rude to people but i just tell them straight up 'could you please not do that..'. Yeah sounds harsh to them, but if i dont do that when will I? Point that Im making here is that bro's /sr's both may expereince similar 'struggles' but it's those baby steps you take into solving the problem that is critical.
Another situation, I'm president for our human rights club and i interact with many different people on an intellectual level but you'll see that it's very, very easy to get caught up on 'silly convos' but most of them start with --> a simple questions --> then --> drift the convo back to you personally ---> then you lost topic.. just saying this is how you drift a convo this happen alot to me, I have no knowledge, i complemented many times to just take myself out of these leadership roles because it's taking a jab at my Imaan.
So lowering the gaze have to be a two way deal, the eyes are connected to the heart (so the eyes wants it's beauty) but you gots to control for the sake of Allaah...:D
(and Im not preaching :D, I'm directly talking to myself i know weird Im talking to myself..:)
02-11-2009, 03:14 AM
jazakAllah khair :) you're right. i dont feel comfortable with every non-muslim guy. only some at work because i talk to them about Islam and they genuinely respect our religion, they just dont happen to agree..
Ukthi, my advice would be to leave the giving dawah to the brothers (unless it is a non-muslim woman you are speaking to). Giving dawah can get very personal.
This is my sincere advice. I would also encourage our brothers to become more involved in giving dawah.
02-11-2009, 09:07 AM
I recently read a very good reminder on a blog and thought I would share it...
A South Asian scholar of the past said:
To cast lustful glances is the disease of idiots. You neither give, nor receive. All you do is put your own heart in turmoil. You can stare at a girl forever, but you will never get her. You will only get the person that Allah has decreed for you as halal. Since this is a matter which has already been decided by Allah, that is why this is the disease of idiots.
Therefore, let us remember next time we look at a girl (or at a boy if it is a sister looking) that we are indulging in the disease of the idiots.
Oh and remember, youíre using the blessing of eyesight which Allah subhanahu wa taíala blessed you with to disobey Him! If youíre gonna sin and disobey Him, then donít use any of His blessings, donít sin on His land, and do it without Him knowing of it. (If that didnít make sense to you yet: You canít do any of that! Itís IMPOSSIBLE! So just stop with that sin already and get to that next level youíve been trying to reach forever!)
*A reminder for myself before anyone else*
May I add, that your eyes are one of the biggest windows to your heart (ears and tongue would be other windows). And those images, lustful or not, cling to your heart. Meaning that leaving haram sights is obvious, but even just looking at everyday people or sights takes its toll and has its effect. The more you filter through your eyes, the more free your heart remains.
I recently read a very good reminder on a blog and thought I would share it...
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