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View Full Version : birth control vs out of control children


sister islam
03-16-2009, 02:51 AM
I know that the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) has advised us to have many children so that he can be proud of his large ummah on the day of Judgement, but I was wondering if any1 knows what is more important.....

a) to have a whole heap of children and not be able to cope/manage with their proper Islamic upbringing because the more u hv the more difficult it becomes to keep them under control.

or

b)to have just a few children where u can actually have time 4 all of them and b capable of giving them a proper Islamic upbringing and pay more attention to the akhliyak of muslims.

Any suggestions would be appreciated
Jazakum Allah Khayr

Ali_Mehdi
03-16-2009, 04:37 AM
I think the quality of the children (being how they are raised) and the family is more important than the quantity.

Hasan
03-16-2009, 03:43 PM
There seems to be the assumption that having a lot of kids means you will not be able to give them all a proper upbringing. That may be true or it may not.

I remember the advice of one mother with lots of kids: raise the first one to have good character and the rest will follow suit.

So the assumption is debatable.

Wa Allahu a'lam.

iss ME! zahweee!
03-16-2009, 05:13 PM
^masha-Allah good advice
as the youngest of 6, i can tell you for sure that the little ones constantly feel like they're in competition (we think: so what if i'm younger! i wanna do that too!) i learned loads of surahs/du'aas when my older siblings were learning them..

also from experience, i can tell you that big families and loads of siblings are LOTS of fun.. yea you'll have lots and lots of fights, for sure, but as you grow older, you have that many close friends walhamdulillah... would you really want your kid to only have one play-friend (if it was up to you)?

children bring soooo much barakah into the family (by the permission of Allah).. take as many as Allah gives you.. He is the Provider, so He will give you rizq insha-Allah.. so have tawakkul and do the best you can as a parent insha-Allah, and leave the rest to Him

AmaniBiryani
03-18-2009, 12:47 AM
My maternal grandmother had fifteen kids, MashAllah, and it was completely fine for them... I guess you can say that in today's society it is much more difficult, but that is, I think, because of everything that is going on in the world today. Nothing is simple or easy anymore, and having many kids just isn't practical or affordable. But at least having some is possible, Alhamdulillah. =]

zuhair.shaath
03-18-2009, 07:34 AM
More kids = more sadaqah jariyyah

iss ME! zahweee!
03-18-2009, 11:13 AM
Allahu Alam but to say having lots of kids is not affordable is like saying Allah can't provide for you... whatever you have is already from Him, who's to say He can't give you more?

practicality is another issue i think, but the "i can't afford them" argument is already knocked down in the Qur'an

Sana2184
03-18-2009, 07:01 PM
i heard a sheikh mention during a seminar (can't remember which one)..but basically this came up and it was advised that because we live in america where our children going astray is a bigger issue then abroad where children know they are watched by the whole neighborhood if they try doing something foolish. Living in a muslim country, it's a lot easier to raise a bigger number of kids because women can depend on other women to look after kids together and take turns and they know they will not be afraid to discipline them. over here sometimes people get scared to tell someone else's kids to behave just because they fear the parent may not want anyone else to parent their child. (and i believe this is a huge mistake if the other individual is pious and would only advise good.) That being stated it the sheikh said that if you fear that you will neglect a child or fear that because living in america may be hard enough, you don't want 4 out of 6 turning out pious but you want (maybe all 3 or 4 depending on how many you can handle) to turn out to be righteous with Allah's guidance and your attention and upbringing, then you are allowed to have what you know you can handle. having no kids is not an option and fearing they will not be provided for is also not an option. you have the number you know you will be able to handle (tying your camel)...and leave the rest up to Allah. I do know some people dont agree with that but that is the reasoning the sheikh mentioned. it's only advice for those worried about not being able to take care of 5-6 kids and are really only talking about the level of attention the kids will have.
i don't believe it's impossible to have good kids and still have a lot because nothing is impossible for Allah but some people have had to learn the hard way that all their kids appeared to be good but were hiding who they really were from their parents and were going astray. some even have flat out shown disobedience because of outside influence. but insha Allah with istikhara, you can never go wrong. a big family has a lot of benefits of course but it's not breaking a sunnah if you want to raise less children but give them good upbringing so that they can double their values and have even more righteous kids. Hope that made sense. Quality in this case is very important.

Nida A.
03-19-2009, 07:42 AM
I know that the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) has advised us to have many children so that he can be proud of his large ummah on the day of Judgement, but I was wondering if any1 knows what is more important.....
a) to have a whole heap of children and not be able to cope/manage with their proper Islamic upbringing because the more u hv the more difficult it becomes to keep them under control.
b)to have just a few children where u can actually have time 4 all of them and b capable of giving them a proper Islamic upbringing and pay more attention to the akhliyak of muslims.



Obviously, having children is a priority in Islam. But also keep in mind, not all mothers are born with that desire to have a large brood of children and that's not a bad thing. Many women want to wait until they finish school, careers, and are mature enough themselves and strong enough in their deen that they can tackle motherhood. And this is not a bad thing and I don't think anyone should make others feel bad that they don't want children yet, a lot of children, etc...

I know my maternal grandmother had eight children, and alhumdullilah they were all raised to be really good Muslims. However, that had a lot to do with my maternal grandfather (one of the best men I knew, he died right after zuhr on a Friday...on the janamaz. He was one of the wisest people and a wonderful grandfather).
Anyway, because of having nine children (one who didn't survive), my grandmother was very sick most of her life and wasn't able to raise her children as much as she may have liked. So in a way, sometimes less children makes it easier on their parents and they don't feel hassled. Remember, children are born with different temperaments as well.

Shabab Al-Salim
03-21-2009, 09:51 PM
Assalamo Alaikum Wa Rehmatullah Wa Barakatuhu,

I'm not married yet...InshALLAH some day. I'm not sure as to what would the proper idea be. I do think though that it shouldn't be gerelized.. Different people have different situations. Personally i would only know after having the first child.. Everybody loves children.. they're a blessing from ALLAH subhanahu wa Ta'ala. But a factor that I would consider living in this century is that are we in need of more Muslims? For me the anser is yessssssssss...... ALLAHU A'lam but the way the world is changing... We all know that soon in the future there is going to be a need for more muslims...and STRONG muslims. We should also think about the Ummah adn not ourselves alone. I'm not suggesting a solution rather just another factor to think about.

may ALLAh subhanahu wa ta'ala raise from us children that will bring Victory to ALLAH's deen and establish the way of ALLAH on the earth. May he accept our children as sadaqa jariyah. Ameen