Funny Muslimah Stories

[Mariyaah]

Okay seeing as I read the Whole thread of funny Border stories, and wanted more I had an idea, how about we sisters, and even brothers share our funny experiences, or offensive experiences as muslims and how you handled it! It's lighthearted, and will bring a smile to your face inshallah :) I have soooo much stories to share it can prolly fill up this thread, so lemme start!( I shortened it, cuz their was so much) Okay so this happened a year ago.

Me: (sitting at the library reading queitly)
Old man: Are you Islam?
Me: Yes I am muslim
Old man: Huh? (sits right beside me, too close for comfort)
Me: It's a library I hafta whisper, here let me write it down
Old man: Write down, what God you worship, and what religon this is.
Me: Ofcourse (I write it down)
Old man: (moves close and talks in my ear) The hijab is very beautiful
Me: (move away)..uhh thanks, excuse me
Old Man: Wait, where is your mosque, I want to convert
Me: Oh I'll write the addresse, it's real nearby
Old Man: I don't want to go their alone
Me: I can give you my brother-in law's number, he's a white convert too, and has been muslim for 10yrs.
Old Man: Is he big bearded, I'm scared of big men, please give me your number.
Me: I'll umm..I'll give you my house number
Old Man: Do you know I'm Irish? We believe in the Catholic church ..etc
Me: Yeah well, Islam is not like that. ( I explain)
Old Man: I see ( stands up and starts singing in Irish in my ear)
Me: (confused) Excuse me sir, your spitting in my ear
Old Man: It's beautiful language, I used to sing it to my wife
Me: (I see a random Somali guy looking at me like huh?) (Me panicking, it looks like I'm letting this old dude flirt with me, don't know what to do, if i'm rude he might not wanna convert)
Me: Hey Moe, what's up (walk up to the random somali guy who looked like a kid)
Somali Guy: Hi, sorry but do I know you?
Me: Nope, had to get away from that weirdo (than I leave)
****Old Man calls my house phone*****
Me: Hey this is the old man who wants to convert
My Brother-inlaw: Perfect, let me talk to him *talks* He wants you to come, we're meeting him at Mcdonalds, get the Islamic books ready.
Older sister: Mashallah, your going to get so much ajar.
**At Mcdonalds**
My Brother-in law: (giving him the run down on Islam, answering questions)
Old Man: So which one's your wife
My brother-inlaw: (Points at my sister)
Old Man: Can you marry both
My Brother in-law: You can marry up to four (my sister gives him deathstare) but not sisters.
Old Man: So she's free? Can I Marry her?(pointing to me)
My Brother in-law: No
Old Man: (stares at me for too long)
Old Man: I love your religon, I can marry 3 more after you, Do you have any friends (looks at me)
Me: No
Old Man: (Points to me) How come you don't have a nose ring like your sister.
My Brother-inlaw: Here's all the CD's, Books, we hafta leave bye.
Me: I hope he converts, what I nice man offering to buy me food.
My Brother-inlaw: Your so naive, he was not interested in Islam, he was interested in you.
Me: How presumptious of you, how can *cuts me off*
My Brother-inlaw: Trust me, I know men, don't ever let him call you, or meet you privately, give him my number if he has Islamic questions.
Me: *rolls eye* I'm not an idiot, I would never meet him privately!
Older Sister: hahaa, someone just got hit on by an old man
Me: Take me home. (annoyed)

**FYI: My sister has been wearing Niqab for the past 5 months alhamdulilah**

[Mariyaah]

Friend: (Driving)
***Police Sirens**
Me: Omg, Omg, You don't have your full license, What are we gunna do!
Friend: It's friday, past midnight, they're doing random sobriety checks.
**Cop Approaches us**
Cop: Have you been dri- Haahaaahaha, (kneels, laughing some more) I don't suppose you girls were drinking, hahaa, you shouldn't be out this late.
Friend: *Nervous* yeah, umm, late movie, past our curfew, we better get going.
Cop: haha..go on home girls, and don't get into anymore trouble (continues to laugh and finally leaves)
Me: Alhamdulilah, I almost had a heartattack!
Friend: Gotta love the Hijab!


p.s- I'll post more when I have time.

[Mariyaah]

This was a while ago, vacationing in Toronto, at Canada's Wonderland

*We're lining up for this ride that stays upside down and flips crazy fast*

Ticket guy: Yep, you can go through
Me: (Going through)
Ticket guy: (Grabs my shoulder) Wait, You might wanna tie your headscarf back.
Me: First of All, don't touch me, second of all I'm Muslim, so no I will not show my ears, or neck, because of a stupid ride, what do you take me as?
Ticket guy: Suit yourself, you headscarf looks loose.
Me: ( On the ride, it flips backward like crazy, and my hijab flies of, I catch it with my mouth)
*People Laughing at a distance*
Me: thinking *okay we'll stay upside down like this for a bit, so I'll stuff the hijab in my mouth* (So I stuff it in my mouth while upside down)
Me: (Manage not to choke on it for the rest of the ride)
Brother & Cousin: Dyiing of laughter
Me: (Putting my spit covered hijab on my head)
Ticket guy: *Starts to approach me*
Me: *Run the other way, holding back tears*

[Mariyaah]

This is short n funny

Mom: (cuts off a guy while driving)
Guy in truck: (sticks head out the window, cussing at us)
Mom: Naa muxuu yiri gaalka (what did this Kaffir say)
Guy in truck: Go back to your Country you ****** Terrorist
(My older Brother's in the back with tinted windows)
Mom: Koo Fariiso, Is-Stupidyahow! (sit on it, stupid man)
Brother: Park the car Hooyo, lemme teach this man a lesson
Mom:Maxaa Koo Samayniisa (what are you gunna do with him)
Guy in truck: (Parks Car, gets outta the truck)
Brother: (Get's out of the car) What did you say to my mother?
Guy in truck: I j-just wanna apoligize, I don't want any problems sir (runs back to his truck)
Brother: (Chases him) (he's 21, immature)
Me: Stop, Ahmed!! You want him to call the police!
Brother: You know I have a temper.
Mom: Waryaa, Soobax! (Boy, Lets GO!)
Me: Alhamdulilah, you didn't kill anyone Ahmed.

[Mariyaah]

When I worked at Safeway as a cashier, years ago

Me: Hi, how are you?
Man: Hi, um, can I ask you a question
Me: Yes
Man: Are you forced to wear that on your head
Me: No
Man: Tell me the truth, are you just Muslim because your parents were
Me: No, are you paying cash or debit?
Man: Cash, But before I do, please do me one favor
Me: What?
Man: Just pray to Jesus, to give you a sign
Me: Haha, Nope.
Man: Please I promise you, something will happen, just try it
Me: Okay, If you try to pray to One god, without Patners, to show you a sign
Man: We're talking about you
Me: NEXT PERSON IN LINE PLEASE!
Man: Okay, Okay, I will, here's my card, once you see the sign. (gives me the card with his money)
Me: *rolls eye* Have a nice day
Next Customer: What a Weirdo! I feel bad for you!
Me: Tell me about it.

[Mariyaah]

Another Safeway Story when I worked as a cashier.
Me: Hi how are you?
lady: (chinese accent) I'm, vewy gooood
Me: Okay the total is ...
lady: Waaa? Da ii woong (that is wrong)
Me: (Checking over the prices on the screen) Nope, ma'am eveything seems correct.
Lady: Yoou chage me fo Brea, noo Doonuu (u charged me for bread not a donut)
Me: Yep this is a Bagel ma'am
Lady: Yoouu Don Knoo Englii!! Donuu is Roun, it has hole in ii! (makes a round shape with her hands) U stupii?
Me: Ma'am this is not a donut, it's a Bagel, here i'll show u
Lady: Waa iz Bagul? You dunoo anyting, Go baK to yo Countwy We don wan you heyr.
Me: (couldn't hold in my laugh so I laughed)
Lady: Gimee yo managa!!
Me: Okay ( I call the manager)
Manager: Ma'am this is a bagel
Lady: She a vewy ba Woker, Fiyr her! look at her heaa (shes a very bad worker, fire her, look at her head)
Me: What?
Manager: Have a nice day ma'am
Me: What a racist, she shouldn't be talking
Manager: Don't worry about it, ignore her.

[blue.believer]

LOOOOOOL

Please keep posting them! These stories are hilarious. :)

[Mariyaah]

Does anyone else have funny stories? I'm running out lol!
I remember back when I used to take the bus, A random old man, who looked homeless came up to me.

Man: I'm so proud of you
Me: uh..Thanks
Man: Where that thing on your head with pride!
Me: Okay ( Slowly walk away)
Man: (Moves too close for comfort) No, I mean don't care what other people think, people may judge, but I think that looks beautiful.
Me: Oh thanks (tryna not cover my nose from his horrid smell, what was it beer, or pee..ew)
Man: Don't let anyone bring you down! You got that? Always stand up to what you believe in!
Me: (thinking, why is this homeless man giving me a lecture on self-esteem)
Man: Always keep your head up, never look down, never feel your not worthy because of your headscarf.
Me: Uhh, thanks I think that's my bus, Bye!
Man: Nice meeting you (waves)
Me: (I stop holding my breath and finally breath) I wonder If he was drunk..

[Mariyaah]

I remember when me and my friend where sitting on the bus and two guys were sitting across from us and staring, one of them finally had the courage to talk to us.


Guy: Hi, why do you wear that on you head?
Friend:Because God commanded us, in our Quran, I have a copy would you like one?
Guy: Yeah sure, so what are you, mozlim?
Friend: Yes we are Muslim, this Hijab is for modesty to protect us from prying eyes, our beauty saved for our family's eyes (she took it off her fave poem)
Me: (laughing) I love that poem, anyways, what time is it?
Friend: Let me check.
Guy: Can I convert?
Friend: Ofcourse, here's the addresse for the mosque. Actually we're on our way to another one.
Me: (okay I was scared these guys looked big, and we hafta walk a while for the mosque so I lied) No we're not we're going to the mall first.
Guy: Okay so.., how about I get your number.
Friend: I can't, but I think I have the mosque number.
Guy: So you Mozlims don't date.
Me: Nope
Guy: So how do you get to know one another for marriage.
Me: He approaches your father for intention of marriage, and then they can go out, as long as they have a chaperone.
Guy: That's so 19th century.
Friend: Well, that's the beauty of our religon, women are treated as sacred.
Guy: So how bout we go on a date and ur friend here (points to me) can Chaperone.
Me: *Laugh*
Friend: I think that's our stop. (we get off the bus)
Me: Urgh Great we hafta wait for the next bus!
Friend: It's getting dark, what if he followed us, we had to get off in a public place.
Me: You need to stop smiling at strangers
Friend: Sorry he was staring so long, I didn't know what to do
Me: You basically invited him

(Yeah so this bickering goes on for a while, but atleast we escape the creepy guy)

[Mariyaah]

It was late and my gas was running out so I had to fill up at this random place with wierd names, I didn't know which one was regular.

Me: (See an old asian man) Hey, which one is regular?
man: The one on your far right. ( drives off)
Me: Thanks, (So I'm filling up)
Guy: Hey do you still need help (he was filling up at the one behind me)
Me: Nope I'm good
Guy: Are you sure, it can be confusing.
Me: No, I'm fine the other man helped me.
Guy: I like the thing on your head, where you from.
Me: (urgh why does it take so long to fill this tank)
Guy: Hey girl, so how old are you? (walking closer, wow he's huge n scary, making me look like a twig)
Me: (I panic and run in my car and drive off)
Guy: ( Drives car behind me)
Me: *Thinking, Pleaaase don't follow me*
Guy: (Still driving behind me)
Me: *Speed like crazy and run a red light, and then do an illegal turn*
Guy: (Not behind me anymore)
Me: (Speed, faster and faster, to a point where I'm lost.)
Me: *Sigh* Call my Dad for direction.

[Mariyaah]

This happened recently, like a couple of weeks ago, I was on the Train, with a bunch of girls, we were all wearing Niqab for the Bill 94 protest.

Me: Sitting in the Train. (wearing Niqab)
*Next stop Churchill station*
Guy: (So this guy in a wheelchair, is tryna get on the train, but is having a hard time) Can somebody help me?
Me: (I'm closest so I try to help him, but from the wrong side, it gets ackward)
Guy: Wait, Hold on, There's something on your face, you can't see, here come push from behind.
Me: Pushing him from behind.
Guy:Much, better, thanks.
Me: Your welcome ( I sit down)
Guy: (The Guy Turns around, and looks at me with surprise lol)
Me & Friends: (All laugh)
Guy: (Laughs too)

[pepita]

assalamu alaykum lolll its funny how guys are always interested in you and approaching you lollllllll

[hadeel]

looooooool... enjoying reading ur stories!!!
keep them coming.. i got few hiijabi old stories.. but they are reallyyyyyyyyy old
once i remember anyof them i will share them lol

[raheel8303]

Wow this is sooooo funnnyyyy! Definitely made my day! :D

[Sirat]

For some reason Non-Muslims think I don't know English, (does this happen to you guys??)!

While at EB games(cause girls like video games too!), me and my sister were playing those trial things. A little kid came up to us and asked if he could play. When we responded with a simple yes, he literally opened his mouth and stared dumbfounded at us, and asked, "You know english?" The surprise on his face, made us laugh and we responded that we did.

[Yusuf Issat]

Lol Hahahaha - Funny Stories!!

[Precious Pearl]

For some reason Non-Muslims think I don't know English, (does this happen to you guys??)!

While at EB games(cause girls like video games too!), me and my sister were playing those trial things. A little kid came up to us and asked if he could play. When we responded with a simple yes, he literally opened his mouth and stared dumbfounded at us, and asked, "You know english?" The surprise on his face, made us laugh and we responded that we did.

And the opposite always occurs with me... people ask me if I'm Muslim after hearing me speak English....lol

(Well I guess this only happens in Saudi)

[Happy_Habibah]

LOL LOVE THESE STORIESS KEEP IT COMING!!!

i have one:

So i work at Home Depot as a cashier and was in the Garden centre they have tills out there too

Old Man: Excuse me, maam. Can u tell me if u carry boxwood shrub?
Me: Yes in fact we do and show him where it is, and tell him about the 1 year perennial warranty
Old Man: gee thanks dear, oh your so helpful
Me: thanks, anything else i can help you with?
Old Man: Nope, that was all i had.... (pause) wait you have a lovely tan points at my face
Me: ... thanks, it's not really a tan ( cause im somali) and spring just started no summer tans yet.. :P
Old Man: Oh of course... then offers me candy
Me: i refuse politely
Old Man: leaves it on my counter and leaves

[Yusuf Issat]

Train Journey - UK.

I was on the train and an old women was sat towards my right. She was in her 60's if not older. Not many passengers on the train, it was quiet.

Old women: Is this train going to Darwen?
Me: Yes it is, with a smile http://forums.almaghrib.org/images/icons/icon7.gif
Old women: You have really white teeth?
Me: Oh do I? Must be because I use this. <takes miswaak out>
Old women: Oh that, we could buy that from the shops many years ago, they dont sell them anymore, something to do with the law. Do you know where I can buy these from?
Me: Yeah, you can buy them from any Islamic shop. (Couldnt give her a used one!)

The End!

[アワ あぃ]

Funny things somehow always happen to me on the train when im on my way home from work, one of the most weird one was my encounter with a group of somali youths

Me just got on the train minding my own sitting across a group of teenage boys talking VULGAR language and for some reason im shocked but im trying to hide it

Boy no.1: Hayay tan eega ( omg look at this one) she is somali i think lets try to keep quiet

Boy no.2: (***) Hell no we'll continue to talk however we want

Boy no.3: (To boy no.2) Allah warya (to me) Sorry auntie

Me, tryin not to laugh so i got out my fortress of the muslim book and trying to read it


Boy no1: Maxay akhriyisa? ( what is she reading?)

Boy no.2: Allah ba'nay ka carar tan way na sixri doonta way xanaqsan tahay ( omg woe on us this one is gona do black magic on us lets run she is mad at us )

Boy no.4: lets get off hurry we r gona get sihr

me dying of laughter but trying to hide

[Umm Salma]

I was at a local county fair and a boy, around 9 or 10 walks past me.

Boy: "NINJAAA!"
Me: "Nope, just a Muslim."
Boy's friend: "What did she say?"
Boy: "She said she's just a Muslim."

They looked like they walked away embarrassed.

[Umm Salma]

I was walking with my sister at IKEA, when a middle-aged man walking with his wife approaches me. He was holding some papers in his hand and he brought them up to his face, holding it in front of his face like a niqaab. Right when he walks in front of me, he pulls the papers down, and says "Peek-a-boo!" Did I mentioned he was middle-aged?

[Yusuf Issat]

Funny things somehow always happen to me on the train when im on my way home from work, one of the most weird one was my encounter with a group of somali youths

Me just got on the train minding my own sitting across a group of teenage boys talking VULGAR language and for some reason im shocked but im trying to hide it

Boy no.1: Hayay tan eega ( omg look at this one) she is somali i think lets try to keep quiet

Boy no.2: (***) Hell no we'll continue to talk however we want

Boy no.3: (To boy no.2) Allah warya (to me) Sorry auntie

Me, tryin not to laugh so i got out my fortress of the muslim book and trying to read it


Boy no1: Maxay akhriyisa? ( what is she reading?)

Boy no.2: Allah ba'nay ka carar tan way na sixri doonta way xanaqsan tahay ( omg woe on us this one is gona do black magic on us lets run she is mad at us )

Boy no.4: lets get off hurry we r gona get sihr

me dying of laughter but trying to hide
lol - did you make any funny hand movements whilst reading?

[アワ あぃ]

lol - did you make any funny hand movements whilst reading?lol Nope just had my head down incredibly low trying to mask my laughter

[hadeel]

I got a scary fresh story that happened to me just 10minutes ago, right after Salaat al fajer !!!
It is not directly hijabi story.. but keep reading lol

So, you all know that Dr.reda is here in Edmonton . He gives short speech after salat al fajer, so i determined to take my brothers with me for this salaah ( Ali & Abdulrahman). Mashallah the talk was amazing as usual. After the salaah & the talk, I met up my brothers outside the masjed & walked to the car...
> u know when ur leaving the masjed area, your car would be surrounded by the Musaleen’s cars ( which are friends, sibling friends, family friends, etc) and u weave around here & there,,, & slowly each car takes their own rote & despair form your site, & you end up all by yourself in the street until u reach to ur home... & that’s what happened with us.. totaly normal...

BUT,, once we reached closer to home, I noticed a car behind me. No idea where that car came from...i pulled in by our house drive way, and that strange car parked behind me!

I got a bit scared & asked my brother: abdulrahman...do u know this person?? Would that be any of ur friends?,... The answer was no...we stayed in the car coz we were too scared to come out & it was too dark to see the stranger’s face...

weird thoughts started coming in my mind,,, hummm, was he following us from the masjed? What does he want from us? Why did he park by car behind me? Does he want to rob us? Might be undercover police?... :S

Tawakalna on allah & decided to ignore that person and walk outside the car to the house... once we stepped outside the car, the guy came out of his car & walked toward us!!! Ya Allah,, what does he want!!! He came closer to Abdulrahman, but it was too dark to see the man’s face still... he handed abdulrahman a stack of paper & said “ here, this is for you, this is your house right? then this should be for you”.. he walked away..went back to his car & drove...

“Okey... alhumdllah,, he drove away! We are save.. wait,,, what was that paper, why did he give it to us???”

The poor nice guy felt bad to throw away the SUN newspaper,,,, and he was looking for someone AT THIS TIME OF THE DAY to give it to them!!!

Subhan allah,, the moral of the story...

1#- Have your Tawakul on Allah

2#- If you are a sister, doNOT go out to salaat al Fajer by yourself! Take a man with you ... you never know what might happen on the way ! lol

[Yusuf Issat]

I got a scary fresh story that happened to me just 10minutes ago, right after Salaat al fajer !!!
It is not directly hijabi story.. but keep reading lol

So, you all know that Dr.reda is here in Edmonton . He gives short speech after salat al fajer, so i determined to take my brothers with me for this salaah ( Ali & Abdulrahman). Mashallah the talk was amazing as usual. After the salaah & the talk, I met up my brothers outside the masjed & walked to the car...
> u know when ur leaving the masjed area, your car would be surrounded by the Musaleen’s cars ( which are friends, sibling friends, family friends, etc) and u weave around here & there,,, & slowly each car takes their own rote & despair form your site, & you end up all by yourself in the street until u reach to ur home... & that’s what happened with us.. totaly normal...

BUT,, once we reached closer to home, I noticed a car behind me. No idea where that car came from...i pulled in by our house drive way, and that strange car parked behind me!

I got a bit scared & asked my brother: abdulrahman...do u know this person?? Would that be any of ur friends?,... The answer was no...we stayed in the car coz we were too scared to come out & it was too dark to see the stranger’s face...

weird thoughts started coming in my mind,,, hummm, was he following us from the masjed? What does he want from us? Why did he park by car behind me? Does he want to rob us? Might be undercover police?... :S

Tawakalna on allah & decided to ignore that person and walk outside the car to the house... once we stepped outside the car, the guy came out of his car & walked toward us!!! Ya Allah,, what does he want!!! He came closer to Abdulrahman, but it was too dark to see the man’s face still... he handed abdulrahman a stack of paper & said “ here, this is for you, this is your house right? then this should be for you”.. he walked away..went back to his car & drove...

“Okey... alhumdllah,, he drove away! We are save.. wait,,, what was that paper, why did he give it to us???”

The poor nice guy felt bad to throw away the SUN newspaper,,,, and he was looking for someone AT THIS TIME OF THE DAY to give it to them!!!

Subhan allah,, the moral of the story...

1#- Have your Tawakul on Allah

2#- If you are a sister, doNOT go out to salaat al Fajer by yourself! Take a man with you ... you never know what might happen on the way ! lolAgree have trust in Allah and it must have been a scary experience especially at that time of the day. Most people would just run, the sisters would scream and run lol.

[Sirat]

These are too funny!

[sadiav]

Here is one that happened to me many years ago, when I was in grade nine. I had just come from gym class and a few strands of my hair had poked out from the front of my hijab, as I was at my locker taking my books out for my next class.

Guy at locker next to me: Oh no!! [covers eyes with hands]
Me: What?!
Guy: I can see your hair!!
Me: Oh, oops...thanks for telling me [tucking strands back into my hijab]
Guy [uncovers eyes]: Am I going to get bad luck now?

[Ali Inam]

So one day i go to the masjid just before fajir prayer starts and sit next to one of those scary Pakistani uncles. I smile nicely and sit to his right, i noticed i didn't say salam, but the prayer starts.

After the imam said the tasleem (salams ending the salah) i stay seated doing some dhikr.

Uncle turns his head to me: "Assalam Walakum wa rehmatullah"
Me: "Walakum Assalam uncle" sticking my hand out with a nice big smile
Uncle turns to his left as says "Assalam walakum wa rehmatullah"

For a second i had no idea what happened "is he ignoring me"... "oh no he was still praying!"

[Ali Inam]

Alhamduillah my family and I went for umrah and we also went to madinah.
At madinah my dad and I are about to enter the masjid so i take of my slippers. Just as im about to bend down to pick them up this guy comes from inside the masjid wears my slippers and starts walking off

Me: "hey those are my slippers"
Guy: "oh these are yours, im sorry"
he puts on another random pair and walks off!


(oops...just read the title of the thread LOL... i was wondering y all funny stories are about hijabs :) )

[Sirat]

Alhamduillah my family and I went for umrah and we also went to madinah.
At madinah my dad and I are about to enter the masjid so i take of my slippers. Just as im about to bend down to pick them up this guy comes from inside the masjid wears my slippers and starts walking off

Me: "hey those are my slippers"
Guy: "oh these are yours, im sorry"
he puts on another random pair and walks off!What can I say....we Muslims like to share!

[amin5a]

Me and my daughter were walking and a gang of youths went pass us and one of them shouted "BOMB!",and I shouted "WHERE".he looked at me weird and started walking away .

[Faizan]

So my mom tells me she used to wear Niqaab for a long time. I'm like "no you didn't" I don't remember you ever wearing a niqaab. So she goes to her room and brings out like so many niqaabs. Then she puts one on and I can't even recognize her anymore. So she starts laughing. How can someone not remember this? Someone has erased parts of my memory lol :)

I feel like a doofus :)