Before and After!!

[lamya]

We're walking in to Love Notes with conceptions and/or misconceptions of what love is? Let's share them here, and then follow up after we take Love Notes with Sheikh Yasir Birajas insha Allah.

[yayisha]

A common misconception especially here in the West is that love has to be "perfect." It cannot be associated with any sorrow, hardship, or disappointment. We have unrealistic expectations of the ones we love - they should never hurt us, or cause us any pain, or exhibit any flaws! We expect that love will make us happy all the time.

Another common misconception is that love has to be all-consuming. Some people fall so deeply in what they believe to be "love" that they forget everything else. They even forget that the One most deserving of our unconditional and absolute love is Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala alone.

[lamya]

Indeed Ayisha, the trials and tribulations within a marriage I BELIEVE is one of the signs of love--indeed it strengthens and consolidates a relationship. It brings them closer,and brings on a sense of accomplishment that they survived it together. You know they say, "wow we've been through thick and think together." Doesn't the proverb go: Love is a sweet tyranny, because the lover endureth his torments willingly.

Also, I also think that "passion" is something that many expect to be ALIVE and KICKING throughout a marriage,and when it dies down its considered a primary sign that the couple have grown apart. But I think that ANYONE can be passionate, but true lovers can be SILLY together and STILL adore one another.

[Nadia Abuisnaineh]

I have one! There's this idea that when someone finds the person that they love, they will be happy forever. Such a dangerous way to think because when marriage comes around, and reality kicks in...well things won't be as dandy as one might think.

Subhan Allah I know many people that go into a marriage just to get out of some problems that they had with their family, specifically their parents. They actually go into it with a strong belief that as long as they're out, with the one that they love, they will be happy...forever.

[lamya]

Speaking about "lust"--in my PhD dissertation on the representations of Muslim women on the Elizabethan stage (Title: The Women of the Turk and Moor Plays in Early Modern England) lust was a trademark of BOTH Muslim men and women --Muslims at the time were known as Moors and Turks--since these were the two DISTINCT Muslim groups England had much political contact with, and hence were synonymous with "Muslim". Such as today, we are trying to dispel the myth that Muslims are not synonymous with "Middle Easterners" or just Arabs. Even conversion/reversion to Islam was referred to as "turning Turk." Back to lust, in plays during the time even Christian characters, would be considered "evil" based on how much of those qualities associated with Muslims they had--ESPECIALLY lust. And Muslim women (a.ka. Turkish and Moorish) were considered exceptionally dangerous because their lusty ways could turn Englishman to "Turk/Muslim." If you are interested you can read, Robert Daborne’s A Christian Turn’d Turk –lately edited by Daniel J. Vitkus--and another play that shows how an honorable knight by the name of Montferrat—French name (no coincidence the English used a French name for a potentially corrupt knight)—falls from favor at the hands of the fantastically lusty Moorish Xanthia. The plays name is The Knight of Malta by Fletcher—hard to come by, but in the process of being edited and re-published. Don't you think that this misconception still exists, if it is a misconception at all, that Arab men and women are "lusty" beings? The Media certainly portrays that notion.

Another trait is anger and rage—which was also a popular notion in Early Modern plays on Muslims of the time (16th and 17th Century England). But I think that this stereotype is still alive among women today. Even among Muslims themselves. They see Muslim men as POTENTIALLY angry husbands—and they—the Muslim women—have to meekly and submissively enjoy these traits in them—traits such as master of the household who rules it with an iron fist, is commandeering and jealous. I also, wonder if what we like in our husbands are culture I hope Love Notes disperses, among others of course, such myths that are discouraging many sisters especially to marry.

[Abuisnaineh_S]

Here's one common among the young ones: engagement/marriage is the halal equivalent of Western-style dating. The I-can't-date-therefore-I'll-get-married attitude can lead to problems when the realities and responsibilities of marriage sink in...