The Brother-Sister Dilemma

[AABMNIL]

No! This isn't what you think?!

At least, I hope not because that would be supper weird. This is more so a post trying to get conversation going because our Qabeelat has be kind of inactive on forums last couple of days...

So, I was wondering why there always is more sisters then brothers? There are more sister volunteers, more sisters attending the classes, more sisters on honor roll, more sister halaqas going on, etc. Where are all the brothers?

I once asked an older friend(about disparity in number of volunteers), who said...
1. sisters outnumbers brothers
2. sisters are so much more serious than brothers.
3. brothers are lazy.

Do you find these points valid? What do you think it would take to get brothers to get up?

Or is it just that "Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves." (13:11) and we have to just wake up as a group before it is to late? Or will it have to be a group of brothers who first changes themselves and brings others back with them...

Also the Salaam thing... Do you or do you not say it?
and what would be the reason behind not saying it?

[Nadia Abuisnaineh]

First, JAk for trying to wake up our forums...it's been kinda dead here lately.

second, what do you mean by the salam thing? Like when I pass by a brother, do I give him my salam? If so, then yes I try to...but it's not as easy as it looks.

anyways about the sisters being more active, I think some of it has to do with the fact that girls can't do or go out as much as guys do. There is so much restriction on where a girl can go, and who she can hang out with. So when an opportunity like volunteering for a good cause comes along, it is a way more likely for them to get involved. That will not ruin her reputation in any means...

that could just be one reason. wallahu a3lam

[*SabrunJameel*]

Wallahu A'lam, but I think the fact that sisters are also more social comes in handy for volunteer work and attending halaqas. Whenever I am going to halaqa or a seminar and I call out my brother to come with me, he always refuses. He prefers going to the masjid and attending a halaqa on the brothers side or just going to a Mussalaah that is only accessible to few people. When I ask him why, he replies he hates those kind of environments where there's so much people! He's the least social person I know; he can only stick to people he knows like a child sticks to his mother. And me I really don't mind the crowds, I just care about the content/ reason behind the gatherings (feesabillilah) and join the khair! ...mainly the reason why he calls me a halaqa crasher :p.

When it comes to the brothers saying Salaam to sisters walking past them, I honestly respect those brothers. As a woman, I don't really say salaam to brothers walking past me just because I expect it to come from them first...

[AABMNIL]

second, what do you mean by the salam thing? Like when I pass by a brother, do I give him my salam? If so, then yes I try to...but it's not as easy as it looks. I agree is not as easy as it looks. Kind of, I meant more of should brothers say salaam, when they see sisters because from what I understand, it would be on the brothers first to say salaam and not really the other way around... but I have heard way to much sentiment that brothers say salaam for 'wrong reasons' that it has put doubt in my mind on whether or not I want to say it.

I wish someone would clearly define the lines in regard to inter-gender interaction because their seems to be two extremes and no middle ground, the extremes being the overly friendly brothers/sisters and the others that just completely ignore the other side.
anyways about the sisters being more active, I think some of it has to do with the fact that girls can't do or go out as much as guys do. There is so much restriction on where a girl can go, and who she can hang out with. So when an opportunity like volunteering for a good cause comes along, it is a way more likely for them to get involved. That will not ruin her reputation in any means...

that could just be one reason. wallahu a3lamhmm... didn't think of that. makes sense.

[Ruqayyah A.Siddique]

Wallahu A'lam, but I think the fact that sisters are also more social comes in handy for volunteer work and attending halaqas. Whenever I am going to halaqa or a seminar and I call out my brother to come with me, he always refuses. He prefers going to the masjid and attending a halaqa on the brothers side or just going to a Mussalaah that is only accessible to few people.

When it comes to the brothers saying Salaam to sisters walking past them, I honestly respect those brothers. As a woman, I don't really say salaam to brothers walking past me just because I expect it to come from them first...
Assalam Alaikom wr wb everyone

I believe so, i think brothers need a little motivation from each other to be at the same level with the sisters. Like example when i attend seminars, conference, or halaqas i bring along my friends even if they do not want to i make them and try to sound way excited than i am for them to come sometimes but it pays off and alhamdulilaah that is why you see more sisters. InshaAllah khayr hope to find more brothers getting involved bi ithni laah. And as for the salam there is nothing wrong with that really, often people are shy but when they get used to saying salams its not big deal. wa allah swt knows best.

Wa salam alaikom wr wb :)

[zafarobaid]

I think one of the biggest things is that brothers and sisters find different things interesting...whats fun and enjoyable for one doesnt necessarily apply to the other.

It's not like brothers don't do any volunteering...some of the most prominent efforts in our community are led by a lot of brothers...take the Food Shelf at Building Blocks for example...you were at the meeting yesterday...that project is run almost entirely by brothers, and has been for years, masha'allah, and it is not a small undertaking.

So in my mind, thats what it boils down to...brothers and sisters are different, they find different things interesting and they approach and prioritize the entire concept of 'volunteering' completely differently ... i bet if you ask a bunch of brothers why they didnt come to the last volunteers meeting, they'll just say they were sleeping or didnt really care to get up and drive out there. That may look lazy to everyone, but the same brother probably stayed up till 3am the night before editing videos for a fund raiser for another organization, or spent the night stacking boxes or sorting clothes/food...or simply put in an extra shift at his work to make some more money...but we'd never know it...all we know is that the guy didnt show up to the meeting.

Much too often we are too quick to highlight the contributions of the sisters (which are many! so no hate mail please :P) and point out the the fact that the brothers slept through 'yet another' meeting (which they did!)...but I just feel in the whole scheme of things these things should somehow balance out.

So....the challenge is not to make the brothers more like sisters...and actually the more we try to do that...it just turns more brothers away!

So instead, the real challenge is utilize both to their capacities because they both bring very different things to the table, and both just as important as the other.


As far as the salam thing...thats very interesting...i think once your'e married its much 'safer' saying salam to sisters walking by, specially if they all know your wife :)

But personally it is always a little awkward...which is why you have to make a decision...you either do it all the time or you don't, but just dont make it uncomfortable for both sides.

Do sisters actually get offended by brothers not saying salam? A lot of times the brothers just don't want to put the sister in an awkward situation but if they're getting offended thats a whole different story.



PS: This is NOT a free pass for the few brothers that actually do show up to the meetings to not show up either...unless you were stacking boxes of food/clothes, editing videos or working till 3am...I still expect you to show up at 10am!!

[Azhar_Abdusebur]

Obaid, you couldn't have said it any better.

[AABMNIL]

I think one of the biggest things is that brothers and sisters find different things interesting...whats fun and enjoyable for one doesnt necessarily apply to the other.

It's not like brothers don't do any volunteering...some of the most prominent efforts in our community are led by a lot of brothers...take the Food Shelf at Building Blocks for example...you were at the meeting yesterday...that project is run almost entirely by brothers, and has been for years, masha'allah, and it is not a small undertaking.

So in my mind, thats what it boils down to...brothers and sisters are different, they find different things interesting and they approach and prioritize the entire concept of 'volunteering' completely differently ... i bet if you ask a bunch of brothers why they didnt come to the last volunteers meeting, they'll just say they were sleeping or didnt really care to get up and drive out there. That may look lazy to everyone, but the same brother probably stayed up till 3am the night before editing videos for a fund raiser for another organization, or spent the night stacking boxes or sorting clothes/food...or simply put in an extra shift at his work to make some more money...but we'd never know it...all we know is that the guy didnt show up to the meeting.

Much too often we are too quick to highlight the contributions of the sisters (which are many! so no hate mail please :P) and point out the the fact that the brothers slept through 'yet another' meeting (which they did!)...but I just feel in the whole scheme of things these things should somehow balance out.

So....the challenge is not to make the brothers more like sisters...and actually the more we try to do that...it just turns more brothers away

So instead, the real challenge is utilize both to their capacities because they both bring very different things to the table, and both just as important as the other. :( I think I fell into brother bashing, not such a good trait to have, because there is no doubt that some brothers in our community are doing really good work. I wonder though are the superior numbers for the BB food shelf thing more so because they pretty much only ask for brother volunteers/ don't really let the sisters do the things that most of the volunteers were doing for the food shelf project. I could swear that I heard multiple times that the positions offered were more on the lines of genders, male volunteer opportunities or female volunteer opportunities. So you might be able to attribute the difference in number by what they are asking of people, who they are asking, and whether or not the need is being filled by who they are asking.

As far as the salam thing...thats very interesting...i think once your'e married its much 'safer' saying salam to sisters walking by, specially if they all know your wife :)

But personally it is always a little awkward...which is why you have to make a decision...you either do it all the time or you don't, but just dont make it uncomfortable for both sides.



Safer? Didn't realize this was going to turn into a danger discussion. That is something which I was kind of wondering because in the past, everyone in my community kind of knew who my parents were so I could almost talk to anyone at least say salaam and walk away but it is weird here. I miss the environment where you can say Salaam to everyone because they are all Muslim. But now it is like, at least at first, the only people I would know for sure are Muslim, were hijabis because well, they stick out. ow and Jazakum Allah Khairan to All the sisters who are wearing hijab and reminding us that we are Muslim just by the site of a scarf. May Allah bless and reward you greatly for it.
So yea, I was kind of wondering that as well, so please answer... Do sisters actually get offended by brothers not saying salam? A lot of times the brothers just don't want to put the sister in an awkward situation but if they're getting offended thats a whole different story.

Obaid, you couldn't have said it any better. Agreed. Azhar, what do you think of the numbers though, are really that many closet brother volunteers I do not know about? or it it just that I haven't been here that long and therefor am missing a large chunk of the picture, or is it what it seems to been from the outside, sisters are more active then the brothers and as a group we need to pick up our game?

[Azhar_Abdusebur]

It's a little of both. With out a doubt, brothers need to pick up their game. But again, we must acknowledge those who are doing the hard work. So its a tricky situation. We don't want those brothers staying up till 3 when we should have many brothers making the task easier on the others. Allahu Musta'aan

[zafarobaid]

I think I fell into brother bashing

Hey, at least you admitted it...thats the first step! :P


I wonder though are the superior numbers for the BB food shelf thing more so because they pretty much only ask for brother volunteers/ don't really let the sisters do the things that most of the volunteers were doing for the food shelf project. I could swear that I heard multiple times that the positions offered were more on the lines of genders, male volunteer opportunities or female volunteer opportunities. So you might be able to attribute the difference in number by what they are asking of people, who they are asking, and whether or not the need is being filled by who they are asking.

Not sure why this is relevant..the only point I was trying to make is that you can find a bunch of guys doing some really good work, mA. How the brothers got to that point, whether they never asked any sisters to help or whether the opportunities were gender specific (and I definitely dont want to get into the discussion of whether or not "Sisters can stack boxes and unload truckloads of food just as well as brothers" on here!) ...that is irrelevant to the discussion, the point is they are doing the work.

Besides, we do know that there are a few sisters that do help with the monthly Food Shelf, which is why i said 'almost entirely run by brothers'... so its not just all brothers there either.

sisters are more active then the brothers and as a group we need to pick up our game?
Don't get me wrong...the guys definitely need to pick up their game...i'm just always mindful of how its done and how they are approached because already most guys are tired of the 'bashing' , as you called it, and could care less right now of what we or the sisters or anybody else for that matter thinks!

[Abuisnaineh_S]

Masha'Allah, sisters waking up super early to attend meetings and brothers staying up super late to stack up boxes--we have volunteers around the clock :)

[AABMNIL]

We should make a poll...
Do sister
a. say salaam to brothers passing them
b. would like to say salaam but believe it is up to the brother to initiate it
c. would prefer if both parties passed in silence
d. are indifferent

any comments, suggestions, or thoughts

For brothers, I think Imam Suhaib Webb has some interesting ideas on this...
listen to "Chivalry in Islam"

http://www.suhaibwebb.com/personaldvlpt/character/chivalry-in-islam/

[Brighteststar4life]

Asalam alaykum warhmatullahe wabarakatu.
If the brothers feel like the rest of the volunteer brothers or the rest of the brothers in general need to step up and be more active in the community, its up to you guys to motivate them and get them to be onboard on the train of activism:)
There is nothing that the sisters can do to change the brothers, I have tried it with soo many brothers. My brothers,brothers from the masjid that I used to go often to,brothers from my school...
Walahi though, our Q madinatayn will not go far if both sides don't work together and bring out their best. we are all doing what were doing for the sake of Allah, lets get moving!
talking about our difference will not increase our numbers for Divine Link!!
Break is over, now lets get back to work.

[Nadia Abuisnaineh]

wow masha Allah this thread is still rolling.

Here's a question, do you think brothers might feel intimidated by the fact that there are a lot of sisters involved with AM, be it volunteering...or just taking the class?

[AABMNIL]

My original questions were only
1.Why are there always is more sisters then brothers?
2.Where are all the brothers?

Those aren't really comparison, just more so wondering about a social phenomena...

and the purpose was just to get conversation going... because the forum was inactive, not to create division

its up to you guys to motivate them and get them to be onboard on the train of activismI actually do not care in the slightest for activism. I don't really believe, that we should put more work on people, if they don't want to willingly take it. The only 'activism' I would encourage, would be more so on a youth group level, where brothers just get together, learn something, and have fun with their fellow brothers(what ever else projects, volunteering, helping out is just extra credit)...

Not everyone needs to be a volunteer! We need good ol' fashion youth, I just want to see them connected to something other then their Ipods/smart phones.

There is nothing that the sisters can do to change the brothers, I have tried it with soo many brothers. My brothers,brothers from the masjid that I used to go often to,brothers from my school...People don't like being changed... trying to change something doesn't work, they have to want/choose the change..."Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves." (13:11) So the brothers will inshaAllah change when they are ready. At the end of the day no one can change them except themselves. We can try to bring people to good but Allah is the guider not us, we can only try, it is up to Allah.

Walahi though, our Q madinatayn will not go far if both sides don't work together and bring out their best. we are all doing what were doing for the sake of Allah, lets get moving!The key to that is for the sake of Allah, if we are doing it for him and truly for him, the outcome doesn't matter. We could have 50 people in a class, and if you know you did your part, it wouldn't bother you in the slightest.

Working together, doesn't have anything to do with the amount of people you have, actually the less the better, the easier it is, the less passive the people are, they don't just differ it to the next volunteer.


talking about our difference will not increase our numbers for Divine Link!!I didn't mean for this to be a topic about difference and I don't view it as such... just to be a conversation starter

Here's a question, do you think brothers might feel intimidated by the fact that there are a lot of sisters involved with AM, be it volunteering...or just taking the class? Interesting question, I'll have to give it some thought but I don't think it has to do so much so with intimidation because in all my past experiences there has always been more sister volunteers...

[zafarobaid]

Sigh....I wish we had ended with this...
Masha'Allah, sisters waking up super early to attend meetings and brothers staying up super late to stack up boxes--we have volunteers around the clock :)but since we didnt...i'm going to add on :)

I went to visit one of our local shyookh today and a couple of very interested things happened around this topic...

First off, as we were catching up on things, the Shaykh told me about one of the projects that is extremely critical to him was taking much longer than expected...and then he mentioned the name of two brothers that have been spending a lot of time on it trying to get it done. As he mentioned the names of the brothers, subhanallah... i couldnt believe it! ...here's why...

Remember my rant about the same guy that didnt show up at the meeting in the morning was probably doing all kinds of other good work for someone else but we just didnt know it...well...

For the last few weeks I have been really frustrated that one of the brothers who had agreed to help us with a lot of things hadn't quite 'stepped' up and had become very passive again...and he hadnt been responding to my recent emails about helping out...so I remember thinking to myself..."here he goes again, disappearing off the face of the earth!!"...guess what, he was the first guy the Shaykh mentioned!

Then...just two days back, I was at the masjid where a couple of brothers meet every two weeks, as the "IT Team' for a completely different Islamic organization here. I'd been seeing them meet for the last 6 months and one of my friends is on there too...so after salah I was joking and giving him some grief saying "What are you guys 'building' that taking so long??" and we kinda laughed about how they meet a lot more than get anything done cuz things have been really slow. Well....the second guy that the Shakyh mentioned was one of these brothers on the "IT Team" of a completely different organization...and apparently he's the one leading the entire project this Shaykh has been waiting on...so while the two of us were joking (in the masjid!) about how nothing is getting done by the "IT Team"...this guy has been working around the clock on this project with the Shaykh which neither of us were aware of, subhanallah!

The best part is...when I told the Shaykh about my rant...he laughed and said that this doesnt just apply to brother volunteers...it applies to the shyookh too...and he gave me an example of how he was very supportive of a new Dawah project here, but recently the person leading that has become extremely demanding of his time and expects a lot more from the Shaykh and can also be quite 'mercy-less' if the Shaykh is not responsive....but at the same time what they dont know is that the Shaykh himself is literally drowning in work from his existing commitments and he is constantly behind on those things already...and this was just another project he happened to be supportive of.

Regardless...we talked about this topic in more detail...nothing earth shattering...same old stuff i've been saying...but I really like how he ended the discussion when I asked him "So, what should we do?"

He said..."Be optimistic and positive"...he reminded me that the Prophet saw told us that if we walk out of our house to leave and we trip, instead of cursing the shaytan ( apparently a common practice with some people/cultures) to instead say "Bismillah"....so try and focus and build upon on what is good and positive instead of spending a lot of time worrying a lot about what isnt!

which is why i said...sigh, I wish we had just ended with this:

Masha'Allah, sisters waking up super early to attend meetings and brothers staying up super late to stack up boxes--we have volunteers around the clock ../images/smilies/smile.gif
May Allah swt bless and protect our shyookh and may He give us the ability to benefit from them, ameen!

[AABMNIL]

I really like how he ended the discussion when I asked him "So, what should we do?"

He said..."Be optimistic and positive"...he reminded me that the Prophet saw told us that if we walk out of our house to leave and we trip, instead of cursing the shaytan ( apparently a common practice with some people/cultures) to instead say "Bismillah"....so try and focus and build upon on what is good and positive instead of spending a lot of time worrying a lot about what isnt!

May Allah swt bless and protect our shyookh and may He give us the ability to benefit from them, ameen!Ameen.

[mraza1]

Masha'Allah, sisters waking up super early to attend meetings and brothers staying up super late to stack up boxes--we have volunteers around the clock :)mashallah...now that's a dedicated team and an example for all the rest of us iA

[amtullah]

Assalaamu Alaykum,
I should really just let this end on a good note but the inner voice in me cannot let this one go...

I cannot believe we are having this why don't the brothers volunteer/why are there more sisters volunteering discussion ONE MORE TIME!

Subhana Allah, Nuh (ah) spread the message of Islam as ONE person for 950 years and he did not play the finger blaming game at sisters, brothers or anyone! He just did his job seeking the reward of Allah and fulfilled his mission.

What is it about our group that we feel we have to solve THIS problem!? Why can't we just say ALHUMDULLILLAH for the work that is going on..ALHUMDULLILLAH for the volunteers that we have!
Come on sisiters--admit it... in any other organization, where there are more brothers, you would be complaining- the brothers don't listen to us, they don't take our ideas, they don't let us do anything, etc etc...we can just never be happy! Here you have this great opportunity to take the reigns, take the lead and take this group in whatever direction YOU want.. but NO let's instead just complain about the brothers.

And what is it you that you are expecting? That the brothers will show up, and because of their work here become the leaders, the Imaams, the halaqa givers of our community? Why can't we instead think, you know what, as sisters, as the ones who will raise the next generation of brothers, we can use our experience here to cultivate that next generation to be what we want them to be?

And I want to give one last example. I have been here for 5 years now, Alhumdullillah. In that time, it is only this last year that I have seen the sisters active- like through BB. All previous years, it was the brothers that were active, it was the brothers youth that were doing programs, and it was the brothers that were helping the sisters along...so sisters, is it so wrong that for a change, we step up, and help them along?

I really think we should let this one rest. Time and time again we have shown that this is not new or unique to our community, every community is facing this same thing- there just are MORE sisters volunteering than brothers. Even Muhammad AlShareef announced that in the top ten students in the Bring It! program, NINE of them were WOMEN! And the TOP student he had at his leadership training was a WOMAN!!!! So what, should we go to him and say, well tiss tiss Muhammad AlShareef, shame on you, you should be cultivating more men leaders than women????

Ok...I might have made some enemies of the sisters here, but maybe, just maybe we can finally drop this topic once and for all and go on with life. With all of that being said, I still think this should end on a good note, so let me put back what the sheikh said to Obaid:

Originally Posted by zafarobaid
I really like how he ended the discussion when I asked him "So, what should we do?"

He said..."Be optimistic and positive"...he reminded me that the Prophet saw told us that if we walk out of our house to leave and we trip, instead of cursing the shaytan ( apparently a common practice with some people/cultures) to instead say "Bismillah"....so try and focus and build upon on what is good and positive instead of spending a lot of time worrying a lot about what isnt!

May Allah swt bless and protect our shyookh and may He give us the ability to benefit from them, ameen!

[Nadia Abuisnaineh]

FYI this was only an attempt to get our folder active...and I think it's purpose has been served because even sr Hina joined the discussion! masha Allah tabarak Allah!

Anyways since you mentioned Sheikh Muhammad AlShareef, I couldn't help but recall a forum thread that was started a couple years ago by Sheikh Muhammad himself. Check it out!

http://forums.almaghrib.org/showthread.php?t=19596&highlight=brothers+leaders

this was actually one of the first threads I stumbled upon when I first came on the forums...so it brings back lots of memories! Subhan Allah

[Nadia Abuisnaineh]

PS. I think this is the strongest statement in the thread, subhan Allah!

It doesn't take more then 3 brothers with sincere tawakkul in Allah to make all the difference in their community.

From the Seerah, we know that the economic sanctions against the Prophet's tribe was knocked down by three people, sanctions that were imposed for 3 years.

Hisham ibn Amr
Zohair ibn Abi Umayyah
AlMut'im ibn Adeey

Zohair said, 'what can i do i'm only 1 person?'
Hisham said to him, 'no, we are two. You and I'

And then Zohair said, we need one more person.
"Hatha 'amrun dubirra billayl!"

and don't say I haven't ended on a positive note....because how much more positive can it get??

[AABMNIL]

Does anyone know the story of Ali from Wichita, Kansas? The story, Suhaib Webb tells/told, if my memory serves me right... I'll share it if people haven't heard it...

[AABMNIL]

Well, I thought I would share anyways, if you have time though you should try and listen to the whole lecture, it is worth it :)
Between Cisco and Sujud: Earning Your Livelihood, Taking Benefit from the Corporate Lifestyle – Part II

Lecture by Suhaib Webb | Transcribed by Fuseina Mohamad



I remember I met a brother named Ali who became Muslim in Wichita, Kansas of all places. He had a stereo that broke the sound barrier. The brother would pull up to the masjid and the windows would start shaking. Step by step he became Muslim. Alhamdulilah he’s all right.

So I asked Ali, “Brother Ali, how did you become Muslim?”

He said, “Muslims are cool.”

I said, “Cool?” I thought maybe he was like me, you know I read the Qur’an, I read Ahmed Deedat, and got into intellectual debates about Paul and the concept of the trinity.

He was like, “No. Muslims are cool, man. Muslims are cool.”

I said, “Could you elaborate on that coolness?” Let’s get into our core coolness here and try to understand why Muslims are cool. Listen to this, sisters.

He said, “From middle school to high school in Wichita, Kansas there were these girls that used to wear this thing on their head. I couldn’t believe that they could do that.”

I said, “Why?”

He said, “Because of the pressure in my school for them to lose their virginity and dress like prostitutes. I watched those women from seventh grade to my senior year in high school and I came to a conclusion.”

I said, “What?”

He said, “Those girls are onto the truth.”

I said, “How?”

He said, “They didn’t waver, brother. Everyone wavered but them. To wear that in the nineties? The age of J. Lo? To wear that, something had to be stronger than the human spirit. Something had to cause them to transcend popular culture and cling to principles. The only thing that can do that is al-Haqq (the truth). That’s why Muslims are cool.”

I said, “I agree, brother. Muslims are cool.”

He became Muslim and he said, “I never talked to those girls. Those girls don’t even know me.”

By watching a living example of someone in the age of post-modernity, where there is supposedly no “fixed truth”, cling to the truth, and to look how he watched them from middle school to high school;  he said, “From middle school to high school I realized that these women were holding onto a higher power. Something that they were clinging to gave them the ability to transcend the jahiliya (ignorance) that was around them and I realized it had to be the truth. So I stopped to ask questions and I found out that they were Muslims.”

[zafarobaid]

First of all...Why, oh Why wont this thread just end!!
:P

Interesting...here's some food for thought....

- I wonder how many sisters tend to 'stumble' upon that thread that Nadia posted compared to the brothers! As I said before...brothers find different things interesting than sisters...simple as that.

And unsurprisingly enough, more often that not, brothers just aren't in the mood for the 'good old-fashioned brothers bashing' for some light reading on Friday night :P!!

So with that, these are the things that stuck out for me on that thread:

- Sisters harassing brothers and giving them trouble doesnt always work

- It is rather ironic that most of the people who have replied to this thread are sisters

- There are so many posts by sisters here that are so critical of brothers. I could not imagine being in a Qabeelah where the sisters so outnumbered the men

- I definitely feel like we have a lack of male presence in the Muslim Ummah right now, not just in our qabeelah's or communities. I am all about being and supporting super amazing women but it is getting real old to be amazing while babysitting the guys, especially when their egos are so big that they can't take an order from a woman. I really feel like the more amazing women become the more men, I am sorry...boys, do absolutely nothing.

- This one takes the cake!!
Originally Posted by Muhammad Alshareef If your Qabeelah is weak, almost guaranteed it's because the brothers are little girly-men in your city (totally weird pun there).


Sister replies "That made me laugh MashaAllah../images/smilies/biggrin.gif"

So, at the end, i've concluded it all comes down to pre-conceived notions that people have.

It seems like you tend to find and read what you're looking for, even if two people read the same content, they walk away with whatever makes sense to them...again, mostly because of pre-conceived notions they have about the issue!

so...to my fellow Madinatayn-ers...realizing that everyone is well aware of the so called 'problem' at hand...and everyone realizes we need to do something about it...and maybe unbeknown to everyone here, in our own capacities we are doing something about it...and with everything that has already been said earlier...is there really any reason to keep going on this topic??? and if so, can u please tell me what you expect to achieve out of it that has not already been said here??

[AABMNIL]

First of all...Why, oh Why wont this thread just end!!
:P Because it has an amazing title! (or at least misleading)
- I wonder how many sisters tend to 'stumble' upon that thread that Nadia posted compared to the brothers! As I said before...brothers find different things interesting than sisters...simple as that. A lot more because it is in the marketing Al Maghrib folder... And why would brothers be interested in a thread in titled Winning Over the Brothers, there are so many threads even on the page that this one is on that I would choose first. The only reason that I would possibly choose otherwise is because that one happened to started by Muhammad Alshareef!

[Nadia Abuisnaineh]

lol because I really wanted to know how to "Win over the Brothers".

Seriously though, I agree with the comment that says that if it was the opposite way around, everyone would be so mad if the brothers talked about the sisters like that. I mean it's not right to be critical, especially of our own brothers and sisters. But I guess this gives you an insight on some of the frustrations in our communities.

also, this shows you that this discussion happens in every community and it's not exclusive to ours. Just today Qabeelat Shams posted on their facebook status:

BROTHERS! We're currently looking for volunteers on the brothers side...so, if you're up for gaining some huge ajr (inshaAllah) and want to have fun whilst you're at it, leave a comment below and we'll be in touch bi'idhnillah! Don't all rush at once :-)

I think if we would have posted this on our status we would have had some issues, because I feel like this discussion has caused too much tension between the volunteers, and I wish it wasn't like that. But I guess it is what it is, and one day we will look back and laugh at this...

May Allah purify our intentions and put affection between our hearts.

[Nadia Abuisnaineh]

oh and I forgot to say that it's been 6 hours since that status was posted and still no comments!

[AABMNIL]

oh and I forgot to say that it's been 6 hours since that status was posted and still no comments!
Well, to give an excuse for them, at least three brothers liked the status!

BROTHERS! We're currently looking for volunteers on the brothers side...so, if you're up for gaining some huge ajr (inshaAllah) and want to have fun whilst you're at it, leave a comment below and we'll be in touch bi'idhnillah! Don't all rush at once :-)

I think if we would have posted this on our status we would have had some issues, because I feel like this discussion has caused too much tension between the volunteers, and I wish it wasn't like that. But I guess it is what it is, and one day we will look back and laugh at this...

I think, we would be fine, posting the above... But I think the best way is to just talk to people you might think are interested and just ask because after all it, the worst thing they can tell you is no, or at least I hope that would be the case.

Thinking back to how I got sucked in... Mahir! May Allah bless you for it...

May Allah bless all the volunteers, unify us, and make our work only for Him. May He also accept our work and make us better through it, and enter us into Jannah with our families and loved ones.

[Azhar_Abdusebur]

Ameen my Brotha!

[Abuisnaineh_S]

Why won't this thread end?!

[Brighteststar4life]

This will be the last reply:)

seriously, game over.