Question on Middle Age crisis

[zawjatunjadidatun]

Salam Alaykum,pls i really have quite some questions and i am too shy to ask in class.It has to do with the middle age crisis talked about in class.What if a couple are married for few[1,2,3]years and they have started experiencing the crisis.What do you have to say on this[advise].Jazakalahukhayran.

[Sumiyyah]

Maybe you should ask in the Fiqh section? (Although it would be quite some time before you got an answer...)

I make du'a that this middle age crisis fitnah leaves...I think that living in the West contributes to it too..

[ibs81]

I am not sure what you meant by mid-age crisis, though I am reminded by this ayah.

46:15 We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents: In pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth. The carrying of the (child) to his weaning is (a period of) thirty months. At length, when he reaches the age of full strength and attains forty years, he says, "O my Lord! Grant me that I may be grateful for Thy favour which Thou has bestowed upon me, and upon both my parents, and that I may work righteousness such as Thou mayest approve; and be gracious to me in my issue. Truly have I turned to Thee and truly do I bow (to Thee) in Islam."



Wawassayna alinsana biwalidayhi ihsanan hamalathu ommuhu kurhan wawadaAAathu kurhan wahamluhu wafisaluhu thalathoona shahran hatta itha balagha ashuddahu wabalagha arbaAAeena sanatan qala rabbi awziAAnee an ashkura niAAmataka allatee anAAamta AAalayya waAAala walidayya waan aAAmala salihan tardahu waaslih lee fee thurriyyatee innee tubtu ilayka wainnee mina almuslimeen وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ إِحْسَانًا حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ كُرْهًا وَوَضَعَتْهُ كُرْهًا وَحَمْلُهُ وَفِصَالُهُ ثَلَاثُونَ شَهْرًا حَتَّى إِذَا بَلَغَ أَشُدَّهُ وَبَلَغَ أَرْبَعِينَ سَنَةً قَالَ رَبِّ أَوْزِعْنِي أَنْ أَشْكُرَ نِعْمَتَكَ الَّتِي أَنْعَمْتَ عَلَيَّ وَعَلَى وَالِدَيَّ وَأَنْ أَعْمَلَ صَالِحًا تَرْضَاهُ وَأَصْلِحْ لِي فِي ذُرِّيَّتِي إِنِّي تُبْتُ إِلَيْكَ وَإِنِّي مِنَ الْمُسْلِمِينَ

[AlMurabit]

Salaam

Here is a quote i found interesting

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Every man has his specific trial, and it is one of the scariest things a man lives through. “What about mid-life crisis or worrying about something in the world?” It is only an illusion of something they truly lost (Iman)
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[Muhammad Alshareef]

I was wondering what middle age crisis was. This is what i found:

Midlife is a normal developmental life stage. It is essentially positive and has the specific goal of facilitating the process of becoming a "whole" person. Saying it is normal means that it cannot be avoided. Live long enough you will encounter it. As you did not avoid adolescence so you will not avoid midlife. Midlife may be denied but not escaped.It may be that you did not enjoy adolescence and would not want to return to it. Adolescence was meant to transform you from a child to an adult. It was not meant to be fun. Midlife is also intends to transform you. You may not enjoy midlife. Midlife is trying to take you some place positive. It is trying to guide you to psychological and spiritual wholeness. At midlife you are only half way to that goal. More growth is needed but you may have become comfortably stuck where you are.

Good News and Bad News

The midlife experience provides an opening to psychological and spiritual growth that allows and empowers a giving back to others and the community. This is the good news. The bad news is that you cannot take this journey without a certain amount of suffering. To suffer means to live through or to allow. You must suffer the loss, change, and letting go of much of what you bring into midlife.

The Second Identity Crisis

In life we have two major identity crises. The first, occurring in adolescence, is to establish an identity. You must get a sense of who you are. The second identity crisis is at midlife when you must give up who you think you are so you can become who you were meant to be. This transition is not easy and is greatly resisted. Midlife is ultimately about the search for true meaning in life. Whenever we ask about meaning we have asked a spiritual question. Midlife is an opportunity for an awakening into a deeper spirituality.

While midlife gives the opportunity to enliven life many people think that it is a time to recapture lost youth. This is a common but a great misunderstanding. Information is needed to properly take the midlife journey. But, will knowledge do any good?

Does Knowledge Help?

Does it do any good to tell adolescents about adolescence? Do they listen? Will it do any good to tell those who are approaching midlife about it? Will they listen? I believe the answer is, "Yes." By this age people have had much life experience and are more conscious and aware. They are also asking that essential question, "What does it all mean?"

There is more to this article (http://www.lessons4living.com/what_is_midlife.htm) for those who are interested.

[zawjatunjadidatun]

Jazakalahukhayran.I was actually talking about the middle age crisis that was discussed in the FOL class and this is a situation where couples start facing marital problems because they have been in the marriage for some time.Unfortunately,couples who just got married face the same problems.I'm asking for advice or something if one who is newly married has started having such problems.

I also want to take this opportunity to thank our coordinators&Almaghrib in general for the FOL class but frankly speaking,there should be a continuous thing on issues like this cos a lot of marriages are at the verge of divorce due to problems.May Allah answer all your duas,Amin.Jazakumlahukhayran

[Mujahidah]

Bismillah.
Salaamu aleykum,

I had a very close friend who went through marital issues as soon as she got married. I advised her to talk the imam, who by the mercy of Allah, was also a marriage counselor. I think the couple went through this conseling for months (if I remember correctly). Allhumdulillah, the couple is more than happy and loving after years of marriage even though they went through such a hard thing. I don't exactly remember what she did differently, but I do remember that she told me that she prayed isthikhara, and got up every night for tahajjud. (Atleast that was part of it) wAllahu Ta'ala Alam.

[zawjatunjadidatun]

Jazakilahukhayran.

[Yaser Birjas]

Marriage counseling, Islamic marriage counseling is what people in such situation need

To listen from both parties, because sometimes couples cannot talk to each other or listen to each other so they need a third person who can oversee the whole picture and then help them see it themselves: the good and the bad

You need to check your love tank, you might be running out of love

Check your love accounts, you might be withdrawing more than what you deposit

Grab your love dictionary and watch your language, you might be speaking the wrong love language

take sometime and see what you can do next

I ask Allah to help things go well, and bring peace to your heart

[zawjatunjadidatun]

Jazakalahukhayran.May Allah give you the best in this world and the hereafter,Amin.

[Yaser Birjas]

Jazakalahukhayran.May Allah give you the best in this world and the hereafter,Amin.
Ameen and to you too.