If Anyone Favors His Wife Over His mother...! Good Hadith (Must read)

[mzsharia]

Assalamualikum Warahmatu Allahi Wabarakatuhu

Reminder Brothers and Sisters in Faith……………………!

If anyone favors his wife over his mother...!

At the time of the Prophet (PBUH), there was a young man named Alqamah. He was very diligent in obeying Allah (SWT) by engaging in prayer and fasting and spending in charity. Then he fell ill and his illness became serious. His wife went to the Prophet and said, 'My husband, Alqamah, is on his deathbed. I therefore came to tell you, Messenger of Allah, about his condition.'

The Prophet (PBUH) sent for Ammar, Suhaib and Bilal, and told them to go to him (Alqamah) and have him repeat the Shahadah. They went to him and found him in the agony of death. They asked him to say, 'La illaha illa Allah,' but his tongue was unable to pronounce it. At that, they came and told the Messenger of Allah that he was unable to repeat the Shahadah.

The Prophet asked, 'Is either of his parents alive?'
He was told, 'Messenger of Allah, his mother is, but she is very old.'

The Prophet sent her a message that if it was convenient for her (if she was able to go out), she should come to him; otherwise she should stay in her house and the Prophet would come to her.

The Prophet's messenger came to her and informed her of the Prophet's message. She said, 'May my life be a ransom for him, it is my pleasure to go to him!'

She stood up, leaning on her walking stick, and came to the Prophet and greeted him. The Prophet returned her greeting and said to her, 'Umm Alqamah, tell me the truth, for otherwise Allah Most High will reveal the truth to me! What is the situation concerning your son, Alqamah?'

She replied, 'Messenger of Allah, he prays much, fasts a great deal, and spends a great amount in charity.'

The Prophet said, 'And what about yourself?'

She said, 'Messenger of Allah, I am angry with him.'

He said, 'Why?'

She replied, 'Messenger of Allah, he has preferred his wife to me and has disobeyed me.'

Allah's Messenger said, 'Umm Alqamah, surely your anger has prevented Alqamah's tongue from pronouncing the Shahadah.'

He then turned to Bilal and said, 'Bilal, go out and collect a quantity of firewood.'

She said, 'Messenger of Allah, what do you plan to do?' He replied, 'I will burn him in front of your eyes.'

She said, 'Messenger of Allah, he is my son! My heart cannot bear your burning him in front of me!'

He said, 'Umm Alqamah, Allah's punishment is more severe and more lasting! Therefore, if you want Allah to forgive him, be reconciled to him. By the One in Whose Hand is my soul, the prayer, fasting, and spending in charity (which he has done) are of no benefit to Alqamah as long as you are angry with him!'

Thereupon she said, 'Messenger of Allah, I call upon Allah Most High and His angels and the Muslims who are present to be my witnesses that I am pleased with my son Alqamah.'

Allah's Messenger said, 'Bilal, go to him and see whether he is now able to say, 'La illaha illa Allah' or not. It may be that Umm Alqamah is saying something for my sake which is not in her heart.'

Bilal went, and while entering the door he heard Alqamah saying, 'La illaha illa Allah.'

Bilal remarked, 'It is surely true that while Alqamah's mother was angry with him his tongue was tied, and now that she is pleased with him his tongue is freed.'

Alqamah died the same day. The Prophet (PBUH) came to him and gave the order for his washing and shrouding, and then prayed the funeral prayer for him and buried him. He then stood by the side of his grave and said, 'You company of Muhajireen and Helpers, if anyone favors his wife over his mother, Allah and His angels and all the people curse him! Allah does not accept his spending (in charity) and his uprightness unless he repents toward Allah, the Glorious and Majestic, and reconciles with her and attains her pleasure, because Allah's pleasure consists in her pleasure and Allah's anger consists in her anger.'


Fellow Brothers and Sisters in Faith we must always be respectful and obedient to our parents, they deserve our utmost attention and respect.

'O Allah (SWT) preserve our parents in this Dunyah and the Akeeryah.'

'O Allah Al-Zawajal grant them Al-Firdous Al-Ala.'

'O Allah The All Merciful The All Compassionate, forgive me, my parents and all Muslims in this life and the Hereafter.

' O Allah, show mercy upon them as they have nourished me when I was young.'

( Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to parents. Whether one of both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: `My Lord! Bestow on them Your mercy even as they cherished me in childhood.') (Qur'an 17:23-24)

Treating parents with kindness and respect is one of the essential attitudes of Muslim men and women. This noble attitude should be ongoing and should continue, no matter how complicated life becomes, no matter how high the cost of living rises, and no matter how many burdens or responsibilities a person has.

This attitude is an indication of the rich emotions that still exist in Muslim lands, alhamdulillah, and it is proof of the gratitude which Muslim men and women feel towards the older generation which has made so many sacrifices for them when they themselves were most in need of kind words, consolation and a helping hand.

This attitude will protect a person, man or woman, from hard-heartedness and ingratitude. What is more, it will open to them the gates of Jannat Al-Firdous.

For All Brothers and Sisters who read this article I want you to please promise that you will always be respectful and obedient to your parents. When they will die a door of mercy will be closed upon us. So let us use this great opportunity and always be OBEDIENT AND RESPECTFUL TO OUR PARENTS.

Jazakum Allahu Khairan

Wassalamualikum Warahmatu Allahi Wabarakatuhu

[Heba Alshareef]

Jazak Allahu Khayraan for this reminder. Indeed for the husband, the mother must be at the top. For the wife, it is her husband. And the lack of understanding of this basic concept has created much turmoil for women, especially the wives.

I always tell wives this - imagine how you want your son to treat you. It makes it so much easier if the wives would just look ahead and put the mother-in-law's shoes on. And giving up precedence to your husband's mom will make you all the more endearing to your husband and set a worthy example for your children.
And Allah SWT knows best.

[nybrother]

wa 'alaikumassalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

Do you know in which hadith book this was narrated?

[Rabiah - la Voyageure ©]

Been recently married, I just want to advise the sisters (yet to be married) to appreciate and respect their mother-in-law ... before they lose her.

SubhanAllaah - imagine coming to a family and having a mother present there, teaching and telling you how the family runs. Specially in regards to your husband, who else will be better able to tell you what he likes/dislikes - than his own mother?

Don't take her as your rival - appreciate her presence. She would be there to welcome you into the family once you walk through those doors. She would be the one worrying about how to make your transition into a new family as smooth as possible. She possibly would be the one working the hardest planning and preparing for the wedding, and much much more!


Thank her and appreciate her - simply for her being there.

[Alima]

Jazakum Allahu khayrun, this is the type of practical advice i value.

I'm listening to the Makkan period by Anwar al Awlaki, on CD 8 the imam talks about the 4 greatest women who were mentioned in the Qur'an.

Subhan'Allah. They were not career women, or activists, they were either strong mothers or strong wives. Though there is nothing wrong with it, as long as being the best mother or wife always comes first. the imam said, it is well known they were neither of these and they were spoken very highly of. they had:

• A solid spiritual heart
• They had powerful Iman
• Their faith reached a level of Yakeen, complete conviction in Allah 'azza wa jall.

Respecting and treating your mother in law well, i guess comes under being an Outstanding wife.
Wallahu alem

[ibn iftikhar]

jazakallah khayr for the beautiful reminder but can u pls provide the reference for this narration, as im sure many people will want it.

[Asmaa Abdul Hameed]

Allaahu Akbar.


Read this hadith before but it's a good reminder. JazaakAllah for sharing this with us.

[Akeel]

Jazakhallahkair, this is a very good hadith.

[Mishal]

***Thread bumped***

I would not bump this thread after 2 years except that I recently experienced a very difficult personal situation where I had to 'favor' my wife over my mother (indeed, the word 'favor' is a gross injustice to explaining the situation), and my brother emailed me the link to this thread as evidence that I am 'wrong'.

After reading the hadeeth, I immediately felt suspicious about its contents. How could Rasoolullah sallallahu alaihi wa sallam order to burn Alqamah alive (or while dead...it doesn't matter) when Alqamah failed to say the shahadah, when we know of the two following saheeh ahadeeth:

Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: “No one should punish with fire except Allaah.” Narrated in Saheeh al-Bukhaari (3016).

The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) saw an anthill that one of the Companions had burned with fire and he said: “No one should punish with fire except the Lord of fire.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (2675), classed as saheeh by al-Nawawi in Riyadh al-Saaliheen (519) and by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (487).

So, I googled up this hadeeth and, just as I had anticipated, I found out that this hadeeth is 'daeef jiddan'. As far as I know, I am not allowed to post links in these forums, and hence I will not post the direct link but rather copy/paste the text:

WARNING: This hadeeth is extremely weak, likely fabricated.

It was actually deleted from the Musnad of Ahmad by the author himself, since it was narrated by Faa'id ibn 'Abdir-Rahmaan, an abandoned narrator. So it is not correct to attribute it to Ahmad, as pointed out by al-Albaanee in his Dha'eef at-Targheeb (2/144), and he referenced it for those who want more details about it to as-Silsilah ad-Dha'eefah (#3183), calling it dha'eef jiddan. Other scholars listed it in their books warning against fabrications, like Ibn al-Jowzee in his al-Mowdhoo'aat.

It seems to be widespread on websites in arabic and english, those that don't seem to care much about authenticity.

Its OK to narrate it since its about virtues, right?

WRONG! It is incorrect to narrate this story as a hadeeth under the pretense that it is about fadhaa'il al-a'maal (virtuous deeds), since there is a lot of meaning to the narration outside of that, and the permissibility of using such narrations just for admonishments does not include narrations that are severely weak or fabricated, as is the case here.

So be warned, fear Allaah the One who puts people in the fire because of lies on the Messenger (sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam), and warn those whom you have heard passing this on.

And Allaah knows best.

Moosaa ibn John Richardson

Anyone interested in reading from the original link can google a few words from above and find it easily. It's on another forum and the thread title is "WARNING: Story of Alqamah and his mother's anger"

[Ali 22]

Originally Posted by Mishal

***Thread bumped***

I would not bump this thread after 2 years except that I recently experienced a very difficult personal situation where I had to 'favor' my wife over my mother, and my brother emailed me the link to this thread as evidence that I am 'wrong'.

After reading the hadeeth, I immediately felt suspicious about its contents. How could Rasoolullah sallallahu alaihi wa sallam order to burn Alqamah alive (or while dead...it doesn't matter) when Alqamah failed to say the shahadah, when we know of the two following saheeh ahadeeth:

sorry akhi i just wanted to clarify, the Prophet wasn't really going to burn Alqamah (ra) but he was indicating that if his mother did not forgive him to allow him to say the shahadah then he would be burned after death (i.e. hell, in the grave, Allahu A'lam). so the best way was to show his mother, 'do you want this to happen to your son?' because his time of death was near and the Prophet was wanting to solve the matter quickly (subhanAllah what hikmah) so he showed her this is what will happen if you dont forgive your son.

as for authenticity Allahu A'lam im not too sure of it, heard it a long time ago though.