The handshake

[faithfulone]

Assalamu Alaykum,

HOW DO YOU GET AWAY FROM A HANDSHAKE IN AN INTERVIEW FROM NON MAHRAM/or male relatives that haven't seen you for so long ?

I can understand if you wear the niqab it's labeled on you that everything is hands off but it's a whole different story if you are a hijabi.

I mean, today I had an interview and alhamdoulilah I got the job on the spot but the guy offered his hand to welcome me in and it was me against the hand. I'm not even going to lie, I budge and shook it. The whole bus ride home I felt like crap thinking to myself WHY ON EARTH DID I SHAKE HIS HAND! It was such a reflex move. It was done instantly.

While in the bus I was thinking of ways for things like this not to happen but then you send an awkward and weird vibe. Some might thing that you might consider yourself to be better than them. It's funny how a handshake in an interview can determine so much for non-muslim. If it's a strong handshake than it means you a hard worker if it's weak than they doubt you.

But really, how can you just refuse a hand sake without seeming rude or creating an awkward moment to your potential boss??

This might sound very simple for certain people but when you in the moment... you are really in the moment....

POST YOUR THOUGHTS! JAZAK ALLAH KHAIR....



Basically what can you say?

[AkheeAB]

...i been through this situation many times, and I think they are tests from Allaah; however, I gained a lot each time. I noticed that most of the people get offended by refusing to shake their hand. In addition, I think it's just an immediate reaction that a human being might have (get offended) because someone is turning down an extended hand, which they assume is this is something that is 'professional'. Furthermore, to make the other person understand, I would tell the individual(s) before hand that I do not shake hands with women/men. I also tell them that God created human beings and he created a law for them, therefore, we need to obide by his laws whether they may seem strange or whatever to you. This make them understand sometimes. For example my last encounter was a women at work, she extended her hand out, I thought for like 6 seconds, I then tol dher that God does not allow me to do thsi type of act. She then asked why, I just quickly said that it creates desires, she just giggled, arrongantley, 'desires' like its impossible, because they are so numb, they do not realize what is happening around them. She them gave me an analogy, and said that you are like the womnen that was raped by some men, she was told to testify in court and to take off her hijab, she refused; therefore, the men were let got. in other words, she is trying to say that you are as strong as her and their are strong Muslims out threre, and subhabu Alllah; this non muslim female noticed this. This can also be a means of their guidance, or the message coming to them, da'wa, and etc. They will also respect, and realize that your a person that follows their religion. However, we need to ask Allah, as he is the source and we need to stay away from things that anger him, may he forgive us Alllah and guide us all to his pleasure. I hope you enjoy your new job, Alllahu AKbar

[faithfulone]

Jazak Allah Khair for your post Brother, note that I take what you wrote seriously.
After reading your post I've noticed that I'VE MISSED A BIG DAWAH OPPORTUNITY! Darn it!
May Allah forgive us all and make us steadfast in his deen.

[AkheeAB]

Praise be to Allaah.

For a man to shake hands with a non-mahram woman (one to whom he is not related) is haraam and is not permitted at all. Among the evidence for this is the hadeeth of Ma’qal ibn Yassaar (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘If one of you were to be struck in the head with an iron needle, it would be better for him than if he were to touch a woman he is not allowed to.” (Reported by al-Tabaraani; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 5045).

There is no doubt that for a man to touch a non-mahram woman is one of the causes of fitnah (turmoil, temptation), provocation of desire and committing haraam deeds. No one should say that their intention is sound or their heart is clean, because the one who was the purest of heart and the most chaste of all, the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) never touched a non-mahram woman, even when accepting bay’ah (oath of allegiance) from women. He did not hold their hands when accepting their bay’ah, as he did with men; their bay’ah was by words only, as was reported by his wife ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her). She said that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would test the believing women who emigrated to him with the aayah (interpretation of the meaning): “O Prophet! When believeing women come to you to give you the bay’ah (pledge), that they will not associate anything in worship with Allaah, that they will not steal, that they will not commit illegal sexual intercourse, that they will not kill their children, that they will not utter slander, intentionally forging falsehood (i.e., by making illegal children belong to their husbands), and that thye will not disobey you in any ma’ruf (Islamic monotheism and all that which Islam ordains), then accept their bay’ah and ask Allaah to forgive them. Verily Allaah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [al-Mumtahinah 60:12] ‘Aa’ishah said: “So whoever of the believing women agreed to these conditions, the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would say to her: ‘I have accepted your bay’ah by words.’ By Allaah, his hand never touched the hand of any woman when accepting their bay’ah; he accepted their bay’ah by saying ‘I have accepted your bay’ah on this basis.’”

(Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4512; according to another report: he accepted their bay’ah by words… the hand of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) never touched the hand of any woman except a woman he owned . Reported by al-Bukhaari, 6674).

Some Muslims feel too embarrassed to refuse when a woman offers her hand to them. In addition to mixing with women, some of them claim that they are forced to shake hands with fellow-students and teachers in schools and universities, or with colleagues in the workplace, or in business meetings and so on, but this is not an acceptable excuse. The Muslim should overcome his own feelings and the promptings of the Shaytaan, and be strong in his faith, because Allaah is not ashamed of the truth. The Muslim could apologize politely and explain that the reason he does not want to shake hands is not to offend or hurt anybody’s feelings, but it is because he is following the teachings of his religion. In most cases this will earn him respect from others. There is no harm done if they find it strange at first, and it may even be a practical opportunity for da’wah. And Allaah knows best.



Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

[gkhan]

Salam,
ahh the handshake.

It takes great will to halt an inviting handshaker in their track, politely refuse, and tell them it is part of your religion to not touch the opposite gender.

From some experience, if the other person is as professional as they claim, they will understand immediately when you tell them it is against your religion to shake hands with the opposite gender. Happened once when I went to the Doctors office to get clearance for something and the Phyisican wanted to shake my hand. I refused politely but with a straight back, not ready to budge on my morals, and she was fine with it.

On the other hand, people who are a bit ignorant of other customs and live in the hoop haa of this culture, do not even give it a second thought.
Case in point:
I used to be in an apartment where the landlady and her family lived on the bottom floor. I did not have much contact with them but when it was time to leave, the lady stuck her hand out. I left it dangling there for a good 5 seconds trying to avoid the issue, then mentioned I don't shake hands with females (she was latino so I don't think she understood me fully). As I was descending the steps, her son in law came to wish me farewell and shaked my hand. So she came running down and saying to me, "I thought you didn't shake hands, why did you shake HIS hand?"

We both started to laugh a little (her son in law and me) and then He explained to her it was a religious thing. She sorta nodded but I could tell she didn't understand the concept behind it.

Anyways, long story short, it takes strength from Allah foremost, followed by standing firm to your beliefs and morals. Don't sacrifice your religion for some petty gains (like making your boss "feel" you might or might not be a strong worker, just show him your a strong worker on the JOB)

Salam

[bint_habibullah]

I just politely say "I'm sorry, I don't shake hands with men." Most seem to be understanding, professionals as gkhan said. Alhamdulillah, I don't feel it's such a big thing that I feel embarrassed or self-conscious for refusing. For interviews, maybe you can call ahead and forewarn them. I once was receiving a type of reward in school, and I asked my principal (a lady) if there was a man who would give me it, and she said there is. I just requested if she could tell him beforehand that I wouldn't shake his hand. It was fine with everyone - alhamdulillah.

[bint_habibullah]

It's also helpful to avoid these kind of situations in the first place, if that's possible.

[Aasiyah]

Faithfulone, I see what u mean sis...its happened to me before. When uv never thought of the situation, and u dont know what to say! But it's not as bad as it seems. And as one of the brothers above mentioned, great for da'wah - Allaah guides whom He wills/


I say:

"Sorry I cannot shake your hand, but I am very pleased to meet you".

The 'pleased to meet you' bit tends to ease the weird pause and they end up smiling.

[faithfulone]

Originally Posted by AkheeAB

“The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘If one of you were to be struck in the head with an iron needle, it would be better for him than if he were to touch a woman he is not allowed to.” (Reported by al-Tabaraani; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 5045).

SEE. It was this hadeeth that played in my mind like a broken record over and over again while I was in the bus. Soubhannallah!

Sister bint_habibullah and Sister siratul mustakeem ---> Planning ahead was something I never considered (phone call) . Next time I'm definitely doing that!






Jazak Allah Khair everyone for posting.

[1/2AWiseMan]

wa alaikum assalaam

It is definitely a huge deal...i want to add to the other side of the picture.

That person that got rejected is (most likely) confused out of their mind; so
be kind to them and offer an explanation.

Ex. "Sorry, (smile) i don't shake hands with ladies (from my understanding,
ladies sounds better than women). Would you like to know why?"

I never used to do the "would you like to know why?" but i've watched
an explanation being given once and the lady really genuinely appreciated it. [especially cuz the br was doin the ol' "do you touch precious jewels etc in museums or not..."]

In da'wah and life, "If you don't ask, the answer is always NO"