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Old 09-12-2010, 09:31 PM   #1
Qabeelat Noor
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Orlando
Posts: 91
Unhappy Dawah to Family is Hard

Assalaam alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatahu,

Any suggestions? Please?
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Old 09-15-2010, 04:39 PM   #2
Qabeelat Haadi
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Bay Area
Posts: 13
Re: Dawah to Family is Hard

Insha Allah the harder it is, the more reward you'll get for trying.
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Old 09-15-2010, 04:47 PM   #3
Qabeelat Majd
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Greater Toronto Area, Ontario
Posts: 314
Re: Dawah to Family is Hard

May Allah aid you and through your action inspire us to do the same.
It was narrated that Abu Hurairah said: "The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, 'Whatever I have commanded you, do it, and whatever I have forbidden you, refrain from it.'" (Sunan Ibn Majah *, vol. 1, Chapter 1, p. 73, Hadith number 1; Classed as Sahih by Hafiz Abu Tahir Zubair Ali Za'i and Sheikh Al-Albani)

* Darussalam Publishers (5 volumes, 2007), translated by Nasiruddin Khattab.

Look at how Imam Ibn Majah started his Sunan; he has shown great respect to the commands of the Prophet (peace be upon him) . . .
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Old 09-17-2010, 04:35 PM   #4
Qabeelat Noor
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Orlando
Posts: 91
Re: Dawah to Family is Hard

Ameen. Wow, what a lovely dua and great encouragement. Thank you.

It's for a few members of my family, aunts and cousins. They are Muslim but not practicing. I'm not sure what it is, they act like they are interested in Islam, but they won't do anything! I tried the easy, light let's pray, let's fast, let's try to practice more way, and they were like yes, how nice for you and they would do these things with me but never on their own. They agree of the importance but won't do anything about it. I think I am not a very good person for dawah, because first of all, I don't understand how people could not understand when Islam is so clear, and when they do agree that this is something that's real and serious, I don't understand how they could not follow Islam now. We have to do, not just believe.

The light, encouraging way wasn't getting any kind of lasting results, and so I thought I need to be a little more direct. I think going mad maulana on anyone isn't going to do them any good, but seriously, these people need to start praying. I kinda hate telling people what they should be doing, I don't ever want to be holier than thou, and I def don't want to turn anyone off to Islam. I don't know what to do.

Over a quiet moment with a cup of tea with my aunt, mom and dad, I told her the first thing she will be asked about on the Day of Judgement is her prayers. She is my dad's older sister. My dad wants to tell her these things but I think he feels wierd because she is older than him. He was really glad when I started. Maybe she feels a little more at ease when I tell her these things instead of my dad, and not to mention, she really likes me. I told her about the importance of prayer, hadiths, this is why we're here and such, and she started talking about all the other good things she does, and I told her if her prayers aren't good on the Day of Judgement, nothing else will be.

lol, she didn't like that and tried to change the subject. I let her go on for a while and then asked her if she died this afternoon, would she die with the intention that she will not miss another prayer. And then she was like oh look at the time, we better get started on dinner and left. And then, what's even worse, she didn't pray again that whole visit. I made her not pray! She would have normally prayed with us whenever we asked her to, but now she wasn't praying at all. It never got ugly or confontational or tense or anything. I was desperately trying to convince her that this is so, so important, and I just turned her off. Mission fail.

Light doesn't work with them. This didn't. I don't know what else I can do, or if I should even. One good thing though alhumdulillah, my parents were really proud of me. They said if we were Christian, I'd have my own TV show. :P

Jazakum Allahu khair for your help. I really appreicate it.
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Old 09-18-2010, 02:54 PM   #5
Umm Salma
Ameerah, Qabeelat Ruhma
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seattle
Posts: 850
Re: Dawah to Family is Hard

Assalamu alaikum dear sister,

I know exactly how you feel. My family is Muslim as well, but a few of them don't practice either. They do the minimum of worship, but when it comes to learning more about Islam or increasing their knowledge or increasing in their worship, they have other priorities.

I think da'wah is especially hard when it comes to family because you want so much for your family because you love them so much, but at the same time you don't want to push them away from you. I've tried to find ways myself to try and talk to them about Islam more and do more acts of worship together. I think one of the best ways to do da'wah is not talk to them about it, but do stuff together with them. Like you mentioned, she will pray with you guys when you invite her to pray. So maybe you can invite her to an AlMaghrib class with you, or a local lecture at the masjid. Maybe have Islamic lectures on CD or DVD played at home. You know your family best, so you know what would work best. Sometimes actions speak louder than words. People get tired real easily of others lecturing them about this and that, so use new methods.

Remember you can only do so much, and from then on, it's really up to the person to change. Just look at the example of the Prophet sal Allahu 'alaihi wasallam. Even with all the da'wah he did, he was still unable to help his beloved uncle Abu Talib.

"It is true thou wilt not be able to guide every one, whom thou lovest; but Allah guides those whom He will and He knows best those who receive guidance."
Surah Al-Qasas Ayat 56

"Whomever Allah guides, no one can misguide, and whomever Allah misguides, no one can guide."

Do your best and whatever you can, with wisdom. Choose the right way, the right time, the right words for each person. One way won't work for everyone so try different methods. And remember to keep them in your du'aa. Ultimately, it is in Allah's Hands to guide them to the Right Path. But if you make du'aa for them, then inshaAllah Allah will accept your du'aa and eventually they will change. You can't expect them to change immediately also.

You are in my du'aa sister. I pray everything goes well with you and may Allah make things easy for you and guide us all to the Right Path.

"...And for those who fear Allah, He will make their path easy." [Al-Quran Al-Kareem: Surah At-Talaaq Ayat 4]

"When you see a person who has been given more than you in money and beauty, look to those who have been given less."
Imam Muslim
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Old 09-18-2010, 10:16 PM   #6
Ummat Muhammad
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Canada
Posts: 523
Re: Dawah to Family is Hard

Wa alaikum assalam,

The most important things to have when giving dawah is hikma (wisdom), kindness and humility. Hikma because you have to deal with everyone at their level, so find out why is they won't worship Allah as he is supposed to be worshipped. May be they weren't taught deen by their families or those responsible for them? May there are too busy? May they don't understand the importance?Sit down with them, conversate with them, find out what is important to them and try to relate your message to that. When your family can trust you and they are comfortable with you, it is easier to get personal. Their deen is personal, it's between them and Allah. I believe you have the relationship aspect covered with your aunt she is not not comfortable with the direct approach, so you can perhaps try something indirect that might make her think. Try what prophet yusuf AS did with his companions in the prison.
And kindness, by putting yourselves in their shoes. Remember when you weren't practising and how you would have wanted for people to talk to you with regards to the deen. Remember how you didn't want to be judged. Try to remain humble, guidance is from Allah and they might end up being better muslims than you.
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Old 09-29-2010, 03:58 PM   #7
Saba Hashmat
Qabeelat Wedad
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Sacramento
Posts: 986
Re: Dawah to Family is Hard

sister Shezena...have you heard Nouman Ali khan's lecture titled "today you can tomorrow you cannot."? listen to it. It's on youtube. In it he gives some practical advice for people in this situation...which is most of us!!!

Compassion/Mercy --->--->Jannah
Allah SWT will ask you what you said about a person not what you DIDN'T say
♥Q. Wedad♥

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Old 11-21-2010, 07:58 AM   #8
Ummat Muhammad
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: UAE
Posts: 19
Re: Dawah to Family is Hard


I have a 15 year old step son who's a regular teenager: music, movies and now, I suspect, not so wholesome movies.

He is a good student, and obedient, but doesn't really get the religious thing.. why pray? He does so so as not to get a yelling at from his dad...
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