How often do you wash?

[UmarAlFarooq]

Sometimes it becomes a matter of efficiency. The domestic role of a woman agrees with her nature. If the man does not have to worry at all about the domestic issues, he's able to financially and consequently, in other ways, take the family to greater lengths of efficiency. If a woman insists on the man "sharing" the chores, 10 years later, she may find herself at the same spot. Another woman who insists on aleviating this burden from her husband may benefit from the resulting success. New washing machines instead of hand-washing, maids, etc.

Sometimes it is an issue of priority. How important is it for the man to keep the house spotless compared to a woman? If it was up to him maybe he'll clean only once a week and cook every day. Maybe a woman takes on extra responsibilities thinking that it is to please her husband while he only wants a warm meal and a warm heart to come home to. Not that the house should be a mess.

In the "days of yore", people went to sleep when the sun went down and woke up bright and early before dawn. The concept of a "city that never sleeps" wasn't realized until the industrial revolution. In today's world, a man works from morning to night, sometimes both members of the family, to reach that unreachable goal - satisfaction in the duniya. Things have become so competative that brothers are working two and three jobs to achieve a standard of living that was achieved by our forefathers, working just a few hours each day.

This may be argued by citing the numerous instances of the pious Muslims "working all day" and being absorbed in "ibadah all night". I suppose you could consider that kind of people as "ones who never sleep" (metaphorically of course).

The counter-arguement to that is that ibadah actually strengthens and refreshes the body and soul rather than weaken it. That explains how those pious Muslims were able to do so much. Not only that but these Muslims working as a group WITH each other rather than competing AGAINST each other also contributed to their success.

This topic, like many others, is a part of the whole. Like a tapestry, it is a small scene which has to be viewed not only from several angles but also in view of the "big picture".

I'm glad to see the different points being discussed and would like to offer my 2 cents worth of formalizing this discussion, Insha Allah.

Masalaam,

-Umar.

[UmA]

Aishah (r.a) said that while the Prophet (s) was at home, “he used to keep himself busy serving his family and when it was time for the prayer he would go for it.”
Bukhari, book of adhan, p.227, summarized Eng.trans

At the end of the day, it isn't haram for a man not to do housework. Many sisters I've met do carry on as if the husband is sinning if he refuses to help around the house.

Originally Posted by hassanm

Assalam-o-Alaikum. Is husband helping out with housework equal to woman refusing to do any work at home? (using one of the opinion mentioned in thread, rather than the other opinion)

SubhanAllah! If you think about it logically, someone who is HELPING out does not translate to "being responsible for" or "taking care of everything." The last time I checked those two were not synonymous. That being said, just because a husband helps out does not mean that a wife will automatically refuse to do all the housework. We are talking about 2 extremely different issues here.
wAllahu Ta'ala Alam.

Originally Posted by hassanm

Yeah I did not think that either few years ago, but I came to know quite a few cases where women do refuse, either by displaying laziness all the time, or some even using islamic fatawas saying I am not supposed to do this. To be fair, men not doing housework is more common though.



I had posted a question earlier, I am just curious how would a typical day for a man and woman would be if a stay-home woman does not do housework, and man after coming home from work cooks and clean for wife.

Since your curious of how a lifestyle would be if the husband had to do the housework after he came home from work, then be aware that it does happen and the husbands are also happy with that. I know of a sister who had cancer, no kids, and Allhumdulillah a dedicated husband. While she stayed home (because she was totally sick all the time), she was unable to do anything. The husband worked, came home in the evening, cooked, cleaned, bathed, and made her lunch for the next day as well. He didn't get help from anybody else, nor would he take it (even from the family). He took pride in taking care of her and taking her to her chemotherapy himself. SO doing the housework included cleaning (it had to be done well because even the slighest germs or bacteria could weaken her immune system even more, laundry (washing and folding), cooking (had to be exactly what she liked because she was under major medication all the time and something she didn't like could make her vomit) etc. Keep in mind that he didn't have another wife or kids or anything. That being said, my point is that yes, it is possible for a man to take care of all that and there are men who do that. Everyone's situation is different so we really can't generalize and say that all men think its a burden to handle all of this. In this particular situation, the man was very picky and satisfied about taking care of his wife and the house by himself. It gives us something to think about...

Originally Posted by Mujahidah

SubhanAllah! If you think about it logically, someone who is HELPING out does not translate to "being responsible for" or "taking care of everything." The last time I checked those two were not synonymous. That being said, just because a husband helps out does not mean that a wife will automatically refuse to do all the housework. We are talking about 2 extremely different issues here.
wAllahu Ta'ala Alam.

SubhanAllah! If you had thought more logically, the original fatawas brother posted was not whether a husband should or should not help, rather whether a wife is or is not responsible for house work at all and I was talking about that.

Secondly my question was that how does helping at home is equivalent to wife refusing to work at all in house, in which I was basically implying same thing what you said, that husband helping does not mean wife is going to be free of her duties.

Jazak-Allah for answer and sarcasm.

Originally Posted by Mujahidah

Since your curious of how a lifestyle would be if the husband had to do the housework after he came home from work, then be aware that it does happen and the husbands are also happy with that. I know of a sister who had cancer, no kids, and Allhumdulillah a dedicated husband. While she stayed home (because she was totally sick all the time), she was unable to do anything. The husband worked, came home in the evening, cooked, cleaned, bathed, and made her lunch for the next day as well. He didn't get help from anybody else, nor would he take it (even from the family). He took pride in taking care of her and taking her to her chemotherapy himself. SO doing the housework included cleaning (it had to be done well because even the slighest germs or bacteria could weaken her immune system even more, laundry (washing and folding), cooking (had to be exactly what she liked because she was under major medication all the time and something she didn't like could make her vomit) etc. Keep in mind that he didn't have another wife or kids or anything. That being said, my point is that yes, it is possible for a man to take care of all that and there are men who do that. Everyone's situation is different so we really can't generalize and say that all men think its a burden to handle all of this. In this particular situation, the man was very picky and satisfied about taking care of his wife and the house by himself. It gives us something to think about...

Masha'Allah that was nice story, but it does not answer my question, because wife suffering in a cancer is not ordinary situation, and secondly you told the day of husband not the wife, who ofcourse in this case was suffering from cancer, may Allah give her shifa, so obviously normal circumstances do not apply. I am already aware of a typical day of a man who works and then takes care of house, as I am a working single guy living far away from my parents, and have to take care of my home A-Z after work, but I am unaware of what would a typical day of a stay-home woman be like, who may basically refuse to take care of home completely citing the fatwa, husband helping in home is not equal to woman refusal, we have already established that.

[UmarAlFarooq]

Originally Posted by Umm

At the end of the day, it isn't haram for a man not to do housework. Many sisters I've met do carry on as if the husband is sinning if he refuses to help around the house.

Yes. That's true. I suppose it can be argued that taking care of the woman is the man's responsibility. But does that responsibility mean that he has to do the house-work?

I think that this point illustrates the granular approach of Islam as opposed to the black and white; the cut and dry. It's no wonder that a man from Iraq named Lotfi A. Zadeh is known as the father of Fuzzy Logic. This brilliant concept is what runs our finest technology today, Al Hamdulillah.

I guess the students of FOL remember the two opinions on this issue and that the conclusion is to consider the custom in that region, anything otherwise should be clarified before the contract takes place.

Indeed it is from ‘treating the wife kindly’ to help with the house chores and it shows how much the husband is loving and considerate.

Just an advice for the sisters, if a man does something at home it doesn’t necessary mean that he likes what he is doing, it’s just that he likes to show his love and his understanding. Being served by his beloved wife is most appreciated, the way I know that most women would like to serve their husbands out of love and their nature of taking care of their big boy.

Either way, just remember that love is a request not a demand. If you demand a thing from your spouse you’ll simply turn them off.
Learn the art of request in a loving and respectful manner.


Wallahu Aa’alam